Monday, May 19, 2008

G:TB Celebrates America

As much as we know you were itching to read about Myrtle Beach today, we’re gonna shake things up a bit. Mostly because someone else was kind enough to do the work.

Today, via the magic of the internet, we take you on a scenic journey to Manasquan, NJ, site of Rhymenocerous’ summer home and Memorial Day destination.

Among other things, Manasquan is noted as the town where Jack Nicholson went to high school. It’s a mere 5 miles from Bruce Springsteen's Asbury Park and but a single mile from Wall Township, where Eliot Spitzer's paid paramour grew up. Finally, Manasquan’s a mile from Point Pleasant, where the American Idol chick who took risque internet photos a couple years back grew up. Piper Perabo grew up there too. You all remember her from Coyote Ugly. The movie, not the collegiate dating technique.

Celebs and sluts. Welcome to New Jersey!

As for Manasquan itself, there's not much to say other than it has the best surf break in NJ and all the teenagers are burnouts. Most of the parents are veteran party animals themselves who own beach cruisers. They (our friend included?) use these cruisers to bike to the local bars or house parties, where they can get sloshed and teeter home on side streets without getting a DUI.

As for Rhymenocerous’ time there this weekend, he’ll be healthy and sober Friday night, healthy on his 5-mile run Saturday morning, dehydrated that day, very drunk that Saturday night (To quote him, instead of just steal his words, “I have a 50% track record of blacking out and/or vomiting on the nights of my runs because I usually start drinking by 4 PM and never stop until I fall down”), and very hung over that next morning.

On Sunday, he'll procrastinate about the long list of things to do at his new place, including fun items like painting, installing child seats on bicycles and spreading cedar mulch over the weeds growing around the perennials in the front yard. He’ll putter around in his yard and start to feel better as frozen margarita #2 kicks in by 5 PM. He’ll then make a quick drunken bike ride to the local supermarket to buy some red meat to cook up on his unnecessarily large and expensive Weber grill. (The Genesis. It’s so choice. If you have the means, I highly recommend it.) He’ll then drink until he passes out and/or gets put to bed by his wife. Hopefully, he’ll have some company during the drinking stage of the night, although it's sadly not necessary.

21 comments:

Sisler said...

Hey Rhyme, watch out for all the "bennies" when you go "down the shore" this weekend.

TJ said...

I like Marv, I do, but Reggie for a whole game...ugh.

Mark said...

I dont care much for him or Mark Jackson, but at least Jackson is heard from less by virtue of the 3 man booth.

TJ said...

Suck it Manu.

rob said...

so, the lesson here is that you can belt the living shit out of a player, so long as the buzzer has sounded. don't think manu isn't taking notes.

TJ said...

See, that's the type of Spurs guy Mark hates.

rob said...

until a minute ago, i couldn't have told you where mo pete played. so i learned something new tonight, just by watching the nba.

TJ said...

Well done Jon Lester...well done.

And now his arm is ruined for months.

rob said...

so, um, i think we have a ceai complet for tomorrow, no?

gammons is crying somewhere. and it's justified.

rob said...

Wooooooooooooo.

rob said...

a lakers/spurs series has very little appeal for me. i hate both of them.

Mark said...

For the record, I hate most anyone associated with the Spurs.

Mark said...

Hey, look at that...Ginobili throws a dirty elbow in Paul's face and he's actually punished for it.

Mark said...

If a team that features Chirs Paul and regularly trots out Ric Flair's signature "Wooooo!" celebration can't beat the Spurs then fuck it, I'm convinced, there is no God.

Mark said...

Its not often that you see the Spurs give up 3 straight offensive rebounds. And that is a truly clutch jumper out of Parker. Fuck.

Mark said...

Well, that sucks. We were one more Pargo three (which was wide open) from seeing if the Spurs would choke this thing away.

Greg said...

Chris Paul REALLY should have made that layup. Really.


I think I hate Ginobili the most. Out of all the Spurs, he's the worst. Him or Bowen.

Mark said...

You know whats worse? I dont think the Lakers can beat San Antonio. Get ready for a Pistons-Spurs finals. Not exactly the way I would've envisioned the best season in the NBA in years would/should end.

(And, yes, I realize I'm getting waaaay ahead of myself.)

Mark said...

Yeah, Paul anticipated contact on that drive and it threw him off.

Ive got a very healthy hatred for Ginobili. Worst flopper in the league, by miles. However, he is a very skilled player so I hate Bruce Bowen just a little bit more. I dont like to wish injury on players but, well, I cant help myself.

Mark said...

My old roomate Federico used to tell me that all the other South American countries hated Argentina and if Manu is representative of that country in any way, then I don't blame them at all.

TJ said...

I wonder if Roberto likes the NBA Playoffs...

"Relax guy..."