Showing posts with label Naked Ladies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Naked Ladies. Show all posts

Sunday, July 02, 2023

Naked Politics

My least favorite law school class was Constitutional Law because, as I posited over a decade ago, "[a]ll that counts is what five out of nine middle-aged-to-elderly judges think."  What is constitutional one day might not be the next, simply because a president swapped in a new judge.  Similarly, what is constitutional one day might not be the next, simply because five of nine elderly judges want a different outcome.

For example, in 303 Creative LLC et al. v. Elensis et al., the Supreme Court held that a website designer does not have to design a website for a gay wedding when the designer believes that gay marriage is a sin and abetting the wedding would run counter to her Christian faith.  Writing for the majority, Justice Gorsuch observed:

Under Colorado’s logic, the government may compel anyone who speaks for pay on a given topic to accept all commissions on that same topic—no matter the underlying message—if the topic somehow implicates a customer’s statutorily protected trait. Taken seriously, that principle would allow the government to force all manner of artists, speechwriters, and others whose services involve speech to speak what they do not believe on pain of penalty. The government could require “an unwilling Muslim movie director to make a film with a Zionist message,” or “an atheist muralist to accept a commission celebrating Evangelical zeal,” so long as they would make films or murals for other members of the public with different messages. Equally, the government could force a male website designer married to another man to design websites for an organization that advocates against same-sex marriage. 

I understand what he's saying with these hypotheticals.  But does this also mean that a racist White person can refuse to make a website for an interracial wedding, effectively refusing to provide services to a Black person?  Justice Gorsuch refers to "all manner of artists"--how far does that extend?  Does the work of high-end chefs constitute art, and if so, can they refuse to provide their food to classes of people they don't like?  In other words, could a racist chef refuse to serve their food to Latinos?

Justice Sotomayor points to all of this and more in her dissent.  But the law of the land today appears to say, on First Amendment free speech grounds, that you can't force a business owner to provide "artistic" services to customers if the business owner does not agree with the content of the artistic work product.  I don't know how to reconcile that with discrimination.

via GIPHY

In another recent case, Students for Fair Admissions, Inc. v. President and Fellows of Harvard College, the Supreme Court held that public and private universities cannot consider race during the admissions process.  The Court pointed to the Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment and said that this affirmative action process was discriminatory.  Chief Justice Roberts's majority opinion interestingly says:

At the same time, as all parties agree, nothing in this opinion should be construed as prohibiting universities from considering an applicant’s discussion of how race affected his or her life, be it through discrimination, inspiration, or otherwise. But, despite the dissent’s assertion to the contrary, universities may not simply establish through application essays or other means the regime we hold unlawful today.

That's weird.  I never worked in a college admissions office, but I assume that no one other than the admissions staff reads the essays.  No one knows what any particular essay says other than the applicant and whoever reads it.  How can anyone police essay review?  Does this mean that applicants can't address their race in their essay unless they discuss "discrimination, inspiration, or otherwise"?  What does that mean?  And most importantly, doesn't this limit what the applicant can say in their essay--doesn't this restrain the applicant's speech?

Maybe not.  Perhaps the applicants can write whatever they want and it's up to the admissions staff to ignore inappropriate sentences.  But does forcing the admissions office to ignore those sentences effectively curtail the applicant's free speech?  What good is free speech if the audience isn't allowed to consider it?

More succinctly, I think Con Law is bullshit.  Sometimes free speech trumps anti-discriminatory laws, while other times anti-discriminatory laws can limit free speech.  When and how the rules apply depends on how nine old people in DC feel about the matter at hand and the outcome they desire.  Mitch McConnell's gaming of the Supreme Court confirmation process got us these decisions.  No matter what you may hear, the Supreme Court is a nakedly political body.  And as much as I approve of naked bodies, we don't need any at 1 First Street.

via GIPHY

Saturday, December 12, 2015

The Twelve Days of Gheorghemas - Day Four

On the fourth day of Gheorghemas big Gheorghe gave to me:
Four posts zman meant to write but never did
Three French Hens
Two in-state rivalries
And a dork with a split personal-ity


I saw a number of interesting (at least to me) bits in the news and thought about writing posts but didn't because I'm lazy. So for Gheorghemas I'm giving you the top four.

1. Strip clubs get sued a lot and they like to use Jessa Hinton's image

A number of noodie bars have been sued over the past few weeks for advertising their establishments using images of relatively famous women without their permission. And these aren't hole-in-the-wall places either. Sin City, New York Dolls, Flashdancers, and several other clubs that advertise on cabs in NYC and that may or may not have served me a beer or three over the past 40-odd years.

In a nutshell, the plaintiffs in all of these cases assert that the strip clubs grabbed nearly naked and/or suggestive photos of them off of the internet and used them on the clubs' websites and other advertisements to make it appear that the plaintiffs worked at these clubs. But they don't, haven't, and won't. Or so they assert. All of the complaints express outrage for presenting sexually suggestive photos of the plaintiffs, which is funny because the complaints always describe the plaintiffs' high-falutin' modeling careers which all involve sexually suggestive (and often outright explicit) magazines. But of course, just because a woman chooses to pose in Playboy doesn't mean she also dances naked. And just because she dances go-go don't make her a ho no.



There's some overlap among the women involved: Joanna Krupa, Sara Underwood, Jessica Burciaga and several others pop up across multiple complaints. I guess this is to be expected. However, one woman appears on all of the complaints: Jessa Hinton. I never heard of her before this but I think I get why she's so popular.


For the record, this is the least suggestive, most clothed photo of Ms. Hinton that I could find using Google image search. It appears that she doesn't own any real clothing, opting instead to wear world-class underboob shirts, bikinis made of pizza and body paint ... and that's when she wants to wear something.

Perhaps the most interesting complaint was brought against the Miami Velvet Club, which, according to its NSFW website, is America's #1 swingers club. The complaint is 681 pages, needlessly long but remarkably thorough. If you want to learn a lot about glamour models and swingers clubs I'll send it to you.

2. Pepperidge Farm sued Trader Joe's for infringing their Milano cookie trademark

Pepperidge Farm takes their cookies seriously. So seriously that they sued Trader Joe's, asserting that the shape and packaging of TJ's Crispy Cookies constitute "infringement and dilution of the famous and unique MILANO® cookie configuration trademark (as defined below), which Pepperidge Farm or its predecessors in interest have used for decades in connection with cookie and snack products."

It gets more heated. P-Farms asserts that "[d]espite being well aware of the famous MILANO® cookie configuration trademark, and the enormous goodwill symbolized thereby and associated therewith, Defendant recently began selling, in the packaged retail space, a cookie product designed to trade on the MILANO® cookie’s goodwill and reputation."

Further, "Pepperidge Farm’s trademark rights associated with MILANO® brand cookies have gained particular fame because unlike generic snack foods or cookies, the MILANO® cookies are in and of themselves identifiable due to the MILANO® CONFIGURATION, and serve as an indicator of source .... For example, the MILANO® cookies are instantly recognizable and due to their popularity, have appeared in pop culture and TV shows like Frasier, Will and Grace, Seinfeld, and Two and-a Half Men."

I'm not sure what's funnier, the complaint's sturm and drang or the trademark registration itself:


Yep, that's a cookie certificate. Anyway, I think it's pretty clear that T-Joe's cookies aren't the same as P-Farm's cookies--everybody knows that T-Joe's sells fugazi stuff designed to look like other stuff, like Joe's Os, and no one is going to be confused to the point that they think they're buying Milanos. Here's a comparison so you can be the judge.


Just to be safe I'm making a run to Joe's to stock up on bootleg Milanos.

3. Jack Urbont and Sony continue to duke it out

Jack Urbont's case against Sony Music and Ghostface Killah slogs on. Briefing continues, rehashing all of the stuff I've rehashed here before. It isn't very interesting.

I expect Sony to prevail. Hopefully GFK doesn't go after Mr. Urbont like he goes after Action Bronson in this GFK vs. Bronsolino video game (which you can play here).



4. Daniel Snyder really is tone deaf

Daniel Snyder's case against a group of Native Americans regarding the R**skins trademark cancellation continues to slog on. I won't bore you with all of the legal minutiae asserted in his appeal brief, but there are a few illogical leaps worth mentioning.

Mr. Snyder presents a ton of registered trademarks "that the Team believes are racist, or misogynistic, vulgar, or otherwise offensive. By way of example only, the following marks are registered today: TAKE YO PANTIES OFF clothing; DANGEROUS NEGRO shirts; SLUTSSEEKER dating services; DAGO SWAGG clothing; DUMB BLONDE beer; TWATTY GIRL cartoons; BAKED BY A NEGRO bakery goods; BIG TITTY BLEND coffee; RETARDIPEDIA website; MIDGET-MAN condoms and inflatable sex dolls; and JIZZ underwear. These are not isolated instances. The government routinely registers pornographers’ marks: TEENSDOPORN.COM, MILFSDOPORN.COM, THUG PORN, GHETTO BOOTY, and BOUND GANGBANGS are but a few."

He also lists out these marks:

SHANK THE B!T@H board game; CRACKA AZZ SKATEBOARDS; ANAL FANTASY COLLECTION, KLITORIS, and OMAZING SEX TOYS sex toys; HOT OCTOPUSS anti-premature ejaculation creams; OL GEEZER wines; EDIBLE CROTCHLESS GUMMY PANTIES lingerie; WTF WORK? online forum; MILF WEED bags; GRINGO STYLE SALSA; MAKE YOUR OWN DILDO; GRINGO BBQ; CONTEMPORARY NEGRO, F’D UP, WHITE TRASH REBEL, I LOVE VAGINA, WHITE GIRL WITH A BOOTY, PARTY WITH SLUTS, CRIPPLED OLD BIKER BASTARDS, DICK BALLS, and REDNECK ARMY apparel; OH! MY NAPPY HAIR shampoos; REFORMED WHORES and WHORES FROM HELL musical bands; LAUGHING MY VAGINA OFF entertainment; NAPPY ROOTS records; BOOTY CALL sex aids; BOYS ARE STUPID, THROW ROCKS AT THEM wallets; and DUMB BLONDE hair products.

Based on these and other exemplary marks he deems offensive, Mr. Snyder concludes that he should be allowed to register the R**skins mark even if it is offensive.

This doesn't make sense for a few reasons. First, the test is whether the mark is offensive to the relevant group who would be offended, no to Mr. Snyder or "the Team." Just because "DUMB BLONDE" offends his delicate sensibilities (so much that he listed it twice in his brief) doesn't mean it offends people (or blondes) in general. Further, how is it possible that Mr. Snyder is offended by "DUMB BLONDES" but not "R**SKINS"?

Second, it's not clear that some of these marks are offensive at all. For example, "Gringo BBQ" probably doesn't offend many white people. Similarly, the word "Negro" isn't offensive in the context of "United Negro College Fund."

Third, and perhaps most importantly, just because the USPTO registered all of these marks doesn't mean anything. The PTO screws up all the time. US patents are invalidated every day by Federal courts and the PTO itself. It would not surprise me if there are thousands or tens of thousands of invalid unexpired patents out there. No one ever says "hey judge, my patent is valid because there are many other patents out there and they're valid too." Sure, patents are presumed valid, but that is never anyone's entire validity argument.

Finally, comparing yourself to "racist[s], or misogynist[s] ... [and] pornographers" doesn't exactly present your cause in a positive light. In fact, it makes your cause look racist. Which, in this case, it is.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

New Major Lazer Video!

I'm probably the only person around here who likes Major Lazer (and it's well documented that they confuse the hell out of Dave) but I figured everyone (except maybe Shlara) would enjoy their latest video. The premise: take a handful of beautiful young women, put them in skimpy-to-nonexistent outfits, and project a laser show onto them while they smoke blunts. Sort of like a dancehall version of the Exploding Plastic Inevitable only with better looking people and less dangerous drugs. And more sideboob.

Tuesday, August 06, 2013

Judge Montes Leaves Me Breathless

During a discussion twixt Squeaky, Patchie, and me about local politics on the ride to the airport from OBFT, Patchie posited that NJ and MA are the crookedest states in the Union. Squeaky opined that nowhere is as crooked as MA and I objected, noting that NJ is at least a close second if not crookeder. As if on cue, I learned about In re Roman A. Montes today. I could tell the story myself, but the complaint spells things out perfectly.


So far so good--Montes is a judge.


Hey, who am I to judge (pun!). A grown man went to a noodie bar.


"Befriended" is a funny way to describe the exchange between a noodie bar dancer and a patron, but whatever. This is where it gets crooked.


Oooh judge ain't right, his court ain't right, his honor is a pimp, tell by his eyes. It gets grimier.


What are the odds?!? Can't make this stuff up ... unless he stalks the hot women involved in cases before him, especially the strippers. But he didn't do that, did he?


Sounds that way to me! But it could have been a random coincidence, in which case he would have done the right thing and walked away ... right?


Wrong! So what did he do next? What any ethical judge would do. He had it bounced to another court due to conflicts. But look how he couched it:


Un-fucking-believable!! "Hey Paulie, transfuh dis case ovah to Clark. I went ovah to Breffless dis weekend, one ting led to anothuh, an' it turns out now I'm bangin' duh strippuh who's involved in dis case! Gotta keep up appearances, nah mean? So get dis conflict outta my courtroom." Impossibly, it gets better.


Judge got game! He "was afraid of cutting [her] off and not speaking to her anymore" is a polite way of saying "C'mon son, I'm just tryin'a keep my dick wet ovuh here." Which he did, apparently.


So how does this end up before the ethics committee? Much like Odysseus, it was hubris that laid Judge Montes low.


The stupid bastard bragged to the judge who caught the conflict transfer! "Hay-yo, did choo see da cans on dat broad in dat Mahtinez case I sent ovuh to you? Guess what? I'm dooin' uh! Marone, she fugs like a champ. Hopefully I can work my way trew a bunch uh huh strippuh colleagues before she finds out!" The other judge dropped a dime, leading to the following predictable conclusion:


Jersey rocks! Chris Christie in '16!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

A Musical Contest for a Musical Season: Monks and Naked Ladies

In honor of Music Month, The Almighty Yojo is sponsoring The First Annual G:TB Song Contest. Hopefully, it will be just as successful as The First Annual Circus Peanut Diorama Contest.

Let me explain the premise. The Yojo recently wrote a new song and was beginning to record it in the usual Yojo style: layered flanged guitars, spliced film and interview clips, fragmented drum beats, distorted voices, and psychedelic effects. Though never completely warranted, these devices do certainly fit the content of the new song, which is called "Monks and Naked Ladies."



Plus, The Yojo-- like Gibby Haynes from The Butthole Surfers-- sincerely enjoys warping the sonic structure of every note in his musical productions. According to Michael Azerrad's book Our Band Could Be Your Life, when an interviewer asked Butthole Surfers guitarist Paul Leary why Haynes electronically manipulated his voice so much, Leary explained, "It's just because, y'know, he's got knobs and he can do it. It's like, why does a dog lick its balls?" And then Haynes added his take: "It's probably just my need to express my multiple personalities."

The Almighty Yojo agrees wholeheartedly and concurrently with both Haynes and Leary. And so does Mr. Truck and Dave (The Yojo interviewed them both on the subject).

But this time around, it's going to be different. This time the Almight Yojo is offering an unadorned song to the readers of G:TB. It is simply The Yojo and a guitar. One take. No effects (besides a little reverb) and no overdubs. No guitar solos or pitch shifted voices. The Yojo's unadorned voice is not pretty, but it should get the melody across. The Yojo will also provide lyrics and chords. And, in honor of Music Season, The Yojo is giving this song to the internet, and hoping the internet gives back to G:TB. The Yojo should also point out that these lyrics are full out fantastic-- both in quality and theme-- and they need a singer better than the Yojo to do them justice. A singer that transports you to another world. Perry Farrell. Jeff Mangum. Someone like that. Not The Almighty Yojo. One of the benefits of being Almighty is that you can see your own flaws. The Almighty Yojo is nothing but humble. He knows his limitations and is hoping that someone like Chris Cornell or Robert Plant will exceed them.

Do you hear this, Robert Plant?


The contest is this: record the song. Do a better job than The Yojo. You can use The Yojo's chords and melody . . . or not. You can use The Yojo's lyrics. Or not. Who gives a flying fuck? It's a song contest. Be creative. Once you've recorded your song, post it on SoundCloud or some other music sharing site (SoundCloud is free and particularly easy to upload tracks) and send us the link. The G:TB Music Department will evaluate your song, offer appropriate criticism, and see if anyone can unseat The Almight Yojo. And The Grand Prize will be a full post about your recording.


Do not scoff at The Grand Prize. A plug and an extensive review by the G:TB Musical Staff is worth far more than a bevy of hot groupies. I guarantee that a positive critique by the wordsmiths here at G:TB will propel you to rock stardom. Or not (but Greasetruck will always appreciate Whitney's putting The Bear on his top songs of 2009).  But don't think Whitney is strictly complimentary . . . you certainly don't want to make his list. And you don't want to make  Dave's list either-- unless you're TJ.

If your recording is especially epic, you might pass TR's goosebump test, but that's a tough goal to shoot for. It might be easier to impress Rob, as he sets the bar pretty low. (They don't call him The Upright Limbo Champ for nothing). You might have trouble winning the favor of Zman and Mark unless you get a little urban with your beats, but it would certainly be worth it, because they really know their hip-hop (in fact, I'm listening to Brother Ali right now).

Here is my straight ahead recording of "Monks and Naked Ladies." The Yojo hopes you are inspired.

Monks and Naked Ladies by The Density

And here are the lyrics and chords. You might notice some epic allusions . . . to Coleridge and Melville and William Blake . . . hopefully your voice is monumental enough to pull it off. But if not, who cares? At least you gave it a shot. Just like The Yojo. And, of course, the Yojo will be getting to work on a typical Almighty Yojo recording of the song-- and the Yojo is going to lick his balls and use all the knobs at his disposal-- so you better get busy.

Monks and Naked Ladies

A 7
Once when I was lonely
         D7                                     
I journeyed to the ocean--
motion trumps emotion
for Ishmael and me.
And on the sunless bayside,
a woman told me something
while she shucked an oyster,
a half baked prophesy:

                   A          G          F
She said, “You will not go home . . .
 A              G          F   
you were born to roam.”

I asked her how she knew this
and she handed me a package.
I tore the wrapping open,
inside there was an address.

A             G          F
“You will not go home,
you were born to roam.
C               A#          G#    
Seek the pleasure dome,
a stately pleasure dome.
C                 A#         F
Find this pleasure dome.”

I’ll spare you all the details,
but trust me that I found it.
There were monks and naked ladies
and an emerald moat around it.

A stately pleasure dome.
This would be my home.

And if you need an answer,
then there’s one that I can give:
avoid the road to excess . . .
find a simple way to live.

Also in the package
was a little yellow fortune.
I had a wise man translate,
this is just a portion:

it said . . .

E                    
Cultivate your vices,
F#                                      G
make sure to treat them right.
E
Scatter them like spices
F#                                 G       
through your mundane life,

Bm                               C
because the end is near . . .
the end is near . . .

In fact, the end is here.