Thursday, October 29, 2009

The Ghoogles: Jerk Store Edition

I can only hope we were able to help at least a few of these world wide web wanderers:
  • did he just say making fuck
  • richard porcello
  • artie moreno is a jerk
  • barry beck destroyer of men
  • be set free langhorne slim blogger
  • ogie oglethorpe slapshot
  • what does William va look like
  • langhorne slim
  • "mississippi state""florida""cowbells"
  • gheorghe blog
  • a-rod jerk
  • langhorne slim christianity
  • jimmy clausen asshole
  • the 10 top high schools in Montreal 2009
  • avaya
  • joe table
  • Shaken Heads Live Earth 07 da Sidney
  • Ruth! Ruth! Baby! Ruth!
  • It's business drunk. It's kinda like rich drunk.
  • he is extremely round
  • www. whitneypedia.com
  • pandemic vs epidemic
  • winner winner chicken dinner bing Crosby
  • Todd Bouman
  • a rod is a jerk
  • joe table
  • REAL tomato ketchup?
  • a rod is a jerk
  • pandemic vs epidemic
  • feliz cumpleanos comments with beer bottle
  • Melanie rodriguez gulfstream park
  • don't like people who hate dogs
While I'm here, how 'bout some "celebrity" news?
You can't keep good golfer and huge Mill-e-wah-que fan Alice Cooper down. That's right, G:TB fav and Callaway pitchman Alice Cooper is back just in time for his favorite holiday with this "direct-to-the-web" video entitled "Keepin' Halloween Alive".

Thanks Alice. Perhaps next time change the title to the more accurate "Desperate to Keep my Floundering Career Alive". Truth in advertising, or something.
********
And the latest from Nico Toscani...well, I mean, sometimes the joke isn't even required, right?

"The headline is true, aging martial arts celebrity Steven Seagal, a deputy sheriff for 20 years is now starring in a reality TV show called Steven Seagal, Lawman, debuting on the A&E network."

Yep, can't lie, I will be tuning in December 2nd to see this latest version of trainwreck tv.

39 comments:

Whitney said...

Wow, www.whitneypedia.com -- I'm so far from prolific enough to split from the G:TB group. It'd be like Paul Simonon leaving the band after London Calling to make a go of it on his own.

Mark said...

Or like David Caruso leaving NYPD Blue.

Also, I feel like I've really missed an opportunity for G:TB by not delving deeper into the Todd Bouman fan fiction series. I need to find the time (and motivation) to get that thing up and running again.

TR said...

I also missed out on my opportunity to write my opus - a detailed preview of the 2009-10 Knicks. But since they lost a squeaker* to the Heat last night, it's probably not necessary now.

*They lost a heartbreaker by 22 points in a game that wasn't even that close. But, on the plus side, Danilo G. was bombing three pointers...after they fell down by 30. The Knicks shot 10 of 39 from behind the arc. For those of you scoring at home, that's a 26% rate. This team has a good shot at losing 60 games.

Whitney said...

So if I'm John Kelly (Caruso), does that make Rob our Sipowicz? Teejay is Medavoy, Mark is Martinez, TR is Bobby Simone, Dennis is Ricky Schroder and Zoltan is Mark-Paul Gosselaar. Dave is the gay receptionist, or every perp on the show.

Whitney said...

Somebody take TR up on his Knicks claim... hey, wait a minute! Teej, you owe me a case of beer for the Nats, buddy. Let's get together soon and throw 'em back.

Dan said...

i guess i'm still dan.

Whitney said...

Dan would be a good Medavoy, actually. And Shlara is Donna Abandando.

That makes Rob Lieutenant Fancy and TJ is Sipowicz. That makes much more sense.

Mark said...

I've never heard of any of these people. But, I assume I've been cast as the Hispanic guy since I'm from Florida.

Also, TR, I haven't watched much of the Knicks in the preseason but I don't think they'll lose 60. How about a little bet? I'll take total number of Magic wins, you take the total number of Knicks losses. Whoever ends up with the hire number wins. Loser owes the winner a case of beer (winners choice)...you game?

TR said...

In on the bet, although it's not a good one. I can see that squad winning more than the 59 they won last year. But the VC factor may hold the squad back.

Another reason to factor in the Knicks' terribleness is that just about every player is in a contract year. Guys will be all about padding their own stats instead of playing team basketball. That's why David Lee took so many bad shots last year. His FG percentage wasn't terrible b/c he had so many dunks and tip-ins, but he would hoist terrible 15 footers all the time. Look for Nate Robinson, Harrington, Duhon, etc. to do the same in losing efforts.

zoltan said...

Pedro is still humble:

"I don't know if you realize this, I might be at times the most influential player that ever stepped in Yankee Stadium. I can honestly say that," Martinez said. "I have all the respect in the world for the way they enjoy being fans. Sometimes they might be giving you the middle finger, just like they will be cursing you and telling you what color underwear you're wearing. But at the end of the day, they're just great fans that want to see the team win. I don't have any problem with that."

Mark said...

I agree it's not a good bet. First because the Magic should be close to as good or better this year with a healthy Jameer Nelson. Also, Hedo had plenty of shit games last year and I don't see Vince mailing his normal amount of games in on this team. They have too many other options and leaders, Van Gundy will just sit Jim. The second reason it's a bad bet is that we're highly unlikely to ever meet each other.

As for the Knicks, D'Antoni system encourages guys to take quick shots. Those guys will all take plenty of bad shots but no more than they wouldve with good contracts. Their style will allow them to win a few games they shouldn't and I think they end 27-55.

Whitney said...

What about the G:TB Summit? I hear it's right around the corner!

TJ said...

Right after the Cauc Hop live finale...

rob said...

from my sister, reporting from the front lines of the world's largest outdoor cocktail party:

You and the rest of the G:TB'ers are missing one heck of a mullet fest down here in my fair city. Wow. The rednecks and sorority girls have outdone themselves this year. If I have to look at another girl wearing a big bow and a t-shirt that says "Mrs. Tebow" on it, I may puke. Yee-ikes.

zoltan said...

A guy I work for, who is arguably the smartest person I ever met, just told me "you had a little Beavis and Butthead going on there" after a telephone conference. Not good times.

Mark said...

Were you just snickering and making inappropriate comments during the conference call?

As for Jacksonville, I won't be in there this weekend for only the 2nd time in a decade and I'm pretty pissed about it. Its an all around awesome weekend. Tons of people (all Florida or Georgia fan), tons of booze, tons of parties and it always falls right near Halloween which adds a certain level of chaos and jackassery to the proceedings. At some point, I encourage you all to attend. As TJ can attest, its well worth it.

Shit, last year Greg slept outside in a hammock outside my buddy's house on Friday night. I slept on a couch at my buddy's house despite the fact that we had a hotel room for the entire weekend. And that was just the lead up to game day.

zoltan said...

The subject of the telephone call was sperm.

Mark said...

Well...how were you expected to react? You're not made of stone.

TJ said...

GA/FLA is an amazing good time. I wish I could fine Slater's one comment recap on that weekend in the 'House archives...it was thrift at it's best.

TJ said...

And when I was there with Mark, he still liked baseball quite a bit...probably 'cause his Cardinals were about to win a World Series, but who am I to guess...

Mark said...

Listen, I like baseball. I worked for a minor league baseball team for two years.

My entire immediate family (other than me) was born in St. Louis. Most of my extended family still lives there. I've watched most of the postseason baseball games this year, as I normally do.

As a sport though, it began to lose my full interest as I got older. Basketball and football took on greater importance to me and the length of the baseball season made it harder for me to care as much since, unlike when I was a kid and watched TBS and WGN all the time in the summer, I had things worth doing in the summer once I reached my late teens and beyond.

Now, that's not nearly as fun as shitting on baseball everytime Rob, Whitney, TR or TJ mention it in this space, is it? So, there you go. Baseball's (much) higher than hockey on my list but it's got the pro and college versions of football and basketball to compete with and, unfortunately, I have things to do in my life other than drink, smoke and watch sports.

Mark said...

The point of mentioning my St. Louis family ties was to say I come from a baseball family. I buy my Dad the Extra Innings package every year for his birthday and attend a couple spring games every year. I just don't enjoy immersing myself in it like I do with basketball and football.

Mark said...

Not quite sure why I felt the need to justify anything in my life to TJ...

Jerry said...

If I recall correctly, Sparky barely even noticed the World Series when we were in Jax. That not a criticism either. There was a lot happening in the real world -- TV took a back seat that weekend.

Jerry said...

At 10:47 AM, Blogger slats said...

Here you go:

The Landing; Florida; Georgia; blood; Papa John’s; Hyatt; rain; apples; hot girls; “you’re a douche bag!”; Garcia; Cheney; punches; sweetie; power room; “meet me at the library, it’s goin’ down”; urine; beer; pictures; fish sperm vitamins; Macaulay Culkin; groping; gay bracelets; back that ass up; Jerry humping a trash bin; jean shorts checkpoint; Vodka Guy; Red Bull; crime scene in 1408; TJ’s still looking for an ATM; cops; buffet; Greg’s “what?!?”; grimy sandals…..

At 11:05 AM, Blogger Mark said...

I'd like to add:

Sketchy gas station; Socks; Crown Royal; nosebleeds; power naps; my wardrobe frightens and confuses Jerry; 9 deep; Rahzel; crapping in a Port-a-john; Cooper snores; Jerry grinding on a married woman; Freds got slacks

At 11:08 AM, Blogger TJ said...

Oh man...the "Fred's got slacks" bit slays...

...also add Popeyes fried chicken, a lime, "we're gonna shit on you", the Bama license plate, and the beefiest airport to hotel car ride in the history of ever.

Mark said...

Jerry's right. I paid enough attention to the World Series on Thursday night but I don't think I watched 6 total outs on Friday.

In fact, Jerry had to tell me the Cardinals were about to win the World Series on Friday night as I was so engrossed in the revelry and scene of the Friday night before UF-UGA at the Landings that I had no idea what was going on.

Greg said...

It rained on that trip?

Mark said...

It rained buckets late Friday night. I'm pretty sure Jerry got soaked whilst going to get late night pizza.

Also, G:TB just isn't the same at night when TJ doesn't have his Blackberry.

Mark said...

McCarver called the pace of this game "methodical". I would've gone with "snailish".

Mark said...

AJ Burnett has probably given 1/2 a dozen pitching coaches ulcers. So much talent and such a fucking flake.

Mark said...

Virginia Tech is locked in wa to tight of a game with UNC. Yep, it's almost November so the Hokies are due for a shitty loss or two.

Mark said...

Get Pedro out Gra...I mean Charlie...

Mark said...

Wait...is Charlie Manuel going as Grady Little for Halloween?

Mark said...

Tarheels win. Virginia Tech is like fucking clockwork.

Mark said...

There HAS to be instant replay in baseball next year. The games take forever anyway, what could be the possible argument against it?

TR said...

Oh my Lord. Umps blow another one. Howard had no reason to throw to second unless he knew he dropped it. If he knew he caught it, he would've run to first to double off Jorge. Should've been bases loaded with one out.

Jerry said...

I have it on good authority that Howard tries to avoid running at all costs.

TR said...

The best McCarver is a silent McCarver.

TR said...

Does "good authority" mean you've noticed his 40" waist?