GTB presents "The Week of the Bama"

As sands through the hourglass, so go the Bamas of our lives. My god, there have been some donkey performances this week. Where do we begin?

Paul Pierce - What the fuck was he doing last night?? Take the foul, make the free throws, and be happy to escape Conseco Fieldhouse with a W in Game 6. Do not overreact and throw a forearm shiver because you didn't like getting smacked in the face (and yes, there was definitely some flop thrown in by Tinsley). That game was the most entertaining, frustrating, exciting, brutal...hell, I'll let Doc Rivers take a shot at describing it: "That is the craziest ... game I've ever seen in my life". I hate to admit it, because he belongs on this list most nights, but 'Toine saved them again. Of course, if the refs ever called a travel, Walker would never get a shot off in the low post, but hey, it's the NBA. Game 7, tomorrow night, 7pm. This is gonna be good.

Kellen Winslow Jr. - Man, I feel for Johnny G, blapanese superstar softball player and Browns diehard. I don't get it, was Winslow psyched after watching Biker Boyz on Showtime and wanted to impress his posse? I thought only kids trying to get their license drive around a parking lot going 35 mph? When are guys gonna learn that riding a motorcycle is detrimental to their health? (heeeeeello, Jason Williams??? Jeff Kent???) Winslow looks to be out for the entire season...his dad must be so proud.

The Runaway Bride and her fiance John Mason - She's a lunatic, finally snapped, and took a bus to Albuquerque (what is she, Bugs Bunny?). He goes on the god awful Sean Hannity show and says he's gonna take her back. Moron. May these two idiotic lovebirds fade away quickly, because I can't take anymore.
UPDATE: This is why I love the New York Post. Read the article. I will simply tell you the title is "Chaste-y Retreat."

Jeff Van Gundy - OK JVG, the Commish wants you in a body bag, and you're not a very attractive man. However, those points aside, your team has just forced a Game 7, after a stellar Game 6 from T-Mac. Even the corpse of Dikembe Mutombo produced last night (10 boards, 4 blocks, 1 bottle of lotion). Game 7, tomorrow night, 9:30pm, the back end of what should be a great playoff doubleheader.

The entire 25-man roster of the New York Yankees - Hey assholes, you're in last place, tied now with the Devil Rays, who just took 3 straight from you. Alex "Dirty" Sanchez, of all people, made you his bitch last night. 11-18, in the AL East cellar, and no sign of breaking through. I am not ready to throw in the towel yet, but if shit continues at this pace the next 4 weeks, the Bronx Zoo will be returning full force (Gammons says they have until Memorial Day, and Gammons is God). Bonus Bama - Kevin Brown. No explanation required.

Kwame Brown - Not to beat a dead horse, but man oh man Kwame you are a donkey. The immaturity and poor decision-making have cost him a chance to be a part of the most exciting Wizards basketball run in 20 years (yes, it was a Bullets run back then, but you get the point). I am very curious to see where he ends up next year. Portland anyone?

Barry Bonds - Barry is on this list because he simply annoys the hell out of me. There are more conspiracy theories surrounding Bonds' surgeries and rehab than the NBA playoffs and referees. Plus, I thought I got a steal in my fantasy draft taking Bonds for 10 bucks, but he's really screwing me with his repeated trips to Dr. Giggles and extended rehab. Speaking of his doctor, Arthur J. Ting, he's been reprimanded twice by the CA Medical Board and is currently on probation for unprofessional conduct. Sounds about right.

Don't forget, 8pm tonight, just blocks from GTB's homebase, the Washington Wizards attempt to make the 2nd round of the playoffs for the first time since 1982. The stars of that team: Greg Ballard, Jeff Ruland, and Spencer Haywood. Woooooooooow. Go Wiz (and put a hand in Pargo's face please).