Thursday, March 11, 2010

There are smart criminals. And then there is this guy.

You are looking live at Wichita, Kansas:
WICHITA, Kan., March 9 (UPI) -- Kansas authorities said an injured man pulled over during a traffic stop told officers he was beaten for using Monopoly money to purchase drugs.

The Wichita Police Department said the 33-year-old man, whose name was not released, was bleeding from the head when he was pulled over Thursday and told officers he had recently used Monopoly money to purchase several hundred dollars worth of crack cocaine, KSDK-TV, St. Louis, Mo., reported Tuesday.

"The man from whom he had bought the drugs was upset and invited him over to his house and upon arrival struck him in the head several times with a handgun and other people jumped into the fray," police spokesman Gordon Bassham said.

Police said the victim's injuries were not life threatening and he has stopped cooperating with the investigation. However, officers said they are still searching for the man's attackers.
We need to pause for a moment here, the police spokesman apparently is a huge David Caruso fan and just couldn't resist his chance...
"That was not a get-out-of-jail-free card," Bassham said.
Oh yeah, last thing - we here at G:TB were able to obtain a photo of the culprit:

98 comments:

rob said...

acc tournament kicks off, big east and big 12 in full gear. alright alright alright.

TJ said...

Noon...Georgetown/Syracuse. Business lunch indeed.

Marls said...

The business of business is business.

zoltan said...

Milton Friedman: author of the 10 crack commandments.

Geoff said...

Traveling to the midwest always feels like you've gone back in time. I'm in St. Louis today and everything looks like its 1995 here. Why anyone would want to live in middle America is a mystery to me.

Oh, and thanks for voting Republican...

TJ said...

I hope you packed your Blessed Union of Souls CD. They were huge in '95.

zoltan said...

I moved to the Boston area in 1999 and everyone at work said I should go to the mall in Nashua, NH because it's huge and there's no sales tax in NH. So I went. I felt like I was on the set for Weird Science. Feathered hair, CB jackets, pegged jeans, Wigwam socks, mullets. It was like the Garden State Plaza circa 1987.

Whitney said...

Upon Rob's recommendation, I went back and rhead the rhombus from October. Well worth clicking here.

TJ said...

Greg's reply to Mark asking if he has a girlfriend gets me every time.

rob said...

i wouldn't steer you guys wrhong.

TJ said...

47 college hoops games today...I sense my afternoon work productivity might suffer even more than usual today.

TJ said...

Pour some out for Merlin Olsen...

zoltan said...

No way! Father Murphy died?

TJ said...

I would've went Jonathan Garvey there, but eh...

Marls said...

Would it be in bad taste to send an FTD "Pick Me Up" bouquet?

TJ said...

The news is gonna hit his good friend Ron Burgundy pretty hard.

Marls said...

Apparently, Merlin was a Sigma Chi. If he hadn't died, Joel Sherman would have tried to kick his ass.

Dave said...

who else knew that was a TJ post within seconds?

i feel TJ is planning some large caper, and has been doing continuous internet research on how not to go about it.

also, will the g:tb staffers, who seem to be extremely knowledgeable about college basketball, provide me with the answers to the NCAA tournament so that I can buy a new skimboard? i thank you in advance.

TJ said...

I've also seen every Law and Order ever made, multiple times, so trust me, my version of the perfect crime is going to be awesome.

rob said...

dave, blue mustang loves virginia tech.

Dave said...

is that some sort of code?

rob said...

some sort, yes.

TJ said...

Cuse looks good out of the gate...

TJ said...

Greg Monroe appears to want to pull a Glenn Robinson this game.

rob said...

i did some research last night in response to mark's assignment. i'm swamped today and have a proposal due by cob so i won't have time to post the whole thing. here's the salient snippet:

team a - 22-10, 60 rpi, 6-6 vs. rpi top 100 (3-2 vs. top 50), 15-3 vs. rpi 100+, wins vs. rpi 19, 25, 33, losses to rpi 235, 243, 266

team b - 23-8, 46 rpi, 7-5 vs. rpi top 100 (2-5 vs. top 50), 16-3 vs. rpi 100+, wins vs. rpi 41 (twice, in conference), losses to rpi 160, 173, 202

team c - 23-7, 49 rpi, 4-6 vs. rpi top 100 (3-4 vs. top 50), 18-2 vs. rpi 100+, wins vs. rpi 27, 33, 44, 45, worst loss rpi 120

team d - 22-9, 54 rpi, 3-7 vs. rpi top 100 (2-6 vs. top 50), 19-2 vs. rpi 100+, wins vs. rpi 36, 49

team e - 20-8, 36 rpi, 3-6 vs. rpi top 100 (2-5 vs. top 50), 17-2 vs rpi 100+, wins vs rpi 7, 48, loss to rpi 223

4 of these 5 teams are in according to joe lunardi. you differentiate them for me.

TJ said...

Dave, for a nominal fee I will assist you in obtaining this "skimboard" you speak of.

Mark said...

Apparently Dave's a 15 year old with a bad haircut and a worse attitude. Because those are the only people who ride skimboards around here.

zoltan said...

Team A lost more games than the other ones so it must be the worst team.

TJ said...

We all know the selection committee relies way too heavily on rpi, so for that reason alone Team A has no chance. I'm too lazy to look it up, but I'm pretty sure there has never been an at-large with an rpi above say 45.

TJ said...

Scoop Jardine...thank you for playing.

rob said...

illinois' rpi at the moment is 74 and most people think they're in. they are not one of the teams in the comparison - they've got 4 good wins (top 50) and only one bad loss (to rpi 156 utah).

TJ said...

OK, now I'm really curious then what the worst at-large rpi has been...

rob said...

i think there was an 80+ a few years back. air force, maybe?

Dave said...

i am the oldest, fattest, and hairiest skim-boarder on the beach. but that doesn't stop me.

and i certainly have a bad hair-cut and attitude.

TJ said...

Cuse shot 62 percent in first half...but only up 4. Ugh.

TJ said...

Rautins with the steam roller, eh.

TJ said...

Andy Rautins!!!

Mark said...

Andy Rautins is killing Georgetown right now. Just a clinic of offensive basketball.

Mark said...

Skim on, Dave. Skim on.

TJ said...

A note before the tourney starts: some dumbass broadcaster will say Syracse doesn't have much depth. To which I say, fuck off dummy. The Cuse actually has seven starters, so who gives a shit if they don't have an 8th man.
/teej done

zoltan said...

As I concluded reading TJ's rant, I imagined him chugging a beer at the end, then dropping the mic and storming away, a la Stone Cold Steve Austin.

TJ said...

Fucking A. Is Cuse gonna lose?

I have a 2pm conf call....fuuuuuuck

rob said...

goddamn is gheorghetown schizophrenic. they're gonna fuck up a ton of brackets this month.

dave, pick the hoyas to go to the final four. or lose in the first round.

TJ said...

Georgetown is insanely bipolar. I mean, even from half to half in the same game, I have no clue where to pick these guys.

TJ said...

Dammit rob.

TR said...

"In five years we'll all be working for him. Or dead by his hand."

rob said...

the business development guy who works for me just came into my office to tell me he needed to go home because he shit himself. i'm not kidding.

Whitney said...

Dave, I watched a little bit of a TV show last night that featured several interview clips with Merlin Olsen. I think I killed him, a la you and Graham Greene.

TR said...

Is Cuse still a 1 seed with a loss? I say maybe. I think Nova or WVU make a good case if they run the table in the tourney.

Duke as a 1 seed will be fun b/c they won't win 3 games in the tourney this year. I will miss Brian Zoubek. I'm pretty sure he's played there for the last 7 years. He'll be a stud in the pros. The Finnish pros, that is.

TJ said...

Where do you work, Shady Acres?

TJ said...

Why are we not getting Raf/Bilas/Sean McD for the Big East tourny?


This current crew makes me want to chug bleach.

zoltan said...

AWL regarding the shart. Out-loud, choking, coughing, snot-out-the-nose laughter.

TJ said...

TR, Cuse is still a one seed...unless Kansas State or Villanova win their respective conference tournaments. Then they might be bumped to the two line. Which, actually, is a fine place to be this year. A 2-4 seed will win it all this year. Teej juarantee.

mayhugh said...

Is it plausible said employee claimed shart just to go home and watch the games in peace? I could picture some of our esteemed colleagues here spinning a similar yarn.

TR said...

So Teej, you are basically saying maybe, like I did. Except you added a bunch of useless words at the end. Doofus indeed.

rob said...

the hoyas shot 58% against syracuse's zone? bipolar motherfuckers.

rob said...

mark, doubtful. he's an older guy who's never shown much interest in hoops.

TJ said...

OK then a-hole. They just lost. Now they are a 2 seed. As Dwayne Johnson might say, know your role, and shut your mouth.

TR said...

I sharted once at work about 10 years ago when peeing into a urinal. I slid into a stall, cleaned up and stealthily deposited the soiled undies in the garbage bin under the hand towels on the wall. I'm pretty sure I ruined the night of the cleaning person who had to deal with it.

rob said...

team b is losing to houston.

zoltan said...

I think Mayhugh is right. Whenever I used to call in sick for work I would claim that I had "intestinal issues" and no one wants to hear more about it.

rob said...

alabama came back from 17 down in the second half to beat south carolina. nice.

TJ said...

Miami is kicking Wake's ass.

rob said...

speaking of shitting yourself, taco bell is now offering the 'pacific shrimp taco'. discuss.

rob said...

that miami/wake result is bad for team a's rpi.

TJ said...

And knowing them, it costs like 27 cents? Why don't we discuss their pricing instead?

TJ said...

Yep. That was my point.

Marls said...

I once sharted at a bar and left the soiled undies in the toilet tank. Good times for the dude that had to fish them out. I hope he had a stick.

Marls said...

Comment 69.

Dave said...

rob, my son shit himself today at school, so you can console him that.

was merlin olsen the mutual of omaha wild kingdom guy? that's a big game kill!

i will google him.

rob said...

that was marlon perkins, dave

Dave said...

oops, that was marlin perkins. i loved that show.

Dave said...

and really, how much stupid shit are we supposed to keep in our heads these days. the singularity is approaching.

rob said...

marquette and villanova getting after it

TR said...

If you're a Browns fan and you hear your team is talking to Jake Delhomme, do you just buy a bottle of brown liquor on the spot? Or do you cringe and hope that Mangini's Brett Ratliff project may turn into something?

zoltan said...

I think Delhomme is the same thing as Anderson - a bad QB - but Delhomme is much cheaper. So Browns fans have to hope that Mangina has some super QB development plan that he gleaned from his days at Belichick's knee, and that Delhomme is just a stop-gap until the plan comes to fruition. Or until Mo Lewis hits Delhomme hard enough to puncture a lung.

TJ said...

I would watch "The Brett Ratliffe Project" on the Oxygen Network.

TJ said...

Trying to tie things together...will Ernie Kent be looking to co-sign on the lease with Lonnie Baxter when they try to get that duplex in Bowie?

TJ said...

And when you think about it, that tied things together about as well as Tues night's lost...Dr. Benjamin Linus my ass.

Mark said...

Anybody else think of Jules Winnfield whenever they see the 'Car Hop' Sonic commercial and they drop the "tasty burger" line?

TJ said...

Actually, I just get fucking pissed there ain't a Sonic within even a comical "Harold/Kumar" distance to the greater DC metroplex.

rob said...

they've got sonics in fredericksburg and winchester, teej.

Marls said...

PITTSNOGGLE!!!!

Just wanted to say that.

TJ said...

Ah yes. Fredericksburg. The greatest "tall highway sign" exit in the world.

Marls said...

Rusty LaRue

TJ said...

I don't understand Caroline at all. They might win tonight...and then win the whole shebang.

They might also go from tied up to 20 pt loss right now. So confused.

TJ said...

Or CarolinA.

rob said...

man, the bubble is just shitty enough to give the wrens a sliver of hope.

yeah, i know.

TJ said...

Seriously, what is in that briefcase?

rob said...

c'mon, tech. put carolina out of their misery.

rob said...

devin ebanks!!!

Mark said...

Is Cincinnati the worst shooting team ever?

TJ said...

For possibly the last time ever....

LaceDarius. Not even remotely a name.

Mark said...

Damn, this time slot in the Big East Tourney is good.

Shlara said...

Boo! I wanted OT!

rob said...

team d lost to stanford last night.

Mark said...

I was kind of rooting for OT too, Shlara. I wasn't too disappointed to end my night on a game winning 3 though.

TR said...

What about team deez?