Monday, May 03, 2010

Have you seen my baseball (season)?

So, in honor of May, let's try something new around here...and talk sports. No, not the sports Mark wants...or work Jerry...or regular Jerry...but baseball. We are now a month into the new season, and I am here to catch you up, real quick, so you can return to your Pawn Stars and the new season of Jersey Shore...and of course the NBA and NHL Playoffs...

HOWEVAH, while I am here, the first month of baseball, in typical G:TB fashion:

Have you seen...the record of the hometown 9? That's right, the Nats are 13-12, and playing competent ball all around (minus the Game Changer of course). And they're chasing the Metropolitans in the NL East? That's correct y'all (as some drunken country bumpkin might say).

Speaking of the Nats, a sure fire HoFer who no doubtedly used some sort of performing enhancing drugs is currently batting .400 and carrying a pitching staff composed of a Cuban raftugee and four dudes who were never in your kitchen.

The Orioles are horrific. Yet they just swept rob's Red Sox. In the grand scheme of things, it means nothing. In the course of writing this post, it means everything.

Someone start trailing Paul Konerko's FedEx deliveries...something seems to be adrift on memories bliss.

Robinson Cano is the first Yankee to ever hit .400 and have 8 HRs in April. Sure, I'm a homer, but doesn't that strike you as quite odd given the history of the Yankees?

It's amazing Zach Greinke ever cured his depression issues, because if he reads the following sentence he might just want a Zoloft cocktail:
In his last 85 starts, Greinke has a 2.87 ERA in 540 innings. And he's just 32-27.

This comes off his complete game last night where he gave up one run...and of course lost, because the Royals are a Viagra short of a rally.

Did you know TR's old blog was named after the "Feel My Heat" scene/tune in Boogie Nights? No? Well, it was.

The Pittsburgh Pirates are somehow 10-15 on the year...yet their run differential is -89. To put that in perspective, the next worst run differential is -44.

Well folks, I'd love to stay, but honestly, this much actually typing kills my nails.

30 comments:

Dan said...

mark - only 120 days or so 'til college footbaw

TJ said...

That didn't take long...

rob said...

so we fired the copy editor, then?

TJ said...

Would it kill you to fix my two typos in one blurb?

rob said...

it's a lot easier to mock you for them.

rob said...

that's my management style - motivation by public humiliation.

TJ said...

Well, once Mr. Wonka let's you work casual Fridays get to work...

rob said...

all fixed. though i'd like to talk to you later. 'hository' sounds like a cry for help.

TJ said...

Understood almost 40 year old dude who still goes by "Squirrel".

zman said...

If we're going to pelt our readers with garbage then we should pelt our writers as well.

TJ said...

Hey Dan, you hear your boy Barry bash the Irish today?

Dave said...

i agree with the typing thing-- nothing makes me feel more queer than typing for a while.

i am working on a sports post. i will give anyone who guesses the topic one million dollars.

zman said...

Does it involve the World Footbag Association?

Mark said...

No love for the Cardinals? My ESPN iPhone app and my drunken father tell me they've been tearing shit up so far this year. But honestly, that's about all I've got. Now, if you want 10,000 words on the Spurs-Suns series or on the Magis as a whole, well, you just let me know.

TR said...

PM Motherfucking Dawn!

TR said...

Set Adrift on Memory Bliss (PM Dawn)

vs.

Tom's Diner (Suzanne Vega)

What's your pick for the greatest ethereal pop song of the early 90's that doesn't hold up today?

TR said...

Anybody else been at work for over 14 hours? I'm bloated on Indian food, cranking a Sports Guy podcast and feeling fatigued and generally gross. And I'm pretty sure I have BO. Good times.

Mark said...

Tom's Diner has a dope beat. I have it on vinyl and use lay acapellas from other songs over the instrumental B side. Set Adrift actually has a pretty good beat too but I fucking hate PM Dawn.

rob said...

versus just panned the bruins/flyers crowd. bostonians are not the best looking lot.

Mark said...

Things have gotten very chippy, very quickly in Cleveland. Anderson Varejao is good at what he does but I'd really like to kick him in the Jimmy.

And Rondo has 18 assists. Actually, make that 19.

Mark said...

LBJ better be hurt because right now this one hell of a playoff no show.

Mark said...

That might be the softest tech ever. Of course, it happened because Mo Williams acted like he'd been shot. Fuck that guy.

Shlara said...

Some idiot really just threw a beer on the floor at the Q??

Mark said...

Its Cleveland Shlara. It's full of idiots.

Mark said...

If Boston blows this game the NBA should just call the series tonight.

zman said...

I feel bad that that guy went from shooting dice with Ashy Larry to doing Digiorno's bread stick ads.

mayhugh said...

Mark - $5000 dollars to you if you play PM Dawn's "I'd Die Without You". And let me sing the harmony.

mayhugh said...

At your wedding I mean. Typing challenges me too

Dan said...

tj - do tell.

Geoff said...

Sadly, I don't think this briefing will be about what I want it ot be about:

Demi Moore and several lawmakers hold a briefing on domestic sex trafficking (Capitol Visitor Center, 2:30 pm).