Welcome to Nats Town

Population: 169. This picture was taken 10 minutes before first pitch last night.


Now, I was not going to let a small fan turnout ruin my evening. Oh no not me. After several adult beverages and some atrocious food concessions, I decided to mix things up and berate Screech a bit, basically accusing him of being a Braylon Edwards-esque drunk driver. No, I do not know why I thought that was a good approach. Screech got me back the only way a dude (or gal) bumming in a mascot costume can...by sitting right next to me for an entire half inning.

Then why you laughing, Mister... Larry Johnson?

Scene: Redskins Park, Tuesday September 21st, 3pm.

After rushing for 2 yards in 2 games, Coach Mike Shanahan and RB Coach Bobby Turner have decided it is time for Larry Johnson to go. Apparently that kinda output is not what this new coaching staff expected, to which I ask, what were they smoking? (and what are they paying?)

The normally reserved Shanahan and always impressionable Turner however decide to have some fun with this otherwise mundane release of a non-productive female-hating RB...

Coach: All right, how about "Cat Game?"
Turner: Cat Game? What's the record?
Coach: Gibbs did six, but I think you can do ten.
Turner: Ten? Starting right 'meow?'

[Shanahan laughs, then buzzes Frieda to have Larry shown in]

Larry Johnson: Sorry about the 10 yard disoriented run last week...
Turner: All right meow. (1) Hand over your playbook and minibar key.

Turner: Your minibar key? Hurry up meow. (2)

[Shanahan gives the peace sign over LJ's shoulder]

Larry Johnson: Sorry.
Turner: Is there something funny here LJ?
Larry Johnson: Oh, no.
Turner: Then why you laughing, Mister... Larry Johnson?

Turner: All right meow, (3) where were we?
Larry Johnson: Excuse me, are you saying meow?
Turner: Am I saying meow?
Larry Johnson: I thought...
Turner: Don't think LJ. Meow, (4) do you know how slow you were going?
Turner: Meow. (5) What is so damn funny?
Larry Johnson: I could have sworn you said meow.
Turner: Do I look like a cat to you, LJ? Am I jumpin' around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree?

[Shanahan is peeing his pants with laughter]

Turner: Am I drinking milk from a saucer?
Turner: Do you see me eating mice?
Turner: You stop laughing right meow! (6)
Larry Johnson: Yes sir.
Turner: Meow, (7) I'm gonna have to release you today. No buts meow. (8) It's the way of the Not-For-Long league.
Turner: Not so funny meow, (9) is it?
Turner: Meow! (10)

She Always Seemed Like More of a Swank Gal to Me...

I can't wait until we're 80 and we have to describe to young folks what nudie mags were. (Original link here.)


Playboy is putting the "Wow" in J-WOWW.

RadarOnline.com has learned exclusively that there is a $400,000 offer from the mag for the Jersey Shore star to pose naked. We've also learned that the deal is not final and may face contractual obstacles from the reality TV show.

"Talks have been going on for a long time now and the highest offer she has received is $400,000," revealed our source.

The curvaceous reality TV star, whose real name is Jeni Farley, has been talking about the news and seems enthusiastic about getting naked.

"Final offer is standing," J-Woww tells E! Online. "Hopefully, it will go through."

RadarOnline.com learned exclusively that negotiations began at $200,000 and the $400,000 offer is contingent on full nudity. Topless only photos would lower the offer.

MTV's The Hills star Heidi Montag stripped for the magazine never bared all. At this point it 's still unclear as to how much the Jersey Shore guidette will show. But sources tell RadarOnline.com, her MTV contract could be the real reason fans will see less skin.

Playboy told RadarOnline.com "no comment" when asked about the deal and the dollar amount.

Escape

Some while back, I wondered about the mental strain of living in a really, really small home. But ever since then, I've harbored a bit of a secret desire for my very own Rupert Holmes-approved getaway. This weekend's Washington Post Magazine featured a story on the increasing use of sheds as sanctuaries, which eventually led me to Tiny House Design, a website that celebrates, well, tiny houses. And now I'm obsessed with the idea. Some guys have midlife crises and buy motorcycles. I want a tiny house.

So if anyone has a couple of acres out in the country they're not using, please let me know. I won't take up much room - few hundred square feet, tops. And I'll be fairly quiet, too.

Where the hell is everyone?

I know TR, Z-man and his half-brother Duff Man are currently tailgating for the Patriots-Jets game, but it's still been uncomfortably quiet here at Gheorghe: The Blog for the second Sunday of the NFL season. So, in a fit of desperation, I've decided to go "Full Teej" and throw up a new post in the hopes of changing things up and generating some interest.

Listen, Carolina-Tampa Bay is only so entertaining. And I do really enjoy this clip, despite my obvious affiliation with, and love for, the University of Florida.

In honor of what has apparently become "rob week" here at G:TB...

...I present to you this tiny tail, er, tale:

Mini-moo: 33-inch English cow world's smallest

LONDON – A minuscule cow with a taste for contemporary music has been named the world's smallest by the Guinness World Records book. Guinness says the sheep-sized bovine from the West Yorkshire region of northern England measures roughly 33 inches (84 centimeters) from hind to foot. The 11-year-old cow is named Swallow and her owner, Caroline Ryder, said she would spend Thursday either grazing with her herd or listening to BBC radio in her cowshed. Swallow is a Dexter cow, a breed known for its diminutive stature, but is small even by Dexter standards.

Oddly enough, this cow could produce enough burgers to feed rob until 2018...
Instead of Dexter, shouldn't these be called "Webster" cows?...
And yeah, there's a joke in there about the cow's name...just too lazy...

The Answer

Without further ado (and even less Adu), I'm finally ready to reveal my whereabouts. I spent the afternoon looking for Herve Villachaize's ashes near Point Fermin, CA.

Okay, I was really playing golf at the Robert Trent Jones Club. It was a little island of awesome in the ocean of misfit toys that's been my existence for the last few months. Teams of professionals are working on my case, though, so we're expecting a breakthrough soon. Almost holed out from a bunker on 18, then ate a steak sandwich. And a steak sandwich.

Extra Afternoon Filler

OK, the rob game was (semi-) fun while it lasted, but let's end your day with a horrific clip sent to me by some girl (guy?) named Whitney. They were adamant it was worthy of posting. I'm not quite so sure.

Shall. We. Play. A. Game?

Whether Igor's comment in the post below is true or not, I think it would be rather enjoyable to guess what other internet destination rob is calling home these days? A few suggestions have already been made, with Igor's causing me to do a spit take, but I figured why not up the post count and let everyone have a go at this. See you in the comments...

The Ghoogles: J-E-T-S MNF Kickoff Edition

Jets are the early MNF game. Post count. Other intro words. Go foosball. These are the top ghoogles of the last thirty days...enjoy:

• hurricane igor
• gheorghe the blog jason marquis game changer
• eight-day rental gheorghe
• we got some canes over here
• circus peanuts
• worst rock songs of all time
• sadler pi lam
• rachel glandorf
• wiz khalifa gheorghe the blog
• have you heard about the lonesome loser
• internet corn hole
• cod
• dewon brazelton girlfriend
• janet jones hot for teacher
• generic viagra blogspot post a comment
• diarrhea fuck
• flux capacitor fluxing
• jimmy connors asshole
• thursdays with maury
• vajazzling
• silencing mary court tv
• 1980 topps baseball cards, january 1980
• alfonso ribeiro shirtless
• bea hamel
• cee lo green
• circus peanut contest
• diorama blogspot
• don marcari
• facial expressions in film
• fresh prince
• jay baller
• john murray in teen wolf
• kari wührer
• kevin youkilis summer catch
• lance mehl
• making fuck
• mike magnante pension
• old snowboards
• shawn marie love (allegedly an illegitimate child of cousin and fellow beach boy mike love
• stan kasten email
• whitesnake video girl
• as a young jag officer
• battle of the beaches hoppa
• game on garth""
• greg kihn kihn of hearts blogspot
• heartburn won't keep coming back dance
• how to fuck a shoe
• hung like a horsefly song
• i don't truck with no sissies
• i once saw a baby give another baby a tattoo. they were both very drunk!
• i'm not coming in by they might be giants mp3
• janet jonesgretzky botox
• known to do the impossible like broadway joe shirt
• lowell stanley the hammer
• mark gastineau wishes happy birthday
• pink belly baseball
• revenge of the nerds yellow jumpsuit
• ron gant convicted of murder of estranged wife
• russ francis gay
• sand dollars cape cod national seashore
• seasick steve tattoos
• smooth jesse palmer
• tortugas lie cadaveres -banks -nags -kill -carolina -sauce
• valtrex post a comment blogspot
• vinsane florida
• wearing anything under that jacket
• yes i am going to have, eh, 3 fingers of glenlivet with a little bit of pepper, and some cheese
• 1980's baseball cards worth money

And your requisite ghoogles-inspired image:

Sports, Monday, Harassment

I know we're all looking to get to 500 comments, but let's steer into a new post, per the post count drive by Herr Squirrel.

Yankees should try not to win the AL East: Second place positions them to play the Twins in the first round and skip the Rangers, who just swept them. Yanks own the Twins in the post-season, and Cliff Lee will always scare me. At least until he's in pinstripes next year. And how about Derek Jeter. His average is down to .261 and he's going to be a free agent. A brutal negotiation session awaits the Yankee brass. He looks like a broken down man in his 15th full year. More like 16+ seasons, if you count the post-season games. His agents will want at least four years, as he still has a shot at Pete Rose's hit record, but I fear the wheels are off. And while we're playing pessimists on the Yankees, they are not looking anything like a World Series contender. An erratic starting pitching staff and too many guys hitting under .270 in key parts of the line-up will not make up for a deep bullpen.

College Football: Rutgers and the Big East look awful. Oregon looks frisky. Marcus Lattimore looks like a stud. Why is Arkansas 12th in the nation? Is Mallett that good? Did anybody really think Penn State, Florida State or Miami had a shot this weekend? And what is up with Lou Holtz' lithp? The lisp and the voice seem to be turning into a parody of themselves, moreso by the day.

UPDATE: How 'bout them Dukies!? Ha-yuge upset win over the Hokies is strong sign for lovers of the A-10, err CAA football fans all over the Eastern part of the US. The Dukies' win was so impressive that the team garnered 11 votes in this week's AP poll. I shart you not. Check here if you don't believe me. I love that some guy put them at 15th in the country to get these votes. Hopefully his name will surface.
(D-Train was right that this was indeed news worthy, although the state of Idaho may be a bit crestfallen.)

English Premier League: Wayne Rooney scores in all the wrong ways. In case you missed this news from across the pond, here's a recap. Wayne Rooney used to love whores. He married a foxy chick with a severely disabled younger sister. Wayne impregnated the foxy chick and kept loving whores. Meanwhile, Man U blew a 2 goal lead in the 90th minute against Tim Howard's Everton squad. You stay classy Wayne.

NFL: Not sure if you guys have heard, but the Jets have a game in a new stadium tonight. The team is supposed to be pretty good, when it's not harassing female reporters. I'll check it out and report back. I have seats that are DIRECTLY behind Fireman Ed. 14 rows behind him. Oy ve. I'm tempted to heckle him for being a tool, but the dude looks pretty jacked up.

Opening Day Deserves A Post: UPDATE

But I'm too lazy to come up with much. My beloved Bills will be atrocious this year, as Jerry noted in his Wheelhouse. This woman may be the only person in America who will be this excited to cheer for the Bills this year.


EMBED-Hot Colts Fan Cheers For Wrong Team - Watch more free videos

Update: Glad to see zman throw a post up for kickoff weekend banter. I also had planned to get the world excited for Week 1 of the Inaugural Imaginary League. That's right folks, we haven't even called it fantasy football and you're already bored. But bear with us, briefly, and then jump in the comments to laugh at me for losing by 169 to Zman this week.

In brief, ten of us obviously wanted to waste more time on imaginary football at work, so here's the esteemed lineup of owners (with week 1 matchups):

Leinart Wig Company (TJ)
I couldn't even come up with a funny name. Great start to the season.
homeboys bonanza (zman)
I sense some very tense Monday and Tuesday conversations on "Zman and the Teej" over this league.

Sports! (Dennis)
I hope this is an homage to Huey Lewis.
Mr. Mashed Potatoes (GoldenBoy TNT)
Probably a reference I should get. Or not. Ted likes Philly. Enuff said.

JoeMontanaFishburne (Mark)
A great Week 1 matchup between the two clear winners in "Best Team Name"...
Paging Dr. Faggot (Geoff)
...though this name has to be #1 simply because it made it through the Yahoo filter unscathed.

Bears (Michael Jack Lang)
Worst. Name. Ever.
Shinola (Igor)
WILL HURRICANE IGOR RAVAGE THE LEAGUE WEEK 1!!!!! Jim Cantore will tell us at the half.

The Lumberjacks (Mayhugh)
Hopefully a reference to the classic Monty Python sketch.
The Seaward (WheelhouseJerry)
Not googling this one...don't think it's a Seinfeld reference...it is Jerry, so maybe Arrested Development. Just googled it...I guessed right.

I think we all agreed to chip in 20 bucks for this league. Excitement ensues.

Guess Who's Coming???

IGOR!!!!!

Tropical Storm Igor Threatens to Become `Monster' as Season's Peak Looms

Igor, downgraded from a tropical storm to a depression off the Cape Verde Islands, is still forecast to strengthen into a hurricane as it moves across the Atlantic and may become a “monster,” forecasters said.

Igor, with sustained winds of 35 miles (56 kilometers) per hour, was about 155 miles west-northwest of the islands and was moving northwest at 20 mph, the U.S. National Hurricane Center said in an advisory at 4:30 p.m. East Coast time.

It’s still expected to become a hurricane in three days, the center said.

“Igor is going to be a monster, it will live up to its name,” Joe Bastardi, chief hurricane forecaster for AccuWeather Inc. in State College, Pennsylvania, said today.
------
(Joe Bastardi then lived up to his name by punching a fellow meterologist in the mouth, taking a whiz in a planter in the lobby, and storming out of AccuWeather HQ.)

Igor's a monster, baby.

TJ and Mark made a music video?

Remember Wiz Khalifa? I think TJ directed his latest video and Mark produced the track.

Public Service Announcement

I guess Sinatra was wrong - it isn't that hard to make it in New York. To the contrary, there are ads specifically designed to help you make it.

Yes, Even You Can Attain the New Cool: A Visual Essay

When I was young, we were all in agreement about who was cool.

"Sportos, motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, and dickheads" all agreed with Grace the secretary.  They knew that Ferris Beuller was a "righteous dude."



We were sure this guy was cool too-- or at least cooler than Principal Vernon . . . although in retrospect, the whole "Don't mess with the bull young man, you'll get the horns" line seems pretty cool now.

The opening ten minutes of The Breakfast Club are one of the few things from the 80's that pass the nostalgia test. What is the nostalgia test? How do you pass? Something passes the nostalgia test when the actual thing-- movie scene, TV theme song, one hit wonder, novelty toy-- is better than your memory of the thing.  I don't think Stretch Armstrong would pass the novelty test.  I was discussing this topic over the long weekend with a friend, and we wondered if Wrath of Khan would pass. Doubtful.  But Bender versus the world passes. Here it is, if you've forgotten.



And we knew high school would have been much better if we were more like this guy . . .



There was a consensus on what defined cool.  You exhibited grace under pressure, you always thought of the perfect thing to say, and your hair defied gravity.  You were descended from Shakespeare's Petrucchio.  You were Mike Damone.  Wherever you were, that was the place to be.  And if you were making out, you played side one of Zeppelin IV.  You were Detective Axel Foley.  You were Teen Wolf.

But over the years, something happened.  Cool changed.  In fact, it very may may have turned itself inside out. For example:



The next movie, which came earlier, probably helped pave the way for a guy like Napoleon Dynamite. And the soundtrack is so great that it doesn't matter that Max Fischer is a ridiculous dweeb with disturbingly shaggy eye-brows. He is somehow cooler than Miles Davis. I would be cooler if MY life had a great sound track.



You may have empathized with Anthony Michael Hall (The Geek) in Sixteen Candles, but you certainly didn't think he was cool. And you knew where you stood in school; you knew if you were Farmer Ted or Jake Ryan.



But these days, if you conform to the old archetype of cool, you might be headed for disaster. The director might punish you for looking good, being popular, and having hair so beautiful that it is insured for ten thousand dollars.



We can lament the Death of Cool, but, honestly, it was unrealistic and unattainable. It made most of us feel lame and spastic. The new cool is more realistic, less sarcastic, and, most importantly, it gives teenagers hope. And so now we have these guys to aspire to . . . the new paradigm of cool.

Adventureland exemplifies the death of the old cool.  The ostensibly coolest guy in the movie, Mike Connell, isn't really cool at all. He never jammed with Lou Reed. His coolness is a lie. Lou Reed was from a distant, cooler time, and these kids have no access to that. They come to accept that they are just awkward teenagers with dysfunctional families trying to make sense of their lives.

And though it is nerdy, the new cool is not sexist.

 

I'm not sure what to make of this new paradigm, but there is no denying it has been the catalyst for some great movies.  What I am sure about, though, is this: if someone told them the news, Vinnie Barbarino and Arthur Fonzarelli would roll over in their graves.

If they were around today, they'd probably hang out with this guy.

Cee-Lo Green is Bitter

Remember when Cee-Lo Green was the Soul Machine? If not, do you remember when he was the front man for Gnarles Barkley? Now he's a bitter solo artist. He has a new song out and I'm pretty sure it will be played to death in six to nine months' time. It's pretty good and it has a lot of crossover appeal - goofy kid grows up to be a lady killing star who tells off all the girls he couldn't love before, laid over a slickly produced neo-retro soul hook. Kind of like a Mike Posner song but without help from ProTools. Although the title (and chorus) of the song, "Fuck You," might not help with said crossover. I'll let you be the judge.

Keep the volume down at work.



I drafted this crossover prediction on Friday night and set it up to publish on Sunday. By Saturday someone already released a "Baltimore club edit," whatever that means. Be prepared to hear this song ad nauseum.

Cee-Lo x Emynd "Fuck You" (Baltimore Club Edit) by Emynd

And on the 7th Day, He Rested

Wondrous news comes this week from deepinthehearta, and it's got nothing to do with football. (As an aside: FOOTBAW!!!) Texan Mark Zable, who's name will take its rightful place alongside da Vinci, Edison, and Rubik in the pantheon of inventing royalty, has developed and seeks to patent deep fried beer.

Says Zable, "If you've ever eaten a pretzel and taken a swig of beer, that's what it tastes like. Why should you drink beer when you can eat it?"

I think this proves definitively the existence of a supreme being. Only a merciful and beneficent Lord would bestow such a gift on his people. Can I get an "Amen"?

Happy Labor Day

Perhaps Mark has a college football post in the works, but I'm not sure, so let this poorly chosen clip serve as a placeholder until something better comes along (hopefully)...

It's Change G:TB Can Believe In

Soooooo, I hear the Wizards need a new P.A. announcer?

2010-2011 Wizards Public Address Announcer Tryouts
What: The Wizards are looking for a new voice to announce their home games for the upcoming 2010-2011 season. We’re looking for a booming and authentic voice to help bring our games to life. Basketball announcing experience is a plus, but not mandatory.
When: Monday September 13 from 6pm-9pm
Where: Verizon Center

I've got a booming and authentic voice (many would say annoying as well). I figure if I put this in (virtual) print, I can't back out. So yeah, I'm gonna do this on Monday night the 13th. Wish me luck. No matter what happens at least the wrap-up post will be entertaining.

*So, I googled P.A. announcer to get an image for the post, and it appears Mark is running the google image algorithm, because I ended up with this: