Saturday, April 18, 2009

In a Missionary Position

The negativity is rampant here at Gheorghe lately, and I've been guilty of it myself. Not sure if it's because we just had Tax Day (and if you took a beating like I did despite not making a fortune, I feel your pain), if it was the Masters meltdown, or just "Dancing With the Stars" not going the way you dweebs want. But the frenzy of "I hate ____", "I wish ____ would die," and "_____ is a pasty, goofy, upstate New York Spicoli wanna-be with huge feet, a five-year-old's diet, and a wardrobe like Screech's" is starting to get over the top.

G:TB contributors are mandated to have a hard copy of our Mission Statement on them at all times, no matter what. G:TB readers are strongly advised to follow suit. (Zoltan, Shlara, Geoff, KQ . . . we can get you laminated copies for your use.) It helps keep you in touch with your "inner Gheorghe"; when you hit those crossroads in life, asking WWGD? is always a fine idea. Let the big guy steer your ship.

Wherever Gheorghes go, whatever they do, the Mission Statement is right there on their person. Even while playing croquet, handball, smear-the-queer, or snooker. While fishing off the pier, company or otherwise. While hang gliding over Jockey's Ridge, ballooning over Pike's Peak, or peeing over the third rail. Yes, even while showering, and yes, even during the physical act of love with spouses, girlfriends, or cousins. (The lone exception is when making love to oneself, 'cause that's just weird. Keep it in the other room with the television on while you do your thing.)

Rob has his G:TB mission statement attached to his remote. TJ uses his as a bookmark in his copy of If I Did It. TR wallpapered his bathroom with it. Mark has his tattooed on his forearm. I've made a series of cocktail napkins and beer koozies with it printed on them. In each of these cases, you can imagine what banged-up state the mission statements are now in . . . but it matters not.

It's ingrained in our heads, and also in our hearts. Dennis knows it in Latin. TR knows it in Pig Latin. Rob can recite it forwards and backwards. TJ can only recite it backwards (Rain Man). The point is that the very reasons this vehicle was launched 5+ years ago are words to live by, and words which we typically do live by. And yet . . . sometimes it can get away from us.

(As an aside, using "it just got away from me last night" as a euphemism for "so sorry I drank a liter of Jameson, called you the wrong name in public and in bed, punched your uncle in the throat, and vomited in your car's A/C vent" is a handy utensil.)

So, in an effort to get back to what this endeavor is really all about, we are re-printing the words of founding partner "rob" from way back in 2003. Here's hoping the cock-eyed optimism that it encourages will pervade our upcoming posts.
Mission Statement, or What's a Gheorghe, and Why Should I Care?

I don't trust anyone that can't laugh at himself. I think that Crash Davis was dead on, right up until he started talking about Susan Sontag, at which point I tuned out. I'm hopelessly addicted to the Boston Red Sox, even though I know it's not good for me. I believe that sports, like society at large, is full of self-important, egomaniacal windbags at all levels, and I intend to use this space to tilt at the windmills that threaten to suck all of the joy out of the things that I love.

This space is named, with love, for the most fun athlete ever to draw a paycheck from a professional franchise. Gheorghe Muresan, late of the Washington Bullets and New Jersey Nets, stood 7'7" and weighed 330+ pounds. He shuffled around a basketball court like a slightly more mobile version of Frankenstein's monster, with a splay-footed gait and elbows and knees that flailed about as if independently operated. His elongated, comically expressive face conveyed the unmistakable glee and amazement with which he viewed his place in the NBA’s firmament, even as he made the often numbing journey from rookie to veteran. He played a handful of NBA seasons with a modicum of success, being honored as the NBA's Most Improved Player in 1997-98. Most importantly, though, he played basketball and approached life with a pure, unadulterated joy that was, and is, unmatched by any other professional athlete.

Gheorghe's spirit and the joy with which he appears to approach life offer lessons for all of us about the important things. This space will celebrate those in sports and elsewhere that live with Gheorgheness, and skewer those that think they are more important than the game - be it sports or life. Gheorghe: The Internet Magazine, had a brief, meteoric run several years ago, flaming to earth in a blaze of apathy amidst rampant rumors of financial mismanagement. Gheorghe: The Blog rises like a phoenix from the ashes, or at least like a Weeble, to carry on the Gheorghian mission.
I'll take the first step in this new Era of Positivity™. Let's see . . . be positive . . . okay: Although I have never met Mark in person, I am positive that he is an incredible douchewhistle. (Just kidding, Mark. I am positive Greg's wrong.)

And finally, we are unveiling our newest official Gheorghe. She's Romanian, a singer/model, and she looks nothing like Gheorghe Muresan. Her name: Elena Gheorghe. Enjoy (and click on the picture to get the full, blown-up effect).

26 comments:

TJ said...

All those words almost ruined my day at the park (despite the few beers)...but then came that pic. Kudos to you sir. I'm passing the blackberry around my section for all to see that impeccable female form.

TJ said...

It is an absolutely fantastic fay for baseball, in a pristine ballpark, and there's less than 10K people here at first pitch. Fucking sad.

TJ said...

Anderson Hernandez really might be the worst starting position player in baseball.

Whitney said...

That's a definite possibility.

TJ said...

Nick Johnson, dropping infield flies up 6-2. Yep, I'm sure that won't come back to bite 'em.

rob said...

for the record, and hearkening back to the previous post, percy harvin is my favorite player ever from a team i hate. i would kill someone, preferably vinnie cerrato, to get him on the skins.

also, i just mulched the shit out of my yard, weeded, mowed, edged, aerated, and otherwise pretended i knew what i was doing agronomically. i will now commence getting drunk. i'm quite sure i've earned it.

rob said...

i hate vinny cerrato so much i've decided to start spelling his name differently.

Mark said...

I couldn't be enjoying this Celtics-Bulls game anymore than I am. A terrific game highlighted by a great matchup of young pgs, with Derrick Rose overshadowing a great performance by Rajon Rondo only because what Rose is doing is completely and totally unprecedented. I love the NBA Playoffs.

Also, I finally figured out a player comparison for Rose (its been driving me crazy for the last year and a half): Tony Parker. He's a bigger, stronger version of Parker. A scoring pg who can get in the lane whenever he wants, doesn't shoot it with great consistency or range (though thats less true with Parker these days) and isn't really a great passer but whose penetration creates assist opportunities.

TJ said...

Hey Hanrahan, Suzanne sucks pussy

zoltan said...

Elena Gheorghe has weird eyebrows.

TR said...

If you were looking at her eyebrows, well, um, I think you need to re-adjust your priorities, Mr. Zoltan.

rob said...

so, the caps, huh?

TJ said...

Well, the Nats are every bit as abortive as well all thought. This team might lose 115 games.

rob said...

indians score 14 in the bottom of the 2nd in new york. zoinks.

rob said...

make that the top of the 2nd. really would be something if they did it in the bottom of the inning.

rob said...

jeter takes a seat after 3 innings. real gamer, that guy.

zoltan said...

Yeah, Jeter's no Nomar.

rob said...

ain't that the truth.

Mark said...

The Yankees are down 20-2? HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Whitney said...

Once we set up our annual G:TB summit, how do we get Elena Gheorghe to come?

Mark said...

In case you care about the Gators' spring scrimmage (doubtful) and you don't have access to the message boards (probable):

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/writers/andy_staples/04/18/florida.spring/index.html

Whitney said...

Pop flies in the new Yankee Stadium are home runs. It's early, but they're on pace for 400 HR's this year (160 last year). The latest rumor is that Big Stein did it on purpose to bring the single season record back to NY and get more publicity ($).

Whitney said...

In a bar a couple of blocks from my house having a PBR. "Here and Now" by Letters to Cleo just came on the juke. I was 24, unmarried, living with Rob and Spoid, and drinking and wiffling non-stop when the song came out. Seeing strippers fairly frequently, watching Cinemax Late Night a lot, and generally commanding more of the ladies' attention than I have since. Slimmer with more hair. Better at sports. Really good at Sega.

Ah, but not nearly as wise.

TJ said...

Jesus fucking christ...yet another home run surrendered by the Yanks at the new ballpark. That's 18 already.

Whitney said...

Teejay, does Nick Swisher striking out three times in a row to your hated Carl Pavano diminish your man-love for him?

TJ said...

Not one bit. I don't give a shit about you and your positivity kick - Carl Pavano is an absolute nightmare. In fact, I'm quite certain many angry words have already been devoted to Carl in this corner of the blogosphere, so I'll stop now.