Thursday, July 28, 2011

Breaking News

G:TB's network of correspondents comes through yet again, sending us this exclusive footage of the Redskins' war room immediately after the team traded Albert Haynesworth to the Patriots for some leftover sandwiches and a lottery ticket. Dan Snyder's the one in the tails:

31 comments:

T.J. said...

it's rob's people!

TR said...

Can somebody dig up the total amounts that the Skins paid Haynesworth and McNabb? My guess is it's a lot.

Igor said...

And Dana Stubblefield and Sean Gilbert and Deion Sanders and Dan Wilkinson and Jeff George and . . . ah, the hell with it.

Igor said...

And this means Haynesworth is going to the Pro Bowl this year, right? Comeback player of the year? The Pats' reclamation projects always do startlingly well, anyway, but if he comes from the Redskins, it's all but guaranteed.

TR said...

Didn't Haynesworth get a $41 million signing bonus and one year's salary? That should make him the biggest Danny Boy fuck up ever, right?

zman said...

Geoff wrote an excellent post on this topic a whil back.

Igor said...

When's someone going to reinvent the Wheelhouse?

And seriously, a 5th round pick in 2013 for Haynesworth? Why not just a free night out at JJ Foley's and dinner with Whitey Bulger?

zman said...

Delhomme to the Skins?

rob said...

oh, for fuck's sake

Mark said...

If it was anyone else I'd say it's a guarantee that Haynesworth was going to have a monster year. However, he's just enough of a douche that there's a distinct possibility he doesn't shape up in New England. If I had to bet, I'd guess Pro Bowl type year, just saying there's a shot it could go bad.

And to Rob's point about the word hillbilly, it is indeed a fantastic & underused word. It's actually my go to when hurling insults at fellow SEC fans as it can be applied to all the other states of the SEC.

Geoff said...

Bob Bradley just got shitcanned as coach of the USMNT.

Oh, and take all your money out of the stock market before the weekend.

Igor said...

Times like these, it's gratifying to be so broke that I don't lose a cent when the market dips.

Most times it sucks really bad.

Danimal said...

i'm investing in the sport of kickboxing. sport of the future.

TR said...

Thank you, Lloyd.

Igor said...

So the "story" broke on Twitter, but former Bills standout and Skins stand-around Bruce Smith will be roasted in Norfolk tonight. He has offered himself up in a very worthy cause, a Salvation Army project that will help build a community center (one of the Ray and Joan Kroc Centers) here. I'll be there.

The dais isn't filled with top-shelf roasters (Jeffrey Ross was busy ragging Emmanuel Lewis), but we'll have Marty Schottenheimer, Steve Tasker, and Tommy Davidson. And Marv Levy has reportedly sent along some very amusing remarks.

Zman, if you want me to add any potshots from you, just let me know.

rob said...

pour a little out for the fat toad. hope he's somewhere getting retribution on steinbrenner.

Geoff said...

Absolutely everything you need to know about the debt limit debate in pictures.

http://havoconthehill.com/

rob said...

phenomenal. i particularly enjoy mccain's contribution.

zman said...

I believe he was a "fat pussy toad."

Geoff said...

I can't believe you would speak of the Senior Senate from Arizona that way.

zman said...

Ask him why he didn't strip the ball from Hostetler in SB XXV and instead settled for the mere safety. This will either set him off in a rage or, if he has mellowed with age, he will simply lean back and laugh about how he used to get that question all the time.

Mark Kelso isn't available?

Danimal said...

Scott Norwood will be there fer shur

T.J. said...

Laces out

Whitney said...

I wish I were lying when I said that Bruce Smith amd Steve Tasker are both hammered in my house. This is awesome.

Danimal said...

looking forward to the deets on this one...

TR said...

For real. Wake up and write that up already, Whigor.

Whitney said...

More deets to come, perhaps, but I am bobbing and weaving up I-95 en route to Maryland, late to the golf tournament in memory of our friend Flynn. I was up til 3 with the Buffalo Bills, smoking stogies with Bruce Smith til he passed out (I triumphantly pointed out that I drank him under the table) and boozing with the best special teams player of his era. Tasker says Gus Johnson is the coolest dude he's ever met and does not laugh much if you suggest that all of the special teams prowess in the world couldn't move Norwood's kick 5 feet to the left. He lives in Buffalo, and I asked him if he ever has to buy himself a beer there. No, he doesn't. Excellent dude.

Also, I'm drunk.

TR said...

I think Zman's head just exploded.

I wonder if Bruce Smith left Whit's, got in his car and drunkenly fell asleep at a stop light with the engine running. Again.

Danimal said...

okay whit...no more texting & driving...no need to make flynnfest, flynnigor fest.

Whitney said...

TR, he has a full-time driver now because of that! Many jokes at the roast revolved around his "sleep apnea," which was his BS defense in court.

Driver is a cool dude, he played ball against Bruce in high school, now he makes sure he gets home alive.

Whitney said...

Thanks, Danimal. On 270 now, just need to get to the course and have a good, hearty vomit, then I'll be good to go.