Monday, January 24, 2011

If You Want Something Done

I had lunch with Person of Dave on Saturday. I hadn't seen him in a few months, and while his hair is generally fairly short, it was downright high and tight. The story, as it turns out, is good enough to cross-post. Apologies to the management team at Sentence of Dave if I've infringed upon their intellectual property rights.

"Thursday night, minutes before I had to drive my kids to indoor soccer, I noticed some stray and unseemly gray hairs poking from the right side of my head, and I decided that I would trim them with my beard trimmer, but-- perhaps because I was in a rush-- I slipped . . . and cut a dent into my hair just above my right ear, and in my attempts to "even things out," I made the situation much, much worse, but then I felt obligated to make it equally as "even" on the other side of my head, so that at least my new style would be symmetrically bad . . . and in the end, I essentially gave myself a mullet (and a poor one, at that) and though I frantically tried to erase this by trimming randomly around the back of my head, I couldn't fix things and I had to take the kids to soccer and Catherine was at a meeting about charter schools, so I went to soccer looking like a lunatic, which the other parents found highly entertaining, and then when I got home, I was slated to go out for beers, and so I asked my wife if she would fix my hair first but she said, "No way, I'm exhausted, I'll do it tomorrow," and then she laughed at my misfortune and took a picture of the back of my head . . . but I was happy enough to be getting out on the town and so I said, "Who cares what I look like, it's not like I'm going out to pick-up girls," and she said, "Not that you could," and then, luckily (or unluckily for my students, who would have really enjoyed getting a look at my sorry head) we had a delayed opening due to snow and Catherine used a number 1 to shave away my remaining hair and make things look decent again."

22 comments:

Igor said...

It's in there -- tucked away and hidden among superfluous clauses and phrases, but make no mistake, it's in there. Dave is blaming his bad haircut on charter schools.

mayhugh said...

Dave - some sage advice I once heard (and believe): Balding is not a choice, but bald is.

You don't have to worry about grays if you just shave that sucker.

Squeaky said...

I had an unfortunate run in at the local Hairchoppery last week. Damn you, Number 4, clipper guard.

zman said...

Squeaky, go to Baldino! He's at Floyd's across from the Christian Science Center. Then go over to The Lower Depths.

Dave said...

i'm at a number 1 right now-- pretty much bald. i saw some of the parents from soccer at basketball on sunday, and they were impressed with how much better i looked.

why am i growing more hair everywhere-- in my ears, on my back, on my knuckles-- but not on my head. makes no sense.

and i am working on my assignment.

rob said...

tribe are 5 point underdogs on the road against a northeastern team that's winless in the conference. and down 9 in the early going. bleh.

jmu is on the telly.

Mark said...

Rob...how do you feel about JMU's Charles Jenkins? Jonathon Givony from NBA Draft Express is awfully high on him.

T.J. said...

Tyler's little bro just pwned Pitt

The Big East is so deep

TR said...

You know you're getting old when the barber runs the clippers over your earlobes. I had that happen for the first time a few months ago.

In no time, we'll all have those ginormous Dumbo ears that old men have.

T.J. said...

Mark is tweeting like a bandit tonite

Mark said...

I'm channeling Buzz, sans the crazy.

Mark said...

And I routinely take the clippers to my ears when shaving. I'm old, and hairy.

rob said...

mark - jenkins is from hofstra. but as you saw on the twitter, i love his game. very strong with the ball, good range, terrific scorer and defender.

rob said...

jmu/hofstra going overtime. find it if you can.

TR said...

Rob - you're not locked into the Wiz-Knicks?

Mark said...

Ah, I see. Denzel Bowles is the kid from JMU, yes?

rob said...

yep - bowles is very good in the post, but i don't know if he's athletic enough to play in the league

rob said...

wiz/knicks now, tr

TR said...

Enjoy this one, Rob. The Knicks' poor D is making the Wiz look like the 1980's Nuggets.

rob said...

god, but i'd forgotten how butt-ugly the wizards' uniforms are. save us, ted.

T.J. said...

I've seen this wiz 4th qtr before

rob said...

do the wiz always suck this badly on offense? they look like they've never met.