Most of these guys never had a prime...this guy here is dead

GTB TWIB Notes (with all due respect to Mel Allen)

Last night was by far the best seats I have ever had, 7 rows behind home plate, with a pre-game buffet and complimentary ballpark fare throughout the game, served by the best waiters and waitresses I have ever seen (wink, wink, nod, nod). Too bad the Nationals decided not to show up. Brady Clark hit the first pitch of the night a very long way, setting the tone for the whupping. Claudio Vargas of the Nats assured himself of another stint in the minors, allowing 6 runs and getting 4 outs. When Tomo Ohka has to save your ass, pack your bags kid. Some donkey named Wes Obermueller of the Brewers sat down the first 19 Nats he faced before Jamey Carroll ruined his perfect game in the 7th, drawing the only noticeable cheer of the night from an announced crowd of 26,000 that looked more like 13,000. Who cares though – have I mentioned how money these seats were? Even Boo Radley sitting next to the Future Missus and mumbling to himself all night couldn’t ruin these seats.

I pondered naming this post “Derrek Lee is fucking awesome”, because honestly, he is. Could you imagine how bad it would be for the Cubbies if not for D Lee? Last night, Lee went 4 for 4 with two homers and drove in all of the Cubs' runs in a 4-3 win over the Pirates. Plus he’s carrying my fantasy team, which is nice.

“Throw me the idol, I'll throw you the whip” - The Cubs have signed 80 year old infielder Enrique Wilson to a one-year contract. Don’t the Cubs already have Neifi Perez and Jose Macias? Aren’t these all the same guy?

Best name in the minors, Tagg Bozied, a 1B in the Padres system.

Mike Lupica is mailing it in this morning, writing the Clemens to the Yankees story, the first of what I assume will be 100 more columns like it in the next 6 weeks. Mitch Albom has written a column saying Clemens is already a Yankee because the usher in Section 104 told him it will happen.

A heads up to the folks tallying the MLB All-Star ballots – Larry Bigbie (#3) is going to get one vote. You can blame the young lady sitting to my left last night. Oh yeah, Calvin Pickering will be getting one vote as well, and for that I take full responsibility.

The Yankees (and to a lesser extent the Red Sox) have lobbied the Commissioner’s office to play the A’s and Mariners the rest of the season.

This has nothing to do with baseball, but only 1 day left until Episode III debuts. In honor of this historic moment, I leave you with this Star Wars link, perhaps the funniest Conan O’Brien segment of all time.