Friday, January 30, 2009

Nattering Nabobs of Non-Productivity

Meandering across the world to bring you all manner of useless inanity while avoiding, avoiding, avoiding the press of responsibility.

We commend to you the fine work of Wheelhouse Jerry, who offers a primer on the workings on the European soccer system. I've long believed the relegation concept is brilliant, and should be applied to any number of American institutions. Congress, for example, or the entertainment industry. "Sorry, Senator Burris, you failed to pass any meaningful legislation this session - you'll be in the House next term. But you, Congressman Shuler, buckle up - you get a seat at the big boys' table."

Not to get into a deep philosophical argument about the sanctity of life, but the doctor that green-lighted fertility treatments leading to octuplets for a woman who already had 6 kids and was living in her mother's house should have his or her license revoked. We don't need to go as far as China's one-child policy, but common sense would be a nice baseline.

In a game that nobody east of Ann Arbor watched, Gonzaga took advantage of an injury to St. Mary's Patty Mills to best the Gaels, 69-62. I'm sick and tired of time zones.

Via @attackerman on Twitter (where you can follow Friends of GTB @stormingthefloor as well as @midmajority and your humble scribe @batogato, among millions of others), the UK's top military commander is named Jock Stirrup. Dude's an action hero.

I have no, zero, zilch, nada Super Bowl plans. I will watch the game while my wife reads on the couch next to me. I've not yet determined how I feel about this development. In order to fulfull my obligation as a lower-tier sports/general interest blogger, I predict the Steelers will win 24-13 in a game that has all the excitement of watching a boa constrictor subdue and consume a rat.

Roughly 30% of the G:TB staff will be trekking to New Orleans April 24-26 for JazzFest. Good seats are still available on our party bus. Whitney needs a chaperone, so please contact me if you are interested.

110 comments:

TJ said...

Good lord...you're on Twitter now too?

Mark said...

TJ's really frightened by all this new technology, which I never would've suspected. And, um, I want to go to JazzFest. Who's paying for me?

TJ said...

GTB Retreat? I'm in.

Rhymenocerous said...

Rob:

Don't underestimate your couch. As a rule, I only watch big-time sporting events at home by myself. I am ruler of the DVR, my wife understands the rules, nobody drinks my favorite beers or eats my food, and nobody can distract me.

If it was a playofff game and my favorite team wasn't playing, I might watch it with company, but the Super Bowl qualifies as something you want to focus on alone. Also, it ends at 10 PM on a Sunday. Who wants to trek home at that hour?

Rhymenocerous said...

I've been to Jazzfest twice and would love to go again this year. Unfortunately, my wife is pregnant, we have a small kid that loves to cause trouble, and the roof fell in on our house due to a burst water pipe, causing at least $50+ K in damages. We are wrestling with folks at State Farm, but they are good wrestlers. Good times.

Rhymenocerous said...

I ponied up 100 "points" for the office box pool. I got 7 and 0 as my numbers. This is the only time I've

Part of the prize pool is that 10 boxes get chosen at random to get their money back. I was one of those boxes. So I got my money back and I have a better-than-average shot of winning some casheesh. If there's a safety or a missed PAT early, I may cry.

zoltan said...

I might be down for JazzFest. What are the particulars? I recently (and successfully) served as a chaperone for a portly marathon runner, but Whit may be too much for me to handle.

'Nocerous has a lot going on today - good news, bad news, constant grumpiness. I feel like I'm back in the suite, only now he has a wife and a kid.

The woman with 14 kids is ridiculous. I saw a photo of the medical team and they were all grinning ear-to-ear like they just invented sliced bread. I can't imagine what life will be like for any of the 14 kids, the mom, or the grandparents that house them all.

Rhymenocerous said...

I just hope the woman has 3 nipples like our buddy Jordan to feed all those hungry mouths.

rob said...

teej - the twitter experiment is actually work-related. trying to expand our strategery in the marketplace.

z-man - i don't know shit about jazzfest other than the fact that i'm going. it's my maiden voyage. it's april 24-26. whit would most certainly be the best source of info.

Mark said...

Seriously, who's paying for me?

rob said...

i'll buy you a hurricane when you get into town.

Jerry said...

I'm going to Mardi Gras, courtesy of my travel benefactor, so I don't think I'll be able to make Jazz Fest.

I don't know what Twitter is, but it sounds dumb and weird.

rob said...

i can't argue with that, jerry.

TJ said...

The Rams now have the classiest RBs Coach in the NFL.

Rhymenocerous said...

FYI - A question of mine made it into the Sports Guy's chat today. The question, naturally, was about the movie American Anthem:

Tim (Summit, NJ): Why do you always omit the movie American Anthem from your prose? It is (sort of) a sports flick that features a man named Gaylord and Wayne Gretzky's wife!?

Bill Simmons: It's never on. I am all about whatever is actually on... I never watch DVD's anymore, I am too lazy to put them in. So if they started showing Anthem, suddenly I'd be making jokes about it in columns. I am really not hard to figure out.

rob said...

nice job mentioning g:tb in your question.

TJ said...

Who's Tim?

Jerry said...

We used to have to play Summit in soccer all the time when I was a kid. And it wasn't even nearby. Never made much sense to me.

Whitney said...

My aunt lives in Summit. Nice town.

It was also the home of one of our older fraternity guys who died in 9/11, Jim Connor.

Mark said...

I can't quite get a handle on the Notre Dame team but they sure feel a bit overrated at this point. The entire offense is Harangody inside and McAlarney chucking up 3s.

rob said...

that's a dreadful endgame for wake. bad loss, that one.

Rhymenocerous said...

Pitt sure looked tougher than ND today.

Amazing depth in the Big East. ND-Pitt, WV-Lville and GTown-Marquette today have all been somewhat entertaining. That doesn't even factor in UConn, the likely #1 next week.

rob said...

and the hoyas and irish will both be carrying 5-game losing streaks after today. i find that very hard to believe.

zoltan said...

Cris Carter was robbed again.

Mark said...

Please tell me that somebody else is seeing the shooting exhibition this Roth kid for Indiana is putting on right now. He's 8-9 from 3 and the last two have been legitimate 30 footers. Ri-damn-diculous.

Dennis said...

Tim The Enchanter?

Shlara said...

Are you guys speculating on which songs Bruce will play at half-time or is everyone mad that he's selling out?

TJ said...

Much like the Ukraine, the SEC is weak.

Rhymenocerous said...

Steve Young just called out Big Ben for always having an injury. He stopped just short of calling him a diva and a faker. I love it.

And rumor has it that Bruce may bust out Tenth Avenue Freeze Out at halftime.

zoltan said...

How about Born in the USA with a photo montage of Pat Tillman on the screen behind Bruce?

You should go see Slumdog Millionaire. Before I saw it I heard that it was about a guy who wants to impress a girl so he goes on Who Wants to Be a Millionare. That is not what it's about.

rob said...

the tribe makes me sad.

Rhymenocerous said...

Born in the USA is a song that is very much anti-military, about the plight of Vietnam Vets. Probably not Super Bowl material.

Ronnie Reagan made the same mistake, so consider yourself on his level, in terms of social awareness. Congrats.

Mark said...

Anybody that legitimately cares about what's being played during the halftime show is on the same level as my gf or my mom. It's the fucking Super Bowl. If you care more about the halftime show or the commercials than the game (and if thats what you're discussing 3 hours away from kickoff, thats what you REALLY care about) then maybe you should hang out on the back porch with the rest of the women who are talking about tomorrow's episode of The Biggest Loser during the game.

Whitney said...

Nobody who types "my gf" is allowed to have a soapbox that big. We're talking about the halftime show because it's Springsteen. Bruce is cool, and we bet on which shows he plays simply because it makes it more interesting.

He could try to squeeze in the title track from the album he just released this week ("Working on a Dream"); you know, the conspicuous release date of that album makes it harder to defend him from allegations of being the corporate shill. But he's Bruce, and he can get away with it by now, I guess.

"Cover Me" and "Born to Run" have some connection to the big game, but I am going with "Prove It All Night."

Shlara said...

Mark--some of us are capable of caring about football and music and which celebs are in the stands, all at the same time. But, I understand that you're from Florida, so that skill may beyond your reach.

Whitney said...

Yikes. Did not see that coming. That there's a Greco-Roman takedown.

Jerry said...

I hope he's wearing a white t-shirt! That would be so hot! I wonder if he bleaches them. Or maybe he lets the pit stains fester. That would be neat. Or maybe he only wears them once and lets his team of servants use the old ones as rags.

Hopefully the crowd that they let stream down to stage-side will be all swooning 40-something males. REMEMBER WHEN WE SAW BRUCE AT THREE RIVERS WHOOO!!!!! I TOTALLY NAILED THAT CHICK IN THE PARKING LOT!!!

Mark said...

You're right. You can care about all those things at the same time. However, you cannot care about them all equally. No matter how may times you tell yourself different. And, if you are choosing to discuss the musical selections and which celebs will be in the stands instead of the football game then that's what you care about most. Sorry, Whit and Shlara, thems the facts. You're not just talking about the halftime show because its Bruce. You're talking about the halftime show because you've been trained to believe that the football game is secondary to the event of the Super Bowl. You're sheep. Well educated, east coast elite sheep, maybe, but sheep nonetheless.

And since both of you care so much about football, I'll ask this question:

Do you see the Steelers playing more Cover 2 or Cover in the game's early stages? I'll wait for you to put down your US Weekly and answer. Thanks.

Geoff said...

When we were in college we never talked to or hung out with girls...we were too busy getting laid.

Mark said...

"We're talking about the halftime show because it's Springsteen. Bruce is cool, and we bet on which shows (sic) he plays simply because it makes it more interesting."

I'm sorry that the biggest football game of the NFL season isn't interesting enough for you, Whitney. (It seems you might not really like sports, sir). Maybe you should convene a round table discussion about who has better hair, Fitzgerald or Polamalu, in order to spice up tonight's second half for you. You know, since you won't have Springsteen to talk about anymore.

Jerry said...

Yes...yes..fight and struggle.

Jerry said...

Why aren't people jumping around? Those introductions were awful. It looked like a bad movie.

Whitney said...

I'm not sure what you have against Bruce Springsteen and/or working class America, Mark. Communist.

Jerry said...

Holy crap, what is Faith Hill going to sing???? I'm so excited!!!!

TJ said...

When Warner fumbles four times tonight, do they take the Man of the Year trophy away?

TJ said...

Fuck yeah...give it up for 1549!

Jerry said...

The flight crew. They're the real heroes. Somebody had to say it.

Jerry said...

Springsteen just sings about whatever is popular at the time -- working class, AIDS, 9/11, anti-Bush. I heard he was working on a ballad for Michael Phelps this summer, but couldn't finish it in time.

Whitney said...

There is no way I can reply without sounding like a snob, music or otherwise. So I won't.



But you're dumb, Jerry.

Jerry said...

Suck it, Dockett.

Jerry said...

That was a flurry of supplemental gambling action.

TJ said...

Mark, don't get mad, but that Doritos commercial was funny.

TJ said...

How happy is that guy the Jets cut him?

Jerry said...

No. Get mad. Conan, also funny. I can't wait until halftime.

rob said...

that was a lightning-quick quarter. maybe they'll give bruce an extra song.

Jerry said...

Unless they're actually going to show the horses doing it...

rob said...

neil rackers' butt pat on breaston lingered an uncomfortably long time.

Jerry said...

Huge 1st half for CAA football -- Tomlin, TD for Patrick, huge 1st down for Hightower.

Jerry said...

I can't believe they didn't tackle Harrison. He's not that fast.

rob said...

'put down the chicken fingers'? ugh.

Geoff said...

The 50 year old woman in the front row for Springsteen is getting some primo airtime for her jugs.

Geoff said...

If I was at Whitney's SB party I'd bribe someone to walk up near Whit and say "Hey, that guy from the Soprano's is playing guitar with Bruce Springsteen's band tonight...must be special for the Super Bowl or something"... I'm not sure what the reaction would be, but I'm sure it would be amusing.

Mark said...

Too late, TJ. I'm fuming.

And Rob and my girlfriend (Happy, Whitney?) are both very aware of what's going on with Steve Breaston's ass.

I, on the other hand, am more concerned with Breaston's afro. Majestic, that thing.

rob said...

that 'penalty' takes this from decent to embarrassing.

Jerry said...

James Harrison....flipping burgers. That's gotta make the people at Kent State proud.

Geoff said...

According to me, Ken Wisenhunt would have the longest last name for a SB winning coach...

Jerry said...

Belichick has 9 letters, but it sounds shorter.

rob said...

but geoff's not giving whisenhunt credit for the first 'h'.

Jerry said...

Also if you count gentrified names, Weebington Ewbankingford.

Rhymenocerous said...

If Harrison was tackled at the 1, I would've won the "reverse score" for the second quarter. So that TD cost me $250. And a shady chain-smoking Israeli from my company just pocketed $2250 for the 2Q and reverse 2Q score.

Riveting box pool action, I know.

rob said...

why does jake the clydesdale still have a scottish accent if his family has been here three generations? huh? huh?

Rhymenocerous said...

Anybody else see the irony in Vin Diesel passing on the sequel to Fast and Furious, only to grudgingly take the lead in the third movie because his career is sucking major wind?

Jerry said...

Does Cuba Gooding have a disease? Normally I'd make fun of him, but he almost looked too bad.

rob said...

the precision on that short pass to ward was a thing of beauty.

Mark said...

Who knew Jerry had a soft spot for Cuba Gooding? Morris Chestnut's pretty upset right now.

rob said...

the koala punch got me.

Rhymenocerous said...

And I got my $250 for the third quarter.

Jeter showing a lot of personality for his Ford Edge ad. The guy is as dull as it gets, and I'm convinced he shops at Perry Ellis.

Rhymenocerous said...

Joan Rivers, Diceman and Tom Green on Celebrity Apprentice? Sign me up.

rob said...

aww yeah - tribe gets a mention. and then gets dissed.

Shlara said...

Nice shout-out for the Tribe!!

Rhymenocerous said...

9:14 PM - Tribe football gets crushed during the largest televised event of the year.

James Farrior can lick my freshly shorn scrotum.

Mark said...

I am physically and mentally incapable of rooting for Darnell Dockett, regardless of the circumstance.

Whitney, would you rather have Farrior say that he remembered kicking the living shit out of W&M?

TJ said...

Andrew Dice Clay.

Oh my...I cannot be more excited for The Trumpster.

Rhymenocerous said...

For a program that has turned out a lot of first rounders, UVA has been consistently weak.

I don't think they've had a big win since they beat an undefeated FSU squad in the mid 90's.

TJ said...

God that guy is awesome.

rob said...

that was a sick, sick catch. game on.

Mark said...

Fitzgerald never fails to impress. The amounjt of man love he inspires is practically a joke at this point.

And the UVA point is well made one. They churn out 1st rounders seemingly each year and yet they don't even compete in the shit sandwich that is the ACC.

Rhymenocerous said...

I don't see Adrian Wilson racking up a lot of MVP votes. He's not the guy to feature.

Ike Taylor not afraid to abort on two consecutive drives.

Rhymenocerous said...

The Dick LeBeau praises have suddenly stopped...

Rhymenocerous said...

If Tomlin faces 3rd and 10 from his own one, will he have the courage to take a safety? That would be the play. Lead drops from 6 to 4 and much worse field position for Arizona.

Rhymenocerous said...

I guess you would try on 3rd down but take the safety on 4th down. There's no point in punting from your own end zone.

LaBoy channeling the power of his mullet...

Jerry said...

Intentional safety potential....destroyed by Roethlisberger.

rob said...

run one more play, take the safety on 4th down.

Rhymenocerous said...

We have a good chance of seeing OT. Fitzgerald is a maniac.

rob said...

unpossible.

Rhymenocerous said...

Dick LeBeau just crapped in his Depends.

Jerry said...

Underplayed story -- LeBeau trying to win titles at ages 69 and 71.

Jerry said...

Sam right now...nervous...or reading?

TJ said...

Jesus fucking christ...this game is nuts...

Rhymenocerous said...

I'm dying for the game to go to OT. If the team that wins the toss scores immediately, the collective sports media will vomit up an unprecedented array of stories on necessary OT rule changes.

rob said...

that's a better catch than fitzgerald's. holy shit, what a fourth quarter.

Rhymenocerous said...

35 seconds and 2 TOs for Zona should make every Pittsburgh fan very nervous...

rob said...

this, my friends, is why we watch.

Shlara said...

I think I aged 5 years in the last 10 mins.

Jerry said...

Now we just need the Polamalu TD for the backdoor cover.

Geoff said...

What the hell? I think that was an incomplete pass... That was shady.

Mark said...

Unbelievable game. So many marquee players stepped up and kept taking the game to the next level.

However, I do not believe that Snatonio Holmes got his right foot down on the winning TD catch. It was tough to tell from most angle but the back judge camera sure looked awfully conclusive.

Rhymenocerous said...

Seriously. How does the Warner pass attempt not get reviewed? He pushed the ball forward when his arm came forward. I guess Gooddell didn't want OT to eat into the 1-hour Office spectacular at 10:30 PM.

Mark said...

"this, my friends, is why we watch."

I love when Rob explains my life to me.

Mark said...

Fwiw, I was completely ready to put this game on the Steelers' O-Line. Between the two fgs that Pittsburgh had to settle for inside their 5 and the safety that they took late, it just felt like this game was going to end with a ton of the blame falling upon the Steeler O-Line. Nobody will remember any of that now.