Wednesday, January 10, 2018

“THERE’S A COMPETITOR IN ME BUT I HAVE TO KEEP CALM!”

The Dakar Rally, known to many as the Paris-Dakar Rally, is one of the most famous tests of automotive endurance in the world. Participants ride motorcycles, cars, trucks, and various other forms of vehicular contraptions across deserts, through jungles, over mountains, and just about every other terrain known to man. The race, open to professionals and amateurs alike, was originally run between Paris and Dakar, Senegal, but has been contested in South America since 2009 as a result of security concerns in Africa.

Dakar is notorious for toll it takes on drivers and their equipment. In a post entitled 'This is The Kind of Driving That Actually Makes You Piss Blood', Jalopnik deadpans a description of the event, saying, "The Dakar Rally is famous for its obscene length, dangerous routes and off-road cargo trucks racing each other across ridiculous terrain." Here's an absurd compilation of 30 years worth of Dakar crashes:



The 2018 Dakar Rally kicked off in Lima, Peru on Saturday, and the racers that survive to the end will cross the finish line in Cordoba, Argentina on January 20 after completing 14 stages that range from 270 to more than 900km.

American Bryce Menzies, famous for his truck jumping exploits, was widely predicted to have the best U.S. shot to win the race in some years, but found himself on the wrong side of an endo when his X-Raid Mini (a badass little vehicle, if you're asking me) went ass over teakettle in just the second stage.



While Menzies is out, there's another American still in the chase, and while he won't win the race, we're still pulling for him.

Bill Conger is the older brother of my friend Craig, a high school classmate of mine (and the groom at the epic wedding Whitney and I attended in Zihuatenejo last May). I didn't know Bill very well, but Craig's always had a thing for speed. In addition to being fast as hell on his own feet (as a rookie cop, his fellow officers called him 'Flash' and made him chase all the suspects who took off on foot), he owns a stupid-fast Japanese motorcycle that he tools around rural North Carolina upon.

It seems he got that speed jones from his brother.

Bill took his first crack at Dakar in 2012 on a bit of a whim, but only finished three stages. He's back for this year's race, wiser, and a bit more realistic about his objectives. "The goal is to finish and I have to keep that in mind at all moments. Of course there’s a competitor in me but I have to challenge myself to calm down and stay focused. I know I’m capable of it…"

Through four stages, Bill is 97th of 117 motorcycle pilots in the general classification. He's already a badass in my book, even if Dakar is nowhere near Argentina.

29 comments:

zman said...

The real story here might be that rob reads Jalopnik--my influence is expanding!

rootsminer said...

My dad dropped a reference to Jalopnik yesterday - maybe its' influence is expanding!

David Pellicane said...

is it a motorcycle race or can you drive whatever you want?

not that i'm planning to participate (in fact, i think I'd rather pass a kidney stone than participate)

rob said...

a snarky commentator would question dave's reading comprehension capabilities and suggest that there are context clues in the post that would answer his question. but i don't know any snarky commentators.

Whitney said...

Dave only writes one sentence per post. Dave only reads one sentence per post. The information he needed was in the second sentence of this post.

zman said...

Mr. Truck participates in Dakar every year on a unicycle.

rob said...

ironic, that

Whitney said...

I would love to see Dave on a unicycle.

Whitney said...

Bilas ranked the top 68 men’s teams. I assume the Tribe would be #69.

(And we beat the #68 team.)

rob said...

bill finished 86th in stage 5 out of 117 bikes that started. still in it to win it. or at least in it to finish it.

Dave said...

fu guys . . i read the whole post-- the dude at the end is a bike race racer. i thought the trucks and such might be support vehicles for the motorcycles. sorry i'm not in the know about the dakar rally . . . otherwise known as the paris-Dakar rally. i don't support any sports that promote wanton consumption of fossil fuel and unbridled erosion in delicate ecosystems.

zman said...

Because they don't use petrochemicals to fertilize soccer fields.

zman said...

I want to create a YouTube channel dedicated entirely to Marls reading Trump's tweets in the Marls voice. When I read "Sneaky Dianne Feinstein" I hear it in my head in the Marls voice.

zman said...

And does Trump know that there aren't "higher courts" than the 9th Circuit? There's only one higher court.

Danimal said...

I totally knew that.

Whitney said...

The answer to any question that begins with “Does Trump know” is pretty much a no.

Unless it ends with “how to make America shitty again?”

TR said...

What politician is gonna nut up and call him Fat Donald or Senile Donald or something like that?

Marls said...

Dildo Donnie

Marls said...

Zman, I’ll meet you over at Greastruck Studios to record the trump tweets.

Whitney said...

Dumb Donald was the character from Fat Albert. But that show now has a taint to it, sadly. Actually, maybe that makes sense.

zman said...

Comment of 2018. Didn't Kim Jong-Un take a swipe at DJ Trump with the dotard comment? Dotard Donald. Donnie Dementia or Demented Donald work too, although it seems unfair to lump other sick people in with Trump, too pejorative.

Whitney said...

When our RA Kenny Bloom assembled our freshman hall for the first time to meet each other, we had to go around the room and say our names with an alliterative adjective before it. GTBers and FOGTB included:

Rowdy Rob
Wild Whitney
Big Brian
Dirty Doug

and...

Demented Dave

In addition to the reason you described, Z, can't give Demented to Donald. It suits Dave better (especially circa 1988), and despite some of Dave's commentary, he has nothing in common with Trump.

Squeaky said...

First world problem. Every year, the family rents a place on Nantucket for 4th of July week. And every year, I have to book a ferry spot for us and the car. Every year, the steamship authority website crashes for several hours the morning reservations are able to be booked for July. It is that every year day today!

Only good thing is, we go Sunday to Sunday. So it's far easier to get something booked with reasonable timing.

This just seems to be one of many things (vacation, summer camps, sports, etc) that need to be signed up for 6 months in advanced. I don't think my parents had to plan that far out when we were kids. I find it ridiculous.

Whitney said...

Squeaker, I'll work on OBFT 25 dates. Our family is notoriously slow about setting up the calendar.

Whitney said...


HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHLARA!!

Squeaky said...

Happy B-day, Shlara.

Marls said...

Douchebag Don
Timid Trump
Twisted Trump
Tubby Trump
Dumpy Don
Dickhead Donald
Deceitful Don
Deformed Don


Dave said...

the only thing trump and i have in common is we haven't been watching the nfl this season.

donald dork?

zman said...

Does it have to be alliterative?