Monday, December 29, 2008

rob's High Horse

Yet another in a series of brilliantly conceived and poorly executed recurring features. This one was Teejay's idea.


Among the many things that inspired impotent rants this holiday season:

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Losing to the no-account Raiders in a must-win situation is one thing, but the Bucs' bed-wetting had me believing that the Cowboys were in the playoffs for at least 45 minutes, and that caused a significant level of irritation.

My own lack of attention to detail

See above vis a vis my short-lived belief that the Cowboys were in the playoffs and the resulting irritation.

The ongoing George W. Bush Image Rehabilitation Tour

"I think how much he gets into the detail," Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice said. "I have seen many an aide and myself I've been in that position or a cabinet secretary, go in with a very fine presentation and the president just takes it apart. People would be amazed." C'mon Condi, don't spit in my eye and tell me it's raining.

The fact that I didn't see The Dark Knight on the big screen

It looked like shit on the non-HD screen in my living room, and even then was terrifically entertaining. And how the hell are they gonna resurrect Harvey Dent for the unavoidable sequel? Apologies for the spoiler, but if you didn't know what was going to happen to Dent, then you probably shouldn't be allowed to watch the movie in the first place.

Eric Devendorf's reinstatement to the Syracuse starting lineup

But not for the reason you think. My sarcastic dig at Teejay regarding Jim Boeheim's drill sergeant-level discipline triggered a Nick Saban-based retort. Which once again reminded me that Nick Saban coaches my favorite team. Oh, but the self loathing.

38 comments:

Rhymenocerous said...

Is that a Shetland pony?

rob said...

to rhymo's question in the comments section below: indeed, the lady in question is seeking to bed the top 10 minds in the world. i believe she made quick work of chris knight prior to the movie's time period. as she says in the final scene, lazlo is #1 - she'd been looking for him for years.

rob said...

it is, rhymo. also teejay's idea.

TJ said...

You're damn right it's a Shetland pony.

rob said...

dan steinberg slides the knife in deftly this morning, pointing out that dolphins rookie d-lineman philip merling (much maligned by redskins "gm" vinny cerrato recently) finished the season with only 3 fewer tackles than jason taylor and more touchdowns (1) than the three skins second round draft picks combined.

hail vinny, king of the dipshits.

Rhymenocerous said...

So Lazlo got sloppy tenths (or 9ths, due to Mitch being such a wuss). That's gross to me and to Sean Avery.

rob said...

in lazlo's defense, it's unclear how many of the 10 she actually bedded. unfortunately for lazlo, it's certainly possible that the list changes from year to year and that her tally may well exceed single digits.

rob said...

the lions scored 3 more points than did the redskins this season. of course, they allowed 221 more, but still.

Rhymenocerous said...

Favre's final figures for this year are as follows: QB rating of 81 (21st in NFL), 3,472 yards (11th in NFL), 22 TDs (9th in NFL), 22 INTs (1st in NFL). Yet the Jets seem to want to keep him around. I can not understand this in the least. I guess if it's not him, it will be Garcia or McNabb or some other over-the-hill schlep. At least it's a QB-rich draft this year...

FYI, here are some of my comments on this very blog, at 8:37 AM on 8/7/08. His inevitable decline from 2007 seemed incredibly obivous to me, yet not to anybody else:

"As a Jets fan whose season tickets just came through, I am very much unimpressed with Favre. He'll lose as many games as he wins for the team this year. I expect him to end up with 25 TD passes and 27 interceptions."

"Favre will scramble a lot and make plenty of those wince-inducing passes. People should look at Favre's stats from '05 and '06. Last year was an aberration."

"I hate that there will be a circus surrounding this team all year b/c a cry-baby redneck QB couldn't make his mind up and needed to be adored for another year or two."

TJ said...

Mangenius just got the ax.

Rhymenocerous said...

"Obivous" means "more than obvious".

Kinda like how "infamous" meant "really famous" to the Three Amigos.

rob said...

i believe 'infamous' meant 'more than famous', but i could be wrong.

Mark said...

I too texted TJ a shot a Boeheim when I heard about Devendorf. And, of course, he sent me back a defensive text about how Billy Donovan runs a dirty program too. Devendorf sure makes TJ defensive.

Mark said...

And The Dark Knight is awesome, awesome, awesome. Shame on you for not seeing it in the theater, Rob. Should've brought your fake id.

TJ said...

I can't wait for my Devendorf Fathead to arrive.

rob said...

believe me, mark, i feel properly chastened after watching it on the small screen. truly a shame that we won't get any more of heath ledger as the joker. he was phenomenally good.

TJ said...

I've got rob beat in the lame column....I still haven't even seen Dark Knight.

rob said...

harvey dent dies. or does he?

Rhymenocerous said...

I haven't seen the movie either, so shut yer pie-holes with the spoilers.

rob said...

harvey dent's fate is really incidental to the greater morality play that drives the dark knight. and if you read any batman at all, you already know what happens to harvey dent. i must insist that both of you see the movie. right now, preferably.

TJ said...

I'll head over to the Union Station movie theater right now, even though it is perhaps the sketchiest movie theater in America.

TJ said...

I mean, I guess in theory it's a good idea...

NEW BEDFORD, Mass. (AP) - Fire officials in New Bedford, Mass., say a man using a blowtorch to melt ice on his back porch ended up setting his house on fire, causing up to $30,000 in damage.

rob said...

i saw showgirls in that theater the day it came out. good times.

Andrew said...

who agreed to let devendorf be white???? there must have been a mix-up at the hospital

TJ said...

Indiana lost to something called Lipscomb last night. At home. They are very very bad.

Rhymenocerous said...

I should write a Sun Bowl preview. Riveting Rutgers-NC State matchup. Oh wait, it starts, um, now. Destined to be a ratings bonanza.

And I now hate all Russian women. The old biatch next to me is SCREAMING into her phone. In Russian. I want to shoot her. Nowhere fatal. Just somewhere painful.

rob said...

nice to see old friend bernie kerik back in the news. we need more stories in gtb on that piece of work.

http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/12/29/kerik-pleads-not-guilty-to-new-charges/

TJ said...

I'm missing the Brut Sun Bowl????

Son. of. a. bitch.

TJ said...

Rhymo, it turns out that game is the Papajohns.com Bowl. So much more elegant. I don't know who the hell is in the Sun Bowl.

TJ said...

Wow, Daunte needs to thank his agent for this:

Lions free-agent quarterback Daunte Culpepper pockets a $1 million bonus since the Lions finished with fewer total sacks (52) than last season (54).

rob said...

how many sacks did they have when he joined the roster?

TJ said...

This is beyond belief. Culpepper only played in Weeks 10-14. Did Matt Millen even read the contract? Was he already gone and should all blame be paced on interim GM and Centerville barrister Martin Mayhugh?

TJ said...

Hey look, Nick Saban, disciplinarian:

Alabama junior offensive tackle Andre Smith has been suspended and will not play in the Allstate Sugar Bowl, Alabama coach Nick Saban said Monday.

rob said...

see, teejay? see?

Rhymenocerous said...

UConn's Jeff Adrien is a perfect smush of Shaquille O'Neal and Rusty from National Lampoon's European Vacation. And a mohawk.

rob said...

that's an impressive win for jt3 and the boys. i was quite certain uconn was going to overtake them midway through the second half. the hoyas are as poised as any ncaa team.

TJ said...

Well look at that, the Wiz just won a game. A road game even. Wow.

TJ said...

Chase Daniel, the Hideki Irabu of Big 12 QBs.