RESTECP

Respect is one of the most ubiquitous themes in modern day sports. No matter where you go, you here athletes and media members talking about respect in one way or another. Everybody wants respect, even those that already have it. For an example of this, look no further than last Saturday's SEC Championship game. Even though Florida was favored by 10 entering the game, the postgame articles were littered with quotes from Gator players talking about how nobody thought they were tough enough or how they had been motivated by people questioning their toughness in comparison to Alabama. You see, thats the thing about respect, you can use it as a means of motivation no matter who you are. You just have to be creative. Michael Jordan was legendary for this, finding slights in innocuous comments that other athletes would brush off and then using those comments to motivate him to destroy his opponents. Nobody used respect better for his own personal agenda than Jordan and nobody displayed how great a fuel the need to be respected could be than he did.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers, however, need not be creative in their search for a lack of respect. It's everywhere they turn. The Bucs are easily the least respected good team in the NFL (just look at the difference in the way the Panthers, also 9-3, are regarded about by the media). In fact, I'd make the case that you can't find another 9-3 team in the last 5 years of the NFL that is/was as lightly regarded as the Buccaneers are. And you know what, I don't think this lack of respect is an egregious oversight on anyone's part. I watch the Bucs play every week and even I'm surprised they are 9-3. So, it shouldn't be very surprising that the Panthers are favored by 3.5 points going into tonight's game in Charlotte.

The Panthers are at home, in front of what promises to be a raucous crowd, and the team, as a whole, has been rolling lately. Their rushing attack has been rejuvenated and they've returned to the style of play that took them to a Super Bowl a few years back. The Bucs on the other hand have gone down 18 and 17 points in the first quarter on the road to Kansas City and Detroit, respectively, this season. Of course, they rallied to win both of those games but the Panthers are not the Chiefs or Lions and a deficit like that would surely doom any chances that the Bucs have of winning this game and taking control of the NFC South. Thats why this game is about more than just the division lead. I'm sure the Bucs want respect on a national level. I'm sure they think they've earned the right to that respect. But I'm also sure they won't truly get the kind of respect that they crave if they can't go into their biggest rival's stadium on Monday night and walk out with a victory. It doesn't have to be pretty (and most likely, it won't be) but they have to find a way to win if they're going to get respect. That's another thing about respect, sometimes you just have to take it.

And, as much as I'd like to take Tampa here. Panthers (-3.5)

The Latest and Greatest Ghoogles

While we wait for Mark to pick against his Bucs tonight (and rob to craft yet another timeless "12 Days of Gheorghe-mas" post), I thought I'd share with you a smattering of searches that brought the world to G:TB. As always, some of these make me wonder about the state of humanity:

• weird things in florida
• christmas eve in washington
• ashlyn gere news
  
• christmas eve in washington
• mustache that curls up
• its christmas time in washington song
• back like cooked crack shirt
• myspace pic of Lawrence marsh university of florida
• bo jackson bare handed catch
• Ups whiteboard guy twin
• steve sax divorce
• mc-late
• ban longhair
• Dan Dakich
• Latham Circle Mall
• the most wonderful time of the year score
• bobby moynihan bartender
• pryzbilla nickname
• kobe black dick
• we're gonna have a bachelor party with chicks
• young female gymast
• huggy lowdown bama of the week
• what is stan yagiello doing now
• carlton banks shirtless
• John Sebastian welcome back kotter mp3
• Todd Bouman
• adam & the ants - blogspot
• i've been through the desert on a horse lyrics
• i´ve been through the dessert on a horse
• christmas eve in washington
• Rock the vote or else I'm gonna stick a knife through your eye
• mike monkees white out
• oj simpson we have the identity of the real killer
  

Hey Maura Sullivan, just a thought, but you might want to invest in some search engine optimization software.

Monday will knock you the fuck out...

Well, unless your jaw is strong like Frank Beamer's.



And, my guess is that it isn't. First off, your jaw isn't made of space age plastics like Beamer's. Second, and perhaps even more importantly, this is a man who made his name and built a football program by teaching the finer arts of special teams. What have you ever taught anybody anything? I mean, besides how to take the fast lane straight to shame and years of self-loathing.



I hope you're happy with yourself. Annnywho, its the 5th day of Gheorghe-mas, so somebody will be along later today with some yuletide related tomfoolery to help get you through one of the last Mondays of the year, and I'll be making a pick for tonight's NFC South showdown in Charlotte before the day is through as well. So, you see, if you play your cards right you might be able to get through the whole day without doing anything productive and/or work related. Keep your fingers crossed and we'll see if we can't just make this happen.

Don't Believe the Hype

Depending on when we actually get around to posting this, we're less than two days away from the 2008 SEC Championship, which pits the nation's top two squads in a National Championship elimination game. Sort of a "playoff", if you will.

Mark's a Florida grad and a keen observer of Gator football. I spent a number of my formative years in Huntsville, AL and remain a Crimson Tide fan. I haven't been this nervous about a 'Bama game in years, and I hear from Mark that he's having a hard time sitting still for tattoos due to his own anxiety. The editors at G:TB caught up with both of us this week for our pregame "insights":

1. What scares you the most about Saturday’s game?

Rob: Speed, speed, speed and skill. Not a description of a Keanu Reeves trilogy and the thing that it lacks, but a nod to the fearsome jets on Percy Harvin, Jeff Demps, and Chris Rainey, and the way Urban Meyer deploys them. There’s nobody in college football more fun to watch than Harvin, with the possible exception of Brandon James, though I suspect it’ll be a lot less fun to watch them when they’re blazing around the field against my team. Betting guru Brandon Lang claimed this morning that Alabama can match Florida’s speed. And while he gets paid to watch football for a living and has seen a lot more games than I have this year, let’s just say I’m unconvinced.

Mark: If you know me, you know I stress out about an inordinate amount of things before a big Gator game. Is Percy Harvin’s ankle injury manageable? Will Florida’s current rash of injuries along the defensive line leave the Florida defense susceptible to the run? Do I have enough boom (ht: Greg) to get me through the game? All of these things, as well as plenty of others, will be running through my head over the next 24+ hours. However, the thing that scares me most about this game is how Nick Saban’s schemes and defensive gameplan will affect Tim Tebow. Though he’s had a remarkably efficient year, Tebow still has a long way to go as a QB when it comes to reading defenses and going through his progressions. He can be confused by well disguised coverages and defenses that change looks late in the play clock. At least once a game, Tebow will throw a pass that should be an easy interception. He did this early in the LSU game but the safety misjudged it and it went for a Harvin TD. He did it again early in the Georgia game and it was picked off in the red zone, only to be nullified by an “illegal hands to the face” penalty on the Bulldogs. Nobody in the SEC, possibly the country, is a better designer of defenses than Saban and nobody teaches their secondary to read routes better Saban does. Tebow’s going to make a questionable throw or two early in this game.

What scares me most is the prospect of one (or more) of these throws landing in the arms of an Alabama defender. Turnovers will allow the Alabama offense to play on a shorter field and that’s never a good thing. Florida has to prevent turnovers, thereby forcing Alabama’s somewhat limited offense to consistently have to drive the length of the field in order to score.

2. What single player would you drug like Gus the Kicking Mule in order to keep him from making it to kickoff?

Rob: No brainer. Tim Tebow. While I’m sure Florida has a backup quarterback, I’m equally sure his talents pale in comparison to the Heisman winner’s. I mean, there’s no chance their backup can circumcise orphans with one hand while curing AIDS and legalizing marijuana with the other, all the while having Mark surgically attached to his jockstrap. I suspect he also can’t run through a brick wall unscathed and throw the ball a country mile, either. Watch yourself, Tebow – as Whitney knows, rohyphnol has multiple uses.

Mark: There are a number of candidates for this honor. One could go with super frosh Julio Jones, as he’s the Tide’s one true difference maker in the passing game. Or John Parker Wilson since the Tide has no other signal caller with experience. Or even Andre Smith, as he’s probably the nation’s best O-lineman and the key to Alabama’s powerful and relentless rushing attack. All are fine candidates. However, none have the potential to be the difference maker in this game in the manner that Terrence Cody does. Have you seen this guy? He’s impossibly big (375 pounds), he’s extremely agile, and he plays with a mean streak. Perhaps even more importantly, his size and ability allow Saban to play the 3-4, which is his preferred defensive alignment.

Florida’s got to find a way to keep Cody from consistently disrupting things on the interior of the line if they want to continue to successfully run the ball the way they have over the last 6 weeks. If you want to watch a great matchup tomorrow, direct your attention to the middle of the Alabama defense, where one, or both, of Florida’s Pouncey twins will be smashing heads with Mr. Cody on a play-by play basis. (One note: Rashad Johnson is a beast at safety and if Saban can confuse Tebow, then Johnson's the likely recipient of any of the Heisman winner's errant passes...still though Cody gets the drugs...lots and lots of them.)

3. What do you hate the most about the other team?

Rob: I hate that it’s so much harder to hate Florida than it used to be. Back in the Spurrier days, I used to work up a righteous, seething anger when the Gators would ass-stomp some poor squad and enjoy doing it. But I liked Urban Meyer at Utah because his offense was fun – even if he does seem a bit of a prick (and even then, Nick Saban coaches my team, so it’d be a bit hypocritical for me to cast aspersions on Meyer). And it’s impossible to hate Tebow – even if he may actually be an alien.

All that notwithstanding, I feel pretty good about the likelihood of a visceral hatred boiling over as soon as I see those hideous metallic blue and orange costumes take the field in Atlanta. I also hate that Mark's answer to this question will contain more colorful uses of the word 'fuck'.

Mark: Besides Rob? Wow, this is tough. It would be easy to say the Alabama fans here. Everybody knows that they are, collectively, a bunch of arrogant, racist, self-entitled assholes who can’t accept the fact that college football can, and in fact has, existed without them (I’ve always been partial to Auburn fans). Think Notre Dame fans without the education, wealth or years of crippling Catholic guilt. Believe me, it’s a bad combination. With that said, its not the Alabama fans that I hate most but the manner of losses that the Tide has dealt Florida over the years. There’s the “Shaun Alexander game” in 1999 when the aforementioned Alexander whipped his dick out in the Swamp and carried a Tide team led by Andrew Zow to an improbable OT victory over a highly ranked Gators squad (which was being led by Doug Johnson…excuse me, I just threw up a little). Later that same year, the Tide completely took apart the Gators in a rematch at the 1999 SEC Championship game, erasing any thought that their win in Gainesville had been a fluke and dashing any hope of an SEC title for Florida.

The worst loss though, took place in Tuscaloosa in 2005. From the very start, Bama absolutely embarrassed Florida. The Tide were bigger, faster and just plain tougher than the Gators in this one and Mike Shula had no problem continually proving this as the game wore one, even calling for a deep throw to the end zone in the 4th quarter with the Tide up 31-3 (Tyrone Prothro, R.I.P.). It was, to put it simply, miserable. I’ve never been so disappointed in an Urban Meyer led Gator team in my life. I’ll never forget that game, that embarrassment and I sure hope Meyer hasn’t forgotten about it either.

(Rob: What, no 'fucks'? That's...surprising.)

4. What’s your prediction?

Rob: For weeks leading up to the game, I dreaded the spectre of a high-flying Florida team demolishing Alabama – the Gators are clicking on all cylinders offensively, and quietly playing excellent defense to boot. As the game draws closer, though, I’m starting to put stock in the quality of Alabama’s offensive and defensive lines, in the idea that John Parker Wilson – as average as he may be – doesn’t make a lot of mistakes (a lot like an unheralded quarterback who led an Alabama team to an unexpected national title in 1992), in Glen Coffee’s talent, and most importantly, in Nick Saban’s ability to scheme defensively.

All that, though, and there’s still a little part of me saying, “Put down the pipe, Mersh. Clinton is right here.” The Tide keeps it close, but can’t keep the Gators down for four quarters. Florida prevails, 31-20. And Mark gets a tattoo of the Pouncey twins on his junk.

Mark: I hate predicting Florida games. I don’t want to jinx anything and, honestly, I’d prefer to talk about the game and leave it at that. That way, I can still sound smart without ruining it all by predicting a result and being comically off the mark. However, Rob’s not letting me off the hook here, so here it is:

Alabama’s defense is going to give the Gators some problems early and force Florida to play the field position game for much of the first half. I think Florida actually goes into halftime down to Bama, something like 13-10. In the second half, Florida’s speed and depth will begin to wear the Tide down and allow for some big plays down the field in the passing game. Florida’s offense gets on track from there and the Gators get a big play out of their special teams as they pull away late and win. Final score: Gators 31- Alabama 20.

Day 4: A Little Holiday Hate

We've been peppering you with (hopefully) fun photos and tales of (almost) excellence, but I need to break up the Gheorghe-mas funfest with my annual warning re. the worst holiday song ever crafted. And based on what I expect of rob and Mark's SEC Championship Game preview, this is going to be one anger-filled day at G:TB. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.

On the first day of Gheorghe-mas
Big Gheorghe gave to me
A fat guy in a jer-sey

On the second day of Gheorghe-mas
Big Gheorghe gave to me
Two sweet 'stache photos
And a fat guy in a jer-sey

On the third day of Gheorghe-mas
Big Gheorghe gave to me
Three Richmond wins
Two sweet 'stache photos
And a fat guy in a jer-sey

On the fourth day of Gheorghe-mas
Big Gheorghe gave to me
Four awful words
Three Richmond wins
Two sweet 'stache photos
And a fat guy in a jer-sey

When I populated this post yesterday as a draft, this was what I left as the placeholder:
"words of hate"

The four awful words referenced above:
Christmas (Fucking)
Eve (Shoot)
In (Me)
Washington (Now)

I think you get how I feel about Maura Sullivan's "Christmas Eve in Washington". It's not so much that her song sucks donkey balls (it does), it's not even that it's sickly sweet and lyrically piss poor (it's that as well), I think the real kick in the mistletoe is that the local xmas radio station chooses to play this song at least once an hour beginning in mid-October (once they shelve the Backstreet Boys and Michael Bolton tunes) despite it's historic awfulness. I get it, we live in (or around) Washington, DC...this woman crafted a holiday song JUST FOR US. OH MY GOD THAT IS SO AWESOME WE HAVE TO PLAY THIS NOW. AND NOW. AND AGAIN.

You know, I thought last year's diatribe covered most of my hate, but then I discovered this song now has its own webpage (which I will most certainly not be linking to) and I got "Bob Knight Choking Neil Reed" mad again. Maura Sullivan, thanks for ruining another Gheorghe-mas. I hope you're happy.

At least O.J. getting thrown in pound-you-in-the-ass prison for 30 years later today will make me a tad happier.

Because, fuck Rob, that's why...

There's waaaay too much Christmas (or Gheorghe-mas) cheer around these parts for my liking. I don't have time for that shit. Not when Florida is poised to take on Alabama in the most hyped SEC Championship game in...maybe ever. Not when our own resident Kim Jong-Il is an Alabama fan with a proclivity for taking shots at my education, my drug habit and my home state. I'm always filled with hate, but this week is a special week. I'm a living, breathing hate machine right now and its all reserved for Rob, Saban and the rest of the Tide nation. Even that kid from the "I hate Tennessee" youtube clip. They can all die and go to hell as far as I'm concerned. Just as soon as they finish slapping around their wives, of course.



Oh, and I hope Terrence Cody chokes on a chicken bone tonight.

Twelve Days of Gheorghe-mas: On the 3rd Day

As we continue our celebration of all that’s commercial and consumerist, we look back fondly at some of the moments that brightened our lives in 2008.

On the first day of Gheorghe-mas
Big Gheorghe gave to me
A fat guy in a jer-sey

On the second day of Gheorghe-mas
Big Gheorghe gave to me
Two sweet 'stache photos
And a fat guy in a jer-sey

On the third day of Gheorghe-mas
Big Gheorghe gave to me
Three Richmond wins
Two sweet 'stache photos
And a fat guy in a jer-sey

First, David Schneider’s buzzer-beater saved William and Mary’s Tribe from an ignominious defeat at the hands of Georgia State in the first round of the CAA Basketball Tournament. Then it was Nathan Mann’s turn, as the senior guard beat Old Dominion with a three-pointer in the waning seconds. Finally, and most unexpectedly, Laimis Kiselieus hit a last-possession leaner to beat heavily-favored VCU and send the Tribe to its first-ever conference final. That they lost a hard-fought contest to George Mason was immaterial, as a grateful G:TB noted at the time.

The Tribe’s run was all the more improbable coming as it did against the historical backdrop of William and Mary’s Mr. Bean-like basketball legacy. The 2008 Tribe exceeded the school’s postseason win record by two – we’d never before won as many as two games in a single CAA tournament. As we wrote on the day after the loss to Mason, “For the briefest of moments we were allowed to pretend we belonged, to plan trips to the Boise or Sacramento or Tacoma subregionals, to shout ourselves hoarse watching a game that actually mattered, and to dream. Generations of us had never even allowed ourselves to dream. When we talk about this team, that’s the thing we’ll remember – not that they finally fell short, but that they let us dream, hope, and care.”

And that, boys and girls, is the magic of Gheorghe-mas.

Twelve Days of Gheorghe-mas: On the 2nd Day

If today is Wednesday, this must be post MIII. Those there are Roman numerals that stand for Most Irrelevant and Inane Idiocy. In honor of this special post, we continue our march toward Baby Jesus, the Festivus Pole and the Festival of Lights.

So sit back, light a fattie, give somebody a mouth-kiss and enjoy Day Two of the Twelve Days of Gheorghe-mas. On Day Two, we subscribe to the "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" school of originality, originally made famous by Lord Thomas of the Doobievilles, who set an unofficial internet record by posting 839 consecutive YouTube videos as blog entries. By "don't fix it" we mean posting new unflattering photos of another member of the editorial staff, of course.

On the first day of Gheorghe-mas
Big Gheorghe gave to me
A fat guy in a jer-sey

On the second day of Gheorghe-mas
Big Gheorghe gave to me
Two sweet 'stache photos
And a fat guy in a jer-sey

Coming Soon!

Well, it seems implausible, but somehow Blogger screwed us and deleted our draft post of our reviews of the new GN'R album Chinese Democracy. We're going to redo them and have it up soon. I'd say look for it by December 15 at the latest!!

In the meantime, enjoy your 12 Days of Gheorghe-mas.

Mini Superfan Update

Coming off yet another multiple overtime heartbreaker at Liberty, the Tribe (3-4) faces the Ramblers of Loyola (IL) (3-4) this evening in Chicago. Loyola's a little bit confounding, to be honest with you. After losing their season-opener to something called Rockhurst, Jim Whitesell's boys hammered Georgia by 21, which remains the Bulldogs' only defeat. The Ramblers backed that win up by getting their doors blown off by Purdue, narrowly beating Western Michigan, suffering back-to-back 20+ point maulings to Cornell(!) and St. John's, and beating Holy Cross. Dr. Jekyll, meet Mr. Hyde.

Danny Sumner (20.7 ppg) and David Schneider (18.0) are both in the CAA's top 10 in scoring - the first time W&M can boast such a feat since...a really long time ago. The Tribe really needs this one, as they kick off conference play against a sure-to-be revenge-minded VCU squad on Saturday. I'd like to say the good guys bounce back tonight, but W&M's always struggled in Chicago (note: possibly an invented nugget).

The Twelve Days of Gheorghe-mas

In these, the most holy and wondrous of times, the G:TB team wishes you and yours a joyous and extremely ridiculous holiday season.

Today, in our 1,000th post, we return to our annual tradition, bringing the world the Twelve Days of Gheorghe-mas:

On the first day of Gheorghe-mas
Big Gheorghe gave to me
A fat guy in a jer-sey

Today We're Gonna Party Like It's 999

Because a) I'm tired of looking at that disgusting orange and blue color scheme, which will cause me to be violently ill for at least the next week (and probably all of Saturday night) and b) we need to get this post out of the way to set up our 1000th post celebravanaganza, a little baseball news that hits close to home for G:TB's elders:

Red Sox Select Bogar to Replace Alicea on Staff

Generally speaking, this is the sort of midwinter's agate that's easily ignored. But Tim Bogar holds a special place in our hearts. We wrote about it back in July (and, yes, it's so slow and we're so groggy this morning that we're quoting ourselves):

In September 1991, the Tidewater Tides took on the Richmond Braves in the final week of the season. G:TBer Whitney, our friend Chris and I made the short trip down I-64 to meet Whit’s mother and stepfather for a leisurely afternoon at the ballyard. Normally, a late season minor league ballgame wouldn’t hold much allure, but two events made this one noteworthy. First, by the 3rd inning of the game we realized that the Tides’ Tim Bogar was switching positions every inning. He took the mound in the 9th having played everywhere on the field, and then proceeded to strike out the leadoff man before hitting the next batter in the head. At which point the entire stunt took on a decidedly less whimsical bent.

Far more amusing than Bogar’s misadventure was the action that took place in the stands.The aforementioned Chris stands roughly 6’6” with a wingspan to match. Midway through the contest, lefty Kelvin Torve lofted a lazy foul ball towards our bleacher seats midway down the third base line. Were we not there, the ball would have landed in Chris’ seat. The big fellow stood to his full height, spread his legs in a textbook block out of Whitney’s mom, and clapped his hands together while talking a full menu of shit – and he’s an accomplished shitriloquist. The ball descended gracefully, landed in his waiting (and freakishly large) mitts…and bounded 15 rows forward into the waiting hands of an 8 year-old boy. Whitney’s mom led the parade of grief givers for the rest of the game, and when we returned to campus to share our story, the local sportscasters beat us to it, showing footage of our friend’s ignominious moment at 6 and 10.

When these two teams get together, throw out the blahblahblahblah....

If you're watching college football today, and you should be (be a man and tell your wife to hang the fucking Christmas lights herself), you're likely to hear that phrase, or some iteration of it, a couple dozen times. Its old, unoriginal and bland but, you know what? Its largely true. Rivalry games in college football have a long history of memorable moments, game deciding plays and, most of all, monumental upsets that end up destroying one teams season while simultaneously reshaping the way fans look at the underdogs' otherwise disappointing season. Want proof of this? Simply look at the Florida-FSU or the Auburn-Alabama contests being played today. A win for either Auburn or FSU would both be devastating to the favorites and historically joyous for the the underdogs.

That, is precisely why I'm a nervous wreck for Florida's trip into Doak Campbell Stadium in just under 3 hours. I was actually supposed to be in attendance for this game but my girlfriend fell ill over the holiday and we decided against making the trip. Its just as well. If Florida had won I wouldn't have been able to share my joy with any fellow Gators I actually knew, and if Florida loses, oh God, I might end up in a Tallahassee jail for the felonius assault of multiple garnet and gold wearing rednecks. Sometimes, its just smarter to play it safe when rivalry games are concerned.

With that said, I've got some things to do in order to get ready for today's full slate of football, booze and hate so I'll end this with some notes on the rivalry game (Rob, feel free to chip in with some of your Iron Bowl thoughts in the comments) which will command the lion's share of my attention today. Florida-FSU, of course.

- I hate Tennessee, Georgia and Miami, but I absolutely loathe FSU, their fans and pretty much everything associated with the city of Tallahassee. I started attending Florida when FSU was in the middle of their historic run of top 5 finishes and decade long run of brutal ACC raping and pillaging. As a result, I spent many of my early years as a Florida student looking up at FSU in the national rankings and, more often than not, losing at the hands of the Seminoles to close out the regular season. I've never attended a Gator win in Doak Campbell and once had a beer thrown on me by a Nole who was celebrating a clinching score for FSU over Florida (not in Doak, at this shitty bar that's right next to Doak). So, you see, I fucking hate FSU with every fiber of my being. (Also, my entire immediate family went to or owns season tickets to the Noles. My hate is deep rooted and strong.)

- As I said earlier, I'm worried about this game. FSU was embarrassed last year in Ben Hill. They've lost 4 straight to Florida and they have a chance to ruin an otherwise amazing season for the Gators. You couldn't ask for more motivation for FSU in this game, or a better environment in which to exact revenge. If FSU comes out of the gate firing on all cylinders and the crowd in Doak gets behind them, I'm not convinced the Florida's offense doesn't revert to its early season form. (When the Florida offense is good, it is great. When it struggles its a colossal clusterfuck. There is no in between.) Oh yeah, there are also rumors on gator message boards (from reputable sources) that Florida is coming off its worst week of practice since the week before (wait for it) Ole Miss. So that's great.

- The announcers are going to talk a lot about Myron Rolle, and rightfully so. What he's done as an athlete and scholar is an unbelievable feat. But when the announcers start blathering on about how he has to decide whether to go to Oxford or the NFL next year, just go ahead and mute your TV. This isn't a tough decision. Rolle's a brilliant student with a bright future. He's also a very average safety with questionable instincts. He's lucky if he gets drafted before the 5th round. Percy Harvin has a decision about whether or not to enter the NFL Draft. Myron Rolle has a decision about whether or not he's going to start referring to cigarettes as fags or not. Sorry folks, these are the facts.

- You'll hear the announcers talk about how a lot of these guys played with and against each other in high school, which is true. However, the more interesting story line in this game is the number of Gator players who grew up as FSU fans. Guys like the Pouncey twins, Chris Rainey, Deonte Thompson and super frosh Jeff Demps. Florida has dominated FSU in recruiting in recent years and the results should show on the field as the game wears on. ( I look for Demps to play with a special chip on his shoulder and maybe even gets his hands on a punt based on this).

- Florida's defensive line is banged up coming into this game. DT Lawrence Marsh is questionable and his backup, Matt Patchan, is out. The rest of the defense is supposed to be healthy and they'll need it to make up for absence of the teams' most consistent d-lineman and its most active reserve. Besides Marsh and Patchan, the rest of the Gator team comes in to today healthy, but its worth watching the play of the aforementioned Pouncey twins to see where their heads are at after an extremely rough week for their family.

The Pounceys, as much as Tim Tebow, are the heart of the Gator offense and team as a whole. If they come out focused, inspired and ready to play, then I think the Gators can overcome the multitude of factors going against them this afternoon. If not, well, Florida fans will be talking about could'ves and should'ves next week in Atlanta.

Hey, Hey, Hey

Thanks to The Big Lead, the long-running mystery of the current whereabouts of Raj from What's Happening!! has been solved:

No wonder Ocho Cinco keeps changing his name. I wouldn't want Dee to be able to find me, either.

Cool It Now...G:TB's Week 13 NFL Picks

Hold your hats, ladies and gents. The editorial staff of G:TB is back with a whole new edition of picks. Enjoy!

Miami @ St. Louis – pick ‘em
The Parcells factor has been well documented over the last 20 years, but it has never been more ubiquitous than in 2008. The defense is playing tougher, the offensive chicanery is chicanering and Chaz Sexington, serving as the commodore of this offense, is steering this offensive as coolly and steadily as a Somalian pirate at the helm of a Saudi supertanker. The Linehan factor, on the other hand, is more of a wildcard. It encompasses losing, excuses, porous defensive play, hurricanes and more losing. He has taken a mediocre Rams squad and made them an epic disaster. St. Louie fans are booing, Marc Bulger is crying, and Chris Long wishes he was still banging co-eds in the parking lot of the South Street Brewery in Charlottesville. The Rams defense hasn’t hit anybody hard since Leonard Little was drunk and behind the wheel several years ago. With no home-field advantage and no weather issues, Chad will share the love with Ted, Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky and Mike. That’s right. In addition to his playmakers, he will get New Edition involved. So cool it now, you’ve got to cool it now, ooooh watch out, you’re gonna lose control. Pick the Fins. (Ed. Note: Mark's an idiot and wrote about the St. Louis-Miami game too. The pick's the same but Mark's an egomaniac and wants you to read his slant on things so he's refused to take down his pick. What an asshole.)

Tennessee (-11) @ Detroit
The early match-up on Turkey Day features the hopeless, hapless, winless Lions against the faux juggernaut Titans. The Lions have shown an ability to take an early lead, but an inability to not suck after taking the lead. They have little talent on either side of the ball, and a fan base that has been feeling down on itself ever since the Insane Clown Posse jumped Eminem 9 years ago. Their beloved Lions are playing so badly that both Alex Karras and George Papadapolis are rolling over in his grave. And neither are dead yet. And most fans are employed by the Big Three automotive companies, who lack both the ability to compete and the ability to seek financial assistance from DC (the district, not the Geofferson).

This burdensome burden rests heavy on the backs of the Lions as they face a 10-1 Titans squad tomorrow. Unfortunately for the Titans, they were slapped around last week by a Jets squad that punched them in the mouth and exposed several flaws. Their run defense is not impenetrable, their offense will abandon the run early and their receivers allow more balls allow more balls to slip through their hands than a Tijuana hooker on a Saturday night (Or TJ on a Tuesday night). These weaknesses will still be in Jeff Fisher’s dyed head as he prepares for the game. And Detroit will muster their last vestiges of self-respect as they avoid being embarrassed on a national stage. Look for them to cover…yet lose by 10. Take the Lions.

New Orleans @ Tampa Bay (+3.5)
Wait a minute, the Bucs are the division leaders, two games better than the Saints in the win column and are playing at home, yet somehow the Saints are favored in this one? (Additional fact that makes this line even more odd: The NFC South has only lost two homes games all year.) I'd like to get all upset and talk about how the Bucs aren't getting any respect but, you see, I like the Saints in this one. Don't get me wrong, I think the Bucs are a better team, but I also think the Saints are especially dangerous now that their collective backs are against the wall. Simply put, I just don't think the Bucs will be able to score enough points to keep pace with a Saints offense that resembles an Arena League team the way they throw it all over the field. By the way, does anybody know any Charger fans? Do they start breaking things whenever they hear somebody mention Drew Brees or when Brees appears on their tvs? I know I would if I was them. I mean, now that its evident that the Chargers window is closing quickly, wouldn't just drive you fucking insane to know that your GM willingly gave up Drew Brees in favor of Phillip Rivers? Can you imagine what the San Diego offense would've/could've been like these last few years if AJ Smith had just re-signed Brees? My god, we're talking one of the all time great offenses here. Well, it seems I've gotten a bit off topic here. Anyway, like I said before, take the Saints.

Miami @ St. Louis (even)
There are some strange lines this week, with this one being the strangest. Did anybody else see Miami give a resurgent New England team all they could handle last Sunday? Has anybody else seen how historically bad this Rams team has been all year? Has anybody ever noticed how completely fucking gay the Dolphin's helmets are? The dolphin on the helmet is wearing a helmet too? Why? Is it a retarded dolphin that wears the helmet for protection or something? Also, why does the helmet that the dolphin is wearing have an "M" on it? If its a Miami Dolphin helmet then it should have the Dolphins' symbol on it, no? Does this dolphin play for the University of Minnesota? I'm really confused.

You know what else? I'm also really sick of Dan Dierdorf mistakenly identifying formations as the "Wildcat" when they clearly aren't (like when Chad Pennington lines up in the shotgun...thats not the Wildcat Dan, its just a QB lined up in the shotgun). Can't we get an intern or somebody in the booth to give Dan a signal when the Dolphins are actually in the Wildcat formation? I would've thought that Dan would have figured it out by now too, but its clearly not happening and I think its time for somebody over at CBS to step in. You know, like an intervention. Speaking of intervention, have you seen the duster episode yet? C'mon already. Just give in and watch it. TJ did and he's been talking about it for weeks now. You'll have plenty of time this weekend and I doubt you want to spend it all with your family. So, grab a can of duster, sit back and enjoy...It's like I'm walking on sunshine! And taking the Dolphins.

Pittsburgh (+1) @ New England
The Patriots seem to be surging as Matt Cassell is developing to the point where he can captain this well-armed warship. It pretty much clicked for the Pats moments after Norfolk, VA's own Bob Molinaro wrote this in the vomitorium he calls a column in the local paper. It's worth a quick click to see such insight and prescience as:

"Absent Brady, the Patriots are, at best, average. I suspect they'll only get worse as the year progresses and New England's limited offense finds it more difficult to cover up for the failures of the team's aging defense.

Then, maybe, people will begin to see Belichick for what he actually is: a decent coach who carried a modest portfolio until he lucked into the greatest quarterback of the current era, if not of all time.

Without Brady around to pull the fat out of the fire and take New England to four Super Bowls, would Belichick be recognized for his game-planning wizardry or simply as a dour, suspicious, hoody-wearing crank?"

Since Mollie wrote that in October, New England has gone 4-2; the two losses are at Indy (who seems to be resurging themselves) and against the Jets, everyone's pick as top AFC team right now. Both losses were by three points, with the Jets game going to OT. Seems Norfolk's resident genius was throwing dirt on the Pats' doorstep, not their coffin. That's just impolite. Gracious, is he just not very good at what he does, and he's sullying an otherwise fine newspaper.

Meanwhile, the Steelers are increasingly banged up, on the road, and absent a single win over a true Super Bowl contender this year. (Sadly, the Redskins have fallen from that status.) So, who is G:TB taking??

The Steelers. Thanks, Rob. (He says: "I just have a lot of confidence in the Steeler defense's ability to pressure Cassel and the Patriots have no appreciable run game to slow the Steeler pass rush.") It's the lock of the week. For the love of Pete, where's the damn hide-a-key?

(pick 5 coming shortly...)

Standings Update
It's been a while since we reviewed the standings of this ill-conceived wager. That's probably because for a while the Wheelhomers were doing the math for us, and as you can see, it hasn't been good news for them over the last few weeks. Here you go, boys.

Record thru games of Oct 19, as reported at the Wheelhouse:
"Wheelhouse: 21-14-0
G:TB, LLC: 16-19-0"

Since then:
Games of Oct 26
W: 22-17-1
G: 18-22

Nov 2
W: 24-20-1
G: 22-23

Nov 9
W: 27-22-1
G: 26-24

Nov 16
W: 29-25-1
G: 30-25

Nov 23 (CURRENT TALLY)
W: 32-27-1
G: 34-26

We Gheorghers have gone 16-4 over the last four weeks. Just based on the idiocy trying to pick and post games this week, looks like we'll come crashing back to earth.

Happy Turkey Day, turkeys.

See You Next Tuesday!

Yeah . . . so we're still waiting on a couple of stragglers to give us their take on the new GN'R album Chinese Democracy. Let's do this -- you guys listen to it a few times over the Thanksgiving holiday, and we will post the group review next Tuesday, December 2. Sorry for the delay, but trust us . . . you'll be thankful for it when it's out!

Quick Announcement

Just a placeholder . . . it seems that some but not all of us (not mentioning any names... yet) have compiled their thoughts on the new GN'R album Chinese Democracy. We promise to have it up sometime tomorrow.

The Ghoogles

The latest and greatest from the smorgasbord of searches that brought readers to G:TB from around the globe (more than a few of whom are obviously deranged and frankly scary) :

• "chinese democracy"
• slang click clack
• meg bulger bartender
• meg bulger sideline interview
• firefighters sex encounters
• huggy low down
• curt schilling's wife
• alfonso ribeiro shirtless
• thursdays with maury
• maura sullivan xmas eve in washington
• "christmas eve in washington"
• Christmas Eve in Washington
• christmas eve in washington
• "christmas eve in washington" maura sullivan
• christmas eve in washington song
• "bruce chen" myspace baseball
• stan kasten email phone number
• seasons greetings mother fucker
• steve tevere dismount
• back like cooked crack
• nfl gay
• amen sung at university of maryland football games
• pompatus
• "making fuck"
• i've been to the desert on a horse
• steak and bacon melt subway blog
• snl kevin kline italian flatulence
• what the fuck is robs problem
• beavis butt-head birthday
• bet caa blog drexel
• "bananarammers"
• Randy Newman :Kiss Me
• jason kidd armpit
• What basketball teams do Donnel and Ronnel Taylor play for?
• pizzeria uno bartender bobby moynihan
• what was james madison's favorite game to play in his childhood when he was 5-6
• Ryan Atwood, Fluffer
• every halloween the trees are full of underwear
• fabulous wealthy tarts
• costas buckhead
• beastie boys same old bullshit blogs
• jj hardy girlfriend
• bacon steak um melt subway
• dewon brazelton custody battle
• dick vermeil christmas song 12 days of christmas

I get quite a chuckle out of the (apparently several) poor souls who searched on Maura Sullivan's seminal Christmas Eve in Washington and found themselves sucked into the G:TB vortex.

A Very Special Futile Superfans Holiday

An ignominious autumn Saturday for the alma mater, as the William & Mary football team fell, 23-20, in overtime to arch-rival Richmond after committing 7 turnovers and the Tribe cagers went two better (worse?), succumbing to Navy, 102-99 in triple overtime. The loss to Richmond spelled the end of W&M’s 1-AA playoff aspirations, while the defeat at the hands of Navy may be a foreshadowing of a temporary (definitely temporary – in Tony Shaver G:TB trusts) return to times we don’t like to talk about at cocktail parties.

The Tribe carries a 1-3 record into the Thanksgiving break, when they face a fairly glamour-free set of matchups with Radford, South Carolina State, and either Liberty or Coker (I don’t know what that latter thing is, either). Anything less than 3-0 really isn’t all that good.

Tuesday, November 25 – Radford (2-1) @ William & Mary

As I’ve said before, and will undoubtedly say again, I think it’s phenomenal that Radford University chose to honor the criminally underrated Christopher Lambert with their mascot. The Highlanders (ironically, there are more than one…Houghton College, MacMurray College, New Jersey Institute of Technology, and the University of California, Riverside share the moniker) just gave UVA a scare, which may or may not mean anything, since Dave Leitao’s bunch is fairly dreadful. Nonetheless, Brad Greenberg’s squad is touted as a favorite in the Big South, mostly based on the fact that they return five starters (from a 20-loss team). Three days ago, I’d have written this off as an easy win for the Tribe, but today finds me in a pensive mood regarding the Green and Gold. They should win this one, but it’s no sure thing.

Saturday, November 28 – South Carolina State vs. William & Mary (@ Lynchburg, VA)

The Bulldogs are 3-0 as of this writing, having beaten Erskine, Allen, and Carver Bible College. At least W&M’s playing real colleges. Tribe should roll over their MEAC foe.

Sunday, November 29 – Liberty/Coker vs. William & Mary (@ Lynchburg, VA)

If W&M doesn’t play Liberty here, then something has gone really wrong (for either the Tribe or the Flames). So much so that I’m not even bothering to do any “research” on Coker. I assume it’s a small school from either North Carolina or Virginia, and may or may not be named for something related to coal mining. As for Liberty, hopes are high after the Flames landed Stephen Curry’s younger brother as the cornerstone of a top-50 recruiting class (Really? Liberty? Someone call the NCAA – this smells loaves and fishy, and using divine miracles is clearly a recruiting violation.) For the Tribe’s sake, let’s assume Liberty’s a year away from turning that into success on the court. W&M takes this one by a dozen.

Monday Morning Metal

It's entirely possible I've forced this video upon you before (though I actually think it was TS's other huge hit), but whatever, watch it again and enjoy even if that's the case. I'm a tad busy building a dirty bomb to send to 97.1 WASH FM. Oh yeah, how 'bout those J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets?