Friday, September 06, 2013

"To The Pain" Pick 'Em: Week 2

Well, here we are ago...another round of Danimal vs. Mark, for the opposite of all the marbles. Despite jumping on a slow boat to China, Dan was able to get his picks in before the commies limited his access to Al Gore's world wide web. Regarding that trip, he seems really fired up: "Am excited to be missing the 2nd wkd of cfb with another trip to China. Going dark in 3….2…..1….."



DANIMAL

Well, I’ve cleaned myself off after getting ass whacked last week. If you don’t recall, BadNews Hughes went 3-0 to my oh-fer. Hopefully that will be corrected this week, but until then, go with Marks’ picks.

ND +3.5 at Mich (Dan made sure to send this early in the week, so he could "lockdown" the 3.5-point spread. Little did he know we are not a recognized Sportsbook)
My first instinct with the Irish last week was to no way in hell pick them. But I did. Rees did though have a nice game with no turnovers and a record day in passing yardage with 346 of ‘em. The talk pre-Temple was all about ND’s D with Tuitt & Nix and their 6 other returning starters. Well Temple had 3 drives of over 50 yards (54, 65, & 74). Two of those resulted in missed field goals and the other a touchdown. Temple had 360 some yards of offense. Temple. That’s a concern. Notre Dame missed two kicks of their own, also a concern. One of the kicks could have been made by Oscar Pretorius. Meanwhile, Michigan won its opener by its largest margin in over 100 years. Granted, it was against Central Michigan of the MAC, but a 50-point beatdown is a 50-point beatdown. Michigan is hosting ND after losing last year, and amidst much talk between the two schools and the rivalry that is about to end. Brady Hoke and his guys will be a little more motivated than normal. Throw in a few missed FG’s by the good guys and you’ve got a Michigan win by 5+. MICHIGAN



WVU +20.5 vs OK
The second I saw this, I felt this was a “LOCK”, with or without last week’s showing against the Wrens. I just don’t think WVU is any good at all. Admittedly, the pick is flawed b/c it’s not about how good OK is but how bad WVU is. Well, tough titties. WARNING: This line is inflated entirely as a result of their debut in Motown. Oklahoma is nothing special and is starting a redshirt freshman that completed something like none of his passes last week. Well, not none but 11, 11 of 28 in fact. OKLA



Boston College +3 vs Wake
With this being the first year of this little competition, we haven’t laid down many rules. For example, it hasn’t been established that we can’t pick the Over/Under. The O/U here is 48.5 Both of these teams STRUGGLED against weaker FBS opponents last week. Granted, Villanova is no cream puff but Presbyterian, well, Wake trailed 14-7 at one point and they were 38 point faves, guy! You might see better football in your kid’s shoolyard. You and Julio, watching Pop Warner football, down at the schoolyard. Need some back to school shoes for that your cheeldren….take the UNDER and treat ‘em to something….REAL NAACE!

COMING...SOMETIME...MARK'S PICKS...

So yesterday The Teej emailed me to see if I'd have my picks in on Thursday or Friday. I told him it was most likely going to be Friday afternoon. Of course, he said he was cool with that and added something along the lines of "not rushing you". Fast forward to just after 1 pm today when I see myself mentioned in one of TJ's many tweets. This tweet in particular was for the blog post you're reading, and it was calling me out for being delinquent. My first reaction was "What a dick.". But then I thought about it a little more and realized TJ was probably just reacting to Rob's demand for a new post. So…fuck you TJ. Fuck you worse, Rob. Now onto the picks!

Oregon (-23) @ Virginia- Did you know Cavalier coach Mike London used to be a cop? Well, he was! And you're going to here about that between 10 and 200 times tomorrow afternoon. Especially in the second half when Oregon is rapidly pulling away from Virginia and turning this game into a laugher. Speaking of laughs, Oregon TB and track star De'Anthony Thomas is one of the few athletes worth following on Twitter. There's some of your typical athlete "Rise &Grind" bullshit but there's also some things that give you insight into one of the nation's best players and his personality. He goes by @EATBLACKMOMBA6. Check him out, if you're into the whole Twitter thing. Back to football, De'Anthony Thomas is stupid fast, Marcus Mariota is the best QB that Oregon has had since Chip Kelly took over in Eugune (I know, Kelly isn't there anymore but his offense still is) and, in my opinion, one of the country's best and TE Colt Lyerla is a freak of nature. Oregon's good and they make giving up 23 points on the road look enticing. DUCKS.



West Virginia @ Oklahoma (-21)- Another big spread. I have to admit, when I saw Danimal San took the Sooners I became a little worried. Both of us were clearly influenced by the struggles of Dan Holgorsen and Co. against the #PantlessGriffins last weekend. Now, I doubt Dana will be as hungover for this week's game. Noon starts are murder on him but I also don't think it will matter. The now somewhat overrated Bob Stoops doesn't lose very often in Norman and the Mountaineers aren't very good this season. You know what is good though? The Bridge. I've made it throughout 6 episodes and I'm all in. Why do I bring this up? Because Jame Gumb is one of the main characters on The Bridge. And, to me, Dana Holgorsen looks a lot like a young Jame Gumb in Silence of the Lambs. THE MOUNTAINEERS PUT THE LOTION IN THE BASKET OR THEY GET THE HOSE!!!



Western Kentucy (+13) @ Tennessee- Do you know who coaches Western Kentucky? Bobby Petrino. Yes, that Bobby Petrino. The same guy who quit midseason on the Atlanta Falcons and blew up the most promising season in the last 40 years of Arkansas Razorback Football when he crashed his motorcycle because a young assistant from his office was sitting behind him on said motorcycle and went for the reach around (at least that's always been my guess). So, Bobby Petrino is pretty clearly an awful dude. An awful dude who's an extremely good football coach. This job is just a stopover for Petrino. His track record of success at the college level is just too good to ignore. Somebody is going to come calling for Petrino this offseason. I guarantee it. Until then though, Petrino can make you some money. He beat the spread, and Kentucky, last week. He's going to do one, and possibly both, again this week. Butch Jones has the Volunteers moving in the right direction but you don't recover from 4 years of Derek Dooley overnight. HILLTOPPERS.

99 comments:

Jerry said...

Presbyterian - The Blue Hose.

Greg said...

Hi Guys! I just got back from New Zealand. Did I miss anything around here?

Here's a clip to add to this afternoon's dipshittery:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I66aySW4le8

zman said...

This post reinforces my belief that I should've gone to Oklahoma or any other massive state school with warm weather and low academic standards.

Greg said...

Arizona State!!! Big School, Warm School, Dumb School

T.J. said...

HI GREG. WELCOME BACK.

zman said...

Greg's video is fucking hilarious.

Greg said...

HI TEEJAY!!!

Mark said...

Warm weather schools. All day. It's in the high 80s today and there are scantily clad girls walking around campuses all over the south.

Mark said...

TJ has my picks. Get on it, pal.

T.J. said...

Teej is currently away from his computer, and needs a few mins to post.

Mark said...

What the fuck, TJ?!!?

Squeaky said...

If Mark makes another strong showing I might need to get a bookie. Might have to start gambling away my sons college fund.

Clarence said...

By the time your son goes to college, it will cost $1B a year, so why bother? Gamble!!

T.J. said...

Ha. Settle.

T.J. said...

You are looking live...at Mark's picks.

zman said...

I used to be a cop 'til they kicked me off the force.

zman said...

And I used to play footbaaaaaall, but I wasn't big enough for coooooollege

Clarence said...

For one of these picks posts, Mark or Danimal should pick an Alabama game and have the commentary simply be the lyrics to The Three Great Alabama Icons.

Dave said...

despite the hot and humid weather, w&m definitely doesn't count as a warm school.

rob said...

this time, mark, i made no posting demands of the teej. this one's all him. i was too busy captaining the winning team in a charity golf event. drained a 15-foot putt on our 18th hole to give us a 1-stroke victory. we did the dance of joy.

and oregon giving 23 to virginia seems like such a sure thing that i'm considering finding a bookie. which is a sure sign that uva will lose by less than 23.

Mark said...

UVA looked pretty good last week which gave me pause. But like most things in my life, I ignored my inner voice.

Apologies, Rob. But still...fuck you.

rob said...

consider me fucked

rob said...

usmnt at costa rica at 10:00. ticos reallllly want revenge for the snow clasico earlier in the hex. me, i'll be asleep by halftime.

Mark said...

Remember last year when my wife left town for the first weekend of CFB? No? Well she left town for the second weekend this year. I'm sure it had nothing to do with a noon kickoff against Miami or the fact that I was drunk to quite drunk by sundown last Saturday and Sunday. Either way, giddy up for tomorrow.

rob said...

my boss and a group of his friends from college are in miami for tomorrow's game. if you see a group of sunburned, hammered 48 year-olds, put them in a cab.

i know you won't be there. it's sort of a rhetorical request.

rob said...

wife and kids are at a kelly clarkson/maroon 5 concert. i have license to get drunk on whiskey by myself.

Clarence said...

Sit on your hand for a while beforehand

Mark said...

I too have that license. I used to go to happy hour with friends when my wife/girlfriend (same person, we've been together for a LONG time) went out of town. Tonight I went to the gym so I could have it do myself for squats and dead lifts. Good Lord, what happened to me?

Mark said...

Rob- Did your boss go to Miami or Florida?

Also, Miami games are so much worse without the Orange Bowl. Sure, it was a dump and in a terrible neighborhood but it had history and it was in Miami. Which made doing other Miami type things both before and after much more convenient. Joe Robbie Stadium (that's all I've ever called it) is fucking north of Forth Lauderdale. It'll take nearly 2 hours to get their from South Beach tomorrow morning.

Fuck. That.

zman said...

I think the Williams sisters are undefeated in major doubles play. They are three points from losing tonight.

rob said...

my boss went to neither - he's just got a buddy with a condo in south beach. it's a bunch of well-off middle-aged dudes on the loose. kinda like a fancier version on obft, with much better scenery.

rob said...

what's your booze of choice this evening, mark?

zman said...

Scratch that, they are undefeated in major finals. 13-0.

Mark said...

That's a fun weekend. South Beach ridiculous, over the top and crowded. It's also open all night. And really fucking fun.

Choice of booze is old reliable. Crown.

Mark said...

What channel is the US Open on Z?

Clarence said...

Couple of my town's high schools on ESPNU right now. Kinda cool.

Mark said...

I had to go to my in-laws house to feed their cats. Again, what happened to me? Anywho, on the very short drive I heard 'Surrender' from Cheap Trick for the first time. Great song.

Mark said...

Doesn't seem like a big deal you'll be asleep by halftime, Rob.

T.J. said...

Wow. Fuck you, Costa Rica.

Clarence said...

In a local wing joint called The Dirty Buffalo. Great wings in a Buffalo Bills decked out place. Zman, next time you're here on an OBFT Wednesday, we'll drop by. Just had a dozen of the off-menu "Sweet Sriracha" variety. Unbelievably good.

Mark said...

Sweet Sriracha wings? Yes please.

I need a recipe.

rob said...

jesus, no kidding.

Clarence said...

Yeah, it was like a little sweet and sour sauce and enough Sriracha to be tasty and a little hot without being overwhelming. Well executed. Being a Bills bar, I woulda thought they would've really fucked it up, but no.

Greg said...

"The Dirty Buffalo" sounds like a sex move

rob said...

you're trying to say it's not?

T.J. said...

email from just received from beyond the Great Wall:

will be heading to a pizza joint owned by a dude from Michigan at 8am tomorrow to watch the nd game. watchin college football on a Sunday morning in a pizza joint in asia – check that off the bucketlist.

T.J. said...

oh yeah, I head to my first NASCAR race tonight, the night race at Richmond

looking forward to the spectacle. and the jorts

rob said...

if danimal's watching games from the future, isn't that sort of cheating in the picks contest?

rob said...

teej, like the drivers, you should pace yourself.

T.J. said...

so breakfast bud lights are not recommended?

Mark said...

Man, fuck Brock Berlin.

zman said...

The only excellence to be found in a real Bills bar should be the wings. Bad football, bad beer, bad teeth, bad fashion, bad everything else.

mayhugh said...

Solomon Patton is kinda fast, eh? When that deep ball went up it looked like it was overthrown by 7 or 8 yards.

rob said...

that's an ill-advised driskel pass, i'd say. who's responsible for keeping the sharp objects away from mark?

zman said...

To paraphrase zfather, this Polack is not done!

Mark said...

Jeff Driskel is an awful, awful Quarterback.

Mark said...

My upcoming trip to Baton Rouge doesn't seem as fun right now. At least I'll be really, really drunk.

Mr KQ said...

On a positive note - brilliant call on Holgorsen and Silence of the Lambs.

rob said...

mr kq, mountain bike comes out of the shop after refurbishment on monday. giddyup.

Mr KQ said...

Took spectacular chest first spill this am climbing hill with the downed tree limb. Depending on IPA count tonight, prob heading out in am. Any interest?

Jerry said...

Another year of horrible offense for the Gators. This is like 6 in a row, right? Since Harvin left.

You can win with the style grindy style that Florida is forced to play with good D and good running. But it requires minimizing mistakes and having a lot of discipline, which is not what they did today.

Jerry said...

It also sucks that they burned Driskel's redshirt. He plays like a sophomore at best.

Mark said...

And the OLine got little to no push for most of the day. Which makes the grind it out on the ground style much tougher. Shame too because Florida's defense in nasty. Really nasty.

Mark said...

What's sucks is that Florida is tied to Driskel for the next two years. Nobody behind him has shown much and the 5 star QB they have committed isn't coming in and starting. I need to drink more.

Mark said...

So today's game was this years version of last years Georgia game. That's what I'm telling myself.

Mark said...

Todd Gurley is a damned monster.

Mark said...

So nobody wants to hang out with me? Ok.

mayhugh said...

I'm here, Mark. I'm here.

Justin Scott-Wesley has too many first names.

Went back and actually read the post, and viewing the pictures I imagine TJ is upset there was no discussion of California, so that he could post a Gummy Bears picture.

mayhugh said...

I take it back, Mr. Scott-Wesley.

mayhugh said...

South Carolina's defense looks like poop.

Mr KQ said...

I'm with you. Grilling n chillin n waiting for the Holgorsen show.

rob said...

ken, playing hoops tomorrow, but definitely up for hitting the trail next weekend.

Mark said...

Hey guys! Some drunk lady at the bar just asked if Vitas and I were brothers. She didn't enjoy our answer.

Florida has the best D in the SEC. And possibly the worst offense.

mayhugh said...

"Gardner taking a blow from Calabrese".

Hehe.

mayhugh said...

The best executed double reverse I've seen. I've seen about 3 of them.

mayhugh said...

Michigan is clearly not confident in their between-the-tackles running. Everything feels gimmicky.

Mark said...

Agreed. Gardner looks really confident though. And him wearing 98 is a total mindfuck.

Mark said...

Anybody here from TJ on his wild NASCAR adventure?

zman said...

Yeah, I'm a fan of the QB rocking 98 just because it's so ridiculous. Then the kicker comes out looking like Thurman Thomas with a 34 jersey.

rob said...

not a peep from the teej. which is either worrisome or a sign of something awesome to come.

Mark said...

Hear*

Mark said...

I vote awesome. He's around of bunch of rednecks in Northern Virginia. What could go wrong?

rob said...

central virginia, but point taken. it's gonna be awesome. looking forward to the blog recap. can't wait!

rob said...

nfl preview teed up for tomorrow, in a manner of speaking

mayhugh said...

That was a really quality low throw into the endzone. Put it where it was going to be caught by his guy or incomplete.

Mark said...

So, is Zach Mettenberger good?

Shlara said...

Brent interviewing Eminem with Kirk laughing...good stuff on college basketball tonight.

Shlara said...

I mean college football...

rob said...

i'll have some of what shlara's having

Mark said...

I'll have some of what Eminem is having. Jesus, that was awkward/awesome.

rob said...

you'll never see a worse combination of decision and execution than devin gardner's

Mark said...

Impressive. The ultimate derp.

T.J. said...

NASCAR!!!

Jerry said...

- Hi, I'm Florida
- Hi, I'm Texas
- Let's make out
- OK

zman said...

Hi Gheorghies.

T.J. said...

Hi zman

zman said...

Who won the race?

T.J. said...

Carl Edwards.

amanda young said...

Congratulations to the winners.. amanda vanderpool fashion