Sunday, September 12, 2010

Opening Day Deserves A Post: UPDATE

But I'm too lazy to come up with much. My beloved Bills will be atrocious this year, as Jerry noted in his Wheelhouse. This woman may be the only person in America who will be this excited to cheer for the Bills this year.


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Update: Glad to see zman throw a post up for kickoff weekend banter. I also had planned to get the world excited for Week 1 of the Inaugural Imaginary League. That's right folks, we haven't even called it fantasy football and you're already bored. But bear with us, briefly, and then jump in the comments to laugh at me for losing by 169 to Zman this week.

In brief, ten of us obviously wanted to waste more time on imaginary football at work, so here's the esteemed lineup of owners (with week 1 matchups):

Leinart Wig Company (TJ)
I couldn't even come up with a funny name. Great start to the season.
homeboys bonanza (zman)
I sense some very tense Monday and Tuesday conversations on "Zman and the Teej" over this league.

Sports! (Dennis)
I hope this is an homage to Huey Lewis.
Mr. Mashed Potatoes (GoldenBoy TNT)
Probably a reference I should get. Or not. Ted likes Philly. Enuff said.

JoeMontanaFishburne (Mark)
A great Week 1 matchup between the two clear winners in "Best Team Name"...
Paging Dr. Faggot (Geoff)
...though this name has to be #1 simply because it made it through the Yahoo filter unscathed.

Bears (Michael Jack Lang)
Worst. Name. Ever.
Shinola (Igor)
WILL HURRICANE IGOR RAVAGE THE LEAGUE WEEK 1!!!!! Jim Cantore will tell us at the half.

The Lumberjacks (Mayhugh)
Hopefully a reference to the classic Monty Python sketch.
The Seaward (WheelhouseJerry)
Not googling this one...don't think it's a Seinfeld reference...it is Jerry, so maybe Arrested Development. Just googled it...I guessed right.

I think we all agreed to chip in 20 bucks for this league. Excitement ensues.

422 comments:

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Mark said...

If it's any consolation, the Bills will be better than my Bucs. I'm expecting 2-14. With that said, I still want to watch so I can monitor the progress of (what I believe) is the NFL's youngest team. Sadly, that won't happen today (or plenty of other Sundays, I'm betting) because their game is blacked out. So, I get to watch Phins-Bills.

T.J. said...

Inaugural Imaginary League update added.

mayhugh said...

I'm getting Carolina-Giants, Bengals-Patriots for the early games. Pretty excited for both those games, for very different reasons. Cinci/NE should be a TD-fest.

T.J. said...

Blogger picked a great day to shit the bed.

T.J. said...

As I tried to comment about 5 times...I took the Giants in my King of the Hill pool this week. I really hope they don't open a new stadium by losing to Matt Moore at home.

mayhugh said...

TJ - TNT's team name is a reference to the "Turn Your Key, Maura" episode of Seinfeld. Because she talks to her food. And I'm pretty sure you were present for this conversation last weekend.

And my team name is one of the team names in Dodgeball. Yep, couldn't think of anything better under pressure.

T.J. said...

Yep. I was. Flashbacks are awesome.

Greg said...

Am I gonna get to "hang wit da Teej" today?

Mark said...

Greg -- Don't beg. Its not a good look.

Nice update by the Teej. You know, I had no idea Geoff was a doctor. I did, however, know he was a...oh nevermind.

T.J. said...

Gus Johnson doing Bills/Fins. I like.

T.J. said...

Greg knows how to find me. He just needs to use his decoder ring. That...and actually check his email.

mayhugh said...

Hopefully you left some sticks and rocks outside your place, Teej, because Greg doesn't knock.

mayhugh said...

The panthers linemen have really boring names.

T.J. said...

Red Zone channel just cut away for a one yd Tebow dive at the 40. What the fuck?

mayhugh said...

Charlie Martin just got concussed.

T.J. said...

That Bob Sanders stat says it all:
Games Played - 47
Games Missed - 49

T.J. said...

Dierdorf already ruining Colts game for me.

mayhugh said...

Kevin Boss on his way to the locker room, next play Godfrey gets the pick. Not a great start for Jerry.

mayhugh said...

Shot of the Bengals bench - Ray Maualuga's hair is sensational. It almost covers his number.

T.J. said...

Not liking what I see out of the Giants so far...

T.J. said...

Jay Cutler, pick #1 on the young season. Death, taxes...and Cutler INTs.

T.J. said...

I would like to know what games our resident gambling fiend Michael Jack laid some dough on...

Mark said...

TJ beat me to it. I'm hoping Martz can get Cutler near 30 picks this year...

mayhugh said...

Giants O-line looks like they have no idea how to run-block. Chris Snee was slow on a pull and knocked Bradshaw down. Anything to the outside has been squashed. And then Matt Dodge got way too excited to be punting. Somewhat lucky the D could hold them to a FG after they started from the Giants' 30.

mayhugh said...

Jay Cutler - the only individual player I actively root against in the NFL.

mayhugh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
T.J. said...

ZOLTAN MESKO SIGHTING!!!!

T.J. said...

I just made the first nonsensical impulse pickup of the inaugural imaginary season.

T.J. said...

Or...I made a waiver claim. Lame.

mayhugh said...

Lemme guess - Vince Young?

T.J. said...

Close. Nate Washington.

T.J. said...

Based on fact Red Zone Channel hasn't flipped to Bills/Fins once I take it the game sucks balls?

T.J. said...

The Dolphins heard me.

mayhugh said...

The Bengals need to remember they are a running team, even though they have two whiners playing WR.

zman said...

Just got back from Time Warner in Queens and I'm waiting for my "new" (but extremely dinged-up) cable box to boot. Did I miss any football?

T.J. said...

Uh oh. Tom Brady looks like badass Tom Brady again. Despite that haircut.

mayhugh said...

You said it TJ. His balls look great. You know what I mean.

mayhugh said...

Z-man, you didn't miss much out of your Bills.

T.J. said...

Wes Welker is a medical marvel.

T.J. said...

Who has Brady in our league?

zman said...

Cable box finished booting and then re-booted. Very bitter.

zman said...

On my way to Queens I saw a kid in his early 20's rocking a CJ Spiller jersey. Buffalo, not Clemson. I felt bad for him.

mayhugh said...

IGOR!!!! has Brady.

T.J. said...

Hurrican Igor has struck land, folks.

T.J. said...

I like Scott Hanson being a dick during RZC highlights, pointing out CBS just showed a TD the RZC had 9 minutes earlier.

mayhugh said...

Scott Caan and Jinn from Lost star in the new Hawaii 5-0? Where did this come from?

zman said...

"This cable box is not authorized for service." Angry.

T.J. said...

Whic Bucs are worse? Pittsburgh Pirates or Tampa Bay.

mayhugh said...

Has any QB ever been benched for their brother? Because it might happen today.

T.J. said...

Did Javon Ringer just steal a Chris Johnson TD? Mother f'er.

Mark said...

That's the thing nobody acknowledges about the Bengals. Carson Palmer just isn't that good. And he hasn't been for at least the last 3 years.

And the Bucs are fucking atrocious. I hope Raheem Morris has a good Realtor. Actually. No I don't. Fuck that guy.

Mark said...

I'm truly excited for the USA-Turkey game.

Mark said...

Rian Lindell lining up for a 63 yard FG.

Mark said...

Short. That would've been good. Gus Johnson was ready to explode.

T.J. said...

Is Week 1 "Try to blow out you kicker's leg" day?

zman said...

I'm going back to Queens for a new new cable box.

T.J. said...

Wow. The Bucs are turrrrible.

T.J. said...

Bernie "zman" Goez. Falling Down. Laces Out.

Someone's about to break...

T.J. said...

Ronder Barber just textd me "LMB and EAD".

mayhugh said...

OB of KB?

T.J. said...

Awesome TD catch by Mike Williams.

Geoff said...

I caught a 20 min discussion on espn radio this morning about how the Bengals are the nfl's best team.

mayhugh said...

I'm not getting enough games. But the bright side is I'm seeing more than Z-man.

mayhugh said...

Kimo von Oelhoffen may have completely changed Palmer's career trajectory. He hasn't been the same since that injury - he does some thinks good but nothing great and not much even very good.

Geoff said...

Speaking of the Redskins game (no one was) I have a hunch its going to be a 9-6 shitfest of a game...something like 3-0 Cowboys at the half. Get excited.

mayhugh said...

Skins love losing close. And ugly.

T.J. said...

Beast Alert: Hakeem Nicks.

mayhugh said...

My new fantasy stud - Stephen Gostkowski. Make it happen, Steve-O

mayhugh said...

Boo

Mark said...

The USA-Turkey game is already getting chippy. Crowd is on fire.

T.J. said...

NBA TV?

Geoff said...

Marvin Lewis must have given a doozy of a halftime speech.

Mark said...

ESPN. I feel like I need 5 TVs in my living room right now, two is not sufficient.

T.J. said...

Dennis Dixon showing "moxie" in Pittsburgh.

T.J. said...

Mayhugh was totally right. Giants' O-line is playing horrendously.

T.J. said...

Jags got screwed on that PI call.

Geoff said...

Did the Giants line just get old all of a sudden?

T.J. said...

Good to see the Raiders are improved.

T.J. said...

Oh Jay Cutler, you are hilarious.

T.J. said...

OchoTweeto!

T.J. said...

The Browns have a black punter?
/backing.away.slowly.

T.J. said...

Eli and the G-Men need to score a TD here. Please. Fuckers.

T.J. said...

Martz with play action pass paly from two foot line.

Fail.

Fans booing lustily.

T.J. said...

Mark is torn - Joe haden just got torched on a Tampa TD.

The Bears are also awful.

Mark said...

Hakeem Nicks is collecting TDs. He's also collecting dust on my bench in my $500 fantasy league. Fuckfuckfuck.

Geoff said...

Why is Brandon Jacobs so painfully bad in short yardage?

T.J. said...

He's channeling Ron Dayne.

T.J. said...

Falcons and Steelers aren't interested in your stinkin' TDs.

Mark said...

Arian Foster. Near 200 yards rushing. Well then.

T.J. said...

Oh Tampa bay...

Geoff said...

The Bears were down 1 pt halfway thru the 4th...and they went for it on 4th and goal from the 1? Maybe the dumbest thing in the history of football.

Geoff said...

Arian Foster...kicking it on my bench.

mayhugh said...

It looks like there are A LOT of bad teams. Bears, Detroit, Tampa, Cleveland, Denver, Jax at the least. Something tells me the Panthers are secretly dreadful aside from their running game.

mayhugh said...

Foster has 32 points in our fantasy league. Not to rub it in or anything Geoff, because that's about as much as my whole team.

T.J. said...

Hey Steve Slaton, hope you look forward to free agency Tuesday.

T.J. said...

In our league. Not in real life (I don't think).

zman said...

Just got back from Time Warner. They apparently gave me an HD cable box. I don't have an HD tv so the wires don't fit. Fucking livid.

T.J. said...

Wait...you have to go back AGAIN?

T.J. said...

Denver's kicker has terrible arm tats.

T.J. said...

Jeff Reed, not making friends.

mayhugh said...

What the deuce is going on in Houston?

T.J. said...

Calvin Johnson just fucked all of Chicago, without lube.

T.J. said...

Wow. If this gets overturned...

T.J. said...

The Bears are some lucky bastards.

zman said...

I have a picture but no sound. Fucking Bose.

d-train said...

jags football....catch the so-so'ness

zman said...

I have sound. I better get a beejay for my efforts today. Otherwise no Mad Men or True Blood tonight for the zwoman.

Igor said...

Calvin Johnson and Detroit just got royally screwed. You can bring Mike Pereira in to explain how 2 seconds after he caught the ball and fell down the ball hit the ground and came loose. Neat. Ask 50 people to watch that replay and 49 will say TD. The 50th is Teejay, who will say TJ!!!!!!

d-train said...

jags football...predictable frustration

T.J. said...

He palmed the ball post catch. After hitting the ground. How is that not possession?

mayhugh said...

The Clausen Era gets an early start...

d-train said...

jags football...don't get too excited yet, they'll likely fuck it up.

mayhugh said...

And just checked out ESPN. Way to be, USA.

d-train said...

how 'bout them jmu dukes heh guys? heh? ha? how 'bout 'em?

T.J. said...

JM-who?

T.J. said...

I like the early nonsense we're seeing in the Rams/Cards cripple fight.

Igor said...

Danny boy, you should indeed be whooping it up. I know we did after whipping UVA last year... And we did it in W&M's uniquely dorky way.

T.J. said...

Igor, go look at Tom Brady's day.

d-train said...

glad to see mathis has chosen to go through at least another year without cutting his hair.
jags win. brohsome.

T.J. said...

Hey, Aaron Rodgers, not cool dude.

Jerry said...

USA.

Playing against Arian Foster and Chris Johnson in money league fantasy. Bumming.

That Calvin Johnson call/rule was horrific.

Igor said...

Sam Elliott has a cool voice. Now doing voice over for both Coors and Dodge. Makes we want to drink and drive.

The Dude abides.

Igor said...

Oh, and my team name is a very lame reference to The Jerk. The movie, not Rob.

d-train said...

he's not my michael, he's JERmichael

rob said...

look at you guys with your 124 comments. nice work. way too much effort to read them all, but i'm sure they're awesome.

mayhugh said...

You should at least read Zman's. Together, they paint a great example of overcoming adversity, and there's some good bitter in there.

mayhugh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
T.J. said...

Why are so many helmets flying off today?

rob said...

kevin durant needs to be celebrated in a big way

mayhugh said...

Whitney Kolb = attainably hot.

zman said...

No beejay yet but the zwoman is cheffing up some mackin' cheese. I like the Eagles' new unis. And there will be no tennis tonight in this weather.

mayhugh said...

Yikes - that Weaver injury looked bad. Some CL's may have been torn there.

T.J. said...

Seahawks are unstoppable. Or something.

rob said...

skins are wearing gold pants tonight, per sportsbog. get excited.

Mark said...

I hope Weaver's okay. He's a Satellite Scorpion just like yours truly (I may have mentioned this once before).

Rashean Mathis' hair is absolutely ridiculous. It covers up most of his number. Even if he was a woman, he'd be overdue for a haircut.

And I really, really love Kevin Durant. Can't wait to see him team up with LeBron, Wade and some of the others from the 2008 team in London in 2012.

Mark said...

At this point, shouldn't we be at least a little suspicious of Donald Driver and PEDs? Dude doesn't age.

Mark said...

One more thing: Its really not a big deal that Arian Foster is "kicking it" on Dr. Faggot's bench as my team has scored a total of 25.7 points today.

d-train said...

dustin johnson...up 1 over paul casey who is in the clubhouse...going to last hole...can he finally close one out? this story and more in about 14 minutes.

rob said...

ryan moore - dapper

Igor said...

Someone recently told me that Alex Smith was going to have huge year. Someone lied pretty bad.

Mark said...

So...the Kevin Kolb era...maybe not gonna be so great, huh?

Igor said...

Body Bag Game II: Electric Boogaloo in Philly. Except this time the Eagles are sharing the pain.

Igor said...

Hey, D-train, thanks for keeping us up on the minor golf tourney results on the 1st Sunday of NFL football. Preesh.

T.J. said...

Pete Carroll is still a terrible NFL coach. I saw what he did in NE and NY. I know he has mucho suck still left in him.

Jerry said...

Seattle up by 22. Glad I don't gamble.

Igor said...

Jerry, you have unprotected sex with strangers on beaches in other states while little kids ride on motorbikes within dangerous proximity. You gamble.

d-train said...

federererer and erin brokovic in 5the set....federrrererer up 5-4
will see what other sports i can find

T.J. said...

And he orders out.

Jerry said...

Hey...slow down on the unprotected. My record on that front is worthy of the HoF. If there were one for that.

d-train said...

would anyone else like to see vick come back and make this a game, thus creating a potential controversy in philly?

T.J. said...

No. I would like to see Vick be eaten by a pack of dingos.

"Maybe the dingos ate you backup QB?"

Mark said...

Michael Vick can still run pretty damn well. Throw and complete passes...not so much.

Jerry said...

Lance Harbor?

Mark said...

Florida State hasn't been the same since Harbor tore up his knee. They'd never of had to turn to Chris Rix if Harbor had made it on campus.

Igor said...

un . . . pro . . . tec . . . ted

Jerry said...

I'd like to see Vick sent to permanent college football as purgatory for his crimes. He'd go to a different "edgy" program in need of a QB each year. Instead of Masoli, Ole Miss takes Vick. Next year he goes to WVU. Then he livens up a program like Washington State. It would be awesome.

Jerry said...

vil...i...i....gant

It sucks that we can only chant in 2+2 syllables.

T.J. said...

Told you Rams/Cards had comical scoring potential.

Mark said...

I hope Philly sucks this year. I have no particular reason to hate them but I'm fucking tired of them as a team and their fans are annoying as shit.

d-train said...

how 'bout this then - is there anyone else here besides me that's really diggin berman's mustache?

Jerry said...

Everyone should hate them. It's an integral part of the human condition.

Igor said...

Mine was a reply to you telling me to "slow down" on the unprotected, a Jim Ignatowski nod. As always, I'm a bit too old for you guys.

mayhugh said...

Aaron Rodgers can toss the old bean around, that's for sure. I hate to say this but I really like the Eagles helmets. Tastefully simple.

T.J. said...

Is Larry Fitzgerald gonna have to choke a Derek Anderson?

Mark said...

I never, ever get Igor's references, and I didn't spend my childhood trapped in Germany like Greg. It's okay though because Igor always explains them.

Mark said...

Matt Hasslebeck and Hakeem Nicks, just hanging out on my bench.

/fail

Igor said...

There's a fine line between stupid and clever.

Please don't make me explain that one.

zman said...

Fred Jackson's ypc (4.8) was higher than Trent Edwards' ypa (4.1). Both were better than starting RB CJ Spiller's 0.9 ypc. I can't wait for the Jake Locker era to begin.

Mark said...

Nice throw by Vick down the middle to Celek. Whether Andy Reid wants one or not, he's going to have a QB controversy.

Mark said...

Settle down, gramps. I don't want you to break a hip.

T.J. said...

TD throw. QB controversy is on.

Mark said...

Controversy status: Budding

zman said...

I wonder if the Vick signing was a shrewed plan to get rid of McNabb and insure against Kolb's suckitude?

Jerry said...

Andrew Luck >> Jake Locker

Igor said...

Stupid/clever was intended to depict my references; sorry if it came out more crankpot. That's how everything sounds when you're pushing 40.

Igor said...

At this point, Andy Reid will welcome any controversy that has nothing to do with his progeny.

T.J. said...

Aaron Rodgers, buddy, you're killing me.

Greg said...

Shhh...... The Arian Foster Nation is born.

d-train said...

foster child

Igor said...

If that Calvin Johnson TD/non-TD had happened in the playoffs, it would be talked about all summer and here would be a new "Palm Rule" next fall. Week 1, Detroit... eh.

T.J. said...

Wow. Here come the Iggles.

Jerry said...

I know all that dog stuff happened, but Vick is still pretty great to watch.

Mark said...

Yes. Very entertaining. I didn't realize I missed watching Vick play, but I did.

d-train said...

great finish, great call.
AS IF!

Mark said...

I hate the Wildcat as a short yardage option for Vick. The wildcat in that situation is most effective with a battering ram (Ronnie Brown, Tebow, etc). It just doesn't work with a elusive 200 lb guy.

mayhugh said...

Come on Sammy B, pull this thing out.

Jerry said...

Mayhugh loves the Redskins.

Mark said...

Sam Bradford threw 55 passes today. Way to ease the kid in.

Geoff said...

Skins busting out new home uniforms tonight. Old burgundy jerseys...new gold pants. I like.

Mark said...

Jerry with a Sammy Baugh reference. I wouldve guessed Igor there.

Geoff said...

Think Jerry was making a "Bradford a native american" joke, Sparky.

T.J. said...

I need the Redskins defense to absolutely pummel Romo en route to a single digit point night for Tony Two Tone.

mayhugh said...

It works on so many levels...

T.J. said...

Michael Jack looks like he will have highest scoring team of week in the imaginary league. But how did his real gambling go?

mayhugh said...

The uniforms are classy, just like Tony Dungy. Starting to get nervous for the game.

Geoff said...

I think the Cowboys will beat the Skins tonight, possibly handily...but all these folks picking Dallas to win the Super Bowl? I just aint seein' it...

Mark said...

Just because you're a racist, Geoff...

mayhugh said...

Faith Hill is still bringing the wood.

mayhugh said...

I just want the Skins to look competitive and somewhat organized.

TR said...

Faith Hill looking like the wheels are starting to fall off! Joan Jett cover! Al Michaels' rug! Must be NFL Football on Sunday night.

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