G:TB Celebrates America, The Grand Finale

So far on G:TB's Memorial Day walkabout, we've learned about Butler, PA, spent a few moments by the shore in Manasquan, NJ, and settled in for some quiet seaside reflection in Little River, SC. In this, our final pre-holiday travel post, the destinations take a back seat to history.

Before we get to that, though, we'll let Dennis talk about his weekend plans. G:TB's Inter-Regional man of mystery weighs in with a thought-provoking itinerary, examining the undeniable societal tension between want and need, luxury and necessity, Titleist and Nike:

On Saturday morning I’ll stay in Alexandria and walk in the park as much as possible. I’ll then drive to the nearest local grocer for cooking supplies in my hybrid car at a cool 35 MPH. When in my house that evening, I’ll have the windows open and the air conditioner off. After dinner, I’ll read books, sing songs, and tell tales of a world replete with renewable energy sources until I drift asleep.

On Sunday morning, I’ll wake up to a 32 oz. cup of Starbucks coffee. My friends and I will then each drive our separate SUV’s to a golf course 45 miles away and spend $150 for the rights to ride gas-powered carts around a 10-acre rock quarry turned lush green meadow.

On Monday, I’ll sit around wondering whether I’m an environmentalist or a masochist.

Whitney, meanwhile, will be hitting for the little-known Suburban Cycle, supping first in Ashburn, VA and then in Kensington, MD. Ashburn's the home of the Washington Redskins' training facility, Old Dominion Brewery (recently purchased by the soulless bastards at Anheuser-Busch) the first home I ever purchased, and...well, some nice jogging trails interspersed with a handful of tasteful strip malls and planned neighborhoods. Kensington, meanwhile, is home to Matthew Lesko, the question-mark-festooned latenight pitchman, and a lovely little community in its own right.

Speaking of festooned, the highlight of G:TB's Memorial Day this year, as the last two, is the District of Columbia's Memorial Day Parade. If there were even one iota of justice in the world, the trip down Constitution Avenue would be every bit as world-reknowned as the Macy's Thanksgiving Day and Rose Bowl Parades. Sure, balloon creatures, lip-synched pop songs performed by one-hit wonders, and flower-bedecked flatbeds have their own special appeal. But those cultural touchstones lack one thing: neither of those festive events feature the world's leading Abraham Lincoln scholar/impersonator.

In the words of Chris Farley, "Awwwwesommme".

Abe and G:TB wish you and yours a spectacular Memorial Day weekend. And a magnificent beard.