Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Danger, Semi-Political Content Ahead

Fans of our humble blog will know by now that most of the G:TB staff leans leftward (politically speaking – can’t vouch for the inseam-related properties of my cohorts), so our more conservative readers can feel free to take the following with a grain of salt. I'm quite sure you would, even if it were composed in a serious vein.

John McCain and his advisors made what is universally accepted as an interesting and unexpected choice, tapping Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to run alongside the Senator from Arizona. (He was a POW, too, in case you hadn’t heard. Over and over again.) While I can’t presume to know the inner workings of the McCain campaign, I can emphatically confirm that Mr. McCain’s staff is not peopled with NFL fans.

The evidence is stark and simple. Nobody with a working knowledge of the NFL and its Washington franchise could miss the object lesson in the negative consequences of hiring unqualified personnel to fill key management positions that plays out every day in Ashburn. Sarah Palin, meet Vinny Cerrato. You may as well be soulmates.

Consider the parallels.

Cerrato’s major qualification for running the football operations of a billion-dollar franchise is his skill at losing racquetball matches to his boss. You have no idea how hard it is to credibly appear to be less athletic than Dan Snyder. Palin’s chief claim to readiness is her 20-month stint running Alaska, which followed her 4-year term as mayor of Wasilla, AK. Edge: Palin, barely.

Palin’s run the Alaska National Guard, giving her vital military leadership experience. Cerrato, after years of intense study, now knows the difference between a guard and a tackle. Edge: Cerrato, because his knowledge actually has relevance to his job.

Cerrato spent gobs of money on absurdly overrated, over the hill, and overhyped talent. See Smith, Bruce, Sanders, Deion, Carrier, Mark, 2008 NFL draft - second round, et al. Palin supported the famous 'Bridge to Nowhere' until she didn't, and still spent tens of millions of dollars in Federal funds on a road that led to the now non-existent bridge. Edge: Palin - at least the money she spent had some tangible result. Cerrato's sprees have led to exactly dick.

Palin’s a conservative Christian who believes in creationism over evolution. Cerrato worked at Notre Dame. Edge: Push

Palin allegedly used the power of her office for personal gain, attempting to force the firing of a state trooper and subsequently canning Alaska’s top law enforcement official when he wouldn’t play along. Cerrato just kept all 10 of the Redskins’ 2008 draft picks to make himself look good, despite the fact that at least 3 of them still don’t know the location of Redskins Park. Edge: Cerrato. At least the Durant Brooks decision was right.

Cerrato gives Redskins fans ample reason to question the judgment of his boss. Ditto Palin. Edge: Sadly for Skins fans and Republicans who are capable of critical thought (and despite what you may think, I know there are lots of them), this one’s a dead tie.

33 comments:

Marlin said...

However, there is one big difference. Palin is staunchly anti-abortion, whereas Cerrato helps to further one each day.

rob said...

oooh, nice. i'm pissed i didn't think of that one.

Rhymenocerous said...

I don't claim any political affilition, but I usually only lean left when I want a fart to slide out under my right cheek.

rob said...

it's probably more accurate to say that the staff has a left/libertarian bias, i'd wager.

Rhymenocerous said...

By "affilition" I mean "I can't type for shit."

TJ said...

The one guy leaning the other way is a tad heavy though...

TJ said...

From a few cubes away I was just sent this link...Greg will be happy to see he was right (kind of). So which one of these clowns gave the drugs to Bolt?

http://tiny.cc/PAolT

Geoff said...

I only disagree with one facet of this whole piece, and it is this: Put down on paper, Cerrato's resume prior to joining the Redskins is, in my estimation, not that much worse than the average NFL GM. He did some big time college recruiting and personnel work, most notably at Notre Dame, and spent some time in several NFL front offices, most notably the 49ers during their most successful years.

His work product and my personal assessment of his competence are otherwise 100% consistent with Rob's.

And...we seem to have similar thoughts on the "hockey mom to VP" ascension as well...

Geoff said...

And I would describe TJ as apolitical and Dennis as a "Robert Byrd Democrat."

Geoff said...

Sorry, that should read that my assessment of Cerrato's work product is consistent with rob's...

TJ said...

rob, does this mean we'll be getting the "McCain = Danny Boy" post soon?

rob said...

i've already done the danny = bush post. that's enough for me.

TJ said...

So, how 'bout those cheatin' Jamaicans?

rob said...

do tell

TJ said...

Click on the tiny url link:

"From a few cubes away I was just sent this link...Greg will be happy to see he was right (kind of). So which one of these clowns gave the drugs to Bolt?

http://tiny.cc/PAolT"

Geoff said...

I just saw a reference to VP elect as being a "snowbilly." That's a keeper.

rob said...

'vp elect'

freudian slip of wishful thinking?

i grant the point regarding cerrato's resume, and claim poetic license.

Geoff said...

I spent my Labor Day visiting friends in Atlanta and drinking...simultaneously. As a result, I'm writing like Emmitt Smith speaks today.

Zoltan said...

Does Joe Biden = Bill Parcells (never won it all, at least as a GM; famous for bad sound bites; took corrective measures regarding his hair; been around forever; quintessential northerner; impossibly white teeth)?

Dave said...

i have two words: battlestar galactica. you know if he's elected mccain will soon kick the bucket, and then we've got the same exact scenario as the new (and excellent) version of the show.

Whitney said...

I'm always surprised when nerdy Science Club high school kids find our blog.

TJ said...

Dave, I'll meet you over in the Deep Space Nine chat room. My handle is Quark: The Blog.

Greg said...

It's only a matter of time before a lot more of the Jamaican Juggernaut sprint team is caught with roids and/or hgh. It could take years though.

Jerry said...

You guys are publishing Wonkette's rejected guest submissions?

rob said...

anything for a few pageviews, jerry.

Geoff said...

I think this excerpt from George Will's column on this subject today clears it up...

The Founders represented the sober side of the Enlightenment. They knew, as conservatives do, that all guides are fallible. Hence conservatism's inclination to discern prescriptions in traditions, which are mankind's slow adjustments to the accretion of experiences.


So, Sarah Palin. The man who would be the oldest to embark on a first presidential term has chosen as his possible successor a person of negligible experience.

rob said...

i know what each of those words mean independently, and can't for the life of me figure out what they mean in that combination.

Zoltan said...

It means that John Adams wouldn't pick Sarah Palin as his VP. Neither would Thomas Jefferson. Or George Will.

Rhymenocerous said...

Sorry for the segue into sports here, but anybody with a passing interest in tennis should be pretty excited about the US Open. As we roll into the quarters, 5 of the top 8 seeds remain in both brackets.

Tonight features a US-heavy prime-time doubleheader. The Williams sisters will battle it out, and then we can root for underdog Mardy Fish against Nadal. Roddick is also hanging around. I find him to be douchey, but less douchey than most foreigners.

But this tourney could represent the official passing of the torch from Nadal to Federer, especially if Nadal beats him in the final.

We'll get our football fix on Thursday, Saturday and Sunday, but there is some good tennis action to be seen in between.

(This would've been a post if I wasn't too busy at work)

Zoltan said...

Roddick put on a show last night. Patrick McEnroe is his new coach, and I think he's trying to break Roddick of some stupid habits like cross-court approach shots and taking full swings at the net.

I too think Nadal is douchey, but he's insanely good. I saw him live at the 2006 Open. He's still douchey in person, but you don't realize how good he is on TV. Numerous times he hit this running leaning slicing slapping down-swinging shot, and he only had a circle about 3 feet in diameter through which to lace the ball. The first time I thought was luck, but he did it over and over. Luis Horna kept hitting drop shots, but Nadal is too fast and got to every one of them. His clamdiggers are atrocious, however.

rob said...

my good friend napoleon bonaparte offers this wisdom, as true today as it was when he said it:

"in politics, absurdity is not a handicap."

Dave said...

if you're not immersing yourself in science-fiction every moment of every day, then you will not only be unprepared for the future, you won't even be prepared to prepare for the future. new neal stephenson book comes out in a week! i'm the first (and only) person in the on-line queue at the library!

rob said...

i've heard it's pretty ambitious, even by his standards.