Monday, September 29, 2008

Putting a bow on an atrocious season

The Brothers Mottram did an excellent job of tracking the Washington Nationals on their way to an epic 100 loss 2008 season, and though we here at G:TB have shied away from the Nats this year, I felt today was the appropriate time to also kick this hapless franchise while it's down. Some number's for Jim "Matt Millen" Bowden to chew on while the Feds hopefully prepare to kick his door down and save the Lerners from themselves:

Your 2008 Washington Nationals
Final Record: 59-102
OK, let's start here...in a season where another MLB team also managed to cross the 100 loss finish line (the Mariners, 61-101), the Nationals still had to be top of the trash heap. They weren't gonna let those java junkies from Seattle beat them, no sirree. The Nats showed the Ms how it's done - they lost 4 straight and 9 of 10 to end the season and finish with that stellar 102 loss mark.

Maybe it would help if we further broke down the numbers. There's no way the Nats could be dead last in every team statistical category, right?
Um, well, for right now yes. The Nats went 34-46 at home. Again, one game worst than Seattle. On the road, cover your eyes, the Nattys went an unbelieveably awful 25-56. 25-56? Sweet jesus.

Wait...wait...we've got something here...
The Washington Nationals, though dead last in run differential at -184, were not last in either runs scored or runs allowed. The Fighting Actas (641 runs) outscored San Francisco by 1 run on the year, and San Diego by 4 (how terrible is that NL West?). And lookee here, four teams allowed more runs than Washington's 825: Detroit, Baltimore, Pittsburgh and Texas (an astonishing but not at all surprising 967 runs were given up by the Rangers staff this year).

Let's finish on a high note (something Mark and I like to do quite a bit). There must be a guy or two we can highlight for the Nats, a reason for hope for 2009...right?
Hmmm, Lastings Milledge led the team in home runs (14) and RBI (61)...he also lead the team in goofy hand shake celebratons. Cristian Guzman, who I personally think is butt trifling, hit .316. Yeehaw, now we're getting somewhere. Nick Johnson managed to play in 38 games this year, which is an awesome number of games for Captain Brittle. At several points in the season, the best player on the Nats was Willie Harris. You know what, I think that says all you need to know about this club. Thank god my tickets were of the free work variety to see this traveshamockery of a team.

10 comments:

Whitney said...

You have to consider Cristian Guzman's season an enormous bright spot.

The guy hit 100 points over expectations and didn't send himself to the DL putting on a sani or swinging the donut bat in the on-deck circle. That he didn't embarrass himself in every single game in which he played but instead resembled something vaguely akin to a competent baseball player is startling. Kudos to Cristian.

TJ said...

He can pick up his effort ribbon at will call.

Geoff said...

14 fucking home runs led the team. You've gotta be kidding me. Next time Bowden smuggles home some unsuspecting Dominican's bonus, he needs to bring some HGH with him.

Dennis said...

I'm just glad the Nats didn't drop 100 last year when I had a case of Fratty's on them...thanks Jim - you steaming pile of cow dung.

jerome said...

Keep the free work tickets coming and I'll keeping going to the games.

TJ said...

Milledge also led the team in SBs. Quite a year for Lastings...King of the Lilliputians.

Jerry said...

They also had the lowest attendance for a team in a new ballpark in "the Camden Yards era" beating the Reds by about 20K.

Geoff said...

And they fired five of their coaches today.

Jerry said...

And they smell like dog poo.

TJ said...

Just kill me now. Steve Phillips, MENSA member and uber-GM, just repeated something I said (in May mind you)...Alexei Ramirez is Alfonso Soriano. Its very true...right down to Ramirez' hungry hungry hippo love for breaking balls in the dirt.