Monday, May 23, 2005

Monday Morning Drivel

The Pennsylvania Turnpike can suck my balls.

EMF's "Unbelievable" or OMC's "How Bizarre"?

I guess I could question what the hell Dusty Baker was doing yesterday sending Mark Prior back out in the 9th, but instead let's aim the spotlight on one of Prior's rotation mates (and an important staple of my fantasy team) - Carlos Zambrano. Apparently, Carlos likes the email machine, and I'm gonna guess the naked lady websites as well, because the Cubs have had to ask Zambrano to cut back on his computer time for fear it may be playing a role in his tennis elbow. Come on Carlos, how about a little restraint.

If you haven't seen Bobby Abreu's ex, former Miss Universe Alicia Machado, having sex on a Spanish TV show with some random gringo, ENJOY.

Hey, good news for Mitch Albom - the Detroit Free Press found no evidence of Albom writing other columns before the event actually happened (I'm so proud of him). The bad news for Mitch - the paper found he lifted quotes from other publications without attribution, in some cases embellishing the quotes (hell, they should hire me, I can do that). Best part of this whole ordeal - Albom actually lifted a quote from world-renowned truth-teller Jayson Blair at one point.

Michael Jackson's attorneys were expected to call comedians Jay Leno and Chris Tucker to the stand this week. That's the joke.

Oh yeah, Dennis, let us know you're alive out there, will ya.

This is too good for the Comments section..."It is official. Steve Spurrier wants his South Carolina offense to forever be called Cock ’n’ Fire. He recently revealed the offense’s nickname during a gathering of his assistant coaches and football personnel."

10 comments:

Geoff said...

And the best way to stop the Cock n' Fire...penicillin.

T.J. said...

Informative, and disturbing:
http://gyral.blackshell.com/names.html

T.J. said...

Super AWL:

A one-year-old baby was arrested and spent the night in prison in Mexico.

The baby was arrested in Puerto Progresso when his father, Roger Sagundo was caught trying to rob 6 vodka bottles from a supermarket La Cuarta reports.

Mr Sagundo put the bottles on the baby trolley and tried to leave the supermarket, but was caught by security.

Police spokesperson said: "The policeman who got there first thought it was the right thing to do to list the baby as an accomplice, because the bottles were in his trolley."

"Father and son were sent to prison but only in the next morning the policeman on duty at prison realised the son was a baby."

T.J. said...

Does anyone else think Shaq could be playing serious possum and might drop a 35-18-4 on Detroit tonight?

T.J. said...

Much like Copperfield, I have shills in my audience. Well done.

T.J. said...

Go Don and Mike:

Howard Stern came close to endorsing WJFK-FM afternoon guys Don and Mike as his replacement when he moves to Sirius Satellite Radio in 2006. The King Of All Media allegedly said such this morning. Stern sidekick Gary Dell'Abate mentioned that D&M might be replacing Stern nationwide. Stern remarked that it was possible for DC, but he wasn't sure if it would apply to all markets.

T.J. said...

I think the Cleveland Plain Dealer has a man crush on Kwame:

Five reasons why the Cavs should pursue Kwame Brown, Washington's talented but disappointing power forward - even though Brown was suspended for disciplinary reasons by the Wizards during the playoffs:

1. While he's clearly underachieved for a guy drafted No. 1 overall in 2001, the 6-11 Brown still has more potential and upside than Drew Gooden - the guy he'd replace as starting power forward.

2. Brown is a restricted free agent, so the Cavs would merely give up money to acquire him. The Cavs will have plenty of that this summer - they've got plenty of salary-cap room.

3. In Cleveland, Brown, 23, would be pushed and prodded by a superstar much closer to his age and experience (20-year-old LeBron James) - and not verbally abused by an intimidating legend twice his age (Michael Jordan), who drafted, played with and - many say - ruined Brown in Washington.

4. Sooner or later, Brown will fulfill his potential somewhere - if not in Washington. So why not with the Cavs?

5. Brown can't possibly be a bigger knucklehead than veteran point guard Jeff McInnis, whom the Cavs tolerated for nearly two seasons. And, unlike the jaded McInnis, Brown is still young enough to be set straight.

T.J. said...

For each action there is an equal and opposite reaction...

CINCINNATI -- Reds reliever Danny Graves made an obscene gesture toward fans after being shelled and booed off the field in the Reds' 9-2 loss to the Cleveland Indians Sunday, News 5's George Vogel reported.

Graves yelled at a fan and flipped the finger toward the scouts' seats behind home plate after giving up five runs in the ninth inning.
*************
Danny Graves was designated for assignment today.

Geoff said...

Where did you get that Stern/Don and Mike piece from?

T.J. said...

Mitch Albom told me...ok sorry, kidding...it was in Newsweek...ok, McBad...
http://www.dcrtv.net/