Monday, December 01, 2008

Today We're Gonna Party Like It's 999

Because a) I'm tired of looking at that disgusting orange and blue color scheme, which will cause me to be violently ill for at least the next week (and probably all of Saturday night) and b) we need to get this post out of the way to set up our 1000th post celebravanaganza, a little baseball news that hits close to home for G:TB's elders:

Red Sox Select Bogar to Replace Alicea on Staff

Generally speaking, this is the sort of midwinter's agate that's easily ignored. But Tim Bogar holds a special place in our hearts. We wrote about it back in July (and, yes, it's so slow and we're so groggy this morning that we're quoting ourselves):

In September 1991, the Tidewater Tides took on the Richmond Braves in the final week of the season. G:TBer Whitney, our friend Chris and I made the short trip down I-64 to meet Whit’s mother and stepfather for a leisurely afternoon at the ballyard. Normally, a late season minor league ballgame wouldn’t hold much allure, but two events made this one noteworthy. First, by the 3rd inning of the game we realized that the Tides’ Tim Bogar was switching positions every inning. He took the mound in the 9th having played everywhere on the field, and then proceeded to strike out the leadoff man before hitting the next batter in the head. At which point the entire stunt took on a decidedly less whimsical bent.

Far more amusing than Bogar’s misadventure was the action that took place in the stands.The aforementioned Chris stands roughly 6’6” with a wingspan to match. Midway through the contest, lefty Kelvin Torve lofted a lazy foul ball towards our bleacher seats midway down the third base line. Were we not there, the ball would have landed in Chris’ seat. The big fellow stood to his full height, spread his legs in a textbook block out of Whitney’s mom, and clapped his hands together while talking a full menu of shit – and he’s an accomplished shitriloquist. The ball descended gracefully, landed in his waiting (and freakishly large) mitts…and bounded 15 rows forward into the waiting hands of an 8 year-old boy. Whitney’s mom led the parade of grief givers for the rest of the game, and when we returned to campus to share our story, the local sportscasters beat us to it, showing footage of our friend’s ignominious moment at 6 and 10.

36 comments:

TJ said...

God dammit...did you have to use the "circle jerk" tag again?

Mark said...

Rob...have I mentioned how much I hate you lately?

rob said...

oh, believe me, that feeling is mutual. for at least the next 136 hours or so.

rob said...

did the wheelhouse just concede to us this week? our collective mass (read: abundant free time advantage) ground them into submission. victory is sweet.

rob said...

so ken dorsey will start an nfl game on sunday. that'll go well.

TJ said...

Mr. Dorsey has started 10 games in his career. He's won 2 of them, tossing 8 TDs and 11 INTs in those starts. So, in other words, he's perfect for the 2008 Browns.

zoltan said...

Ken Dorsey hasn't completed a pass to one of his teammates since 2005. He has, however, made 4 pass attempts with 1 INT. I guess I should bench Braylon Edwards?

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/players/stats?playerId=4699

How much does Dorsey make?

TJ said...

$785,000

rob said...

on an unrelated note, i had a discussion over the holiday with my brother-in-law about kirk herbstreit and the charmed life he leads. we were trying to guess how much coin herbie makes. i said somewhere between $750k and $1m. any ideas?

TJ said...

Over a mil for sure...

rob said...

the 4:00 kickoff for the sec championship game is really putting a crimp in my style.

TJ said...

Some sort of "Muppets on Ice" show that day? Perhaps a Gerald McBoing Boing marathon?

rob said...

town xmas parade, one daughter dancing in the nutcracker, me playing man-to-man defense on the other. i'll work it out, but it'll cost me.

TJ said...

You need an assistant...Mark, you still need some additional work?

Mark said...

I can always use additional work. Though I fear I'm a bit under qualified for this particular assignment.

And, the SEC Championship game's start time is working out just perfect for me. There's aa Xmas party at my friend's house that day (always the best one I attend each Xmas)and it doesn't get going until about 8 pm. At which point I'll either be jubilant and ready to party or distraught and ready to drown my sorrows. Plus, the traditional trip to the strip club that follows this party (6 years running) will be a nice capper on a pretty full day of revelry and (hopefully) celebration.

Mark said...

Oh, and Herbstreit definitely pulls down $1 mil plus.

Dave said...

is "shitriloquist" a trailer park boys allusion?

rob said...

to the best of my knowledge, i created that term out of whole cloth.

rob said...

asshat.

rob said...

wow. john feinstein goes there:

Two days after Burress's shooting, the Washington Redskins staged yet another maudlin tribute to the late Sean Taylor, who was shot and killed in his own home a year ago by young men carrying guns they apparently had no trouble getting their hands on. The re-writing of Taylor's life story since his death has been remarkable -- Nelson Mandela and Jackie Robinson had nothing on him if you watch, listen to and read media reports in Washington -- but that's a separate issue.

the full text of his rant, which is so knee-jerk lefty that even i found it a bit much, is here:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/12/01/AR2008120101335.html?hpid=topnews

zoltan said...

I think he's right. If teams can contractually prohibit athletes from dangerous activities like motorcycling, I don't see why they can't (or shouldn't) prohibit handgun ownership.

rob said...

i'm ambivalent on that point. i was reacting more to feinstein's strident anti-gun rhetoric. and that's coming from a fairly strong proponent of restricting gun ownership.

rob said...

and to clarify, the passage i highlighted was focused on the sean taylor thing - that's what i meant by 'feinstein goes there'.

zoltan said...

Right. I agree that it's kinda bullschtein to rip a guy who was shot to death while in bed just because he wasn't a model citizen. It's not like he provoked his fatal attack while sleeping.

Mark said...

I'm for the restriction of gun ownership but I don't think pro athletes should be restricted from gun ownership any more than average citizens. They have as much right, and frankly, more need to be (and feel) protected as the rest of society.

As an example, Steve Smith (Giant, not Panther) was held up outside his home last week. He's not exactly a star but he does make more money than the average guy and is fairly recognizable and thus, is a target. I dont like guns at all and have never even considered owning one, but you can bet your ass I'd have at least one if I was rich, recognizable and living near a major metropolitan area.

TJ said...

You guys remember when David Garrard never threw any picks?

Yeah, me neither.

TJ said...

I'd like to hold-up Steve Smith the former Hawk Yosemite Sam-style.

TJ said...

Last twenty seconds of Liberty/Mason on MASN right now.

Mark said...

TJ...what the fuck did Smitty do to you? He had the greatest fake spin move ever AND he owns every single episode of Sanford and Son. You take it back...

TJ said...

You hear that Elizabeth? I'm coming to join you honey.

TJ said...

So is Jack Del Rio dressed liked Starsky? Or Hutch?

Mark said...

So...we just put up our Xmas tree and my 6 month old pit is scared to death of it. I find this particularly amusing.

rob said...

espn should be embarrassed for putting drew rosenhaus on the air to do a commercial for plax. that is, if espn were capable of being embarrassed.

and rosenhaus, that despicable prick, just compared plax to sean taylor. die, you scumbag fuck.

zoltan said...

Drew Rosenhaus is amazing. He keeps talking about how "Plax was shot," as if someone else shot him.

Rhymenocerous said...

Like it or not, Rosenhaus did his job, and he did it well. He praised the Giants management, dodged any gun questions, and softened the tone around Plax by portraying him as more of a human.

At this point, his efforts are probaby focused on preserving as much of the money in his contract as possible. He's posturing and he looked somewhat human in front of a national crowd while doing so.

Whitney said...

Hey, calling it your job, ol' hoss, sure don't make it right, but if you want me to I'll say a prayer for your soul tonight.