Tuesday, May 20, 2008

G:TB Celebrates America

We'll hew close to the shoreline in today's travelogue, bypassing our new internet friends in the Outer Banks (and we'll be compiling our own list of songs at some point, and it's safe to say there won't be any England Dan) and heading all the way to Little River, SC, Home of the Annual Blue Crab Festival.

My parents' early-retirement homestead lives under the motto, There's Something Here for Everyone. Which is true, so long as everyone enjoys chain restaurants, rednecks, chain retail outlets, theme restaurants (chain or otherwise), and a disconcerting racial tension. The picture at left, courtesy of the town's official website, depicts the new post office. So let it not be said that the gentle breeze of progress has stilled in Little River's slow-moving waters.

I kid, I kid. (Dad, if you're reading, you realize that this congenital wiseassery is all your fault, right?) There's golf, too, by the large bucket. And beaches - miles and miles of really nice beaches, plenty of which are uncrowded and unsullied. The northern end of the Grand Strand is a quaint, slow-paced haven for refugees from colder climes - my kind of beachside community. Just don't wander too far south, or all that stuff I said above starts to apply in larger and larger measure.

Little River, though. That's all right by me, now that I've found a good cup of coffee and a place I can get fresh seafood and hush puppies on a paper plate.

Almost done with G:TB Across America, or whatever the hell we're calling this. I promise you, unconditionally, that you'll be stupefied and amazed by Thursday's finale. There exist pictures that will take you back in time, and forward in your appreciation for one of G:TB's own.

30 comments:

Sisler said...

I've spent much time at Ocean Isle Beach, NC (just north of the SC line in Brunswick County) and in Myrtle Beach, and I find Rob's account of northern SC to be quite accurate and entertaining.

I only wish it was the home of the Little River Band (who are apparently from Australia).

TJ said...

Did Kobe just buy his teammates watches that were 5K more than his "Oops I slipped and my cock ended up in her ass" make-up wifey ring?

TJ said...

I think Golden State should have invited Hammer to be their lottery rep.

Mark said...

The racial tensions in SC are quite underrated, Mississippi and Alabama get all the pub but SC takes a backseat to no one.

Mark said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TJ said...

I get to see deleted comments, and let me just tell you Mark is one racist S.O.B.

rob said...

somebody wrote something in this thread they thought inappropriate? tough to top teejay's comment.

Mark said...

What do you expect TJ, I was raised in the south. You can't just unlearn that shit.

TJ said...

Doris so wants to get done in that room.

Mark said...

Why exactly does the draft lottery merit a full half hour of programming? I thought halftime of a playoff game was more than enough.

TJ said...

So we can see Doris turn on the ball hopper. That was award winning shit.

Mark said...

I'm really rotting for the Knicks to end up with the soft Italian kid...

Mark said...

Jay-Z is usually a pretty good dresser but he looks liek he's dressed for his first communion right now. Jesus pal, straighten that tie out.

TJ said...

Bilas said he's better than Andrea Zuckerman of the Raptors, to which I say, so fucking what.

TJ said...

Mark Jones, drunk?

TJ said...

I'm holding a draft lottery right now to see what I'm having for dinner...

TJ said...

Wow, Rod Higgins just continues to get employed by MJ, huh?

TJ said...

The fucking Mayor in da house

Rhymenocerous said...

The old bag from the Kings looked way ridiculous when they shone the light and the camera up in her face. And Jay Z didn't floor anybody with his hoops knowledge.

PLEASE give the Knicks a top 2 pick...

Rhymenocerous said...

6 is terrible for New York. The first of many disappointments for D'Antoni and his fake mustache... I just hope Donnie Walsh gets the right Lopez twin with that pick. But I'd also take AJ Soprano from UCLA, if he's on the board at that point. Fat, tall white guys are hard to find. He could be this century's Dwayne Schintzius...

TJ said...

The Bulls got hooked.

Mark said...

So, how bad does D'Antoni wish he took the Bulls job now? They'll probably take Beasley with the pick but if he could've grabbed Rose, put him together with the young athletes they have and then traded Hinrich and another piece for some veteran help, well, damn thats a contender for the next decade. But, pairing OJ Mayo with Zach Randolph and Eddy Curry should be fun too. Haha...dumbass.

Mark said...

i know he's struggling but Ray Allen has never passed up this many wide open jumpers. That can't make anybody associated with the Celtics happy.

TJ said...

Taking Care of Business. Bachman Turner Overdrive. Also a horrific film with the bad Belushi, I think.

Mark said...

Indeed it is...

TJ said...

If I'm John Calipari, I'm having my people make overtures to the Bulls.

Rhymenocerous said...

I remember the film Taking Care of Business waaaaay too well. It stars Charles Grodin as an executive who relies on his day planner, and Jim Belushi as a die-hard criminal and Cubs fan.

Belushi escapes from jail and finds Grodin's planner. Hijinks ensue! The high comedic points of the film are two takes on the word "tit" in jokes. For the first joke, Belushi makes a toast at one point in the movie, raising his glass "...to the Cubs winning the World Series...and big tits!" The second joke happens at the end of one scene where Belushi meets with a well-rounded Japanese businessman character. Due to Belushi's influence, the Asisn says to a woman (with an accent reminiscent of Takashi from Revenge of the Nerds): "Uh, nice titty!"

I think the movie ends with Belushi seeing the Cubs win the Series (which is why he broke out of jail in the first place), and also managing to sneak himself back into jail. Good times all the way around.

KQ said...

I don't think you realize the tourist opportunity you've missed by skipping the Outer Banks. (and no I'm not referring to the pole at Kelly's.) Gov. Spitzer's train-wreck gal pal attended high school right here in Manteo, so you could have completed the entire east coast tour of the $5000 vagina. I'm guessing the high school has erected some sort of monument in her honor. (pun totally intended.)

rob said...

oh, not to worry, kq. a few of us will be in nags head in june with families in tow, and then we'll all be back down in late july. probably a good idea to stay clear of tortuga's lie for a few days.

KQ said...

thanks for the warning. i totally see a co-live-blog opportunity with the boys of cabin gheorghe and the girls of cabin beaches. or we can just grab a shitload of cocktails. either way.