Monday, January 08, 2018

National Championship Open Thread

Admittedly, we don't celebrate the pigskin around here as much as we used to. But we still enjoy a spectacle, and tonight's down-home extravaganza in Atlanta certainly qualifies as that.

In the spirit of the times, and our scattered consciousness, a few items to keep you entertained in the lead-up to the big game. Sort of a Gheorghasbord-style preview.

Much was made last night about Oprah Winfrey's Golden Globes speech, and rightly so. It was a powerful repudiation of the power structure of Hollywood and our society in general. It was moving while balancing fury and hope. Predictably, the Oprah 2020 memes began rocketing into the socialsphere. And that's where I pause a moment. Have we fallen so far as a society, has Trump debased our institutions so much that we're willing to reflexively promote someone who's both enormously successful and at the same time a peddler of nonsense like Jenny McCarthy and Doctor Oz? So it seems. I'll stick with Popovich/Kerr 2020.

Over at Sentence of Dave, the proprietor recently recounted the stories of a misspent summer, specifically the abject squalor in which the residents of a certain house in Nags Head lived. I recommend it to you as a lesson in young male inertia and a mark of how far some of us have come. No comment on how far we still have to go.

Obviously, we can't go too long without mentioning Tribe hoops, even while ostensibly focusing on football. FOGTB Fairbank passed along a note from his former colleague David Teel, who noted that W&M is currently making better than 50% of its field goals, 45% of its three-pointers, and 80% of its free throws. No team in the history of college basketball has ever finished with a 50/45/80 line. We're beyond plaid.

I consumed a shit-ton of Best of 2017 in music content over the holidays, and I was heartened to see KCMP (The Current) out of Minneapolis agree with me about the song of the year. Even more heartened to know that I'll get to see Jason Isbell play it live in Richmond in a few short weeks.



It's been widely noted that Nick Saban's never lost a game to a former assistant, going 11-0 against his prior underlings. It's fair to say that Kirby Smart's Georgia team represents the best squad any former Saban assistant has ever brought to a contest against the master. But come on. Do we really think a guy named Kirby, with that haircut, is going to beat Saban? (Spoiler alert: we don't.)

Says here that Alabama wins, and fairly easily. Say, 24-13.

120 comments:

Whitney said...

Happy Birthday, Elvis.

zman said...

I agree with rob--it's entirely possible, and in fact it's probably entirely likely, that a wildly successful entertainer/businessperson is not qualified to be President no matter how smart, kind, insightful, wise, or wonderful they are. Governing is hard. I can't imagine anyone is ready to govern the free world when they haven't governed anything before.

Whitney said...

This seems so obvious a point, and yet DJT is our President. A firm understanding of government, the Constitution, what the Executive branch can and can't do, domestic and foreign policy, and so much more should be a prerequisite. It's part of why the #1 occupation (by a landslide) for US presidents is lawyer, not "businessman" or "reality TV host."

Why not have a presidential Wonderlic? Anyone with a Twitter account can proclaim their own would-be genius to the world. How about a metric?

From there a required amount of passed coursework (not UNC-style) on government. Duping the masses isn't enough any more. Earn the damn office.

Danimal said...

Go get 'em Abe!
Baldwin - Affleck - Oprah - who else? Joy Behar?
And who on the R side? I can't think of anyone that would come from outside of the political scene.

Danimal said...

And Z - can you shed some light on the Buffalo Bills' "Mafia" and their contempt for tables? I don't get it.

zman said...

I'm sure there's a Lewinsky joke to be made in response to Whit's presidential Wonderlic idea but I'm too mature for that.

I think Mark Cuban would run as an R.

I think the table thing stems from various drunken parking lot videos where people bodyslam each other onto tables. Then it became a one-man-table-wrestling thing and went further downhill from there.

Donna said...

Car update--brought home a Subaru Outback today from Reynolds. New. 0% financing seemed worth taking advantage of, so we did. We hope that was smart. Got my wagon, so I'm happy!!

Donna said...

Thanks for the advice!!

zman said...

You literally cannot beat 0% financing, at least in the US. Congrats on a smart purchase! What color is your Sube?

rob said...

reynolds is giving away free money? where do we sign up for that?

Donna said...

I wish free money! But we are pleased. It's twilight blue.

Donna said...

They had a $90,000 Caddy in the showroom. 90K.

rob said...

jalen’s inaccuracy...hurts

Mark said...

I was never a big Sony Michel fan until Genoa packed on 15-20 lbs of muscle this offseason and somehow got faster. Impressive balance and footwork by him on that last play.

rob said...

he cornered like a damn ferrari

Mark said...

Rob- I believe you know how I feel about Hurts. Great leader, good runner. An average passer at best. He’s primarily the reason I haven’t bought Bama as much the past two years. He severely limits that offense.

I wouldn’t be shocked if Tua Tagavola pushes him for the QB job next year.

rob said...

yeah, i generally like him, but his inaccuracy is a huge limitation. that was a bad miss to ridley.

Danimal said...

Day 8. Dry January.

Marls said...

Love my sube from reynolds, which is unfortunately in the shop after my mishap with a deer. Donna, you will not regret your purchase.

Danimal said...

Tried 5 minutes of coaches film room. That was plenty.

And how about Jesse Palmer? Guy is everywhere, including a baking show on Food Network that my kids watch.

Mark said...

Ridley is a monster and he has pretty pedestrian stats. Due in large pet to Hurts’ limitations as a passer. Hurts also isn’t the kind of freaky athlete that can destroy good defenses running the ball.

rob said...

hurts giveth, and hurts holds on to the ball to longeth

Mark said...

I wasn’t all that impressed with Fromm early in the year. Thought he benefited greatly from his run game and the defense. He’s been very impressive over the second half of the season. And on another level tonight.

rob said...

tide is in trouble, with a capital t and that rhymes with pee and where’s the pee pee tape?

zman said...

This Pinhook rye though.

zman said...

Nothing screams "SEC country" more than Kendrick Lamar and a Black Panther preview.

TR said...

My wife is not a Kendrick Lamar fan.

TR said...

I would be more pumped for Black Panther if there hadn’t been 20 comic book movies in the last five years.

When is Vinny Chase’s Aqua Man coming out?

zman said...

Which is surprising given her Kendrick Perkins tattoo.

Mark said...

Saban pulled Hurts for Tua? WOW.

zman said...

Tagovailoa doesn't look old enough to get into a movie with nudity.

Mark said...

Don’t be mistaken, Z. Atlanta is its own entity. Georgia exists outside its city limits.

zman said...

I'm working on a script for a Groo the Wanderer movie. Marls is set to star.

Mark said...

I love Kendrick but fully understand that he’s not for everyone. Even big rap fans. He’s a dope live performer though.

zman said...

For sure Mark. But I bet lots of old Bama and UGa alums are completely flummoxed by that halftime show.

Mark said...

I’m now fascinated by the idea of a Kendrick Perkins tattoo. I’m quickly running out of room but...

Mark said...

Agreed, Z. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Kendrick’s halftime performance wasn’t in the stadium.

zman said...

I'd go with Sam Perkins and "Big Smooth" underneath but I'm a UNC fan so what do I know.

TR said...

Soooo lucky by Tua the Tugboat

Mark said...

Bama is a completely different team with Tua. It’s striking. Bama is going to win.

TR said...

So Jalen Hurts is gonna transfer, right?

Danimal said...

That was.....impressive. And fun.

zman said...

When I was a freshman I hung out in TR's room and listened to Phish and Pink Floyd. Tua's a pimp.

Whitney said...

Just got way more interesting.

Danimal said...

Jalen Hurts, 25-2 with a year left, may not play again.

Whitney said...

Z, you gotta go to Pink Talking Fish.

TR said...

Last name of Bama’s LT is Leatherwood. Sounds like a porn surname.

zman said...

Hurts's draft status got majorly screwed.

zman said...

Leatherwood is no Tarbox.

zman said...

Both of these offenses are better than the Jags or Bills.

zman said...

That's an amazing throw and catch.

Mark said...

Look at the big balls on Jake.

TR said...

I’m still one the wagon w/ you Danimal. Sucks a bunch. I had 30-mins train delays each way today. That and the game make me thirsty.

zman said...

Hardman: also a porn name.

Whitney said...

What exactly is happening on the GA sideline?

zman said...

Mike Gundy = Barry Melrose

zman said...

The coaches channel is like a sad bar scene.

zman said...

Raekwon!

Mark said...

This second half is as entertaining as most of the first half was boring.

Mark said...

Tua has got a gun. It’s effortless on those deep throws.

Mark said...

Neither highly touted sophomore QB that began the season as starters for the two teams playing in the national championship game will finish the season on the first team. That’s highly unusual.

Danimal said...

Yes TR, difficult indeed, especially w Zperson baiting me with rye speak.

zman said...

Dman, it's so good. Just a hint of vanilla and it makes you happy. Fuck the wagon.

Whitney said...

Is Squeaky rooting for Fromm?

Mark said...

Fuck the wagon.

zman said...

Him and Gerald Ford.

Danimal said...

I looked it up. They have it at a new restaurant that just opened near us so will check it out.

Danimal said...

Did somebody say wagon?

zman said...

Is Raekwon Davis an NFL prospect? He appears to be only built for Cuban links.

Whitney said...

Went to dinner and saw a buddy of mine who’s on the January wagon celebrating his birthday with family. Had the waiter bring him a birthday drink. Wagon lost its wheel tonight.

Shlara said...

I switched to the ESPN "megacast" for a few minutes
It's a hot mess.

There's a graphic in that video salad labeled "ESPN Voices"
This has to be ESPN's attempt to simulate schizophrenia

zman said...

Can't believe Beck sold out for Nissan. Subaru, sure, but Nissan?

Mark said...

Yes he is, Z. He’s a fucking monster. When he gets to the the NFL they’ll be two Raekwons in the league. We can get to double digits. I believe in America.

zman said...

Mark in 2020.

Mark said...

Fuck Vince Dooley. Forever and ever and ever.

Mark said...

Alabama has a Raekwon and and Anfernee starting in defense. Making it real hard for me to hate them.

Whitney said...

Rob hasn’t commented since halftime. Did he give up and fall asleep? That would be a mistake.

zman said...

They need a Phife.

Danimal said...

Moprah.

Rob was sleepy peepers!

Whitney said...

Pity this game is such a snoozer.

Mark said...

Tua is, indeed, a pimp. That motherfucker is cool.

Danimal said...

Tua nice.

Mark said...

The arm strength on that throw too. Boy oh boy.

Mark said...

Alabama never needed an awesome QB. And now they, seemingly, have one. Saban made the greatest deal with the devil anyone has ever made.

Whitney said...

Georgia D folding like a cheap suit

zman said...

Bama's kicker was involved in the Russia/Trump collusion?

Danimal said...

5 bucks says he misses the kick.

Whitney said...

You’re on, Danimal

zman said...

5 buck marstens?

Whitney said...

Whoa. I owe you 5, D.

zman said...

Boner would've made that kick.

Mark said...

He shanked the motherfucking shit out of it!!!

Bama is great at damn near everything but they cannot get a consistent kicking game and it’s slays me.

Danimal said...

Satan: “fuck me”

Danimal said...

Saban, Satan, same thing.

Whitney said...

Seriously... is Rob asleep?????

Danimal said...

Correct Mark, and why I thought they’d be more aggressive at the end. Sad.

Danimal said...

Papanastos....potential gyro!

zman said...

I wish my nickname was Hot Rod.

Shlara said...

The Georgia kicker wears glasses
I love everything about that

Mark said...

TUA!!!!!

A fucking legend in a half of football. Wow.

zman said...

Wow. Onions.

Whitney said...

Holy crap

zman said...

I love that Sabah is a massive dick. "I'll ask the questions."

Whitney said...

Is there a reason ESPN has not show a single replay of the game winning score?

zman said...

Tua saw Bull Durham.

zman said...

Jalen Hurts is a tremendous guy.

Danimal said...

there you go Whit. Is 10x enough? How ‘bout 11?

Props to the call...damn.

Shlara said...

I hate Alabama but that was like a friday night Lights scripted episode—I loved it

Danimal said...

Hurts did some legend making as well tonight.

Mark said...

That was pretty incredible. Rob will deeply regret being asleep.

Danimal said...

G’night everybody.

Danimal said...

Rob....you still sleepin?

Marls said...

Now Groo do what Groo do best.

rob said...

who won?

rob said...

full disclosure, i punched out after tua threw that weird interception mid-way through the third quarter. also full disclosure, there was very little chance of me making it up much later than that, regardless of what was happening on the field. team rob has been fighting some nasty flu/virus thing and we're all dragging ass.

Whitney said...

SAD!

Whitney said...

According to this silly exercise, the Bullets/Wizards franchise all-time starting five would be:

Gilbert Arenas-John Wall-Elvin Hayes-Gus Johnson-Wes Unseld
6th Man: Juwan Howard


Hayes and Unseld lead the Bullets/Wizards on a team that lacks any sort of identity. John Wall is a terrific young player, and there was a point in the mid 2000’s when Gilbert Arenas was making a strong case as the best player (offensively) in the league, but under the circumstances, it’s a bit of an underwhelming backcourt when compared to other teams. They would be fantastic defensively, but Arenas is the only reliable scoring option, and anytime Gilbert Arenas is your most reliable anything, you’re in some serious trouble.

No Gheorghe???

rob said...

no earl monroe? no bobby dandridge? no muggsy bogues?

Whitney said...

Earl the Pearl is on the Knicks' 5, and Muggsy is the Hornets' 6th Man. I guess there are no duplications, which explains why Shaq isn't listed on the Magic's all-time 5.

rootsminer said...

Any list that leaves Jim Morrison off of the Hornets' top five is obviously bogus.

https://joneski.bandcamp.com/track/charlotte-hornets-jersey