Last night, after completing the cattle call process Southwest Airlines calls "boarding", I slumped in my seat, ready to devour some hard hitting magazines (Entertainment Weekly and SI) on the supposed hour-long flight from Albany to BWI. Of course, when a plane circles Long Island Sound for over an hour, a short, painless flight becomes a 2.5 hour nightmare, but whatever, that's actually not what I'm here to bitch about.
Rather, I wanted to let the masses know of the newest stupid ass policy of the airlines, something I was sure was so f'ing dumb that it couldn't be true. After going through the "if we crash and the air bag deploys" routine, the flight attendant (he might've been the worst flight attendant in the history of ever, and potentially deserves his own post, but it's a busy day down here at Kramerica, so we'll see) says, "Also, new airline regulations prohibit placing any magazines, drinks, food, or anything really (his actual words) in your seat back pocket. The seat back pocket is only for the emergency cards, the Southwest magazine and the Sky Mall catalogue. You CANNOT (his emphasis) place anything in these seat back pockets. It's a rule. Don't put anything in that pocket."
I mean, really, airlines of America, can someone please explain to me why the fuck I cannot place my Entertainment Weekly in this pocket in front of me after I finish the Chelsea Handler feature? If I do, do the terrorists win?