Know Your Minor League Mascot: Worlds Colliding

It's been about three-and-a-half years (!) since our last edition of Know Your Minor League Mascot. The official mascot of the Richmond AA team is the Flying Squirrels, and it also serves as the unofficial mascot of Gheorghe: The Blog due to the squirrel enthusiast on staff. We may, however, have a new unofficial minor league mascot here: the Hartford Yard Goats.

We've been remiss in lauding the Yard Goats here previously. Last year was their first year with this mascot--they were the New Brittain Rock Cats previously. They have two (two!) goat mascots: a green goat named Chompers and a blue goat named Chew Chew. Everyone at G:TB loves goats and I could really use two goats of my own these days.

I learned of the Yard Goats on Sunday morning when the clowns on WFAN were discussing their four game stand in Richmond ... against the Flying Squirrels! Worlds colliding. I'm not sure who to root for, but the Squirrels took two of the first three games.

Yard Goat merch is strong to quite strong. This hat has a lot of character.

This tshirt imploring you to "Don't be a hero, be a goat" has a lot going for it as well.

Nothing, however, packs more bang for your buck (pun!) than this magnet.

For a mere $3 you can tell someone "You will always be a goat to me" without having to actually talk to them. Where were these magnets 25 years ago?

Even if the Yard Goats don't supplant the Flying Squirrels as your favorite minor league mascot, I hope you can find some room in your heart for this herd. Herd up, as they say.

Know Your Minor League Mascot: Wrenball Style

Best I can tell, we haven't celebrated big felt heads (eaaaasy with that turn of phrase) and whimsical small-town logos in over 30 months, when we left off with the Toledo Mud Hens. We're killing two birds with one stone today (neither of them anthropomorphic representations), celebrating things wild (appropriately, on the 50th anniversary of Maurice Sendak's Where the Wild Things Are), and things wren. 

Team: Springfield Armor
League: NBDL
Affiliation: Brooklyn Nets
Mascot: Steal (it's a homophone with a hoops twist!)

Self-Absorbed East Coast Elitist Commentary: My sister graduated from Springfield College after an ill-advised freshman year at Baylor. As it turns out, the town from Footloose was based on the latter's social life. Springfield was more to my sister's lushy liking. To continue the self-absorbed theme, my father's parents met in Springfield while freshman at American International College. It's no stretch at all to say that these words would never have been written if not for the gritty Western Mass town.

Springfield is also, as you know, the birthplace of basketball and the home of the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame, so it's a fitting location for a professional hoops squad. The Armor enters its 5th season in the NBDL with a dismal 67-133 overall record - the team's only finished over .500 once, and comes off an 18-32 season.

A team with a history of losing and low expectations? That's a comfortable place for G:TB's favorite Armor player. W&M's own Quinn McDowell parlayed his scoring title in Australia's State Basketball League (where he dropped 29.4 points per game) into a D-League roster spot. While he only played one minute in the Armor's season-opening loss to the Maine Red Claws, McDowell's closer to the NBA than any W&M player in recent memory.

Gheorgheness Quotient: 50/77

It's a decent mascot, and a solid homage to the historic Springfield Armory, but it's no Richmond Flying Squirrels or Cluj 77ers.

This Week in Wrenball: Like you, McDowell will be listening via TribeAthletics.com this evening as W&M takes on VMI in Williamsburg. The Tribe looks to go 2-1 against the Big South, after a win over Liberty and a loss to High Point.  

Tony Shaver's Wrens finally put together a good half of basketball in their most recent outing, outscoring Rutgers, 48-29, after halftime to coast to victory. Marcus Thornton took advantage of the new officiating emphasis to get to the line 19 times, making 16 on the way to 28 points. Thornton's averaging 9 free throws per game over the first five games of the season, up from 4.4 per game last year. The Tribe junior is starting to get national attention, appearing in columns by both Jay Bilas and Jon Rothstein this week. When his three-point shooting reverts back to his normally excellent mean (he's 11-40 on the season), Thornton may drop 40 on some unsuspecting opponent.

Hopefully, that'll happen on Saturday, when Shlara, the Teej family, and my gaggle head to Howard University to watch the green and gold take on the Bison.

Know Your Minor League Mascot

You can be forgiven if you thought we'd discontinued this feature when the Richmond Flying Squirrels retired the trophy for best mascot ever. Like the salmon returning to Capistrano, though, Know Your Minor League Mascot returns after a 497-day hiatus to take a trip on the wayback machine and celebrate one of the first famous bush league clubs.

Team: Toledo Mud Hens
League: International (AAA)
Affiliation: Detroit Tigers
Mascot: Muddy

Self-Absorbed East Coast Elitist Commentary: The Muds Hens were made famous nearly 40 years ago by a cross-dressing Lebanese comic actor, but the team's actually been around since 1896, making it one of the longest-tenured minor league franchises. The team promises their fans fun, family, fabulous food, and affordability, failing the alliteration test, but making up for it in good feelings.

The Hens play their home games at Fifth Third Field, which I assume has something to do with hard liquor. It goes without saying that we approve.

Phil Nevin manages the 2011 Hens, assisted by Leon Durham (the Bull!). They have a pitcher named Al Alburquerque on their roster, making them the favorite team of not one, but two fictional characters. Charlie Furbush is a member of their starting rotation. Charlie Furbush. Man, I wish I made that up.

Toledo's started the year scuffling a bit, with a 2-4 mark at the time of this writing. (Furbush is 0-1. Furbush. Good gracious.) So are we, frankly, but we promise not to wait 497 more days to celebrate all that's good and well with our American pastime.

Gheorgheness Quotient: 55/77

To sate your minor league baseball jones during our frequent hiatuses (hiatii?), we commend to your attention the excellent work of our friend, the Artist Sometimes Known as Extra P, and his mates at Bus Leagues Baseball.

The Twelve Days of Gheorghe-mas, Day Two

On the second day of Gheorghemas, Big Gheorghe gave to me...

Two Recurring Features
And a Doofus Dancing (hee, hee)

If you're a regular G:TB reader, you know that we've got a handful of recurring features that may or may not recur. (Also, if you're a regular G:TB reader, you should probably get out more. See the world - it's magical this time of year.) It's my distinct pleasure in this season of wonder to combine a pair of them in celebration of my new favorite sports franchise. Bite Me Randy Newman, meet Know Your Minor League Mascot.

The Richmond Braves vacated their home of 43 years after the 2008 season, relocating to Gwinnett County, GA and leaving the Capital of the Confederacy without a longtime staple of its local sports scene. The good folks of the CAA's hometown didn't take long to find a new tenant for The Diamond, inking a deal with the San Francisco Giants after just one dormant summer.

This is where it gets good. The eminently wise management of the Richmond AA Eastern League franchise crowdsourced the team's name. And the fine, whimsical, people of Central Virginia eschewed the obvious themes (the War of Northern Aggression, slightly offkilter gentility, mild and dated racism - the Braves were originally called the Crackers) for a truly inspired choice. Friends, I give you the Richmond Flying Squirrels.

Team: Richmond Flying Squirrels

League: Eastern (AA)

Affiliation: San Francisco Giants

Mascot: To Be Named on December 20

Self-Absorbed East Coast Elitist Commentary: Truly self-absorbed, in this case, and the tangential tie-in to Randy Newman. As many of you know, my collegiate (and in many circles, current) nickname was Squirrel. (Because of my quickness and cunning, natch - or, possibly, because my freshman roomate was exasperated by the mess I made in our room and likened it to a squirrel's nest. Either way.) In an interesting aside, my father's college buddies called him Ratto because he was a biology major who completed his thesis on the mating and feeding habits of wild mice. My daughters Chipmunk and Chinchilla couldn't be happier about the family's rodent heritage.

Richmond itself holds a special place in my heart, for a number of reasons. I met my wife there, in an extremely random turn of events, as neither of us lived in the area. William & Mary's once-in-a-lifetime-so-far run in the CAA Tournament happened at the Richmond Coliseum. The girl I dated right before I met my wife lived in Richmond. (I seem to be lucky with women in Richmond. Why the hell am I just realizing this now? Not to get all Tiger Woodsy or anything.)

Where was I? Hell, in all the furry declamation, I lost my place. In any case, Bite Me, Randy Newman, and save me a seat on Opening Day, Flying Squirrels.

Gheorgheness Quotient: 77/77. Best. Nickname. Ever. Like I'm giving the Flying Squirrels any other rating.

Know Your Minor League Mascot

I was originally going to profile the Lake Elsinore Storm this afternoon, because I've been to their ballyard in SoCal and they have a terrific (if slightly creepy) logo. But their website is a freaking travesty of sound-effect overkill with so much fooferaw that it crashed my browser three times. As payback, the Rancho Cucamonga Quakes get their turn in the bright lights of G:TB fame.

Team: Rancho Cucamonga Quakes
League: California (A)
Affiliation: Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

Mascot: Tremblor

Self-Absorbed East Coast Elitist Commentary: Cucamonga. Cucamonga. Cucamonga. I could say that for minutes on end. Cucamonga. Californians are silly. And fiscally irresponsible.

Gheorgheness Quotient: 65/77. The name is geographically perfect, and even a bit self-deprecating. The Quakes play in a ballpark called The Epicenter. We took off points because their mascot appears to be an alligator/crocodile-type creature, and to the best of my considerable knowledge, such things don't exist in the Western U.S. (We'll add 5 points to the score if it can be proven that it's actually a dinosaur. But we'll take them back off again because it appears to also have the measles.) Also, fuck the Lake Elsinore Storm.

Know Your Minor League Mascot

Seems the G:TB community is searching (vainly, perhaps) for a little perspective today. Manny's a cheater. Obama's firing gays from the military. Brett Favre isn't actually holding our sports media hostage yet again (for now). Where to go for a little old-fashioned simplicity, a reminder that the game is what matters?

If you can't join the Amish, and you're willing to ignore the fact that most of the players are probably using HgH, I think you'll find the answer at your local minor league ballyard. In today's Know Your Minor League Mascot, we travel to Harry Grove Stadium, home of my local team.

Team: Frederick Keys
League: Carolina (A)
Affiliation: Baltimore Orioles
Mascot: Keyote

Self-Absorbed East Coast Elitist Commentary: I assume the Keys are named for Francis Scott, a man so far ahead of his time that he wrote a song to be played at baseball games well before baseball had been invented. Unfortunately, he also came up with the idea for Keyote, which is a bit of a stretch nomenclaturaly. (Look it up, Scrabble-boy.) Key couldn't hit a lick, but he knew special when he saw it, so I'm quite certain he'd have been impressed by Matt Wieters, the Orioles' can't-miss catching prospect. I saw Wieters play in Frederick last summer, and while I'm sure he's as good as his press clippings suggest, I can't actually vouch for his game as I spent the entire 9 innings chasing one ballpark food item after another in service of my daughters' whims. Spoiled little...

Gheorgheness Quotient: 51/77. We like the unique name and the small-town feel of Harry Grove Stadium. We don't like the fact that the Keys are in any way related to Peter Angelos. I'd like to give that bastard some perspective.

Know Your Minor League Mascot

After last night's thoroughly disappointing coda to the college basketball season, it seems only fitting that we celebrate the nobility of a disgusting beast in today's KYMLM.

Team: Lehigh Valley IronPigs

League: International (AAA)

Affiliation: Philadelphia Phillies

Mascots: Ferrous and Fe Fe

Self-Absorbed East Coast Elitist Commentary: I confess a sentimental attachment to the IronPigs (and not only because they share a nickname with a girl I used to accompany home in the wee hours of the morning during college). Over the past 15 years or so, my Dad's taken a liking to all things porcine, amassing a small hoard of pig bric-a-brac, ties, t-shirts, and stuffed porkers. I can't explain it, either, but it brings him happiness (and more importantly to him, I think, it brings other people happiness to give him pig stuff). He actually owns an IronPigs t-shirt, courtesy of his son. I'm not gonna break bad on the Pigs, not even a little.

Gheorgheness Quotient: 60/77 (The name is one of my all-time faves, but the Pigs lose a lot of points because of the lameness of their mascots and the garish wreck that is their website.)

Know Your Minor League Mascot

Copious amount of ennui spiked with dangerous levels of work-related stress have kept Team G:TB off the scoreboard for much of the week, so our newest filler concept is doing yeoman's work.

Team: Carolina Mudcats

League: Southern (AA)

Affiliation: Cincinnati Reds

Mascot: Muddy the Mudcat

Self-Absorbed East Coast Elitist Commentary: I don't have a great deal of snark to toss Muddy's way - the Mudcats' logo is killer. I'd want some gear, as a matter of fact, if it weren't for the red/black/grey thing we've already discussed. Carry on, Mudcats, you've got the G:TB Seal of Approval.

Gheorgheness Quotient: 65/77

Know Your Minor League Mascot

Opening Day's now a mere week away, even as we stubbornly cling to the last threads of the basketball season. And while my colleagues search in seeming vain for the press releases detailing the Cauc Hop's Final Four results (a real stunner, in one case), I return to our ongoing celebration of the not-quite corporate.

Team: Albuquerque Isotopes

League: Pacific Coast (PCL) (AAA)

Affiliation: Florida Marlins

Mascot: Orbit

Self-Absorbed East Coast Elitist Commentary: Though Los Alamos, NM is but a plutonium stone's throw from Albuquerque (we're assuming this to be true, as we're not paid enough to actually research and confirm this - in that respect, we're a lot like Bill O'Reilly, other than the 'paid enough' part), we're convinced that the 'topes name is a not-so-subtle homage to Matt Groening's legendary franchise. We're mostly convinced of this because it's actually the case. After readers of the Albuquerque Tribune voted overwhelmingly in 2003 to name the team the Isotopes, team President Ken Young admitted that the name was initially inspired by The Simpsons. Which brings us to one of the things we love the most about minor league baseball, namely the general lack of pretension and bias towards whimsy in comparison with the big-time version of the game. If Abe Pollin only had a smidgen of that bias, we wouldn't be saddled with the dreadful Wizards (name and performance interchangeable).

Gheorgheness Quotient: 67/77

Know Your Minor League Mascot

In the midst of celebrating tournaments of all colors and sizes, we've managed to largely ignore the rapidly approaching return of our national pastime. (We'll stipulate that baseball isn't really our national pastime any longer in an effort to cut off pointless debate. We all know that our national pastime is football. And making fun of Dick Cheney.) With Opening Day a mere 12 days away, we turn our attention for a moment to a celebration of elysian fields and pastoral pursuits. Briefly, because there'a a whole mess of basketball to watch this weekend.

As we eagerly await the beginning of another campaign, Team G:TB commemorates the occasion with the introduction of yet another recurring feature destined to stop recurring. We call this one Know Your Minor League Mascot. If we need to explain it, perhaps a different blog may be more your speed. We hear Michelle Malkin's just started accepting readers who breathe through their noses.

Team: Lansing Lugnuts
League: Midwest League (Class A)
Affiliation: Toronto Blue Jays
Logo: Luggie the Lugnut

Self-Absorbed East Coast Elitist Commentary: No team with the rallying cry, "Go Nuts" can be all bad, right? Combine that with a mascot named Big Lug (points subtracted for the absurdly provenanced dinosaurish execution of said mascot), and Lansing's minor league squad gets high marks for local relevance and ironic self-deprecation. We're generally not huge fans of the Nuts' red/gray/black color scheme, but we defer again to the tie with the locality-specific automotive/grease theme, even as we couldn't identify a lugnut if we were offered $100. We fear creeping anachronism for the Nuts, as their benefactors in the petrol/auto industry face impending doom, but even then, the Ultra Thin Solar Panels will be as shitty a team name as it is now.

Gheorgheness Quotient: 52/77