Friday, August 06, 2010

A Friday post that fits the formula perfectly

1 washed-up pop culture figure
1/2 tablespoon TV network head idiocy
2 cups glut of cable channels and programming
1 youtube clip with wisecrack attached (in this case, the bolded last sentence does all the work for me)

Mix well, bake, and eat quickly before it gets cancelled.

Rapper Vanilla Ice is indulging his love of home improvement by signing up to host a new DIY TV show. The Ice Ice Baby hitmaker - real name Robert Van Winkle - is set to present The Vanilla Ice Project for U.S.'s DIY Network. A rep for the channel insists the star's renovation experience makes him the perfect host for a home make-over show. The spokesperson says, "Over the last 15 years, Rob has taught himself the basics of home improvement through hands-on experience."

75 comments:

T.J. said...

Hi Igor, we're over here...

rob said...

shouldn't the label be 'shay with a gauge and vanilla with a nail gun'?

rob said...

also, raise your hand if you knew rex walters was japanese-american.

http://es.pn/cPMJj4

T.J. said...

Not when the other label was amazingly already used...

rob said...

oh, label discipline. forgot how important that is to us.

T.J. said...

Damn skippy.

d-train said...

thx igor...i would have understood what he was saying if he spelled correctly.
tj donkey now.

zman said...

Stew's girlfriend had multiple personalities?

Igor said...

My high school girlfriend had multiple personalities. Pity she couldn't have lent one to some of the W&M girls I spent time with.

TR said...

That MTV special, back in the day was intelligent and funny, was epic. What's even funnier is that at that time, MTV thought Chris Kattan was as hip, funny and relevant as Stewart, Leary and Garofalo. When you watch the program, those three treat Kattan like a turd on their shoe. Rightfully so.

TR said...

Must improve: comment proofreading before publishing.

Igor said...

Aren't we about due for a baseball card update? I rather enjoyed the first installment.

Marls said...

How was Cybill Shepard a star? Really fucking annoying in almost every role and super overrated from an attractiveness point of view. Maddie Hayes, good fucking god. Now David Addison, on the other hand, that was one prime piece of meat.

T.J. said...

OK, as I waste time on twitter today, this is my list of contributors/regular visitors to this site that I can find on twitter:

Whit (tumbleweed account)
tiny (only songs in his head)
Squeaky
Geoff
Work Jerry
Wheelhouse Jerry
Mark
SoD

Who am I missing? Marls, you KingKongman (or is that TR)? d-train, did your geriatric ass actually figure out how to get on twitter fo reals?

Igor said...

Check out the film "The Last Picture Show" for a young Cubill Shepherd naked. B&W, but there are multiple scenes of nudity. And Jeff Bridges and Randy Quaid looking very young (but not naked).

Didn't Cybill Shepherd date Elvis?

d-train said...

i'm on bitch! thedanimal11 (that's an eleven after thedanimal) is my handle.
i've yet to send out a tweet. i'm a little nervous.

d-train said...

yes she did. elvis hit that.

zman said...

I guess Marls didn't see Taxi Driver.

TR said...

Igor - you clearly didn't read my entire 1st baseball card post. I said it would be out WEEKLY. So expect the second post to be out by mid-September.

T.J. said...

Nice pull zman.

Igor said...

Did anyone collect football cards? What was the deal where they couldn't show the logo on helmets and had to airbrush them out? Ridiculous.

d-train said...

i had fball cards but not the ones w/out logos. i guess yours must have been of the local pop warner stars. nice going.
i remember having a steve grogan. very nice.

Dave said...

wow-- nothing happens on gheorghe for days (except my longwinded post) and i'm off the internet for two days and there's 17 new posts.

i recommend "last picture show" as good movie and for nudity.

Marls said...

Yes, the teej, I am kingmankong. Long live #26.

I forgot about the last picture show, but not taxi driver. I think cybs sucks in TD.

Not sure if LPS Cybill is enough to outweigh the rest of her crapola.

rob said...

alabama's no. 1 in the newly released coaches' poll, bitches. the fact that such a poll exists on august 6 is nearly as asinine as vanilla ice.

TR said...

And Vanilla Ice is nearly as asinine as Chocolate Rain.

zman said...

Sexual Chocolate, however, is brilliant.

rob said...

as is chocolate thunder

Squeaky said...

http://crapatmyparentshouse.com/

and they are on the evil twitter:
@crapatmyparents

Btw, Buzz is on fire today.

rob said...

way to fuck up a tasty chocolate rhombus

d-train said...

like...who isn't on twitter???

zman said...

>>raising hand<<

Squeaky said...

Sorry to bust up your rhomboid.

d-train said...

z-have been a twitter guy now for about 4 hours. i follow one man - buzz. i lead no one.

zman said...

Is Chocolate Thunder brillianter than Tropic Thunder? Or than Days of Thunder?

Mark said...

What about White Chocolate Thunder?

zman said...

White Chocolate Thundering Herd happened when Jason Williams visited high school chum Randy Moss at Marshall.

Marls said...

Darryl Dawkins is mad brilliant, much more so than Johnny Dawkins or Darryl LaMonica, but less so than Dick Dawkins.

d-train said...

seems only a logical decision by knicks really....

http://tinyurl.com/2bqkmst

Marls said...

The guy was a good at evaluating talent for the draft, he was just a clueless cockbag when it came to business decisions, trades, contracts, and managerial skills. Not a great skill set for a GM.

d-train said...

cockbag. i like it.

Mark said...

Why won't some team hire me as a consultant? I'm at least as competent as Isiah, or Lon Babby (who is somehow a fucking GM) for that matter.

TJ--send out my files to every NBA team first thing on Monday.

zman said...

Hiring Isiah Thomas to work for your pro basketball team is, at this point, like hiring TJ to work at your rehab counseling center. Just clearly a terrible idea that will end horribly.

T.J. said...

In a non-ironic twist, I've been having sum biznass drank for hourz.

zman said...

Please tell me your bidness drank is purple.

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Marls said...

What words do you think prompted General Tso's Pornobot to make an appearance? Cockbag? Turd? Isiah? Thundering chocolate herd?

Igor said...

Is a cockbag a back of cocks or a scrotum? Or Fat Albert Haynesworth?

Igor said...

Wilbon is drunk on PTI or he hit his head before the show. Regarding the worst umpiring call since they began putting chalk down for foul lines (which occurred last night in the Phillies/Marlins game), he made the following pair of brilliantly astute points:

Replay wouldn't have made a difference because at those camera angles, it's inconclusive.

(Gee, Mike, you think if MLB adopted replay they might put a camera down the foul lines?)

It was inconsequential because the Marlins aren't in playoff contention.

(Gee, Mike, but the Phillies are, and given that the win swung entirely on that blown call, don't you think that if the Phils squeak into the postseason by 1 game, we might call that consequential?)

Moron.

Igor said...

Nice typically indignant stance by the ump afterwards as well. "Not even close." Well, that's sort of true...

rob said...

another mismatch in the bronx. this should be as fun as a kick in the balls.

Marls said...

Like a kick in the ol' cockbag.

rob said...

an hour to play two innings. that's slow, right?

Mark said...

I'm not a Sox or Yanks fan, but even if I was I wouldn't be able to sit thru one of their non-playoff games. 4 hours of stalling, strategy, pitch count working drudgery.

rob said...

heartbreaking to see joba reduced to a middle inning guy

Marls said...

Looks like a kick in the cockbag is not that bad.

rob said...

more of a gentle caress this evening

張鴻黃淑娟水 said...

好的開始並不代表會成功,壞的開始並不代表是失敗..................................................

T.J. said...

Exactly.

rob said...

wait. a-rod got drilled with a liner during bp while schmoozing with joe buck? c'mon, that's just too easy.

T.J. said...

D-train, you following Buzz but not GTB? Shame on you.

T.J. said...

D-train, I like the quick response...

d-train said...

yes. following gtb now. and leading them also.

Mark said...

In case you missed it, Tim Tebow has a new haircut: http://twitpic.com/2ckyyv

rob said...

mike tomlin gave the entire steelers roster the day off today for dick lebeau's hall of fame induction. i like.

Mark said...

Tomlin's a hard coach not to like. If only he hadn't gone to college with a bunch of insufferable schmucks.

rob said...

amen to that

rob said...

emmitt's gratitude for moose johnston was some moving shit

Dave said...

back from the woods just in time to leave comment #69. click your hooves.

Igor said...

Igor had a really good weekend.

T.J. said...

You won the lotto? Were cast in the new biopic "Thunder Road"? Are being sarcastic and spent yesterday in the clink?

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d-train said...

is tiger toast? will he return to to his former self? is his career over? what's up with that goatee? ryder cup? world's #2?
will he get laid again? can he break 80 at whistling straits? the hank haney split - is he regretting how that went down? will he take up baseball? what IS his favorite color?

d-train said...

and one other question - is phil mickelson allergic to the #1 spot?

T.J. said...

Every one of d-train's questions are answered by one of 文王廷's links.