Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Subway Declares: Cease and Desist!

I'll try to dumb it down after the last post . . . you may have heard that Subway is trying to copyright the term "footlong" in association with its twelve inch sandwiches. They recently sent a "cease and desist" letter to The Coney Island Drive Inn, a restaurant in Brooksville, Florida, that sells "footlong" hot dogs.

After explaining that Subway "has applied for the trademark FOOTLONG (TM) in association with sandwiches," the letter says:

You are hereby put on notice to cease and desist from using FOOTLONG (TM) association with sandwiches. You must immediately remove all references to FOOTLONG (TM) in association with sandwiches.

You can read the letter in its entirety and more on this case here.

What you may not have heard is that I, Mr. Truck, have also received a "cease and desist letter" from Subway. The odd thing about this letter is that Subway is threatening legal action if people (especially young nubile women) do not immediately stop calling me Mr. Footlong. In no way did I encourage this nick-name, and if anyone is calling me this, it is completely without my knowledge or premeditation. It is simply how God made me. Here is an excerpt of the letter:

Dear Mr. Truck:

You are hereby put on notice to cease and desist from allowing sexually attractive women to use the term MR. FOOTLONG (TM) in association with your turgid genitalia, tally-wacker, prong, et al. You must immediately dispel all such rumors and references to MR. FOOTLONG (TM) in association with this matter.


I do not want to be involved in a costly lawsuit, and I have heard there are some products available on the Internet that will remedy this situation. Perhaps then the ladies will change my nickname to Mr. Cubit.

39 comments:

d-train said...

http://tinyurl.com/25ktyql

TR said...

I hear that "Nick the Dick" from Bachelor Party fame is also being sued.

zman said...

Is this why people keep calling me Mr. Angstrom? I thought it was due to my fondness for Updike.

Mr. Truck said...

we're trying to dumb it down here, zman.

d-train said...

is the teej mr. truck? i missed that somehow, speaking of dumbing down.

Geoff said...

I received a similar letter from the gherkin pickle people.

d-train said...

sunmaid raisins for me

zman said...

TR got an angry letter from Matt Groening regarding the "Mayor Quimby" mark. TR reluctantly stopped using the mark in commerce, but continues to be the main Quimby.

TR said...

I actually have no idea what the word quimby means. I pay little attention to what most of you all type with your stubby proletariat fingers.

Geoff said...

Quimby is the middle man in a soul train.

d-train said...

so the super bowl is going to ny in '14....will have to pass on that one.

Teej said...

Mr. Truck is not the Teej. Come on d-train, I think you can solve this caper on your own.

Jerry said...

You guys are like Gremlins.

zman said...

I don't truck with no sissies.

Igor said...

Jerry, do you mean that it's a bad idea to get us wet, or a really bad idea to feed us after midnight? Or do you mean we are like crappy cars of the 1970's?

Mr. Truck said...

i think he means the legendary creatures from WWII that were blamed for any mechanical failures on planes . . . as seen in "nightmare at 20,000 feet."

MR TRUCK!

zman said...

That was William Shatner right?

Igor said...

I like this Mr. Truck character's style.

Mr. Truck said...

there might only be room enough on this blog for one of us, igor.

MR. TRUCK!

Igor said...

Apparently, they just reported that Subway is declaring a Cease and Desist on any people named Jared as well. In related news, Jared Jeffries has officially renamed himself That Feeble, Fragile Guy With Little To No Game.

Jared Allen is going by "Dewey" before his counter-suit is resolved.

Igor said...

Easy there, Mr. Truck. We can all get along. We can even all get a . . . FOOTLONG™!!!

And that's you do a trademark symbol, Mr. Suck™.

OGIR!!!! (inadevertent typo left in)

Mr. Truck said...

dammit, igor, how did you make that little TM?

i wanted to do that in my post . . .

foiled this time, but beware of:

MR. TRUCK!

Mark said...

Do I have to change my name now too? This is getting ridiculous.

As is my injury situation, it's apparently a herniated disc in my neck. The doctor is talking about steroid injections in said neck and a month or two of rehab. Meanwhile, I'm trying to figure out if I can get some free weed out of this. Seriously though, why can't some big oaf like TJ get injured? That asshole doesn't even like exercise.

Teej said...

Sucker. That's what you get for doing this "exercise" thing.

Jerry said...

Teej is an abbreviation of an abbreviation. Where does it end?

Mark said...

I don't know Jerome. When does it?

T.J. said...

I went back to basics.

cgormley said...

I'm all about free swag. So this, http://tinyurl.com/29p49tq , just made my decision to pre-order the new Blitzen Trapper album easier.

T.J. said...

Now I'm absolutely convinced you guys just make these bands up.

rob said...

teej, quiz. which of the following is not an actual band:

fuck buttons
lcd soundsystem
demon unicorn
black rebel motorcycle club

T.J. said...

I'll guess "fuck buttons", because as awesome as that name is I could see marketing being a bit of a problem.

rob said...

and yet:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fuck_Buttons

T.J. said...

I'll be damned...I think I have a new favorite band.

rob said...

demon unicorn is, as of this writing, not an actual band. that is subject to change as soon as mr. truck decides he needs a side project. (there's a hint for dan)

KQ said...

And then there's this band:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selfish_Cunt

Not sure why, but Mr. KQ thought I'd like them.

zman said...

LCD Soundsystem has a new album that's supposed to be good. The new BRMC, not so much.

Greg said...

I saw Demon Unicorn open for Disaster Area at the End of the Universe.

zman said...

In other news, Mark Teixeira becaume the 5th player to hit 25+ HR in each of his first 7 seasons. I could only guess one of the other four.

Igor said...

Zman, the Family Guy TR referenced is on the Cartoon Network at 11:30 tonight. The 11pm episode is a keeper, too. Meanwhile, the Family Guy on my local Fox station now is perhaps my favorite. ("Wasted Talent"). You can't escape, Z, Peter Griffin will get you.