Tuesday, August 06, 2013

Judge Montes Leaves Me Breathless

During a discussion twixt Squeaky, Patchie, and me about local politics on the ride to the airport from OBFT, Patchie posited that NJ and MA are the crookedest states in the Union. Squeaky opined that nowhere is as crooked as MA and I objected, noting that NJ is at least a close second if not crookeder. As if on cue, I learned about In re Roman A. Montes today. I could tell the story myself, but the complaint spells things out perfectly.

So far so good--Montes is a judge.

Hey, who am I to judge (pun!). A grown man went to a noodie bar.

"Befriended" is a funny way to describe the exchange between a noodie bar dancer and a patron, but whatever. This is where it gets crooked.

Oooh judge ain't right, his court ain't right, his honor is a pimp, tell by his eyes. It gets grimier.

What are the odds?!? Can't make this stuff up ... unless he stalks the hot women involved in cases before him, especially the strippers. But he didn't do that, did he?

Sounds that way to me! But it could have been a random coincidence, in which case he would have done the right thing and walked away ... right?

Wrong! So what did he do next? What any ethical judge would do. He had it bounced to another court due to conflicts. But look how he couched it:

Un-fucking-believable!! "Hey Paulie, transfuh dis case ovah to Clark. I went ovah to Breffless dis weekend, one ting led to anothuh, an' it turns out now I'm bangin' duh strippuh who's involved in dis case! Gotta keep up appearances, nah mean? So get dis conflict outta my courtroom." Impossibly, it gets better.

Judge got game! He "was afraid of cutting [her] off and not speaking to her anymore" is a polite way of saying "C'mon son, I'm just tryin'a keep my dick wet ovuh here." Which he did, apparently.

So how does this end up before the ethics committee? Much like Odysseus, it was hubris that laid Judge Montes low.

The stupid bastard bragged to the judge who caught the conflict transfer! "Hay-yo, did choo see da cans on dat broad in dat Mahtinez case I sent ovuh to you? Guess what? I'm dooin' uh! Marone, she fugs like a champ. Hopefully I can work my way trew a bunch uh huh strippuh colleagues before she finds out!" The other judge dropped a dime, leading to the following predictable conclusion:

Jersey rocks! Chris Christie in '16!


mayhugh said...

Ah, the perks of being a judge.

One could say this cuts the other way, Z. I mean, the Clark judge reported him (as likely required by the Judicial Code, but still). Would be more corrupt if you never heard about it...

rob said...

zman, imma let you finish, but illinois is the most crooked state in the union. from george ryan to blagojevich - in all six former governors have been subject to arrest or indictment. and that's just the governors. there's a sordid history of malfeasance at all levels of illinois government. except community organizers - those guys are shining beacons of propriety in an ocean of scum.

Danimal said...

The little fella is right on that one.

zman said...

Five of the last seven mayors of Newark were indicted, including Sharpe James who went to prison for selling city land to his mistress so she could flip it. Tony Mack is still the mayor of Trenton despite the fact that he goes to trial in January on a federal corruption charge for extorting money from developers of a phony parking garage (the crooked chisel the crooked in NJ). NJ is so crooked that even the public hospitals are crooked:


Mark said...

Florida's governor ran a company found guilty of 14 Medicare fraud felonies totaling over $600 million. Just sayin.

Nice Ghostface drop, Z.

rob said...

the greatest trick mark ever pulled was convincing the world that warren sapp didn't exist.

Mark said...

It posted yesterday without all the editing so I had TJ pull it. It's been fixed but I didn't want to pull a Dave a jump Z's post once I saw it was slated to go early this morning. It will run this afternoon, dick.

rob said...

speaking of dave, he may be on to something:


TR said...

I'll never turn on beer. I love it so very much.