Wednesday, July 29, 2009

16 Reasons to Love Superbad

I'm not really breaking now ground on the interweb with this one, but Superbad has
been trapped on this guy's DVR for a while now, and it may never come off. The first 30 minutes are classic. Jonah Hill brings the goods with every other line. Here's a snippet to get you through your Hump Day morning.

“Well I’m sorry, Evan, that the Coen brothers don’t direct the porn I watch. They’re hard to get a hold of, okay?”

“You ever seen a vagina by itself? Not for me.”

“You know what I do? I flip my boner up into my waistband. It hides it and it feels awesome. I almost blew a load into my belly button.”

“And (she dated) Matt Muir. He’s the sweetest guy ever. Have you ever stared into his eyes? It’s like the first time I heard the Beatles.”

“I’m not gonna dance around it. She looks like a good fucker.”

“When am I gonna need to cook tiramisu? Am I gonna be a chef. No. There’s two weeks left in school. Give me a fuckin’ break.”

“For some reason, I don’t know why, I would just kind a sit around all day and draw pictures of dicks.”

“They literally made me stop eating foods shaped like dicks. No hot dogs, no popsicles. You know how many foods are shaped like dicks? The best kinds.”

“Well, Jules, the funny thing about my back is that it’s located on my cock.”

“She wants to fuck me. She wants my dick. In and around her mouth.”

“She looked me in the eyes and said ‘Seth, Mama’s making a pubey salad and I need some Seth’s own dressing.”

“By the time college rolls around, I’ll be like the Iron Chef of pounding vaj.”

“Making her tits smaller? That’s like slapping God across the face for giving you a gorgeous gift.”

“I gotta catch a glimpse of these warlocks. Let’s make a move.”

“Oh, you got a stain too. We’re blood brothers.”

“I’m sorry. You used my leg as a tampon.”

32 comments:

TR said...

Sage Stallone. Sage Rosenfels.

Is there anybody out there named Sage who isn't a d-bag? I imagine there's gotta be a female porn star who can redeem that first name.

TJ said...

Sage Steele...from Comcast Sports Net to ESPN...but she also could be a porn star.

TR said...

She's disturbingly skinny. It's like a bobblehead balanced atop a toothpick.

TJ said...

That's a much nicer description than I had to offer...

zoltan said...

“You know what I do? I flip my boner up into my waistband. It hides it and it feels awesome. I almost blew a load into my belly button.”

I think TR said this to me in 1993.

TJ said...

I'm quite certain Alfonso Soriano has the worst at bats of any "big time" player in baseball...and I use that term very loosely for him. Worse yet, I think he makes like 18 mil a year.

TJ said...

Wow, ok, can someone tell me who is second in all of baseball in hits right now? This shocked me.

TR said...

Teej - You were entrenched in DC by the time Alfonso became the Yankee second baseman, so you probably didn't get to watch him every day as a young player. I did, and I did not miss him at all when he left town. I would've cheered any reasonable trade. The guy swings at everything and can't grind out a walk to save his life. He's also a lazy defensive player. It's hard to think you'd be indifferent to the departure of a potential 40/40 guy, but that was the case.

I'm glad the Yanks let him go so they could focus their funds on stalwart pitchers like Vasquez, Wright, Pavano, Randy Johnson, etc...

TR said...

Jeter?

TJ said...

Jeter is incorrect...

And despite being here in the greater DC metropolis, I cringed at every Soriano at bat as a Yankee. Jesus christ man, can you at least lay off one curveball in the dirt?

TJ said...

Oh yeah, I also saw that Javier "Giant Vagina" Vazquez is second in the NL in strikeouts...that's fine and good, but just wait to Javy has to pitch a meaningful game in late Sept/Oct. Debacle.

zoltan said...

Todd Helton?

TJ said...

Not Helton...

zoltan said...

Is Julio Franco still in the league?

TJ said...

Think a guy traded in last two years...for a boatload of prospects...

Mark said...

I had to look it up (SURPISE!) so I won't ruin it...but start thinking about a really funny Jimmy Kimmel mock interview and you'll get there...

TR said...

...or start thinking about Dominicans, steroids and lying about one's age.

Come to think of it, don't think of that. It won't narrow the list down that much.

zoltan said...

Is Griffey Dominican?

TR said...

Stuck in a bus in a monsoon. Traffic is so bad I'm afraid I'll pee my pants if I drink the Foster's oil can in my briefcase and havto hold it in for two-plus hours. Lightning is striking immediately around this metal vehicle and 40 annoying adults are yapping on their phones in near-panic mode.

Other than that, the last night before my wife gives birth is going swimmingly. Three hour commutes = good times.

zoltan said...

You carry a can of Fosters to and from work every day?

TR said...

An oil can is my end-of-the-week commute present to myself. But with train lines cancelled, I hoofed it from Penn to Port Authority. Rivetting story, I know.

rob said...

tejada? and howdy, boys. good luck to the tr family.

TJ said...

Correct...Mr. B-12 himself

Greg said...

End of the week? It's Wednesday.

TJ said...

Wednesday? Shit...it's Nudie Magazine Day.

TJ said...

Hey Braylon Edwards, you're a piece of shit.

Mark said...

Aren't all Michigan WRs (except for Anthony Carter)?

TJ said...

Whit's boy Dan Wheeler having a rough 9th...

TJ said...

...and Brian Bruney trying to top Wheeler. Get an out man.

zoltan said...

I don't think it's Tejada...

http://www.baseball-reference.com/leaders/H_active.shtml

zoltan said...

Oh... you meant for this season. I'm still stupid.

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