Play Ball!

Baseball returns to our loving arms tomorrow, with the Yankees' Carlos Rodon throwing out the first pitch of the season on American soil against the Brewers at 3:00. And while we won't follow it as closely as we once did (though the Mets' contingent here has significant reason for enthusiasm), we're still romantics at heart. Which is why we offer you this traditional season-opening sentiment:

Lotta ball left. Stay on target.

If you want a different sort of wholesome season-opening content, check out this video of Astros manager Joe Espada letting a rookie know he made it to the show.

MLB Opening Day Filler

I'm just gonna throw this up right now as a place holder...I might actually come back and add a bit more on Opening Day later.



If in fact I do not return, here is my apology picture in advance.

Have you seen my baseball (season)?

So, in honor of May, let's try something new around here...and talk sports. No, not the sports Mark wants...or work Jerry...or regular Jerry...but baseball. We are now a month into the new season, and I am here to catch you up, real quick, so you can return to your Pawn Stars and the new season of Jersey Shore...and of course the NBA and NHL Playoffs...

HOWEVAH, while I am here, the first month of baseball, in typical G:TB fashion:

Have you seen...the record of the hometown 9? That's right, the Nats are 13-12, and playing competent ball all around (minus the Game Changer of course). And they're chasing the Metropolitans in the NL East? That's correct y'all (as some drunken country bumpkin might say).

Speaking of the Nats, a sure fire HoFer who no doubtedly used some sort of performing enhancing drugs is currently batting .400 and carrying a pitching staff composed of a Cuban raftugee and four dudes who were never in your kitchen.

The Orioles are horrific. Yet they just swept rob's Red Sox. In the grand scheme of things, it means nothing. In the course of writing this post, it means everything.

Someone start trailing Paul Konerko's FedEx deliveries...something seems to be adrift on memories bliss.

Robinson Cano is the first Yankee to ever hit .400 and have 8 HRs in April. Sure, I'm a homer, but doesn't that strike you as quite odd given the history of the Yankees?

It's amazing Zach Greinke ever cured his depression issues, because if he reads the following sentence he might just want a Zoloft cocktail:
In his last 85 starts, Greinke has a 2.87 ERA in 540 innings. And he's just 32-27.

This comes off his complete game last night where he gave up one run...and of course lost, because the Royals are a Viagra short of a rally.

Did you know TR's old blog was named after the "Feel My Heat" scene/tune in Boogie Nights? No? Well, it was.

The Pittsburgh Pirates are somehow 10-15 on the year...yet their run differential is -89. To put that in perspective, the next worst run differential is -44.

Well folks, I'd love to stay, but honestly, this much actually typing kills my nails.

Worst. First Pitch. Ever.

The Mayor of Cincinnati, Mark Mallory, should have practiced** a little before unleashing this montrosity (possibly the worst form on a pitch I have ever seen). The look of bewilderment on Eric Davis' face is priceless.

**Wow, according to this article in the Cincinnati Enquirer, Mallory did practice...twice...before releasing this Ralph Wiggum special. It's a shock Pete Rose's words of wisdom didn't help:
"You imagine the person you hate the most is standing behind the catcher," Rose told Mallory.

Baseball is back...

...and I couldn't be happier: