Wednesday, March 10, 2010

NBA Tidbits

Some people say the NBA is Fantastic, especially as the regular season winds down and we anticipate a 19 month-long playoff session filled with three-hour games and studio shows with 19 "analysts" apiece. I concur, even if my favorite team is an embarrassment, its owner is more of a fat, pussy toad than Hideki Irabu and the team next door stinks even more. With no purpose or motive in mind, here are some nuggets to think about while you pick your nose and rub the boogies on the underside of your desk. A couple are inspired by a recent TBL story, but the rest were sowed from the author's curly crown.

The Milwaukee Bucks - They are 5 games over .500 and currently hold the 5th spot in the Eastern Conference. Andrew Bogut is having an exceptional year, averaging 16/10, shooting 53% from the field and blocking 2.5 blocks per game. He's only 25 years old, his stats have improved every year, and he still may have enough upside to justify the hefty contract he signed a couple years ago. And Brandon Jennings' retro hair experiments are just fantastic. I sincerely hope he starts a trend of NBA athletes bringing back the looks of the past. But not the short-shorts-over-spandex look. Sorry, Kenny.

LeBron versus Durant - One sweet side-plot to the end of the season is the race for the scoring title. LBJ currently leads, but the Mathematics Dept. at Gheorghe: The University tells us that Durant needs 52 in his next game, or 41 in each of his next two, to tie for the lead. Seems plausible. No charge for the long division.

The Nets Fail to Fail Well - It is somewhat enjoyable and depressing to watch the Nets continue to flounder at such an epic rate. Local viewers get to hear Marv Albert, Mike Fratello and Ian Eagle try to come up with positives in what has been a disaster of a season. However, the Nets are likely to continue winning just enough to avoid being the worst team ever. After a horrendous 4-43 start, the team has caught fire, winning 3 of its next 15 to raise its winning percentage from .085 to .113. That's a 33% increase. Let's see the Lakers do that. Alas, the team lost a squeaker to the Grizzlies the other night to start a new losing streak. The Nets need to finish 1-18 in their last 19 games to secure the worst record ever. And they have games against Philly, Sacramento, Detroit, Washington and Indiana. For the record, the Nets split the season series with the Knicks, two games apiece. Naturally.

The Charlotte Bobcats - Currently locked into the 7th or 8th place in the East. Say what you want about the emergence of Wallace and Felton and Stephen Jackson's Tommy Davidson nostrils, but nobody wants to watch this team in a playoff series. And by nobody, I mean me. Derrick Rose, please.

Battle of the Griffins - Taylor is clearly outplaying Blake this year. Taylor is averaging 1 ppg and 0.2 rpg more than his brother. Blake, however, is at least outperforming Eddie. And Eddie.

Battle of the Michael Jackson fans - In another sibling rivalry, Brook continues to outplay Robin, although Robin's hair is so damn awesome that I'm calling this one a draw.

Joe Smith - He is with his 11th team (singly counting his two T-Wolves stints) in his 15-year career. It's really amazing what a quasi-valuable lump of mush he's turned out to be, although you have to think he's a good locker room guy to have hung on so long. Chris Wilcox has big shoes to fill if he wants to be the greatest journeyman power forward from the University of Maryland. Meanwhile, Jerrod Mustaf is quietly crying into his Auntie Anne's pretzel on his lunch-break from the Rockville, Maryland Foot Locker where he works. And where Lonnie Baxter recently submitted an application.

Anthony Johnson - It's one thing to be a former #1 pick who settles into a long career as a role player. It's another when you're the 40th pick in the 1997 draft and you're still hanging around, despite peaking as an average back-up PG over five years ago. It shows you how valuable it is to have a PG who does things by the book. He is clearly the best player in the NBA who looks a lot like Beetlejuice. And I believe he is earning $2MM this year. Not bad. Some gems drafted ahead of him in the '97 Draft include Antonio Daniels (4), Ron Mercer (6), Brevin Knight (16), Chris Anstey (18), Paul Grant (20), Rodrick Rhodes (24), Serge Zwikker (30) and Charles O' Bannon (32).


TJ said...

Serge Zwikker!

Mark said...

As many of you know, I met Beetlejuice while interning in Cleveland. I was drunk when we met but I can tell you his brand of ugly can't be comprehended until you've seen him in person. Kind of like Popeye Jones in that way. Now...tell me another blog where Beetlejuice is compared to two different NBA (or former NBA) players?

That's the magic of G:TB.

Mark said...

And I, for one, would like to see the Bobcats in the playoffs. They're 3-1 versus Cleveland this year and I'd really like to see those two teams go head to head in Round 1. Gerald Wallace and capt. Jack form a nice defensive tandem against LeBron.

TR said...

But a playoff bid would enhance Larry Brown's reputation. And that carpetbagging d-bag is the wuuuuurst.

TJ said...

TR, good news, looks like Lonnie got a gig over at the Arundel Mills Orange Julius. Good for him.

TJ said...

It's been awhile since we've seen a guy have a more up and down college career than Edgar Sosa.

Mark said...

The Conference Tourney Final of the Year (so far) has got to belong to the Big Sky Conference.

With Montana down by 20 to Weber State at halftime ( Weber State), a different Anthony Johnson took over. He ended up with 42 of his team's 66 points as well as the game winner with 10 seconds left.