Thursday, July 03, 2008

It's the End of the World As We Know It

Sometime in August, a scientist at the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN) will flip a switch on the innocently named Large Hadron Collider, and millions of infinitesimal particles will race in opposite directions around a 17-mile tube. Two months or so later, many of them will collide, and a) scientists will begin learning an immense amount about the physical world or, b) the resulting black hole will crush all Earth-based matter into a ball the size of this period. Either way, it’ll be a big moment for humanity.

I’ve read Angels and Demons, so I have a healthy skepticism about both scientists and the Swiss. All this scientific method/neutral party business is a perfect front for all sorts of nefarious undertakings. Recall, if you will, that it was a Swiss firm that offered the NCAA $1 billion to market a college football playoff system – a move that allowed the NCAA to claim patriotism in declining the offer. Without the Swiss, we’d have a real playoff system today. And I don’t know which is worse: the BCS, or the instantaneous destruction of an entire planet.

G:TB brings this issue to your attention today not to frighten you, but to give you a unique opportunity. If we’ve only got a few weeks to live, let’s go ahead and do it right. Kiss that girl. Get that tattoo. Tell your boss what you think. Sing Avril Lavigne songs out loud in public (okay, toughguy, as if that picture doesn't make you think dirty thoughts). Invade Iran (like that ship hasn’t already sailed). Dance like you’re drunk and drink like you want to dance. In the (somewhat ironic) words of Michael Hutchence, “live, baby, live”. And then when nothing happens, just point people to this post and you’ve got a built-in excuse. Gheorghe: The Blog, delivering win-win solutions since 2003.

33 comments:

Whitney said...

What if I already live like that? Anything more reckless and I think they lock me up.

TJ said...

Cats and dogs living together...

Greg said...

LEONARD BERNSTEIN!!!

TJ said...

OK, that got me.

Jerome said...

Not one reference to the REM song.

TJ said...

I'm guessing you looked right past the all caps Bernstein reference...

Rhymenocerous said...

Teej got his Joel and his Stipe confused....

What an amateur.

TJ said...

I did indeed...could this day take any longer? Why am I even here?

TJ said...

Why does Hollywood think we need a remake of Bad Lieutenant?

Mark said...

TJ, you think you can find the clip of a retarded Peter Griffin singing "End of the World..." on the tubes and add it to this post? You're certainly not doing any work right now...

Rhymenocerous said...

"You got a boyfriend? You suck his prick? Show me how you suck his prick."

I don't know why they'd want to mess with that Keitel-ian magic. Maybe they may want to re-make the movie because the baseball gambling scenes seem so dated with the references to Darryl Strawberry as a Dodger.

TJ said...

You know who they have replacing Harvey?

Nic Cage. Ugh.

TJ said...

And Mark, let me finish mixing this screwdriver and I'll be right with you...

Mark said...

Wow, Nic Cage doing a bad Elvis impression AND a bad Keitel impression? This just keeps getting worse.

Rhymenocerous said...

I have a hard time hating on Nic Cage b/c of his stupendous performance in Raising Arizona. That film is tremendous.

TJ said...

That Peter Griffin clip is nowhere to be found.

Mark said...

It is...but that was a very, very long time ago. Don't get me wrong, the man has had his moments...he's just not mu cup of tea most times.

Greg said...

Well, Rhymo, you should watch "National Treasure: Book of Secrets". It will totally change the way you see Nicky Cage. I only saw parts of it on an airplane. This film, she is bad.

Zoltan said...

Nic(k) Cage does a good movie once every 5 years or so. Raising Arizona, Wild at Heart, Leaving Las Vegas, Adaptation. All the interstitial stuff is total crap. But he makes a ton of money from that total crap. Enough to buy a Tesla AND a Mini Cooper.

Mark said...

Now, the guy who plays Motorhead fan Ronnie in that AT&T cell phone commercial...THAT is an actor.

The Ace of Spades!

Whitney said...

That's the thing about Nicolas Cage, though. He turned his back on comedic genius to try to be a leading hero. He was even once signed up to play Superman in a film, for Pete's sake. Give it up, dude. We class clowns need to dwell in the goofball realm.

A man's got to know his limitations, a real leading man once uttered.

TJ said...

This is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world. It can take your head clean off. You've got to ask yourself one question, Do I feel lucky?

Greg said...

The funny part about Motorhead fan Ronnie (MFR) is how bad a pool player he is. He only takes two shots and one doesn't even hit any other balls - it just caroms off the rail. He wasn't even aiming it.

Mark said...

You're right Greg, he's much more interested in singing and playing air guitar. It's just too bad he's going to miss out on Motorhead...

Geoff said...

I think Motorhead Ronny is destined for a career as Jack Blakc's Stunt Double...in which case he better hope Jack stops making animated features.

Also, this mp3 clip is fun to have at the ready when someone comes into your office and says something like "So I was just meeting with Rick and Gary over in HR..."

http://new.wavlist.com/movies/116/ftrh-fags.wav

Trust me...its good times...

Whitney said...

A film with Nicolas Cage's first role of mild consequence -- nice segue, Geoff.

Rhymenocerous said...

As somebody who's seen Motorhead recently (when they opened for Iron Maiden at MSG a couple years ago), I can tell you Ronnie's not missing out on a whole lot. Unlike fine wine, Lemmy's voice does not get better with age.

And Ronnie looks like a smush of Jack Black and a Geico caveman.

Whitney said...

Has Lemmy developed any more silver-dollar sized moles on his face? What a handsome man.

I guess you're better off watching Ween do their Motörhead salute "It's Gonna Be a Long Night."

Whitney said...

Bands with umlauts:

Motörhead
Blue Öyster Cult
Mötley Crüe
Hüsker Dü
Queensrÿche
Spin̈al Tap (no such thing as an umlaut over the n; genius)

Question: why wouldn't you just throw one into the word umlaüt???

Mark said...

I think I'm going to start using an umlaut on my last name...give it that little extra kick.

rob said...

as i type, our friend buck's kid is in a basketball camp run by:

gheorghe

we're efforting pictures.

TJ said...

He's gonna love what we did with the place.

Dave said...

comment.