Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Public Service Announcement


We've been one of the internet's leaders in tracking the menace lurking in the Swiss countryside. Frankly, we're concerned that not enough of you are listening. Hear me when I tell you that the large hadron collider is still lurking, and this week it announced its intent in clear terms.

The Large Hadron Collider set a new record for the creation of energetic particle beams this morning. The particle accelerator, which surpassed Fermilab’s Tevatron in December as the baddest atom smasher of them all, smashed its own record, charging particles to 3.48 trillion electron volts.
"Energetic particle beams", people. "The baddest atom smasher of them all." This makes Sarah Palin's death panels look like a frolic in the local wolf-shooting helicopter park. How the nutbag right and Dennis Kucinich haven't been whipped into a righteous froth about this issue completely blows my mind.

Remain calm, ladies and gentlemen, but remain diligent. Our very survival may depend upon it.

25 comments:

Dave said...

that wired article contains the oxymoronic phrase "spectacular tiny explosion" and also promises the possibility of "signals from the 11th dimension."

rob said...

see what i mean?

Geoff said...

New NFL overtime rules question: My team loses the coin toss, so we kickoff. We go with the onside kick...and recover. We then kick a field goal. Is the game over?

zoltan said...

I don't see the oxymoron. Something can be both tiny and spectacular. For instance, [insert name of G:TB staffer here]'s pecker.

TJ said...

Onuaku is not playing Thursday vs. Butler. If the Cuse can get by Butler, they really need Onuaku against Kansas St.

Mark said...

Butler is a bad matchup for them without Onuaku. They shoot and pass it well enough against that zone to give Cuse some trouble. One less big guy on the baseline should help out their ability to finish within the zone as well.

I still think Cuse wins though. Not that my opinion matters for shit.

rob said...

can anyone make a case for cornell keeping it close against kentucky?

Mark said...

Get ahead early by shooting the ball well and taking advantage of UK mental lapses due to Cornell's ability to run their offensive sets for long stretches of time.

By taking an early lead, force UK to press a little offensively and take some bad shots and commit some turnovers (which they are apt to do at times).

Use the lead and ability to run offense seamlessly for long stretches to slow the pace of the game down. Continue to hit high percentage of outside shots. Take care of ball late when UK starts to press full court. Hit free throws down the stretch.

Or something like that.

TR said...

Rob - watch Hoosiers.

Mark said...

I always knew TR was racist.

TJ said...

Cornell's seven footer is going to have major issues with Kentucky's athletic (and crazy) bigs.

TR said...

Polish Persians like me are racist because we are clearly superior. At something. I just can't figure out what it is. Farting?

Mark said...

TJ...you're not allowed to talk about SEC basketball. Not after you're "all Tennessee's got is Wayne Chism' in a headband comment from last week's podcast.

TJ said...

Wayne Chism's headband...and Steven Pearl. He's the difference maker.

Mark said...

Good point.

TJ said...

And Mark, watch out, the grumpy old apostrophe police might be knocking on your toweled door soon.

TJ said...

Huge third period so far for the Caps...

Mark said...

Another good point. I wasn't quite sure what to do with that.

TJ said...

Jose ThreeOrMore is 16-0-2 in his last 18 decisions. That's insane.

zoltan said...

I'm pretty sure this means I can't in good conscience keep Chris Johnson in my fantasy football league.

http://tinyurl.com/yjcpe8c

rob said...

tr's boy adam richman is eating fat sandwiches from the rutgers greasetrucks on tonight's episode of man vs. food. world's colliding.

Whitney said...

Rob just called to let me know that the currently airing episode of "Man vs. Food" features the host (the TR wanna be) challenged with putting down 5 Fat sandwiches at the Rutgers greasetrucks. Awesome.

TR said...

That's a repeat. Brooklyn boy fails. Shows what he gets for trying to throw down in NJ.

Whitney said...

To eat 5 fat sandwiches in 45 mins is beyond sick. But apparently people have done it. I ate a Fat Bitch and a cheesesteak & egg and i was full for 4 days.

TR said...

Everyone remember Janine Lindemulder? The uber-hot lesbo porn star who used to be married to Jesse James? Well she's in jail these days for income tax evasion. And to say she's busted is an understatement. Dyed red hair, sleeve of tats on her left arm, looking as old and gnarly as Madonna. Quite a bummer.

I shudder to think how Chasey Lain is doing these says. And Seka.