Whose Throne Are We Watching? A Review of "Watch The Throne" in Three Parts.

I. Internet Outrage

We here at Gheorghe: The Blog disapprove of platitudes. One of my least favorites is any sentence starting with "In today's economic climate ..." because it can be used to justify anything and, simultaneously, nothing.

There is some outrage on the internet regarding the in-your-face consumerism of "Watch The Throne." The arguments generally go that Jay-Z and Kanye West are acting irresponsibly when they brag about their wealth in today's economic climate. Ridiculous. For the following reasons.

First, Jay-Z is famous because he makes excellent songs bragging about how successful he is, either as a drug-dealer-turned-rapper, or as a drug-dealer-turned-rapper-turned-mogul. His discography is peppered with tracks about his mom or growing up without a father, but for the most part he is successful because he rhymes about his success (his success is thus self-perpetuating, which is why he's brilliant). This involves, in large part, describing his vast wealth in terms of the shit he can buy. He's been doing this for years. Hell, he started out with a song that concludes with "Pushin' hundred thousand dollar cars." And I love that song.

Now he's irresponsible for doing what he's been doing for 15 years? Shouldn't he stop bragging about how much crack he used to sell? Wouldn't that be responsible?

Second, when did we start expecting decorum and propriety from Kanye West?

Third, neither of these guys really owns most of the shit they rhyme about. For example, on "Who Gon Stop Me" Jay-Z has a line about "2 seats in the 911". A 911 has four seats.

Furthermore, neither makes enough to buy an island or a Gulfstream. Jay-Z made $37 million last year while Kanye made $16 million. That's A-Rod and AJ Burnett money, respectively. A-Rod doesn't own a fucking island. He lives in the building next to zsister-in-law, and the cheap bastard uses the gym in zsister-in-law's building (with Cameron Diaz; apparently it's a religious experience to see her in yoga pants). You think AJ Burnett owns a fucking Gulfstream? Please.

When Jay-Z rides in a Gulfstream it's the one owned by his record label. He's too smart to piss away $50 million on a plane, plus $1 million a year to pay for a pilot, fuel, maintenance, storage, and so on. He's supposed to be a genius businessman, and those guys don't fly on their own dime.

Fourth, since when did bragging and boasting about untrue shit become irresponsible in hiphop? For the record, The S1W's did not break Chuck D out of jail. Similarly, Chuck D and Rakim did not break KRS-ONE out of jail. Ad Rock didn't do it to the sheriff's daughter with a wiffle ball bat. Slick Rick never actually found crabs with spears and Indian drums in a woman's vagina. Kwame is not the man we all know and love.

Fifth, if you really want to get pissed off, you should take umbrage in the fact that an allegedly hard-boiled former crack dealer and his partner-in-rhyme are recreational shoppers. That's an effette passtime for two supposed badasses.

Sixth, who wants to listen to rhymes about austerity? Do you want 16 bars about buying rubbers using a flexible spending account ("I get my jimmy hats / 20 per box pre-tax")? Or saving money by riding a bicycle to the studio ("Keep my Ferrari at home / Take my Schwinn to the Terrordome")? Maybe a ditty about buying in bulk ("My girl knows I'm the boss though / She buys my steaks at Costco")?

No one wants to hear about that. Ask KRS-ONE, he already tried it. We would see a resurgance in "Edutainment" album sales if people expected fiscally responsible lyrics from their MC's. But we don't because they don't.

So stop trying to sound deep by making something out of nothing.

II. The Album

I didn't enjoy the album that much. Six tracks stand out: Otis, That's My Bitch, Murder to Excellence, Why I Love You, Primetime, and The Joy. The remaining tracks are heavy and plodding. There are a few great lines like "Rubbing the wood like Kiki Shepard," "She in her birthday suit cause of the damn cake," "Seeds in the ganja had it poppin like the sample that I'm rhymin' with," "I hit the club, ordered some Grey Goose / Switched it for Ciroc to give Puff’s stock a boost," and "Could have been a chemist cause I cook smart." But there were some clunkers too, like "Fly pelican fly" and "I need a slow motion video right now / Cause I’m moving in slow motion slow motion".

Basquiat is name-checked in two different songs, not sure why. "H-A-M," an acronym for Hard As a Motherfucker, is oddly reminiscent of Mickey Avalon's "My Dick" with a bizarre opera singer looped over top of it. "New Day," produced by the RZA, features an inexcusably autotuned Nina Simone sample. I love Nina Simone. She sang beautifully. There is no logical, sonic, or artistic reason to autotune Nina Simone. In producing the beat for "That's My Bitch," Q-Tip sampled "Get Up Get Into It Get Involved" and "Apache". He should have gone for the trifecta and worked in "The Big Beat" somehow.

I simply wasn't too impressed overall.

III. The Concept?

I may be giving Kanye and Hova too much credit, but I think that "Watch The Throne" could be a veiled concept album. Almost every track references another famous song by black artists. "Otis" reworks lines from "Top Billin". "That's My Bitch" samples "Get Up Get Into It Get Involved" in exactly the same way as "Brothers Gonna Work It Out" and quotes "Monie in the Middle". "Murder to Excellence" has lines that parallel "Nutmeg". "Gotta Have It" is almost the same title as "I Got To Have It," a great song by Ed O.G. and the Bulldogs. [Upon further review, "fly pelican fly" is a line from "Off the Books" by the Beatnuts.] And there are the obvious samples from classic soul artists like Otis Redding, Curtis Mayfield, James Brown, and Nina Simone.

Perhaps the throne we're supposed to watch isn't Kanye's or Jay's, and instead it belongs to all the black musicians that came before them? Because without the efforts of those that came before, Jay-Z and Kanye wouldn't be able to buy all this fantastic stuff?

Wouldn't that be a pretty responsible message in today's economic climate?