Politics really isn't G:TB's bag, baby. But this is too good to pass up on a Friday morning. From the unlikely source of Beliefnet.org comes this gem, an homage and a dig at the same time:A Democratic primary voter enters Clinton for President headquarters.
Voter: Hello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The man behind the counter does not respond.)
Voter: Hello, Miss?
Clinton Chief Strategist Geoff Garin: What do you mean "miss"?
Voter: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
Garin: We're closin' for lunch.
Voter: Never mind that, my boy. I wish to complain about this candidate what I voted for not two days ago.
GG: Oh yes, the, uh, the Hillary Clinton ...What's,uh...What's wrong with her?
Voter: I'll tell you what's wrong with her, my lad. Her campaign is dead, that's what's wrong with her!
GG: No, no, she's, uh,...she's resting.
Voter: Look, matey, I know a dead candidate when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
GG: No no she's not dead, she's, she's restin'! Remarkable bird, Hillary Clinton, idn't she? Beautiful plumage!
Voter: The plumage don't enter into it. Her presidential campaign is stone dead.
GG: Nononono, no, no! She's resting!
Voter (pointing to delegate-math statistics on CNN): Now that's what I call a dead candidate.
GG: No, no.....No, she's stunned!
Voter: STUNNED?!?
GG: Yeah! The voters stunned her, just as she was wakin' up! Hillary stuns easy, major.
Voter: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely had enough of this. That campaign is definitely deceased, and when I voted for Mrs. Clinton not two days ago, you assured me that her total lack of movement was due to her bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.
GG: Well, she's...she's, ah...probably pining for Yankee Stadium. She's a big Yanks fan, you know.
Voter: PININ' for YANKEE STADIUM?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did she fall flat on her back on Tuesday night?
GG: Hillary Clinton prefers keepin' on her back! She's a fighter, an underdog. Remarkable bird, id'nt she, squire? Lovely plumage!
Voter: She's not pinin'! She's passed on! Her campaign is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet its maker! It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If Hillary Clinton hadn't nailed herself to the Democratic Party perch she'd be pushing up the daisies! This campaign's metabolic processes are now history! She's off the twig! She's kicked the bucket, she's shuffled off her mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE!!
(The man behind the counter does not respond.)
Voter: Hello, Miss?
Clinton Chief Strategist Geoff Garin: What do you mean "miss"?
Voter: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
Garin: We're closin' for lunch.
Voter: Never mind that, my boy. I wish to complain about this candidate what I voted for not two days ago.
GG: Oh yes, the, uh, the Hillary Clinton ...What's,uh...What's wrong with her?
Voter: I'll tell you what's wrong with her, my lad. Her campaign is dead, that's what's wrong with her!
GG: No, no, she's, uh,...she's resting.
Voter: Look, matey, I know a dead candidate when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
GG: No no she's not dead, she's, she's restin'! Remarkable bird, Hillary Clinton, idn't she? Beautiful plumage!
Voter: The plumage don't enter into it. Her presidential campaign is stone dead.
GG: Nononono, no, no! She's resting!
Voter (pointing to delegate-math statistics on CNN): Now that's what I call a dead candidate.
GG: No, no.....No, she's stunned!
Voter: STUNNED?!?
GG: Yeah! The voters stunned her, just as she was wakin' up! Hillary stuns easy, major.
Voter: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely had enough of this. That campaign is definitely deceased, and when I voted for Mrs. Clinton not two days ago, you assured me that her total lack of movement was due to her bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.
GG: Well, she's...she's, ah...probably pining for Yankee Stadium. She's a big Yanks fan, you know.
Voter: PININ' for YANKEE STADIUM?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did she fall flat on her back on Tuesday night?
GG: Hillary Clinton prefers keepin' on her back! She's a fighter, an underdog. Remarkable bird, id'nt she, squire? Lovely plumage!
Voter: She's not pinin'! She's passed on! Her campaign is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet its maker! It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If Hillary Clinton hadn't nailed herself to the Democratic Party perch she'd be pushing up the daisies! This campaign's metabolic processes are now history! She's off the twig! She's kicked the bucket, she's shuffled off her mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE!!
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25 comments:
This is fucking nuts:
OMAHA, Neb. (AP) - An Omaha man struggling to breathe used a steak knife to perform an at-home tracheotomy. Steve Wilder said he thought he was going to die when he awoke one night last week and couldn't breath.
Wilder said he didn't call 911 because he didn't think help would arrive in time. So, the 55-year-old says, he got a steak knife from the kitchen and made a small hole in his throat, allowing air to gush in.
Rob...you know, if you don't like the Clinton coverage you should probably just turn off the TV and go read a book.
hey, geoff. it's a joke.
see, there's this monty python skit about a dead parrot, only some clever guy used hillary clinton's name instead...ahh, fuck it.
Don't get Geoff started on Monty Python. He'll go all Bruno Kirby Good Morning Vietnam on you. And you do not want that.
We are up to a whopping 7 signatures on our Skip Bayless petition...feel the momentum.
And aren't two of them you? (Gheorghe & TJ)?
Way to pull back the curtain ass.
ahh, the old curtain ass. who had that nickname, again?
I missed the original thread on nicknames, so I wanted to throw out some that may have been missed:
Rocky Dennis
Mt. Fuji
Manute Bol
Mulch Face
Candle Stick Girl
Kick-Stand
And my all-time favorite nickname (created by some Lambos about an ugly girl who used to show up at everybody's parties):
Gerald Wilkins
I realize the Knicks are offering him a 5yr/$30 mil deal, but why in the world would you take that job if you're Mike D'Antoni?
because the knicks are offering him 5 yr/$30mil.
occam's razor, m'boy.
Well, that's fucking retarded...the Knicks are an awful job at any price. Even if the Bulls offer a significant amount less (which I doubt they will), that job is 100 times better.
Ryan Zimmerman, wordsmith
yes, i get your point. at some level, you could argue that the knicks job represents a really compelling challenge, and that winning in new york a) makes him the toast of the biggest sports town in the world and b) elevates him to the pantheon, at least in the eyes of the media. there's no real downside, because the team's not gonna get worse. you've got a grown-up gm there now, so he'll get players. add $30m guaranteed, mix gently, and you've got a decent justification.
And I see your points as well, but if you look at that Knicks roster, I think it is virtually impossible for them to be even decent for two MORE years...is that worth $6 mil a year?
I mean, I guess it is, but when he's back on the coaching market in three years even he might admit taking that NY job was a mistake.
Hey Danice, way to run over a dude in the pits...I'm sorry, we need to discuss Don Cherrys coat.
Danice = Danica of course.
Have the makers of New Jack City thought to sue the makers of American Gangster? Or is that just me and my love for fruitless litigation?
Gotta love Phil Jackson and his passive aggresive work on the refs right now...
Steve Trachsel? Seriously...this guy still has a job?
Carlos Boozer dropped a 27 and 20...wow.
No one loves "Pole Day" at Indy more than Danica.
The Knicks play in NYC (which is the capital of the world and stuff like that). That's why any coach takes the job in a heartbeat. The roster can be overhauled and the Knicks aren't afraid to spend money.
And getting back to the original post, the Democratic party should win this election because the Bush II administration is a clusterfuck, and the best the Republicans have to offer is a septagenarian with allegedly straight talk and questionable economic policies.
Reliably, the Democrats fucked up. Michigan and Florida are out of the picture, and those states never matter anyway. It's May and they still don't have a name for the top of the ticket (officially at least). We do know that they will run Bill Clinton's wife or an African-American man, demographic groups which are not particularly appealing to voters who live south and west of colleges who field teams in the Ivy League conference. Except for NH, which is a bizarrely libertarian outpost.
I'd like to hear Zoltan's plan for turning over the Knicks' roster. Not a lot of attractive or expiring contracts on that roster.
And despite the money and the whole NY is the center of the universe thing I can't see how coaching guys like Zach Randolph, Eddie Curry, Nate Robinson and the rest is even remotely attractive. If you've read "7 seconds or Less" you know that D'Antoni had a problem with Stoudemire's lack of professionalism. Boy is he in for a rude awakening. Donnie Walsh might be a better GM but he's not what he once was. Take a look at the roster he assembled in Indiana and tell me what he was thinking. Troy Fucking Murphy? Ike Diogu?
I'm with TJ. The Bulls job was a much better option if with less money and a defensive minded GM like Paxson looking over your shoulder. D'Antoni would've won Coach of the Year and had the Bulls back at 50 wins. Instead, he'll be on the unemployment line by the time the Knicks have cap space.
Oh yeah, I've been stuck in Tallahassee for two days and I'm about ready to murder somebody.
One more thing, Kobe's split f the double team and alley oop to himself off the glass last night was fucking amazing. He's a douche for sure, but he's the most talented douche in the league...by miles.
My plan would involve spending lots of money and eating lots of bad contracts. Fred Jones, Starbury, Nate Robinson, and Malik Rose are free agents in 2009. Crawford, Curry, and Richardson can opt out in '09. I would make their lives miserable so they would opt out just to get out of NY. I might also hire a hitman to take care of Jerome James.
I hear Jerry Reinsdorf is a great guy to work for.
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