Friday, February 19, 2010

Torah! Torah! Torah!

At the risk of continuing G:TB's slide into lad magazine territory (and really, what's so wrong with that, as long as we continue to give equal opportunity to the ladies: more pictures of Gheorghe Muresan will follow in copious quantities, and I've heard that we've got a splendid photo of me with The Teej from this week's W&M/Mason hoops contest in the works), we celebrate this afternoon winsome Torah Bright, owner of a shiny new gold medal in the halfpipe. Athletic, Australian, and cute as a button. That's a hard combination to beat.

If you're interested in winning free stuff, be sure to check out the contest MGL's running at CAA: LAMM. Conference tournament tickets and t-shirts up for grabs just for knowing a little bit about the CAA. Or pretending that you do.

The Kevin Smith vs. Southwest Airlines contretemps didn't get near enough run here in G:TBville, but Mr. Smith's always funny SModcast gives the fat man's side of the story. This is, without question, NSFW, as is every episode of SModcast.

Finally, we also commend to your attention Wheelhouse Jerry's piece today on the first week in Vancouver. Less Torah, more actual thought.

Enjoy the Chinese New Year celebration. I'll be rocking out in D.C. on Sunday afternoon if anyone's wandering aimlessly around Chinatown.

114 comments:

zoltan said...

Le chayim.

rob said...

oddly, given her name, she's mormon.

Geoff said...

There's Mormons in Austria? Who knew... I suspect my nextdoor neighbors of being Mormon. They're pushing out kids like its going out of style, they're a little too friendly and helpful and when I gave them a bottle of wine they looked at it like it was a moon rock.

Shlara said...

Just catching up with the Tiger discussion earlier.

Tiger owes his wife & family an apology. He owe me $25 for the TW brand hat that I will never be able to wear again.

And, my professional PR opinion about today--he didn't seem sincere. Not a good move--if you're going to make a statement in a situation like this, authenticity is actually more important than transparency.

Geoff said...

I agree, re: sincerity. First mistake was reading a prepared statement. Second mistake was apologizing to his sponsors and fans immediately after apologizing to his family. It made it seem as if the transgression against his wife and children was equal to the one against the 9 year old kid who is home playing Tiger Woods 2010 on playstation.

The entire endeavor of a formal public statement was a loser from the get go. No amount of contrition would have appeared sufficient.

Mark said...

Anybody else notice that these Winter Olympics are bringing out a little bit of Tiger Woods in Rob? Lots of ogling on female athletes coming from the tiny dictator.

And Geoff. If you are having these thoughts about your neighbors, imagine the ones they have about you?
I don't even want to begin to think about what my neighbors think of me.

Greg said...

But Tiger HAD to do something if he wanted to play golf again and NOT get continuously hounded by reporters. All of this will be forgotten in a year or so if Tiger comes back and starts winning tournaments. Also, he'll have to appear on Oprah and talk about how he's a "victim".

Mark said...

Geoff and Shlara will be pleased to know that they share their opinion of Tiger's presser with none other than Stephen A. Smith...pass the cheez doodles.

rob said...

two (small, tasteful) photos of comely olympians in a four-week span constitutes 'lots of ogling'?

i'd like to apologize to my wife, who most definitely did not hit me with a golf club or anything else. yet. my sense of entitlement has led me astray from my methodist principles. i will work very hard from this point forward to regain the trust that my actions have caused me to lose.

zoltan said...

Supreme shiksapeal then.

Lost in all this is the massive bonanza of something (cash? game? pimpin? homeboys to beat your ass down?) Tiger must to still be married.

TR said...

Z-Man's grammar in that last post: not strong.

Geoff said...

His grammar must to still be improving. Write as good you will not when 500 years old you become.

Mark said...

Not just pictures Rob...G:TB comments...your clandestine twitter feed. It's time for you to repent, sir.

zoltan said...

I left out the "have," as in "Tiger must have."

And you know who else has killer game, according to the Z-Woman? Brad Pitt. She recently went on a rant that went something like "Brad Pitt went off and cheated on Jennifer Aniston with Angelina Jolie, then left her, divorced her, had a bunch of illegitimate kids, and now Jennifer Aniston is taking him back?! Look, I'd take Brad Pitt back in a heartbeat, but she's Jennifer Aniston! She's hot, she's famous, she has her own money. Brad Pitt must really have something going on."

Then I left the room, shaken and disturbed.

rob said...

i just issued a public apology, mark. what the fuck else do you want from me?

Shlara said...

Greg--the press will still hound Tiger when he re-enters society and starts playing again. It's unavoidable.

And, this will follow him forever, at minumum as a descriptor.

People's emotion about it will die down, but he will never be able to shed the label.

Shlara said...

And, my BF Simmons agrees with me too.

http://tiny.cc/wRFpr

cgormley said...

Couple of things on the Tiger presser.

He was completely insincere in my eyes. He could have at least memorized some of the stupid apology. Playing the media 'victim' card was ridiculi. They were chasing you and your family because you slept with umpteen women. He brought it on himself and his family. Maybe if he didn't go around poking everything that moved they wouldn't have a reason to invade your privacy.

The no wedding ring was the only thing I found interesting.

Dan said...

disappointed that he didn't go off script for some of the presser. he would have earned a few points by doing so.
the simmons article raises an interesting possibility - the camera malfunction-was it planned?
the guy's (tiger) a douchebag. i'd have a different opinion if he would have come out and made himself at least a little vulnerable.
lastly - he will always be hounded...there will always be a "first since the downfall" first british open & first british open win; 1st ryder cup, masters, 1st endorsement, 1st golf course design, yada yada.

rob said...

wait, simmons is your bf? what happened to jay wright? is he just a little side action? and if so, when is your apology coming out?

Mark said...

Sorry Rob, but as has been said, these "olympic incidents" will always follow you. There's no way around it.

The person I feel the worst for in all this Tiger Woods nonsense is Dan. His world will never be the same after what transpired on that fateful Thanksgiving night in Isleworth. Chin up, buddy.

Finally, I'm tired of women telling me (or others) that Jen Aniston is hot. No actually, no she isn't. Cute, sure, but in no way "hot". At least not since the early days of Friends.

Mark said...

Shlara's "Tiger Woodsy"?

No wonder her and Rob get along so well.

rob said...

i'd like to say that i, for one, find jennifer aniston hot. except that to do so would break the vow i made a mere 10 or so posts ago. so i will refrain from doing so.

Mark said...

I didn't mean it THAT way, by the way. Just that filanderers of a feather flock together. That's what my Grandma used to say...

rob said...

filanderers, huh?

Mark said...

Jeez I'm doing a lot of backtracking/explaining this afternoon. Last comment should apply to my previous comment, not the one that belongs to Rob and his wandering eye.

Mark said...

My Grandma liked to make up words...and drink...and snort meth. She was a hip, hip lady.

rob said...

that reads like a combination of the simpsons' neighbor, a god-fearing chicken restaurant, and people who cheat on their spouses.

rob said...

mark's grandma made me laugh

TJ said...

Shlara, please remember, there is no sex in the champagne room.

TJ said...

This thread is about as coherent as this last season of Lost (which I don't watch....but am soooooooo hoping ends up the shitty way I predicted)

Mark said...

This thread of comments is exactly why I love G:TB. And TJ.

zoltan said...

The Z-Woman and a friend concluded after a few bottles of wine that Jennifer Aniston is bad in bed, that's why she can't keep a man.

Mark said...

That's a strong possibility. It's that or she's a clinger. Neither would surprise me.

TJ said...

Honestly, has there ever been a more famous person (other than A-Rod) with lower self-esteem?

Rachael is a mess.

Mark said...

Sources are now claiming that Josh Howard sat out a game earlier this season due to a hangover. And this is news, why?

rob said...

that's an impressive clinical diagnosis from a distance. for your next trick, why does johnny weir dress so funny?

Dan said...

kate hudson

rob said...

johnny weir dresses funny because of kate hudson? this thread just took an unexpected turn.

KQ said...

and here they come...

Joslyn James is appearing on Inside Edition Monday night and during the exclusive interview, she will reveal some shocking new information about her sordid affair with Tiger Woods.

Namely, James will claim/allege/what-have-you that Woods impregnated her twice during the time that they spent together, and that one pregnancy ended with a miscarriage and the other by abortion, according to the New York Post. Woods was never told about either pregnancy, the skin-flick stunner said.

"I just didn't want to ruin anything," James said.

The buxom adult film star said she was close to breaking the news to Tiger, 34, but chickened out just before suffering the miscarriage.

"Actually, the day I was going to tell him, I had a miscarriage," she said. "After I lost the baby I didn't want to talk about it."Not to sound crass, but gracious, isn't this a convenient sounding story?

There's little evidence to actually discount the story ... but there's also not any evidence to support her claims either -- even a record of a visit to an abortion clinic isn't enough to warrant a collective head shaking and finger wagging in Woods' direction.

Essentially, it boils down to whether you want to take the word of someone who starred in "Big Breasted Nurses" and "My Sex Teacher, No. 12," and as recently as 10 days ago held a press conference to speak out against the horrors of having her likeness portrayed on commemorative Tiger Woods' Mistresses golf balls. Apparently, it promotes violence.

And now I know what to get Mr. KQ for his birthday.

Dan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
KQ said...

sorry - meant to edit that first. friday afternoon coffee making me a little twitchy.

TJ said...

Dan, who are chicks I wouldn't bang with Bea Arthur's dick?

Mark said...

Jeff Ross would like his joke back TJ.

Dan said...

i don't think there are any - that's just what i heard.

Shlara said...

Simmons is my BF. Jay Wright is nice eye candy.

TJ said...

Hey Mark, JR Smith would like his body...

Dan said...

chin is down mark.
i do have to agree w/you, somewhat regrettably, on aniston - i've never found her to be hot. body's great. face is real, real nice...but she's not in the hot category - she ain't sexy. jolie on the other hand...the left hand to be exact...

Mark said...

Dan and I finally agree on something. Soon we'll be exchanging pleasant jokes between one another like Geoff and I.

TR said...

Random thoughts after being the only person here to work all afternoon:

- Nice Dazed and Confused reference, Mark.

- The Joslyn James story is sooooo Tuesday. The NY Post had her on the cover and had the cover. I know this b/c when I went to the train station, I saw a DD porn star on a tabloid and immediately said "I'm buying that."

- Jennifer Aniston is pretty hot. She did a shoot in Esquire that was pretty tremendous. Almost as tremendous on the Lil Wayne article in the same issue that reveals how batshit crazy he is.

- Tiger did fine today. Screw everybody who has an opinion on what he should do.

- Stomach virus making me re-think the Friday train beer I normally grab at 5:30. I can't tell you how conflicted this makes me.

rob said...

if it helps, alcohol kills viruses.

zoltan said...

Nice grammar by TR.

zoltan said...

I had a bout with giardia that lasted a month because my jackass Yale-educated GP misdiagnosed me twice and had no interest in a stool sample, which I guess I understand because I was shitting clear water with green sawdust in it.

Do not drink when you have a stomach bug. I cannot emphasize this strongly enough.

My friend had a party on the night that my infection set in, and you don't want to be the guy that I was that night, they guy taking loud explosive Red Stripe tinged sawdust shits. It was not my finest hour, physically or socially.

TJ said...

I'm looking for Ray Finkle...

And a clean G:TB thread.

Whitney said...

We need a clean-up in Aisle 5. Stat.

Jerry said...

That NY Post story was a classic. Ridiculous picture on the cover, write-up peppered with words like "bimbo". Top notch.

TJ said...

Come on, who wears a Punisher tshirt to work! Whitney, this gov't work you speak of is quite confusing.

I mean, how do we even know what Punisher he is! The kinda cool and gritty Thomas Jane? Or the way before his time Dolph Lundgren?

rob said...

odu looking discombobulated

Marls said...

I am drunk at an OTB/bar in NYC ad therebis a horse called "mark up tiny". 10 bucks to win. If he does not win rob owes me 10 bucks.

Mark said...

TR -- thanks for noticing.

Mark said...

I just watched a commercial for the Bass Masters Classic that was filled with thoughts/quotes from anglers. One them went like this, "Come on, eat it. Come on sweetheart."

And then I laughed and laughed.

Marls said...

Tiny was a pig.

rob said...

just filed the papers - i'm officially nervous about the tribe game.

rob said...

faroukmanesh is killing odu

TR said...

So we'll miss the first 4 minutes of the Tribe in Roc City?

rob said...

no, it's on espnu.

rob said...

holy shit! the tribe's on an espn channel.

TR said...

ESPNU is channel 730 on my cable dial. Not exactly a premium location.

TJ said...

Holy mother fucking shit...channel 730 comcast arlington gettin it done

Rob, I didn't want to let on about my swearing lest it ruin it for you.

rob said...

schneider with a 3 early - good sign

TR said...

Not exactly a full house. Are there 800 people in the stands?

TR said...

You could've cast Hoosiers with the Tribe squad.

TJ said...

And Mark, we were told last night Gerry McNamara is a grasuate assistabt coach, which I thin equates to the rick moranis bit in spaceballs.

TJ said...

It's Gaels, right?

And seriously, Mark, good luck with the Tribe Drinking Game

TR said...

Why are Iona's cheerleaders in sweatsuits? Are they that ugly in cheer outfits?

rob said...

danny sumner! active.

TR said...

topsyturvy.com! not as exciting as phattycam.com, but interesting nonetheless.

TJ said...

Mark feels like Shooter right about now.

rob said...

is it too much to ask the play by play guy to get tony shaver's name right?

TJ said...

I'm waking up for Siena/Butler tomorrow morn at 11...who else is?

rob said...

i will have been up for 4 hours at that point, teej. the joy of children.

rob said...

whitewash!

TJ said...

Oh, since I'm too lazy to ever write the post, I have man love for #45 Kitts...who is a foul machine and quite awkward but also almost finished a one-hand follow dunk.

And Jerry hated my forced Knight Rider joke.

A lot.

TJ said...

Social, ngs?

rob said...

tribe's playing like shit. we're a lot better than iona.

TR said...

Are all Tribe games this unpleasant to watch?

TJ said...

Hey rob, you challenge the MAAC, it bites back.

rob said...

they're not the showtime lakers, but they don't usually look this godawful

TJ said...

We lost to Northern Iowa? Boo overall, hoorah me cause they be MVC champs.

TJ said...

You guys do know who Iona's most famous athletic alumnui(us) is(be)?

rob said...

jesus. this is brutal.

rob said...

jeff ruland

rob said...

that's as bad a half as you could imagine for the tribe.

Marls said...

God, we suck. Fuck you rob for making me believe in thes guys.

rob said...

every time i get close to giving up on them they beat someone they're not supposed to. but this game is trying my resolve.

TR said...

Tiger needs to use some of his cash to fix that brutal hairline.

TJ said...

Seriously, no one will ever call the Teej a Shakespeare scholar, but " hey, Tiger, doth protest too much"

rob said...

we're still talking about tiger?

Shlara said...

I just got home. What is going on with this score? I thought you guys would have this under control.

And the infomercials on this station are horrible

rob said...

thank god there's ice dancing on nbc

Marls said...

They are fucking terrible.

TJ said...

Dwight Howard is leg liftin and pissin on Brenda

rob said...

dis. gus. ting.

Marls said...

Down 21. Fuck you rob.

rob said...

right now the cbi's trying to figure out how they can get away with not inviting the tribe

rob said...

quinn mcdowell's been invisible

rob said...

live curling on cnbc

rob said...

mcdowell and schneider miss 4 straight free throws. neat.

Bruce said...

It's perfect that the Tribe picked the nationally televised game to play like the miserable early 90's version of the program.

rob said...

weav!

rob said...

cute canadian and danish curling babes going at it.

shit, i did it again.

rob said...

well, that was a lovely friday evening

Whitney said...

Did they just say that George Washington went to W&M?

Shlara said...

Yes, they said GW.
The announcers were idiots.
And that game sucked.