Thursday, July 30, 2009

A Greasetruck song for Gheorghe

Although I generally keep my thoughts constrained to one sentence over on The Sentence of Dave, I think the readers of Gheorghe may like the new Greasetruck song, "King of the Ring." It's about evolution, and everybody likes songs about evolution, and it has several sports allusions, which is why I think it should premiere over here. I also sing like a choir of angels, but that's nothing new. The song is a technological triumph as well as an artistic one, because you can play it just by clicking on the widget below. It took me longer to figure out how to do this than to record the song. I've also included the lyrics, in case you can't make out my rural inflections.


I want to pit my kids against your kids--
like Michael Vick, I want to see who will be the king of the ring.

Hey man is that your boy over there?
Rolling around in that tight underwear,
fondling boys on that gymnastics mat?

I think my boy will challenge yours to man to man combat

Yeah that's my boy, in the shade of the tree.
Flower in his hair, strumming his ukulele.
Do not let his appearance deceive you--
just like your boy, he's got his moves . . .

He is not one of your ordinary fools.
He does not play by your everyday rules.
He bites and kicks, he might even grab your jewels

So there's your girl with the big stack of books--
I'm sure you know she's a little short on looks.
Check out my girl in the pink mini-skirt,
that biker groping her is sure to get hurt.
Like sticky paper attracting flies . . .

My girl's honey catches all the guys.
I'll have me a grandson before you blink your eyes.

But your four eyed girl-- she's economic pain.
She'll need a doctorate to feed her greedy brain.
And that's my youngest, crouching down, eating dirt--
he's in direct communication with the earth.
he don't talk so good, but his mind, it ain't dull . . .

in fact his teacher says that he might be special.

so your kids, they don't stand a chance
in this no holds barred genetic dance.
Your kin will stand alone against the wall
while mine procreate with everybody at the ball.

Like locusts, they will overrun the world,
while you're busy incubating your precious pearls.
So I want to pit my kids against your kids--
like Michael Vick, I want to see who will be king of the ring.

22 comments:

TJ said...

Well that was an interesting way to start my day...

zoltan said...

Apostrophe police will get you.

Dave said...

whats that' supposed to mean?

cgormley said...

With an image of your recent stashe still fresh in my mind I find the song very creepy. Especially the second verse.

TJ said...

Dave, it means Whit is a grammar snob.

Dave said...

i'm notoriously bad with apostrophes. where did i miss them? can you actually HEAR me misuse an apostrophe when i sing?

zoltan said...

"[W]hile your busy incubating your precious pearls" should include a you're not a your.

I want to hear Dave's dulcet angelic tones, but I fear I'll get fired if I play this at work.

rob said...

now that casey kasem's dead, gtb is the place to break new music. i like it.

zoltan said...

So apparently TR is going to name his new son "Zoltan."

rob said...

i hope that's true. it would give me great joy.

TJ said...

I thought I had him convinced "Orenthal" was the way to go...

zoltan said...

You know what would give you even greater joy? Attending a "Magnum Mustache Bash." I can't post the image because I'm html impaired.

TJ said...

In vino veritas...Actor Val Kilmer owes $538,858 to the U.S. government in unpaid taxes, according to reports.

Whitney said...

Dave, your song "The Bear" was a finer song to air here. One man's opinion.

Wait . . . Casey Kasem's dead?

TJ said...

He is? Is Abe Vigoda finally dead?

Dave said...

i think i can add "the bear" to that widget. "the bear" really needs a video.

TJ said...

Speaking of old, possibly dead people, the Comedy Central Roast of Joan Rivers next week should be a doozy.

TJ said...

Ortiz is on the 2003 steroid list...not a shock at all I guess...

TJ said...

And just release the whole list for chrissakes...

rob said...

mlc post to follow shortly re: ortiz. far more saddened than shocked. fuck all of them, frankly.

TJ said...

It's amazing that all these years later Ken Caminiti's claim of 60-70 percent players on the juice is not only true but perhaps an undersell.

rob said...

i like the new greasetruck single, but it ain't gonna sell. america needs a chorus.