GTB's Week 10 NFL Picks: Revenge of the Doofus Overlord

Jacksonville @ Detroit (-7)

Remember when everybody was picking Jacksonville for the Super Bowl? Remember when David Garrard was the league's next up and coming QB? Remember when Jack The River was considered one the league's brightest young coaches? Okay, scratch that last one. The point here is that Jacksonville was supposedly a team on the rise coming into this year. However, a slew of injuries has decimated this team and quickly exposed them as a unit that's not nearly as good as many thought. The injuries to the Jaguar O-Line have severely weakend Jacksonville's ability to run the ball and placed a ton of pressure on David Garrard which has exposed the former East Carolina signal caller as an average passer (Jeff Blake he is not) who's best when he can take advantage of defenses stacking the box to stop Maurice Jones-Drew and Fred Taylor. Garrard's middling ability coupled with the paucity of playmakers within the Jaguar receiving corps has rendered Jacksonville's offense a punchless unit, unable to make up for a defense that's no longer as fierce as in year's past due to the loss of key players because of injury and free agency defection. So, you see...it shouldn't surprise anybody that Jacksonville sucks this year. With that said, Jacksonville is a long way from being as bad as Detroit and there's no way that Daunte Culpepper is agile enough (physically or mentally) to come out handle a Jaguar team still clinging to the slimmest of playoff hopes. Jacksonville's season is over if they lose in Motown, so take the Jags.

Kansas City @ San Diego (-15)

When the hell are people going to realize that San Diego just isn't that good? The defense is completely average without Shawne Merriman 'roid raging his way to the QB off the edge and it sure seems like LT has hit the wall - he's Eddie George'd (As in: No, he's done. Totally Eddie George'd). I know we're supposed to believe that his lack of production is all due to his toe injury, but I'm not buying it. He's accrued (ed note: nice, an accounting shoutout) a ton of mileage over the past 5-6 years and running backs can only withstand that kind of usage and pounding for so long before they completely fall apart (kind of like porn stars...where art thou Kobe Tai?). Meanwhile, Tyler Thigpen isn't all that bad. He's got a lot of Josh McCown in him and can make plays with his legs and arm. On top of that, the Chiefs found some success in the run game last week by using Jamaal Charles in the Wildcat, as the Bucs allowed a 100 yard rusher for the first time all year. I've got a feeling that Herm Edwards can inspire the troops enough to keep them from losing by two TDs. That hope we can all believe in. Yes We (the Chiefs) Can!

New Orleans @ Atlanta (-0.5)

Why does a 0.5 line exist? I mean are the odds makers such pussies that they worry about a tie? C'mon, you're just doing this to annoy me aren't you? Moving on, the Saints, like Playboy magazine and the good ole US of A, will click despite the absence of Bush. A matchup of MVP vs. Rookie of the Year will be an intriguing story. But, the veteran will prevail here - Saints win 27.5-27.

Green Bay @ Minnesota (-2.5)

This will be an interesting game of polar opposite offensive attacks. The Pack will rely heavily on Rodgers' arm against a suspect (with pardons to Mr. Sharper) secondary, while the Vikings will ride A-Pete's back as long as he can hold them up. This is probably a field goal game, so the 2.5 points the Vikes lay doesn't scare me here. Minny wins it 23-20; possibly in overtime.

Carolina @ Oakland (+9)

I see in my local fishwrap that Redskins owner Little Starfucker has expressed interest in DeAngelo Hall. The same DeAngelo Hall that just got cut by the Raiders. The same Raiders who just got pantsed by the Falcons and currently define train wreck in an NFL context. So we're almost assured of seeing Hall in maroon and black by this time next week. Well, 6-3 cures a lot of ills. Bygones. (Yeah, that's right, I just dropped an Ally McBeal reference. Also, my name is TJ.)

Speaking of the Raiders, they suck. Did you see that game last week, Jack? They suck. Carolina, very quietly, doesn't suck. The Raiders, though, suck. A lot. More than 10 points worse than the Panthers, in fact.

I'm TJ, and I approve this message.