Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Dave Turns Forty and Admits His Lego Theory is Wrong

I once floated the hypothesis that "handiness" is in inverse proportion to time spent building Lego kits. I based this (as I do all my theories) on little or no evidence, just a gut feeling. Legos logically snap together like nothing else in the universe: they don't behave like wood, metal, sheet rock, linoleum, or plaster. They don't warp, crack, drip, bend, shift, or settle. The instructions for a Lego Kit are detailed, precise, chronological, and aesthetically beautiful. Unlike the cryptic diagram on the back of the guitar mount I just installed into our plaster wall-- which, needless to say, I mounted in a horribly crooked fashion. I was a great Lego builder when I was a kid, and-- as my theory predicts-- I am not very handy.

But I turned 40 today, and I am old enough to admit I am wrong. Here is the Black Swan that utterly destroys my unsupported abstraction.

20 comments:

Mark said...

I have to agree with Dave. I too, was a prolific Lego builder as a child and am now completely fucking useless as a handyman. Never considered the reasons why, but I like Dave's logic as it allows place the blame for yet another of my faults squarely at the feet of my parents. Thanks a lot, dicks.

zoltan said...

I never played with Legos and I'm handy as hell.

Mark said...

No Zoltan, you're "handsy". Easy to get mixed up there.

zoltan said...

Indeed. I'm often randy too.

Dan said...

i'm surprised to learn that i actually read a book that dave is reading.
another interesting tidbit from that book (superfreakomics) - childseats for kids 2+ are a f'ing scam...not necessary - seatbelts just as effective.

TR said...

While they may be a scam, they are required by Johnny Law.

zoltan said...

Just put the kids in the trunk and the cops won't even see them.

Dave said...

i just started the book. i'm going to get really angry when i read the child seat part-- those things are the absolute bane of my existence.

the only positive is that now my kids know how to swear really well, from listening to me while i fasten them in.

i do not believe zoltan is handy. people say anything on the internet.

Geoff said...

I feel strongly that I am the least handy guy around these parts. Those who know me well will agree. Keeping with the theme, I had no shortage of legos as a child.

zoltan said...

I had an RC car that required constant repair so I know my way around the business end of a Craftsman toolkit.

mayhugh said...

I can hardly replace a toilet seat, but was a Lego afficionado.

I feel like anyone who didn't play with legos as a kid missed out big time. Best toy ever. If it was socially acceptable, I'd play with legos now. I might have some kids just so I can play with them again.

Mark said...

I know I said something very similar to this last week...but Florida could really use a win tonight (Vandy) to solidify an NCAA berth.

cgormley said...

I built all sorts of different things with Legos growing up and I'm as handy as can be. Gosh could I be a one in a million? Doubt it.

Mark said...

Regarding the relative lack of social acceptance of adult Legoing: I just recently found out that a guy I have played city league basketball with for 6 years (who is 6'7" 280 lbs and played for a couple years in Europe) and know fairly well still plays with Legos. Apparently, his entire garage is dedicated to some Lego city/world he works on constantly.

I cannot get over this. I find nearly impossible to think of him doing this without laughing hysterically.

TJ said...

Florida...struuuugling....

rob said...

this is a donnybrook in gainesville

TJ said...

I had never heard of this Jenkins freshman on Vandy, but he's on fire.

TJ said...

I believe this is known as Chandler Parsons Time, no?

Dave said...

mark-- you must get a photo of this guy's lego city. undercover gheorghe work.

Dan said...

semi-handy but lazy is me...that is handy but too lazy to start the job. i recently installed a light sensor in one of our bathrooms (which i highly recommend) after wife bought said sensor back in november. i'd like to have another half dozen or so throughout the house but i don't feel like putting them in. have also installed bar lights. ceiling fans. and basic shelving. i also own a power washer which my wife bought me for father's day last year. she's so sweet. never got into legos though. i never had enough to build anything of significance - we were too poor for such luxuries.