[Insert Title Stolen From Wheelhouse]

Well, it's safe to say the Kwame Brown Era in DC is over. Kwame managed to make the front page of the Washington Post, and has not one, not two, but three columns written about him and his time here in Chocolate City. The final straw was apparently a profanity-laced tirade directed at Eddie Jordan prior to practice yesterday. Kwame Brown might blossom in another NBA locale, but as of today, he is the worst #1 pick in NBA history. Michael Jordan drafted him, then along with Doug Collins, they ruined him. The kid was 18, mentally and physically frail (despite the chiseled physique, the jump from dunking on Wes Wilson to banging with Charles Oakley is a BIG jump), and he couldn't handle 1/100th of the pressure of the NBA. Collins even made the kid break out in acne from the stress. Just a disaster. Kwame, we fare thee well (LaRue Martin's on Line 1).

Paula Abdul, pop icon, lunatic, and lover of American Idol contestants? ABC plans to air a story tonight claiming just that - if this is true, I hope Abdul has a historic meltdown on next week's Idol (The contestant, Corey Clark, claims Abdul coached him, dressed him, groomed him...and bedded him). Each time I see her, she seems to be struggling just to spit out sentences (the only person more drunk then her on a Tuesday night is Butt), and I am waiting for the week where Simon just hits her in the back of the head with a folding chair.

Whatever happened to Pop-Up Video? You telling me VH1 couldn't fit in an episode or two between Strange Love marathons? And speaking of VH1 programming, catch the Vanilla Ice Remaking show. Rob Van Winkle apparently wasn't aware of the title of the show, because he would rather have dogs rip off his nuts than change anything. Word to your mother Ice.

Speaking of disasters, how about my New York Yankees? Here's what they pulled out of their bag of tricks in the last week:
-Promoted Everybody Wang Chung Tonight from Triple AAA
-Promoted 2B prospect Robinson Cano
-Moved Tony Womack to Left Field (mind you, he's never played LF in his life)
-Moved Hideki Matsui to Center Field
-Left Bernie Williams scratching himself in the dugout
Since no athlete has killed anyone lately, or got caught with their hand in the steroids jar (Juan Rincon does not count), this Yankees team and their current struggles are smack dab in the middle of the sports media cycle. Most of it is justified, as no team paying it's players 200 million dollars should be struggling this bad, but it is a tad bit over the top. Let's give it a little more time people. Now, that being said, let me give a nominee for May's Most Hated Brother (remember, April was Peter Angelos) - Kevin Brown, step right up. I hate this guy so very very much. Honestly, he should be released. I would rather have Swint throw to big league hitters than send Brown back out to the mound (not a good day for the surname Brown).

I would pay alot of money to see Jeff Van Gundy and David Stern settle all differences dressed in those giant sumo suits you see at the County Fair.

Happy Birthday Lance Bass. I hope you get my card.

Just wanted to mention this - Jason Michaels and Pat Burrell, currently teammates on the Philadelphia Phillies, both went to the University of Miami. At the same time. And were college roommates. Again, just wanted to share this interesting nugget with you, the loyal reader.

Now, you will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep. Check out the name tag. You're in my world now, grandma...More than 40 residents of a Cleveland County nursing home are being relocated after numerous violations prompted regulators to shut down the facility. Among the violations at the Noble Residential Care Home were rodent droppings, urine on kitchen plates and bowls and cockroaches "too numerous to count'' crawling on a resident's clothes and beds.

Let's end this baby in style. I will be tuning into this show, no doubt...Britney Spears and hubby Kevin Federline's new reality series now has a title: "Britney and Kevin: Chaotic." Featuring what UPN bills as "exclusive, never-before-seen private home videos they shot themselves during their courtship, engagement and wedding," the six-episode series will premiere with a special one-hour episode May 17 (9 p.m. ET). A video clip is available on UPN's Web site. Spears, 23, announced last month that she is pregnant with the couple's first child. Spears and Federline were married in September.