Friday, November 07, 2008

GTB's Week 10 NFL Picks: Revenge of the Doofus Overlord

Jacksonville @ Detroit (-7)
Remember when everybody was picking Jacksonville for the Super Bowl? Remember when David Garrard was the league's next up and coming QB? Remember when Jack The River was considered one the league's brightest young coaches? Okay, scratch that last one. The point here is that Jacksonville was supposedly a team on the rise coming into this year. However, a slew of injuries has decimated this team and quickly exposed them as a unit that's not nearly as good as many thought. The injuries to the Jaguar O-Line have severely weakend Jacksonville's ability to run the ball and placed a ton of pressure on David Garrard which has exposed the former East Carolina signal caller as an average passer (Jeff Blake he is not) who's best when he can take advantage of defenses stacking the box to stop Maurice Jones-Drew and Fred Taylor. Garrard's middling ability coupled with the paucity of playmakers within the Jaguar receiving corps has rendered Jacksonville's offense a punchless unit, unable to make up for a defense that's no longer as fierce as in year's past due to the loss of key players because of injury and free agency defection. So, you see...it shouldn't surprise anybody that Jacksonville sucks this year. With that said, Jacksonville is a long way from being as bad as Detroit and there's no way that Daunte Culpepper is agile enough (physically or mentally) to come out handle a Jaguar team still clinging to the slimmest of playoff hopes. Jacksonville's season is over if they lose in Motown, so take the Jags.

Kansas City @ San Diego (-15)
When the hell are people going to realize that San Diego just isn't that good? The defense is completely average without Shawne Merriman 'roid raging his way to the QB off the edge and it sure seems like LT has hit the wall - he's Eddie George'd (As in: No, he's done. Totally Eddie George'd). I know we're supposed to believe that his lack of production is all due to his toe injury, but I'm not buying it. He's accrued (ed note: nice, an accounting shoutout) a ton of mileage over the past 5-6 years and running backs can only withstand that kind of usage and pounding for so long before they completely fall apart (kind of like porn stars...where art thou Kobe Tai?). Meanwhile, Tyler Thigpen isn't all that bad. He's got a lot of Josh McCown in him and can make plays with his legs and arm. On top of that, the Chiefs found some success in the run game last week by using Jamaal Charles in the Wildcat, as the Bucs allowed a 100 yard rusher for the first time all year. I've got a feeling that Herm Edwards can inspire the troops enough to keep them from losing by two TDs. That hope we can all believe in. Yes We (the Chiefs) Can!

New Orleans @ Atlanta (-0.5)
Why does a 0.5 line exist? I mean are the odds makers such pussies that they worry about a tie? C'mon, you're just doing this to annoy me aren't you? Moving on, the Saints, like Playboy magazine and the good ole US of A, will click despite the absence of Bush. A matchup of MVP vs. Rookie of the Year will be an intriguing story. But, the veteran will prevail here - Saints win 27.5-27.

Green Bay @ Minnesota (-2.5)
This will be an interesting game of polar opposite offensive attacks. The Pack will rely heavily on Rodgers' arm against a suspect (with pardons to Mr. Sharper) secondary, while the Vikings will ride A-Pete's back as long as he can hold them up. This is probably a field goal game, so the 2.5 points the Vikes lay doesn't scare me here. Minny wins it 23-20; possibly in overtime.

Carolina @ Oakland (+9)
I see in my local fishwrap that Redskins owner Little Starfucker has expressed interest in DeAngelo Hall. The same DeAngelo Hall that just got cut by the Raiders. The same Raiders who just got pantsed by the Falcons and currently define train wreck in an NFL context. So we're almost assured of seeing Hall in maroon and black by this time next week. Well, 6-3 cures a lot of ills. Bygones. (Yeah, that's right, I just dropped an Ally McBeal reference. Also, my name is TJ.)

Speaking of the Raiders, they suck. Did you see that game last week, Jack? They suck. Carolina, very quietly, doesn't suck. The Raiders, though, suck. A lot. More than 10 points worse than the Panthers, in fact.

I'm TJ, and I approve this message.

100 comments:

rob said...

a little worried about lsu. not gonna sugarcoat it.

feels good to get that off my chest.

TJ said...

So, only rob and Mark made picks this week? Other than my apparent phantom backing of Single Female Lawyer that is.

rob said...

dennis was also involved.

Mark said...

I think your fears are well founded Rob. Just be happy its not a night game.

Greg said...

Why did I feel the need for TWO cheesesteaks last night? As though I could EVER conclude the Pat's vs. Geno's debate.

rob said...

hail to the chiefs.

rob said...

greg, did someone say to you, "betcha can't eat just one"?

Mark said...

The same reason you had a steak and an enormous gyro on Friday night in Jacksonville, I presume.

TJ said...

He has a tapeworm?

rob said...

the skins signed hall. un fucking believable. you can't even make this shit up anymore.

Mark said...

By definition I don't think its unbelievable. Quite the opposite, in fact. Didn't you predict this yourself?

rob said...

rationality in sports fandom was never my strong suit.

you're my least favorite internet friend i've never actually met in person, mark.

Greg said...

And I know what TJ is thinking: "Whatever happened to the BK Whaler? That was so money."

TJ said...

Greg, it's called the BK Big Fish. Never went away.

TJ said...

Hello folks from a Lionel Richie performance...

Greg said...

Has he done "Runnin' with the Night" yet?

TJ said...

I'll tell you what, that guy can fucking bring it...

Rhymenocerous said...

I'm going to go out on a limb and say two of the three undefeateds will lose tonight. If you put a gun to my head, I'd say Penn State and Texas Tech go down. Tech is facing a letdown game of immense proportions and Penn State may get in trouble if they allow a feisty Iowa squad to hang around.

Bama is much better than LSU. They should come out unscathed.

Mark said...

Rob...watch your back. I'm moving up on you in the Father (or Father type guy) of the Year discussion, as I'm currently preparing to host a "dance party" featuring 25+ 7 year olds for my gf's daughter's birthday.

To say I'll be ready for a stiff drink by the time LSU-Bama kicks off is more than a bit of an understatement.

Mark said...

Yeah, I think Tech is losing tonight as well. OK State is really, really good.

Mark said...

Holy shit this is a lot of fucking kids to deal with...

TJ said...

Now you know how Shawn Kemp feels.

Mark said...

Except I don't have a bag of blow in my pocket.

Mark said...

Looks like the Wheelhomos are having trouble getting their picks up. If they don't get them up by 12 pm tomorrow that constitutes a forfeit, right?

Mark said...

That UGA-UK game was a lot more exciting than I expected.

Mark said...

Worried yet, Rob?

TJ said...

Tennessee lost at home to Wyoming? Yikes.

TJ said...

Verne doesn't sound too enthused doing the "Eleventh Hour" reads.

TJ said...

If tiny wasn't worried before he should be now...

rob said...

alabama's making the kind of mistakes that lose football games. so, yeah, a little bit worried. i wish jpw wasn't so...what's the word i'm looking for

rob said...

case in point. nice 3rd and short execution.

rob said...

gift touchdown. gracias, mr. lee.

Mark said...

Nobody, and I mean nobody throws more pick sixes than Jarrett Lee. By my count, thats 7 so far this year.

Mark said...

By the way, I couldn't enjoy the 2008 Tennessee Volunteer football season more.

rob said...

ohhhh julio, keep your feet.

TJ said...

from the theater of the absurd file, I am currently at SeaWorld at a luau.

Mark said...

TJ looks like the kind of guy you'd see at a luau.

Mark said...

A cheesy corporate luau, of course.

rob said...

mahalo, shamu

TJ said...

And tomorrow night I'm at Universal Studios.

Greg said...

And last night you were runnin' with the night, playin' in the shadows, it was so right.

TJ said...

36-24-36...it's a winning hand.

Mark said...

Who knew Greg was such a Lionel Richie fan. He should hang out with my gf more. She and I once had a spirited discussion over the merits of Michael Jackson vs. Lionel Riche. It nearly ended our relationship.

Mark said...

Also, could Alabama possibly have a shittier ad than that "Crimson is" bullshit they're running this year? I say no.

For my money no college's ad is as good as the Gator Nation ad. Though, I'm admittedly biased.

Mark said...

Teej...if you're gonna be at Universal, make sure to ride the Hulk rollercoaster. Effin' awesome.

rob said...

the gator nation ad is pretty good, no question.

you were on the michael jackson side, i hope.

Mark said...

You're damn right I was.

rob said...

zook lost to western michigan - that must bum you right out, mark.

Mark said...

The list of players in the SEC who I badly want to be Gators isn't a long one but Andre Smith is on the top of that list.

Mark said...

Yeah, it does. Almost as much as every time I see Fat Phil choke back tears during his press conference.

TJ said...

He's not fat, he's big boned.

And fat.

rob said...

wow - perfect blitz.

rob said...

that's a bullet dodged

Mark said...

There are a lot of things I love about being a Gator but the fact that we don't do the whole put up four fingers at the end of the 3rd quarter is one my favorite.

TJ said...

Orlando tap water is fucking horrendous. Its worse than DC tap water.

Mark said...

Indeed it is TJ, indeed it is.

Mark said...

That should've been a pick, tipped ball or not.

TJ said...

Fellas, can I get some score updates please.

Mark said...

21-14 Bama. 34-20 FSU.

Mark said...

What the hell has happened to Bama's secondary?

Mark said...

TJ...Penn State just lost to Iowa on a last second FG. 24-21. Can't say I'm broken up about that.

Greg said...

Wow!!! Iowa.

Mark said...

Halfway to RhymeO's prediction...

Greg said...

Yes. Well done Rhymo.

Mark said...

Here's a little SEC inside info for you...Terrance Tolliver (the WR who's killing Bama all the sudden) is barely literate. Like, needed a personal tutor to pass high school english literate.

Mark said...

TJ...PSU-Iowa was 24-23. Still the same end result though.

Mark said...

And Rob's conspicuous by his absence lately...

Greg said...

Wow!....LSU.

Mark said...

Wow...thats too bad that Parker's run got flagged. That was impressive. I had no idea he had that in him.

Mark said...

You what I'd like? If somebody would pull a Bernard Pollard on Favre in that touch football Wrangler commercial.

rob said...

was manning the grill and feeding the family. that penalty is a dagger. again with the mistakes that cost games. bad feeling here.

Mark said...

Yeah, I wouldn't feel good if I was you either. Though, Lee's just as likely to give this game away as he is to take LSU down the field for the game winner.

rob said...

slowwww down. no need to hurry here.

rob said...

if this challenge isn't upheld, that's some powerfully bad coaching.

Mark said...

Thats a horrible challenge. What the hell was Les Miles hoping to accomplish there?

Mark said...

I've always maintained that Miles is an idiot and a completely overrated game coach. That challenge and use of two timeouts certainly helps back up my case.

rob said...

he was attempting to confuse the officals.

Mark said...

Rob...whats your confidence level in Tiffin here, on the standard 1-10 scale?

Mark said...

Nice of CBS to freeze the kicker since Miles couldn't...

Mark said...

JEE-ZUS...

rob said...

mis. take.

fuuuuuuuuuuck.

they really don't deserve to win this game.

rob said...

and mark, my confidence level was pretty high. that was terrible.

Mark said...

Ricky Jean-Francois will certainly make a living in the NFL on special teams if nothing else.

Mark said...

Francois made a nice play but Tiffin didn't get nearly enough height on that kick.

rob said...

agreed - that's on tiffin.

Mark said...

Julio down by the goal line...

rob said...

okay, let's see how they fuck this up.

late edit: julio!

Mark said...

Teams that win championships win games they aren't supposed to. See: Florida v. South Carolina 2006.

rob said...

woooooooo!

man, they didn't deserve that, but i ain't complaining.

rob said...

i was just thinking the same thing, mark.

though i still think florida hammers this alabama team if they both go in playing the way they are now.

Mark said...

Agreed. Still a lot of football 'til we get there though.

Mark said...

I'm off to watch Florida play Vandy. Lets hope its not nearly as close as this game was.

TJ said...

Someone want to check on Dennis?

TJ said...

Is Zac Robinson the guy Gundy so vehemently defended in his epic "I'm A MAN...I'm 40" presser?

Geoff said...

If Jerome gets some picks up, we'll go with those. If he doesn't, we'll take the opposite of you homos in every game you picked.

Mark said...

Jeremetrius has picks up and has had for awhile, Danielle.

And TJ, no. The QB that Gundy was defending was Bobby Reid, who has since left the program.

Rhymenocerous said...

Teej:

I was at Universal for a conference function on Thursday night. They had an open bar and 4 sick rides open for the 300 people there. The Spiderman 3-D ride was amazing and the Hulk roller coaster was waaaay bad ass. Thankfully, the Hulk wasn't longer than a minute or so because I was at least 7 beers deep when I strapped in. Coulda been messy...

Rhymenocerous said...

I missed Mark's earlier comments on the Hulk. It has the best start to any roller coaster I've ever been on. Totally caught me by surprise.

Mark said...

Rhyme-O's right. The Hulk is, indeed, bad ass.


Rhyme...did any of my recommendations come in handy?

Mark said...

So...apparently DeAngelo Hall invited a bunch of Falcons players over to his house for a BBQ last weekend and none of them showed up. That's fantastic. I can see why the 'Skins just had to have a guy like that in their locker room.