Monday, February 11, 2019

Life Imitates Fiction

zdaughter likes to watch a cartoon called "Sheriff Callie's Wild West" on Hulu. The show is named after its main character, a female cat named Callie who is the sheriff of a town called Nice and Friendly Corners. Callie has a magic lasso and a blue horse named Sparky who has glitter in his mane and tail. Callie thwarts bad guys every episode, thereby keeping Nice and Friendly Corners nice and friendly. You can see why this would appeal to a four year old girl.


It's a Disney show so the actors are reasonably famous. Mandy Moore voices Callie and other cast members you might recognize include Kevin Michael Richardson, Cree Summer and Mo Collins. Flea, Iggy Pop and Henry Rollins (somewhat inexplicably) made cameos as bad guys. Pop and Rollins were the Silverado Brothers, two ice skating stoats. Stoats like weasels, not stoat the baw.


I watched season 2 episode 21a with zdaughter the other day, it's called "New Sheriff in Town." The premise is that Rusty, the leader of a group of dogs who rustle, runs for sheriff of Nice and Friendly Corners. Rusty is a sheepdog with a preposterous mop of hair. He acknowledges that he used to be a bit of a shady character but claims to have seen the light, turned good, and now wants to keep the town safe.


His stump speech promises preposterous things like free milkshakes everyday and rollerskating anywhere and anytime you like, and chores will be against the law. His slogan is "Vote for Trusty Rusty!" The townspeople don't take him seriously but Callie, ever the proponent of free and open elections, says that he should be allowed to run. Nevertheless, as all the animals of Nice and Friendly Corners wait in line to vote they all agree that Rusty will be lucky to get even one vote. Callie is eminently qualified with years of relevant experience! Nice and Friendly Corners is ready to have a female leader.

Right as the voting ends, Rusty's crew cause a distraction and switch the ballot box out for one containing only votes for Rusty. They rigged the election!

The townspeople can't believe it! Callie tells everyone that Rusty should be sheriff if he won fair and square, but she suggests that everyone take a look at the votes and the ballot box. Before she can begin her investigation, Rusty takes her badge, pins it on his jacket, and throws Callie in jail for breaking a law that he made up right then and there, audaciously stating "You just broke mah new law which means you're goin' to jail!! " and as an side to his crew "Where she'll be out of my way!"

He then fires Callie's deputy (Peck the woodpecker), makes his cronies deputies, and throws Callie in jail. Rusty goes on to perpetuate all sorts of new laws that accrue only to his benefit. His motto is "I'm the one who makes the laws and if I can make 'em well I can break 'em! So when me and my boys see things we like well we're just gonna take 'em!" He drinks everyone's milk, takes their vegetables, swipes their coins, and all manner of other things that are neither nice nor friendly. The corruption is mind-boggling.

Luckily, Rusty's cronies are wildly incompetent. Whilst imprisoned in a jail cell, Callie offers to teach one of Rusty's deputies how to use her magic lasso and because he's concentrating so hard on trying to learn she tricks him into explaining how they rigged the election and where they hid the ballot box. She relays this information out the window to her faithful deputies outside (one of whom is a talking saguaro cactus named Toby who rides a goat).

The real votes are eventually found and counted. Of course, Callie won. She lassos Rusty and throws him and his crew in jail. Nice and Friendly Corners is nice and friendly again.

It's a nice story but really, who could imagine a fact pattern so preposterous?

39 comments:

rootsminer said...

I dunno, seems plausible.

rob said...

man, we should write scripts for children's television programming.

relatedly, you know the hardest part of writing children's television programming?

zman said...

Remarkably, Rusty doesn't have a single Borzoi in his crew.

Whitney said...

Chris Cornell won a Grammy. Okay. It just always feels like the RIAA is two steps behind.

rootsminer said...

My younger son was intrigued just yesterday that anyone would be named Rusty, and now this post. G:TB data mining operation is really on point!

Dave said...

i don't know . . . i kind of like this "chores are against the law" platform. rusty sounds like my kind of guy.

me and my kids watched "in bruges" saturday night. it's streaming on netflix (but you'll never find it unless you type it in . . . they hide the good stuff because they have to pay to show it and instead push all their homegrown shows). it reminds me of when whitney and i went to bruges and i dragged him around to see hieronymous bosch paintings. also, the dwarf in "in bruges" is NOT peter dinklage, though i promised my kids it was. does this make me a little bit dwarfist?

zman said...

Just a little bit.

Whitney said...

That’s when we played Trivial Pursuit in the oldest pub in Belgium. The cards were printed in Flemish. I feel like we did very well.

Danimal said...

I'll bite, Rob.
Not, I'll bite Rob.

Whitney said...

Rob, please don’t answer that in this space.

rob said...

a guy can tell that joke at a funeral, but i can't tell it here? man, the new editorial standards are tight ever since bezos bought gtb.

Dave said...

no school tomorrow!

TR said...

Is Rob’s joke worse than the “what’s the hardedst part of rollerblading” joke?

And is Whit now Rob’s (and Gheorghe’s) moral compass?

I’m confused. And three scotches deep. Snow means work from home, which means no 530 AM alarm setting, which means scotch.

TR said...

School for my kids for canceled 14 hrs ago. Still waiting for the first flake at 715 AM. (snow, not Jeff)

TR said...

The snow is here, my kids are acting like wild animals at home, and my puppy chewed the stitches open on his ball-free scrotum. Already feeling like a Scotchy Tuesday.

zman said...

The snow switched to what appears to be freezing rain. Can't wait for the drive home.

Dave said...

rollo tomassi.

Dave said...

we finished "la confidential" this morning . . . another great movie netflix doesn't want you to know they stream. my kids enjoyed bud white's antics.we are now going to try to brave the elements and get some lunch. i've got to enjoy this snow day because my school has rescinded president's day (due to this snow day).

Whitney said...

Is "la confidential" an Italian or French film?

Whitney said...

Jason Isbell in Richmond on a June Monday. I'm somebody's huckleberry.

zman said...

LA Confidential is an outstanding movie. The fact that Dave likes Bud White further proves that he is Russell Crowe.

TR said...

Pogba’s looking motivated today. This Man U - PSG match is chippy as hell and super fun to watch.

Danimal said...

Has anyone ever had a smoke alarm alert you for battery replacement during any other time period than the middle of the night?

rob said...

tr put the hoodoo on pogba.

i’m in minnesota. it’s like fucking hoth. but i get to go to the wild game in a corporate suite this evening. so i got that going for me. which is nice.

TR said...

Yep. I put the stink on him.

Rob - I’ve heard a man can warm up at Spearmint. Just words I heard.

zman said...

For a second I thought rob was hunting for wild game.

zman said...

Big day here, yoodgely.

Whitney said...

Being home with the flu really hits home how few Jedi move-things-across-the-room skills I have.

rootsminer said...

Ooof...sorry Whit. It's bad all over this year. Wish I lived closer - I'd bring you come of my apple cider vinegar lemon ginger tonic and some honeyslides.

Professor G. Truck said...

First time I've ever been on gheorghe in my phone! It looks different. I waited too long and the line at the quality chocolate place is insane.

zman said...

Those last two comments are unintentional comedy gold.

Unknown said...

I figured it was just disease delirium...

TR said...

Happy 69th birthday to Peter Gabriel!

Whitney said...

I'm a PG fan. Never moreso than today!


Well, I really liked him when I was in high school, I really wore that third self-titled album out. And that was when you could, on cassette. But still, 69th birthday!

rob said...

somewhere, eric holder is telling his friends that he was on my flight from minneapolis to dc this evening.

TR said...

So Ryan Adams is the new R Kelly!?

Never trusted that guy after he sang a song about New York City and referenced an intersection that doesn’t exist (Houston & 3rd). Poser!

Dave said...

wow. in retrospect, that comment from my phone looks kind of crazy. i waited like 35 minutes to get some quality chocolate for my wife. stupid candy factory in town has two busy days a year and they don't know how to handle them.

mr kq said...

Did you get a golden ticket?

Whitney said...

You should for that comment, KT