Thursday, January 13, 2011

A New Menace

A pair of seemingly unrelated news stories went largely unnoticed in the hue and cry around the Garden State's burgeoning educational crisis. If the two developments reach their logical synthesis, the implications are daunting. Or totally awesome, depending on your point of view.

Stanford researcher Ingmar Riedel-Kruse has successfully developed biotic videogames, allowing players to control the actions of living microorganisms to perform simple gaming tasks. Note that Riedel-Kruse is a real name, despite how close it sounds to Balki Bartokomous' pronounciation of ridiculous.

While Stanford pioneers the use of living creatures in gladatorial combat, raising the specter of mini-colosseums (colossi?) in every family room, our friends across the pond offer a humorous take on the ancient practice of fox hunting.




Iden, England's hounds are prohibited by law from hunting real foxes, so in the best tradition of Richard Dawson and Arnold Schwarzeneggar, the Coakham Hunt sends man's best friend over hill and dale in pursuit of man himself. Coakham's specially-trained bloodhounds hunt a pack of
humans, chasing the bleeding and panting homo sapiens for miles before tearing them limb from limb. (I assume this last part to be true - I stopped reading when I had enough material for this post.)

In this edition of G:TB's long-running series highlighting things that should make us all really, really paranoid, we offer a thought experiment about the potential conflation of these two modern-age curiousities. Three words: Human Pac-Man. Two words, depending upon how you feel about hyphens. Think about it, as you chuckle about the gene researchers playing God with the cute little paramecia in their laboratories in Palo Alto, and picture yourself being chased by a Hummer-sized amoeba while you have that gawdawful Pac-Man blaring in your head.

I think you all know what must be done. Riedel-Kruse can't be allowed to procreate. I've sent the Teej back to 1979 to stop him from being born. And to pick up some of those awesome Pittsburgh Pirates caps. Godspeed, my friend.

19 comments:

TR said...

Human Pac Man reminds me to let you all know that I plan a rare two-fer of competitive eating this weekend. It is the final weekend in the beach house my wife and I own (and are selling). I will close out my tenure in Manasquan, NJ by making it to the Wall of Flame (ngs) on Saturday at the local BBQ joint. This list is reserved for folks who eat an entire order of hot wings with the cook's special recipe. I talked smack to the guy one day while getting an order to go and he made me a special order. It was so hot I cried and got the hiccups at the same time. But I (barely) handled it.

On Sunday I will attempt an entire "tsunami" in less than 15 minutes at the local taco joint. If I do it I get my picture on a wall (definitely) and diarrhea (most likely).

Wish me well. Or mock me. Either is appropriate.

rob said...

i believe that a liveblog of these events is in order. or at the very least, a bloggy recap.

zman said...

Release the hounds.

zman said...

And Mrs. TR is more than welcome to stay with us this weekend so that she can avoid the flatulent aftermath of your gastronomic plans.

rob said...

this is huge:

http://www.valleycentral.com/news/story.aspx?id=567004

the zodiac calendar has changed. i've gone from a gemini to a taurus. i feel so conflicted. but i'm bullish about it.

zman said...

I'm a Pisces? Smells fishy to me.

mayhugh said...

Where's The Cape review?

Million Dollar Money Drop is a colossal misfire.

T.J. said...

I no read post

Tubby Smith's boys are legit

Purple monkey dishwasher

TR said...

F that new zodiac list. Scorpio for life!

T.J. said...

The "pacino as non-corrupt cop" film?

TR said...

Kevin Harlan's blazer is making my eyes bleed.

Mark said...

Good evening, Gents.

http://tinyurl.com/4fe85d5

zman said...

I'm working one something with a prof from U of F and he's superb.

Shlara said...

are the Wizards EVER going to get a road win this season????

T.J. said...

15-1 wolves to end game

Shlara said...

I'd like to trade Blatche for Kevin Love.

Mark said...

I'd trade my first born for Kevin Love. Admittedly, I don't actually know where my first born currently lives but the point remains.

Greg said...

Ho-Tran Hewes of Port Arthur, TX would love to meet you.

Igor said...

1. I am more of a Virgin than ever.

2. Rob, you are smart enough to embed a link.

3. Portland is blowing this lead against LMU.