Sunday, May 03, 2015

Number One with a Bullet

It's a gorgeous spring afternoon in Lancaster, PA, which itself is a surprisingly interesting little city. If you want to wake to the smell of cow manure, it's got you covered. If your thing is tattoo parlors, hipster artisan foodstuffs (we've had gourmet pickles, hella good pretzels, and cupcakes, too), or local microbreweries (been to three of those), the heart of Amish country has that, too. Bowl haircuts? Check. Horse-drawn carriages? Sure.

Looked for Ishmael, to no avail
But I didn't come here to pimp Lancaster, or to lament the fact that I've spent the better part of this beautiful weekend inside a Marriott watching pre-teen girls dance. (I also watched a 6'2, 250-lb boy take the stage for a tap routine. Kid wasn't all that good, and I'm guessing he's dancing to improve his footwork for the gridiron, but he took it seriously, and certainly didn't embarrass himself. Right on, young man.)

No, I came here to warn you of yet another threat scientists pose to our future.

The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA), the people who brought you the Internet (which goes to show that they can't be trusted, at all), are back with a vengeance. According to circa.com, DARPA "has developed a new .50-caliber bullet that uses optical sensors to hone in on targets."

Put in English, the U.S. military now has a bullet that can adjust its path in flight in response to the movement of its target. after a recent field exercise, Jerome Dunn, DARPA's Extreme Accuracy Tasked Ordnance (EXACTO) program manager, said this about the experimental munition: "This live-fire demonstration from a standard rifle showed that [the bullet] is able to hit moving and evading targets with extreme accuracy at sniper ranges unachievable with traditional rounds."

In the words of the great Chet, game over, man, We're fucked.

G:TB's crack espionage team has managed to get a glimpse of the thing that'll kill us all. At least you'll know what you'll see right before the lights go out.

21 comments:

Mark said...

Solid use of "hella".

rob said...

hipster artisan bloggery

zman said...

Charlton Heston's corpse just got aroused. I can't wait for the NRa to justify everyone's second amendment right to target-seeking bullets. Clearly within the Framers' intent.

Clarence said...

Artisan is a word the retail food world has taken and misused ad infinitum, but if there is a place where I believe it might be accurate, it's Lancaster.

Watch out for Danny Glover up there.

T.J. said...

Les Boullez!

TR said...

Mike Conley's face looks brutal. Some Greek guy I've never heard of now has the impossible task of guarding Curry.

Mark said...

You mean Nick Calathes? Not quite Greek. Of Greek heritage. He's from Orlando and played at Florida. He and Chandler Parsons were high school teammates.

Mark said...

Oh yeah, remember that 48 Hours I mentioned last night? Well it turns out its about a murder that happened about 3 houses down from my house. We didn't live here when the murder happened 3-4 years ago but 'twas a bit jarring to see my neighborhood as a murder scene.

zman said...

My first day of solo parenting is in the books. zdaughter has had a stomach bug and zson is insane so it's been tons of fun. But I kept them alive all day. Only two more days to go.

TR said...

You don't hear the phrase "sunk a 44-foot putt for eagle" much. Big day for Rory.

Mark said...

The wife and I will be in NYC next weekend and won't get back home until late in the afternoon on Mothers Day so we had our parents over for dinner today. I smoked ribs and wings for everybody and they turned out great. I'm in a BBQ coma but think I'll be able to catch my second win in order to eat too much of the brownie pie my Mom brought over.

zman said...

It's an octopus pleasuring a lady.

azi djaya said...

Obat herbal diabetes want to see success right away. And My mom has always been my support system. She taught me to never give up and to keep pursuing my passions no matter what. Anti aging capsule never give up no matter what they are, and I started believing that later on in life. By Ace maxs

zman said...

So the drawing of an orange tabby cat on Betty Draper Francis's fridge has to be a hat-tip to the orange tabby cat from the Sopranos, right? And all the orange clothes and furniture and the orange and blue Mets hat have to be some sort of orange-is-a-symbol-for-death foreshadowing that someone's going to get got before Mad Men is over next week, right? And the lone pair of headlights constantly shining through Don's rear window is supposed to invoke some sort of supernatural being/creature pursing him, right?

Is it just me or is this show getting a little heavy-handed at the end?

TR said...

How about you wait to let the DVR users who wake up at 5 AM and can't stay up until 11 on a school night watch the episode first?

zman said...

Yeah, I really spilled the beans with that comment.

rob said...

what are you guys talking about?

TR said...

I wouldn't know because I didn't read the full comment.

Jerk.

zman said...

Let me see 'em!

Squeaky said...

My body just now feels normal after all the beers on Saturday night. Thank god I stayed away from the bourbon.

Dave said...

finally! now i can kill that stupid raccoon! is .50 caliber enough?