Monday, July 01, 2013

Advice for Young Men

You and I never met Robert Littell. He passed away in 1963 after a career in letters, highlighted by a run as the senior editor of Reader's Digest (which meant a bit more then than now). But I think we'd get along with Mr. Littell handsomely.

In 1933, inspired by watching his then-seven year-old son climbing high into the branches of a tree, Littell penned a lengthy meditation on the things a young man should know to be a successful member of society. As he himself put it in an essay in Harper's, "What are those abilities, skills, or accomplishments, those extra-curricular proficiencies that every man should have in order to be rounded and self-sufficient, and when can he acquire them, and how?"

Many of Littell's 'extra-curricular proficiencies are those that would come immediately to most of our minds. Things like cook, drive a car, swim, and speak in public seem somewhat self-evident.

But Littell had an advanced sense of what it takes to be a man, whether during the Depression or now. As he writes:
American social habits being what they are, there is one indoor skill which seems to me not only far more important than bridge or dancing, but actually compulsory — drinking. A young man who could convince me that his lips really would never touch liquor might be let off my required course in drinking. But he would be an exceedingly rare bird, and alcohol is so much more evident a liquid in the United States than water that it is probably quite as necessary for a young man to learn how to drink as it is for him to learn how to swim. If the youth of the country had been taught how to drink, just as they were taught not to eat between meals or swallow before they had chewed, we should never have had Prohibition. It is a more difficult art than most, for every man reacts differently, and every man should know, long before the time when (according to our customs) he indulges in his first collegiate binge, whether liquor goes to his head, his legs, or his morals, whether he is the type that sings, fights, weeps, climbs lamp-posts, or pinches the girls. Furthermore, he should learn his capacity and stick within its limits; he should know something about the different kinds of drink, and which drinks produce chaos within him when mixed. By all means let him leave drink alone if he wants to. But since, nine times out of ten, he will drink, let him do so sensibly. 
Other than the 'stick within his limits' nonsense, I endorse Mr. Littell's advice wholeheartedly. Bear this great American in mind this week, gentlemen (and ladies, be sure to stay away from girl-pinchers), as you celebrate our great nation's independence. Since ten times out of ten, we will drink, let us do so sensibly-ish.

31 comments:

Dave said...

good advice. i have gotten much better at it over the years.

i am in the middle of one of those classic books that no one has read: john o'hara's "appointment in samarra." it is ALL about drinking, it takes place on Christmas during Prohibition in Pennsylvania, and it is about a man who does NOT know how to drink. not particularly long, very entertaining.

Marls said...

Happy July Georghies and greetings from western Michigan.

Off to the West Michigan Whitecaps game today and then hopefully to get a photo of Felch Street for Clarence's amusement.

Marls said...

Martin Brodeur is underrated as a douchebag. Between banging his sister-in-law and strong arming the devils into drafting his kid, methinks he is decidedly un-gheorghie.

zman said...

I have been known to sing, fight, weep, climb lamp-posts, AND pinch the girls whilst drunk. Further, booze goes to my head, legs, AND morals (to the extent that my meager consciense constitutes morality). What kind of drunk am I?

rob said...

god's own, z

rob said...

down goes serena! down goes serena!

this fortnight is a bloodbath.

Mark said...

I'm a forgetful but very friendly drunk. Which is a nice change of pace for those around me.

rootsminer said...

I have been know to sing a little when I drink, though if it's a professional engagement I typically refrain until afterwards.

rob said...

it occurs to me that mr kq may well have met robert littell. 'cause he's old, and all.

zman said...

Trolling for comments?

rootsminer said...

Marls, you should have crossed the pond to Glastonbury. Kenny Rogers played The Gambler...TWICE!!

http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2013/jun/30/kenny-rogers-glastonbury-2013-review

Danimal said...

just realized that i don't believe that i've ever had a dark'n stormy. am going to rotisserie a coupla chickens on the foathe - i think i'll have a couple while doing so.

Clarence said...

Make sure you get ginger beer, not ginger ale. This is not my usual snobbery, the taste is substantially different.

Gosling's now makes ginger beer, but any variety will likely do.

zman said...

I'm glad to see you've acknowledged your usual snobbery.

Danimal said...

it wouldn't be a dark'n stormy if it's with ginger ale now would it? come on clarence.

rob said...

ginger beer is something with which to experiment in the dark n stormy, though gosling's is more than acceptable. i've had some really spicy ginger beers that make the drink something special. of course, i can't remember any of their names. really hoping i can master clarence's recall exercises this year.

Clarence said...

Fair enough, Danimal. It'd be a dark 'n' shitty with ginger ale.

Clarence said...

Reed's ginger beer is one of the more popular brands, and pretty good. Great Uncle Cornelius's is a spicy little number. (Like Rita Moreno.)

zman said...

I expected your exemplary spicy little number would be rob.

Danimal said...

The Publix in our hood carries 4 or 5 different brands. I've always gone with the Reed's. I think I may have to get a little frisky and branch out this week.

Greg said...

That is what it takes to be a man? Sure, that....and a pair of testicles.

Greg said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mr KQ said...

I'll bite. I've been known to drink a little when I Naked Hitler, as well as Elephant Walk. Note to others with the Irish Disease (not the drinking one)- Place yourself about 2 back from the second row with the horse cock (Clarence?), garners less attention.

And that's why the guys in the car club call me the Cruiser.

Danimal said...

I am Irish but I know not of this "disease" you speak of. My wife says she is familiar.

rob said...

ah, yes, good old horse cock clarence. shetland pony, technically.

Clarence said...

I've been called horse cock many times.

Shlara said...

The Nets are keeping Blatche? We need a Garnett-Blatche reality show for next season-the destruction of a knucklehead.

TR said...

With the exception of the rape allegation, Blatche had a solid year.

Same can be said for Marls.

zman said...

Mals raped Blatche?

Danimal said...

Jamie Lynn-Sigler marries Cutter Dykstra, son of Leonard. That'll turn out fine I'm sure.

Clarence said...

For a wedding gift, maybe he will give her a car wash.