A Musical Contest for a Musical Season: Monks and Naked Ladies

In honor of Music Month, The Almighty Yojo is sponsoring The First Annual G:TB Song Contest. Hopefully, it will be just as successful as The First Annual Circus Peanut Diorama Contest.

Let me explain the premise. The Yojo recently wrote a new song and was beginning to record it in the usual Yojo style: layered flanged guitars, spliced film and interview clips, fragmented drum beats, distorted voices, and psychedelic effects. Though never completely warranted, these devices do certainly fit the content of the new song, which is called "Monks and Naked Ladies."



Plus, The Yojo-- like Gibby Haynes from The Butthole Surfers-- sincerely enjoys warping the sonic structure of every note in his musical productions. According to Michael Azerrad's book Our Band Could Be Your Life, when an interviewer asked Butthole Surfers guitarist Paul Leary why Haynes electronically manipulated his voice so much, Leary explained, "It's just because, y'know, he's got knobs and he can do it. It's like, why does a dog lick its balls?" And then Haynes added his take: "It's probably just my need to express my multiple personalities."

The Almighty Yojo agrees wholeheartedly and concurrently with both Haynes and Leary. And so does Mr. Truck and Dave (The Yojo interviewed them both on the subject).

But this time around, it's going to be different. This time the Almight Yojo is offering an unadorned song to the readers of G:TB. It is simply The Yojo and a guitar. One take. No effects (besides a little reverb) and no overdubs. No guitar solos or pitch shifted voices. The Yojo's unadorned voice is not pretty, but it should get the melody across. The Yojo will also provide lyrics and chords. And, in honor of Music Season, The Yojo is giving this song to the internet, and hoping the internet gives back to G:TB. The Yojo should also point out that these lyrics are full out fantastic-- both in quality and theme-- and they need a singer better than the Yojo to do them justice. A singer that transports you to another world. Perry Farrell. Jeff Mangum. Someone like that. Not The Almighty Yojo. One of the benefits of being Almighty is that you can see your own flaws. The Almighty Yojo is nothing but humble. He knows his limitations and is hoping that someone like Chris Cornell or Robert Plant will exceed them.

Do you hear this, Robert Plant?

The contest is this: record the song. Do a better job than The Yojo. You can use The Yojo's chords and melody . . . or not. You can use The Yojo's lyrics. Or not. Who gives a flying fuck? It's a song contest. Be creative. Once you've recorded your song, post it on SoundCloud or some other music sharing site (SoundCloud is free and particularly easy to upload tracks) and send us the link. The G:TB Music Department will evaluate your song, offer appropriate criticism, and see if anyone can unseat The Almight Yojo. And The Grand Prize will be a full post about your recording.

Do not scoff at The Grand Prize. A plug and an extensive review by the G:TB Musical Staff is worth far more than a bevy of hot groupies. I guarantee that a positive critique by the wordsmiths here at G:TB will propel you to rock stardom. Or not (but Greasetruck will always appreciate Whitney's putting The Bear on his top songs of 2009).  But don't think Whitney is strictly complimentary . . . you certainly don't want to make his list. And you don't want to make  Dave's list either-- unless you're TJ.

If your recording is especially epic, you might pass TR's goosebump test, but that's a tough goal to shoot for. It might be easier to impress Rob, as he sets the bar pretty low. (They don't call him The Upright Limbo Champ for nothing). You might have trouble winning the favor of Zman and Mark unless you get a little urban with your beats, but it would certainly be worth it, because they really know their hip-hop (in fact, I'm listening to Brother Ali right now).

Here is my straight ahead recording of "Monks and Naked Ladies." The Yojo hopes you are inspired.

Monks and Naked Ladies by The Density

And here are the lyrics and chords. You might notice some epic allusions . . . to Coleridge and Melville and William Blake . . . hopefully your voice is monumental enough to pull it off. But if not, who cares? At least you gave it a shot. Just like The Yojo. And, of course, the Yojo will be getting to work on a typical Almighty Yojo recording of the song-- and the Yojo is going to lick his balls and use all the knobs at his disposal-- so you better get busy.

Monks and Naked Ladies

A 7
Once when I was lonely
         D7                                     
I journeyed to the ocean--
motion trumps emotion
for Ishmael and me.
And on the sunless bayside,
a woman told me something
while she shucked an oyster,
a half baked prophesy:

                   A          G          F
She said, “You will not go home . . .
 A              G          F   
you were born to roam.”

I asked her how she knew this
and she handed me a package.
I tore the wrapping open,
inside there was an address.

A             G          F
“You will not go home,
you were born to roam.
C               A#          G#    
Seek the pleasure dome,
a stately pleasure dome.
C                 A#         F
Find this pleasure dome.”

I’ll spare you all the details,
but trust me that I found it.
There were monks and naked ladies
and an emerald moat around it.

A stately pleasure dome.
This would be my home.

And if you need an answer,
then there’s one that I can give:
avoid the road to excess . . .
find a simple way to live.

Also in the package
was a little yellow fortune.
I had a wise man translate,
this is just a portion:

it said . . .

E                    
Cultivate your vices,
F#                                      G
make sure to treat them right.
E
Scatter them like spices
F#                                 G       
through your mundane life,

Bm                               C
because the end is near . . .
the end is near . . .

In fact, the end is here.