Colt McCoy seems like a nice enough kid. Mack Brown's almost certainly doing unspeakable things to Bevo when people aren't watching, but his public persona is inoffensively bland. Earl Thomas is a little guy who can ball. Will Muschamp's my kind of crazy. Despite his fairly despicable bedroom pecadillos, Jordan Shipley's basically the all-American boy next door. Austin's a great town - killer food, sick music, just enough harmless freaky-freakies to make it interesting without being creepy. In short, not much to get exercised about.
Not much, that is, until Mayhugh (and then Deadspin) gave us this little bit of Longhorn propaganda:
Look here, you goof-buckled misogynist ten-gallon asshats. I've got a wife. And daughters. And a mother, a sister, aunts, nieces, and a pair of grandmothers. Not to mention the lovely distaff Friends of G:TB. I will not sit idly by while you besmirch their good nature and God-given reproductive systems (to be fair for a moment, what the heck was the Good Lord thinking?). May the white hot fury of a million screaming redneck women in houndstooth hats rain down upon Texas this evening and leave young McCoy wishing to the Almighty above that he could dance another round with Ndamukong Suh, because Suh's menace is nothing compared to that of a fired up Alabama girl. May the burnt orange supporters shame the memory of the Alamo as the red-running river symbolized by Mark Ingram chases them from the Rose Bowl in abject terror. May Greg McElroy be the bigger Mc (and he'll need to be, as Texas' 2nd-ranked rush defense isn't a joke). May the Longhorn faithful rue the day they so vilely offended the good women of the South.
And may Terrence Cody have mercy on their souls.
Posts
as you might imagine, teejay didn't post this. but thanks to him for his technical support.
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteYeah, it doesn't read like something that sprang forth from DJ Toil's brow.
ReplyDeleteAnd I've never experienced, nor heard of someone who has experienced, a "crimson tide." Crimson, yes, but nothing rising to the level of a tide. It takes quite a lot of ebb and flow to make a tide.
I think I'm finally excited for tonight's game. Sadly, I think I'm going to be disappointed. Texas has not impressed me much this year. Bama has, but they've done so on an inconsistent basis. I'll be the first:
ReplyDeleteBama 27 Texas 16
i can't make a prediction. too many days off for both teams. too close to the situation. and last time texas was an underdog in a title game...you know.
ReplyDeleteUnderstandable from you, Rob.
ReplyDeleteIMO, that Texas team had many more playmakers on offense. The "time off" excuse is one I choose to ignore as both teams are equally stagnant.
To be honest, I'm torn. I have my SEC allegiances pulling me toward Bama but my hate for Saban and fear of a growing juggernaut in Tuscaloosa are pushing me toward Texas. When it comes down to it, I just think Bama is a better, more complete team. And I think, outside of Muschamp, that Bama's coaches are far superior schematically.
at this point, with the cold medicine and fever and the getting old, i'm gonna be really excited if i'm able to stay awake until the game ends.
ReplyDeleteblue horseshoe likes tide by bunches
ReplyDeleteTexas 27 - Bama 19
ReplyDeleteI think Bama has the better team, but I feel like they're going to get surprised by Texas' intensity early. Part of me thinks Alabama can't possibly be as prepared for Texas as they were for Florida. And if McElroy has to put the game in his hands, I don't trust him to hold it together.
I like Bama huge. The team is balanced and effective at all facets. Texas will be exposed on offense. 34-13.
ReplyDeletethis is some maudlin pregame shit. cripes, let's play some ball.
ReplyDeletejeeeeeesus. start the game, already.
ReplyDeleteflea is accompanying josh groban on the national anthem. wrap your mind grapes around that, sports fans.
ReplyDeleteFlea & Josh Grobin...really???
ReplyDeletethey both go to the same church.
ReplyDeleteUm hi flea! R u playing what u think u r playing?
ReplyDeleteingram stoned. that should help mark and teejay decide who to root for.
ReplyDeletebut mcelroy's drunk, so it should be an interesting evening.
ReplyDeletewhat the holy hot fuck is happening here? saban's coaching like a scared autistic kid.
ReplyDeletei can't believe how quickly zorn found work.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe Mack Brown left Colt so exposed. No McCoy = No McChance.
ReplyDeleteHe'll be back. He's just pulling a Haynesworth.
ReplyDeletejesus.
ReplyDeleteRob - Your Tide is verrrrrry lucky to only be down 6-0. I see a big ol' Tide drive in the works...
ReplyDeletei'd settle for a first down after that initial series. this game has a weird, weird vibe.
ReplyDeletealabama's o-line realizes the guys in white are trying to hurt their quarterback, right?
ReplyDeleteas gawdafully as alabama played for most of that first quarter, down 6-0 is a gift.
ReplyDeletethrow the fucking ball away, mcelroy.
ReplyDeletehuuuuge.
ReplyDeleteI've been saying it all year but it bears repeating: Trent Richardson is a fucking monster. Way to go Bama...asshole.
ReplyDeleteSomebody needs to do something about the band-aid/doo-rag combo he has working though.
ReplyDeleteDenise...in the Taco Bell ad...kind of fires me up.
ReplyDeleteI just got home from my basketball game, from what I've read it sounds as if Bama either came out flat or just had a terrible early gameplan. Anybody want to let me know which?
ReplyDeleteMe too Geoff, me too.
ReplyDeleteSo...is McCoy really out for the game?
ReplyDeleteThe game...she is over.
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome tiny.
both of those things, and saban lost his mind and went for a fake punt on 4th and 23.
ReplyDeleteand after that, mark, bama failed to cover a pooch kickoff which texas recovered.
ReplyDeleteand i'm ignoring you, geoff.
and mcelroy got sacked on his first 4 pass attempts.
ReplyDeleteThe Texas run D looks less than stout right now. They are getting walled off by the Bama O-Line.
ReplyDeleteOkay...now what's the deal with McCoy?
ReplyDeleteAnd Javier Arenas shot the punter "Last Boy Scout"-style.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, holy fucking wow on Saban going for a fake punt on 4th and 23.
ReplyDeletemccoy took a shot in the back of his shoulder on an option run. didn't look like a lot at the time, but he got nailed with a helmet.
ReplyDeleteEarl Thomas is mini-monster. Reggie Nelsonesque.
ReplyDeleteno need whatsoever for bama to throw downfield right now. i don't like that playcalling.
ReplyDeleteLook all those gays on Bama falling all over each other.
ReplyDeleteSettle down Geoff.
McCoy hurt his shoulder on what appeared to be a run of the mill hit on a run up the middle. He went in for x-rays...and no word since.
ReplyDeletemccoy setting up a willis reed-esque return in the second half.
ReplyDeleteCouldn't agree more Rob. That deep throw looked like a pre-determined one man route. When you're running like Bama was...why even bother with a call like that?
ReplyDeleteThanks...to Lisa Salters.
ReplyDeleteI guess that's decent field position.
ReplyDeleteBama seems able to run left at will.
ReplyDeleteThe shot of a despondent Gilbert sitting next to some dude sending a text message sums this game up nicely.
ReplyDeletealright
ReplyDeleteMy guess on the text message:
ReplyDeleteThis white boy sux. You pick up those trees?
Colt McCoy will be giving the Jon Moxon speech at halftime, with Shipley in the role of Tweeter.
ReplyDeleteNo, Shipley will be on Twitter.
ReplyDeleteWhy in the holy fuck would you run a shovel pass there. Take a fucking knee.
ReplyDeleteTrees is a common colloquialisms for marijuana, Rob.
ReplyDeleteO.V.E.R.
Gilbert tackles as well as he quarterbacks.
ReplyDeletethat's flabbergasting. the play, not the pot-slang.
ReplyDeleteI would really love to hear the reasoning behind a shovel pass there. Taking a knee is the only option as far as I'm concerned. BUT, if you're not going to do that, throw a bubble screen, chuck one deep...something. Not a fucking shovel pass.
ReplyDeleteThis has a shot at being the worst BCS Championship game since Miami-Nebraska circa 2000.
ReplyDeleteI would take Mack's comment that it's "just a shoulder" to mean he thinks Colt is a pussy.
ReplyDeleteWho would you guys rather do--Lisa Salters or Tom Rinaldi? I'm leaning Salters.
ReplyDeleteI know nobody wants to hear this, but I wish Florida could get another shot at Bama.
ReplyDeleteIMO, they're still clearly the second best team in the country and played one of their worst games in the last two years in the SEC CG. Not taking anything away from Bama, just saying I'd like to see Bama and Florida go at it again with Florida having had their mindset readjusted by what happened in Atlanta.
But Geoff, you would really cherish the golf pillow talk with Rinaldi.
ReplyDeleteLisa Salters or Pam Oliver in her prime?
ReplyDeleteThe Bette Midler version? This halftime show was made for Geoff.
ReplyDeletecorso was clearly drinking during the first half, no?
ReplyDeletePoooooop.
ReplyDeleteRinaldi is a strong dresser as well. Its a tough call.
ReplyDeleteAs to the halftime show, I'm watching the Jimmy the Greek documentary.
Sadly rob, that's how poor Lee has sounded all year. It's still only 1/1000 as tragic as when they wheeled Dick Clark out a few years back on NYE
ReplyDeleteIf Corso and Desmond were talking football in my living room, I'd go down to the basement.
ReplyDeleteoh yeah, mark. forgot to mention that saban ran the fake punt on 4th and 23 shortly after taking the ball after winning the toss rather than deferring with the nation's best defense.
ReplyDeleteYeah, Corso's been really off all year. He needs to be talked into retiring.
ReplyDeleteIf you're an ass man, nothing this side of Kardashian holds up to the massive pedonkadonk Pam Oliver rocks below the camera-line.
ReplyDeleteMack Brown trying to defend the shovel pass was comical. And I think Colt is being a p*ssy to save his shoulder for the NFL.
can anyone remember a time when they saw an ad for a college during a ballgame and said, 'that's a good ad'?
ReplyDeleteDid Zorn really get hired?
ReplyDeleteAt halftime I'm watching last night's Lakers-Clippers game. And it might be better than the 2nd half of the football game.
ReplyDeleteTexas should give Gilbert 1 more series and then put a WR at QB and go to a full blown wildcat.
that was a saban=zorn joke, tr. sorry to alarm you.
ReplyDeleteThis one:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVENWl8uBeg
Zorn's out back putting a fresh coat of wax on my truck before I take it up to the lake with Elisabeth Shue this weekend.
ReplyDeletei stand corrected, jerry. thank you.
ReplyDeletelea thompson?
ReplyDeleteDon't you mean Lea Thompson?
ReplyDeleteI think he meant Lea Thompson.
ReplyDeleteshe fucked a duck, y'know.
ReplyDeleteThat App State commercial actually has a wikipedia page, which contains this gem
ReplyDelete"The extensive use of puffery and the retro juxtaposition of music and PowerPoint style still imagery claiming that the school is "hot hot hot" inadvertently play into the stereotype that people from Appalachia are unsophisticated and out of touch."
I don't mean Lea Thompson. She played Marty's mom. Shue played Jennifer, his girlfriend, in the second movie. Some random chick player her in the first. Don't fuck with me on this shit.
ReplyDeleteshe did not fuck a duck.
ReplyDeleteyeah, it's probably not time to slack off just yet, tide.
ReplyDeleteThough she did fuck Nic Cage...I think...though I can't imagine how his character could have gotten it up in that movie.
ReplyDelete"While they take care of the idiot." TJ's at the Rose Bowl?
ReplyDeletedammit. beat me to that joke.
ReplyDeleteHeh...heh...TJ's an idiot.
ReplyDeleteI'd really like to see Rolondo "The Sunday Dandy" McClain starting for the Giants next year.
ReplyDeleteHe'll never last that long in the draft. Nice to dream though.
ReplyDeleteMcCoy is just teasing the Longhorn fans now. Pads on, walking towards the huddle...maybe he'll play? Maybe not.
ReplyDeleteIt's why the Appy St ad speaks to me.
ReplyDeleteIf Texas had just one other difference maker at a skill position their offense would be something to reckon with. It's just too easy to put all your focus on Shipley and dare someone else to be consistently good.
ReplyDeletedad sure was quick to build the legend of colt. begging the coaches to get back in. if he was actually doing that, he'd be back in.
ReplyDeleteInteresting report. So the shoulder injury isn't serious but nobody will let McCoy play? Hmmm.
ReplyDeletejesus, but mcelroy has no ability to get out of a sack.
ReplyDeleteI have a buddy who's an S&C coach. Just texted me the same thing that Rob said and I intimated.
ReplyDeleteBull. Shit.
Yeah, watching McElroy play tonight angers me.
ReplyDeleteman, if you're not an alabama fan, this is just a dreadful game to watch.
ReplyDeletewell looky here
ReplyDeleteput the gatorade jug down, dummies, and finish this.
ReplyDeleteThe WR embellished it but that's PI right there.
ReplyDeletesaban's really lucky about how this game is going down, because his coaching staff has had an abysmal outing.
ReplyDeleteYes. The gameplanning and execution aren't anywhere near the level we saw in the SEC CG.
ReplyDeleteWhich is surprising. Saban can coach his child-raping ass off.
ReplyDeleteand they've managed to completely take the air out of the team.
ReplyDeletei don't think that was remotely catchable, but okay.
ReplyDeleteBad, bad call.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't appear Bama can get a first down, sans penalty.
ReplyDeleteInteresting decision. Big miss.
ReplyDeletenow i'm gonna question the decision to kick a 52-yard fg.
ReplyDeletemake it and it's a 2-touchdown game. i get that. but it's got to be a low percentage play. if you don't want to punt, run on 3rd down and go for it on 4th.
ReplyDeleteI'm incapable of liking anyone who wears sunglasses indoors and/or at night.
ReplyDeleteThat TD before half looms pretty fucking large right now.
ReplyDeletemaybe a little pressure on the kid would be effective, hmmm?
ReplyDeletealabama's just trying to hang on until the clock expires. i don't like it at all.
ReplyDeletenot at all.
ReplyDeleteHolymotherfuckingshit!
ReplyDeleteMaybe all Texas needs is McCoy.
So...yeah. How many people turned this thing off and went to bed?
ReplyDeletethis third down is the game.
ReplyDeleteWilliam Muschamp can coordinate.
ReplyDeleteNot quite. This is still an inexperienced freshman QB taking the field right now.
ReplyDeleteyes! huge.
ReplyDeleteHerbie with the jinx.
ReplyDeleteend. this.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't date Sammi Sweetheart for all the tea in China.
ReplyDeleteIs there any college football on tonight?
I caught the ABC kiss of death re: no sacks tonight.
ReplyDeletefuuuuuuuck yes!
ReplyDeleteSo ... Mark Ingram Sr. is in jail? Is he the same Mark Ingram that was on the SB XXV Giants team?
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure Z, it's been a pretty undereported story.
ReplyDeleteI'm serious. I don't pay attention to college football. Northeastern liberal elite and all that.
ReplyDeletealright alright alright
ReplyDeletesaban breathing a huge sigh of relief. not at all his finest hour.
sure, why not.
ReplyDeleteI tuned in right before the sack and fumble by McCoy, after watching Jersey Shore. The Z-people discovered the best cheap red wine on God's green earth and drank a bunch of it.
ReplyDeleteAnd that seals it for Bama. Enjoy, roberto.
ohh, upside the head.
ReplyDeletegonna share the name of this red wine, z?
ReplyDeleteFirst: Bama has a Rhodes Scholar? Really?!?
ReplyDeleteSecond: Il Papavero Primative Puglia 2008. It's like butter.
ReplyDeleteAnd by "Primative" I mean "Primativa"
ReplyDeleteColt McCoy has a passion for the Christ.
ReplyDeleteZ: It wasn't McCoy who fumbled. he went out mid-first half with a shoulder injury. And yes, that is Mark Ingram's (the former Giants WR) son.
ReplyDeleteOrgan-EYE-zation.
ReplyDeleteMark: I just checked out the ESPN box score. Who the fuck is G. Gilbert and why the fuck did he throw 4 picks?
ReplyDeleteAnd why the fuck is Mark Ingram in jail?
ReplyDeleteSick mustache!
ReplyDeleteMcCoy's backup, Garrett Gilbert. He threw two in the very late going. He actually got hot and led Texas back into the game (24-21 with 3 minutes left) and accounted for himself pretty well for a true freshman thrown into the fire.
ReplyDeleteIngram's in jail for mail and wire fraud, I believe.
Scratch that. Bank fraud and money laundering.
ReplyDeleteIn other gambling news, I would really like to have some words with coach saban about that last touchdown. he killed the nice little tease that I would have won by a point if he had just run out the clock.
ReplyDelete