Thursday, January 08, 2009

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod...

I'm sitting here at my computer and I can barely concentrate enough to type with any measure of skill. Normally, I avoid most of the fluff shows on ESPN but today I'm fucking First Take, okay not watching but I have it on and I'm listening. At this point, I'm watching and reading every single thing I can on tonight's National Championship game. It has completely consumed me. You might have thought that the fact that this is Florida's second Championship game in 3 years would serve to temper my enthusiasm, my nerves or my jeebusfuckingchristIcan'twaitanylonger sense of anticipation. Well, you'd be dead fucking wrong on all counts, sir. If anything, I'm more filled with these feelings today than I was at this same point two years ago.

A victory tonight would have far reaching implications for the University of Florida football program. A victory tonight would catapult an already elite football program into a rarified air that's only been seen by two major college football programs in the last 15-20 years. A victory tonight would forever change the face of Florida football. A victory tonight is something I'd sell one of my children for. So, it's good thing for them that I'm a deadbeat dad who lives multiple states away.

If you can't tell, I'm a bit jacked for this (one of the many reasons I'm not in Ft. Lauderdale right now...the adrenaline and the copious amounts of Lindo Coffee I'd be ingesting would probably have me keeled over from cardiac arrest by half) so I'm not even going to attempt a real analysis of this game. Instead, I'll just divide things up into two categories: Things I Don't Like about this game and Things I Like about this game.

Things I Like:


- Sam Bradford won the Heisman: I wanted Sam Bradford to win the Heisman. I rooted for Sam Bradford to win the Heisman. I clapped out loud at the bar when Sam Bradford was announced as the Heisman winner. If you look at history, Heisman winners have been less than spectacular in their bowl games. Matt Leinart is the only recent Heisman winner who had a big bowl game (against OU & in the same stadium). Just last year, Tim Tebow was off and definitely not himself when Florida faced Michigan. There's a reason for this. Heisman winners end up with a ton of time commitments after the Heisman ceremony. They do a ton of speaking engagements and attend any number of awards ceremonies, and while doing this they miss valuable practice time. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if Bradford is rusty in the early going tonight. With the type of offense that the Sooners run this could be devastating to Oklahoma. Secondly, Tim Tebow is a competitive son of bitch (no offense, Pam) and he's been itching to prove he's the best football player in America since the moment he heard Sam Bradford's name announced in New York. If Tebow can control his emotions tonight and keep from getting too fired up, I think we may be in store for one of the greatest performances of his career. (Think last year's smashmouth Tebow combined with this year's more efficient spread the ball around Tebow).

- Percy Harvin is 90%: TJ seems to think this means that Harvin will pull a LaDanian Tomlinson (his words, not mine) at some point tonight and end up watching from the sidelines. Well, not surprisingly, I couldn't disagree more. Harvin himself has said that he's been at 90% for most of his career. That's just the way he's built, like a Ferrarri he needs constant maintenance and occassionally needs to be put up on blocks for a tune up. Harvin at 90% is better than anybody like him (not there's anybody like him, but you know what I mean) in the country. He'll be back tonight and he'll be special if he can avoid further injury.

- Florida's Special Teams Advantage: Oklahoma has been very average on special teams across the board this season. Florida, on the other hand, has one of the most complete and dangerous special teams units in the entire country. This is due in no small part to Urban Meyer's emphasis on special teams. Special teamers at Florida eat first at training table, they get first pick of all the best gear and they, more often than not, are guys who start on offense or defense. Odds are Florida makes a big play on special teams tonight, whether it be a blocked punt or a huge runback by my favorite midget Brandon James (sorry Erika). If Florida can affect the game with a timely special teams play then they're a long way towards winning tonight.

- The Oklahoma defenses' decision to talk shit to Tim Tebow: As I stated earlier, Tebow's one competitive son of a bitch. Also, as many an SEC defender can attest, Tim Tebow is a meathead of the highest order. For shit's sake, the guy tries to sneak into one-on-one hitting drills at the beginning of practice. Did you see his reaction to Dominque Franks' comments about Tebow being the 4th best QB in the Big 12? Sure, he was polite and said he, "took it as a compliment" but deep down you know he wanted to grab the table in front of him, choke slam the reporter who he was talking to straight through it and then rip off his shirt (Hulkster style) and start screaming, "You want some of me! Huh! You want a piece of this!". As I said earlier, Tebow's going to have to be careful to not let his emotions run wild tonight lest he be unable to make quick, correct decisions. However if he can corral these emotions, god help the poor defensive back who meets him head up near the goal line.

Things I Don't Like:

- Brandon Spikes' pregame trash talk: By now I'm sure you've seen Spikes' quote from a day or so ago ("Big 12 defenses are a joke"). Now, I like to talk trash as much as the next guy and I have a huge mancrush on Brandon Spikes but this, this was unneccessary. The media's been killing the OU defense for the past month anyway so there's really no need to supply the Sooner defense with more motivation. Spikes isn't going to be facing the Sooner D tonight (obviously) but he's written a pretty big check for himself to cash tonight when he's on the field. His emergence as one of the nations' best defensive players has been a key to Florida's run towards the National Title and he's going to have to step up to his own challenge to tonight in order to finish his final season (more than likely) in an appropriate fashion.

- The media's trashing of the OU defense: As Rob will tell anyone who listens, motivation is one of the primary keys to success in bowl games. The National Championship is no different. Florida won two years ago based largely on the motivational fuel supplied by the national media who thought they had no chance against undefeated Ohio State, as well as a bunch of other made up shit that Urban Meyer fed them in the week leading up to the game (Seriously, he basically made Kirk Herbstreit into the Gator version of Satan in order to fire his guys up). Oklahoma's defense has plenty of talent and plenty of pride. I expect them to come out tonight with fire in their eyes. Florida will need to weather the early storm and force a jacked up Sooner D to play assignment football consistently throughout the game.

- The distraction of Dan Mullen: Mullen's not really a member of the Florida coaching staff anymore. In fact, Mullen's been in Starkville and recruiting for Mississippi State for the past 3 weeks. It's tough not to believe he's been somewhat distracted throughout the last week and it's even tougher to think this won't alter the game in some way tonight. The amount the game is altered will be the issue. Pay attention to play calling in critical 3rd down situations and within the redzone, these plays should be a good indicator of Mullen's preparation and synchonicity with the rest of the Gator coaching staff.

Waiting: In the words of Sir Smoke-a-Lot, "I can't take this shit no mo!"

101 comments:

Mark said...

Fwiw, I think the matchup between UF's D-Line and OU's O-Line is the game's most important.

Rhymenocerous said...

Agreed on Mark's comment. If Bradford gets comfortable, OU will put up a ton of points and run away with this thing. OU's line is fierce, so it will be a big challenge for the Florida defense.

I have no rooting interest, but I like OU tonight. I don't think their offense can be stopped. At the very least, I'd take them getting 6. I just hope we get a good game. We've had a couple farts after the epic 2006 game.

One more thing - the online over/unders are ranging from 69 to 71. That's awesome.

rob said...

now i'm fired up, and i don't even care who wins.

zoltan said...

I work with a guy from Oklahoma so I'm rooting for Florida to annoy him. Good luck tonight Mark. I'm hoping for a good game, and that it doesn't stress you out too much.

Jerry said...

Go Gators.

Will read this now while tuning out Thom Bennehaman.

Jerry's key matchup: are OU's OTs quick enough to stay with Florida's DEs?

Jerry said...

NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP!!! JACK BAUER!!!! COME ON!!!!

Jerry said...

What if a national championship game went to OT? That would be crazy.

Rhymenocerous said...

I'm getting psyched for the start of this huge game.

Knicks-Mavs, bring it on!

Rhymenocerous said...

Ouch. Major Wright just broke Johnson's sternum.

Jerry said...

A defensive stop. That's gravy.

Jerry said...

Most shocking instant replay review of all time?

Jerry said...

Way too far of a throw to make after spending that much time in the pocket. Unless you're Joe Flacco.

zoltan said...

Flacco has a gun. It didn't help that Tebow pump-faked to the guy who was standing still, then threw it at him.

rob said...

the under is putting up quite a fight so far.

Jerry said...

Completely unvalidated bowl game betting theory. Take the 1st half under and the 2nd half over.

rob said...

i bet if you retrofitted that theory you'd find it pretty damn compelling. i've got something to occupy my time tomorrow.

rob said...

have i mentioned that i like to watch percy harvin?

rob said...

'the passion, the fire, the soft caresses, the tender, tender loving of tim tebow'

TJ said...

Mark, who can I obtain some of this Delroy Lindo coffee you speak of?

rob said...

gtb is the 8th hit on ghoogle if you search 'lindo coffee'.

Rhymenocerous said...

Good to know there's a difference b/w a track star playing football and a football player who runs track.

How can they make that reference without mentioning Renaldo "Skeets" Nehamiah?

rob said...

so, um, trautwein?

TJ said...

So was Willie Mays Hays a baseball player turned parking lot track star, or a parking lot track star turned baseball player?

Jerry said...

Are bees better at smelling drugs than dogs? Next on Channel 5 news.

TJ said...

Your child drinks rat milk at lunch? Fox 5 investigates.

TJ said...

TEBOW SMASH!

Rhymenocerous said...

Good news! Eddy Curry's season has just started.

As for his physical conditioning, let's just say it's not strong. The man is fat as a whale. Apparently, D'Antoni doesn't have a target weight for him. He just wants Curry to be able to run the floor and play in his system. Good luck with that Mike...

Jerry said...

Fortified with Vitamin R?

TJ said...

Either you or Greg were good for that one...

Jerry said...

Curry vs. Sean May in a 1-miler? Can they break 8 minutes?

rob said...

we need a post on fat nba players. oliver miller, ledell eackles, kevin duckworth...there are lots more.

Jerry said...

In case anybody was wondering, the OU offense was off the field for 22 minutes. But it didn't seem to hurt too much.

Rhymenocerous said...

I heard the radio pregame for a Knicks-Bobcats game. A Bobcats assistant was responding to questions about May. He was trying sooo hard to not say May was fat, but he was saying it without saying it, if you know what I mean.

Maybe May should retire and get a job as Donald Faison's stunt double.

TJ said...

Does Adam Morrison ever get off the bench for the Bobcats?

Rhymenocerous said...

So is Bob's daughter hot or not? All we see is her in a robe, followed by shots of her getting groped by her boyfriend.

I say no. She looks thick under that pink robe.

Rhymenocerous said...

Morrison has been riding the pine a lot because he won't play D.

Jerry said...

Not hot. It kills the commercial for me.

Lock of the year that a TD drive would follow the 1st TD. Of course it would've been a lot cooler if I had posted that 30 minutes ago.

Jerry said...

What were the black snowmen going to do if they were alerted to the heatwave?

rob said...

that was a frickin' laser

Jerry said...

I'm not all that high on Tebow's pro prospects, but he is a better passer than he sometimes gets credit for.

Jerry said...

Delete.

TJ said...

That was a Browning Nagle pass.

Rhymenocerous said...

I get fired up every time they show the OU band because there's a fat Latino sax player with a fantastic afro.

Rhymenocerous said...

They HAVE to go for it on 4th down.

zoltan said...

Onions.

Jerry said...

Get your fucking downs right fuckers.

YEAH!!!!!

zoltan said...

The new Z looks like an inflated Hyundai Tiburon. Not that anyone else cares.

rob said...

the whole look back at the sideline thing annoys me, and i think it actually hurt oklahoma there on 3rd down.

TJ said...

OK Mark, I was wrong about Harvin.

rob said...

90 percent, huh?

zoltan said...

So Oklahoma has really high academic standards for recruiting.

zoltan said...

"Keep an eye on that right knee." Ouch.

TJ said...

Sam Bradford won the Heisman this year? Thanks assface.

Rhymenocerous said...

I'm happy for Ron Cherry breaking the color barrier and all, but he seems nervous as hell every time he has to talk.

Rhymenocerous said...

Bob Stoops really needs to do something about the Mickelson juggs he's sprouting.

TJ said...

Does Juaquin Iglesias also have a "life of its own" mole?

Jerry said...

Thom Brennaman has a lot of trouble following the game. A lot.

TJ said...

So someone's taking Gresham in the Top 20 in the draft? A la the Jets and Keller this year?

zoltan said...

Mark is likely having a stroke. Otherwise, this is a fun game.

TJ said...

I noticed we haven't heard from him in a loooong time.

Jerry said...

He's probably at the library.

rob said...

with the pope.

Jerry said...

Typical contrarian point - everybody will talk about the defenses now, but both offenses are moving the ball fairly effectively. It's just not turning into points.

Jerry said...

His bong, Pope Urban.

TJ said...

Papal elections are a must for Mark right now.

zoltan said...

OU has a deaf dumb blind kid?

TJ said...

I'm guessing he also plays a mean pinball?

Jerry said...

Well...probably dumb....

Jerry said...

69. Suck it bitches!

Jerry said...

Right here, in Atherton Library!

TJ said...

3D horror movies sound like a real winning concept.

rob said...

major wright is hammering people.

rob said...

who is the color guy on fox? less than impressive on that series.

Jerry said...

Florida really needs a special teams play.

TJ said...

rob, not cool at all man. Not the proper nomenclature.

Jerry said...

The "color" guy is Charles White. I didn't like him when he first started doing the BCS games, but I was pretty impressed with his preparation and inclination to discuss X's and O's in the Orange Bowl. He's been fairly nondescript tonight for me.

Jerry said...

Ugh. That's going to be a huge penalty.

zoltan said...

Florida made a special teams play, just the wrong one.

Jerry said...

My forward-looking comments are really wrong tonight.

Jerry said...

Marc-Andre Fluery got pulled after blowing a 3-0 lead against Nashville. Sweet.

TJ said...

Wild Gator!

TJ said...

There's your special teams play Jeremy.

Jerry said...

Did the OU defender pull a Dockett and work Harvin's ankle after the tackle?

Jerry said...

And will Fox have the guts to show the replay?

Jerry said...

Eh. Wasn't that bad.

Whitney said...

Harris has made 4 or 5 questionably dirty, definitely douchey plays tonight. Way to show you're a dick on a national stage, assface.

TJ said...

What the hell happened on that play?

Jerry said...

This game has had an awkward feel all night. It's not being helped by the least confident looking referee I've seen outside of U-9 girls soccer.

TJ said...

If that is a pick, that was an amazing pick.

TJ said...

Yep, how fitting...jump pass to clinch it.

Jerry said...

Tebow was money on that drive.

TJ said...

That's one fired up christian.

TJ said...

Whoa whoa Thom...single worst statement ever uttered? Put down Mark's hyperbowl please.

Jerry said...

Spikes looks like he's about 36 years old.

Jerry said...

Yeah, it's really not that ridiculous at all. The Big 12 QBs are awesome.

TJ said...

Tebow even pummels officials.

Jerry said...

Smash pass pray

Jerry said...

"We believe in a society...

Jerry said...

Sad fat clarinet face.

Mark said...

I'll have some more comments when I'm relatively sober tomorrow but for now I'll say this...Dynasty motherfuckers!

Whitney said...

Mark has always been a huge Blake Carrington guy.