Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Dave Turns Forty and Admits His Lego Theory is Wrong

I once floated the hypothesis that "handiness" is in inverse proportion to time spent building Lego kits. I based this (as I do all my theories) on little or no evidence, just a gut feeling. Legos logically snap together like nothing else in the universe: they don't behave like wood, metal, sheet rock, linoleum, or plaster. They don't warp, crack, drip, bend, shift, or settle. The instructions for a Lego Kit are detailed, precise, chronological, and aesthetically beautiful. Unlike the cryptic diagram on the back of the guitar mount I just installed into our plaster wall-- which, needless to say, I mounted in a horribly crooked fashion. I was a great Lego builder when I was a kid, and-- as my theory predicts-- I am not very handy.

But I turned 40 today, and I am old enough to admit I am wrong. Here is the Black Swan that utterly destroys my unsupported abstraction.

20 comments:

Mark said...

I have to agree with Dave. I too, was a prolific Lego builder as a child and am now completely fucking useless as a handyman. Never considered the reasons why, but I like Dave's logic as it allows place the blame for yet another of my faults squarely at the feet of my parents. Thanks a lot, dicks.

zman said...

I never played with Legos and I'm handy as hell.

Mark said...

No Zoltan, you're "handsy". Easy to get mixed up there.

zman said...

Indeed. I'm often randy too.

d-train said...

i'm surprised to learn that i actually read a book that dave is reading.
another interesting tidbit from that book (superfreakomics) - childseats for kids 2+ are a f'ing scam...not necessary - seatbelts just as effective.

TR said...

While they may be a scam, they are required by Johnny Law.

zman said...

Just put the kids in the trunk and the cops won't even see them.

Dave said...

i just started the book. i'm going to get really angry when i read the child seat part-- those things are the absolute bane of my existence.

the only positive is that now my kids know how to swear really well, from listening to me while i fasten them in.

i do not believe zoltan is handy. people say anything on the internet.

Geoff said...

I feel strongly that I am the least handy guy around these parts. Those who know me well will agree. Keeping with the theme, I had no shortage of legos as a child.

zman said...

I had an RC car that required constant repair so I know my way around the business end of a Craftsman toolkit.

mayhugh said...

I can hardly replace a toilet seat, but was a Lego afficionado.

I feel like anyone who didn't play with legos as a kid missed out big time. Best toy ever. If it was socially acceptable, I'd play with legos now. I might have some kids just so I can play with them again.

Mark said...

I know I said something very similar to this last week...but Florida could really use a win tonight (Vandy) to solidify an NCAA berth.

Squeaky said...

I built all sorts of different things with Legos growing up and I'm as handy as can be. Gosh could I be a one in a million? Doubt it.

Mark said...

Regarding the relative lack of social acceptance of adult Legoing: I just recently found out that a guy I have played city league basketball with for 6 years (who is 6'7" 280 lbs and played for a couple years in Europe) and know fairly well still plays with Legos. Apparently, his entire garage is dedicated to some Lego city/world he works on constantly.

I cannot get over this. I find nearly impossible to think of him doing this without laughing hysterically.

T.J. said...

Florida...struuuugling....

rob said...

this is a donnybrook in gainesville

T.J. said...

I had never heard of this Jenkins freshman on Vandy, but he's on fire.

T.J. said...

I believe this is known as Chandler Parsons Time, no?

Dave said...

mark-- you must get a photo of this guy's lego city. undercover gheorghe work.

d-train said...

semi-handy but lazy is me...that is handy but too lazy to start the job. i recently installed a light sensor in one of our bathrooms (which i highly recommend) after wife bought said sensor back in november. i'd like to have another half dozen or so throughout the house but i don't feel like putting them in. have also installed bar lights. ceiling fans. and basic shelving. i also own a power washer which my wife bought me for father's day last year. she's so sweet. never got into legos though. i never had enough to build anything of significance - we were too poor for such luxuries.